Shadow of the Day
by XDCaramel
Summary: Bella told Edward she loved him. He said he didn't feel the same way. What happens when they meet 2 years later after the murder of Bella's mother? Will old wounds reopen? And Renee's killer still on the loose... ExB All human
1. Hometown Glory

**A/N: Hello! I'm Laura :D So… this is my first story. I dunno where this idea came from, it just did. This is actually coming from another random story I wrote. I modified it to fit Twilight, so if there are any names you don't recognize or anything else that just doesn't make sense, I apologize in advance. **

**Please give me as much feedback as you can, it would be really appreciated ******

**Constructive criticism is always welcome, flames are not. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Boohoo. **

Shadow of the Day

**Prologue**

People often say to "expect the unexpected".

To which I say, "What the hell? That makes absolutely no sense!"

No, really. When you think about it, expecting the unexpected is completely impossible. If you were to expect the unexpected, then the unexpected would soon become the, well, _expected_. And if the unexpected becomes the expected, then the saying would become _expect the expected_, which contradicts the other expectation quote.

If you were able to figure that out, I applaud you.

As you may have already assumed, I'm not exactly a "deep" person. Nope, the whole feely-feely, touchy-touchy, let's-have-a-nice-girl-talk-where-you-cry-on-my-shoulder-till-two-in-the-morning was never really my thing. It took a great deal of effort for me to voice my feelings to people; I usually just kept them inside until I was just about ready to combust.

I was more on the receiving end of the emotional spectrum. I would always be the friend bringing over a tub of ice cream and letting you cry out your heart break rather the one actually doing the crying.

If you said to me, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade", I would reply, "When life gives you lemons, throw those lemons back and tell life to make its own damn lemonade!"

Call me a cynic if you will. I didn't believe in true love, love at first sight, soul mates, and all that jazz. Of course there was a time I thought I did, but that pretty much fell flat, so I turned my back on love and all its emotional ups and downs.

But going back to that expectation quote, it is kind of ironic how life turns out isn't it? I _never_ expected what happened to happen and I _never_ expected for it to happen when it did.

And don't tell me that I should have "expected the unexpected" since I couldn't have possibly predicted for those things to happen.

Life is a whole mystery; believe me, for I've experienced it first hand.

For me, my "unexpected" happened at a time in my life when I was drowning in emotion. I know I said I wasn't an emotional person, but that is what happens to one who coops up their feelings. They turn into a black hole.

Sure it all sorted itself out in the end, but I guess what I'm trying to say is; it is impossible to expect the unexpected, so in reality, you never know what's coming. But isn't that the beauty of life? To unravel our lives' mysteries and take them head on, not knowing where you're going or who you're going to meet, new faces and old, is something we could, _should_, all experience.

As I said, I never expected that the decision I made to do what I did to take me where I am today. It was completely and utterly _unexpected_.

And you know what? I don't regret it.

So, my dear friends-who-I-do-not-know, when someone says to me, "expect the unexpected", I say right back;

"What the crap? What do you think I am? A psychic? No. I'm not going to sit around and _expect_ the unexpected, I'm going to get out there and _live_ the unexpected."

**Chapter 1: Hometown Glory**

"Bella!"

I spun around at the call of my name to see my father, Charlie, waving frantically at me from the other end of the train station. I waved back before picking up my bags and walking towards him.

I only had a couple pieces of luggage with me, all my other stuff had been sent in advance to Seattle University, where I was transferring to from the university I was going to back in Phoenix, Arizona.

Charlie's place in my hometown of Forks was only a pit stop. Tomorrow I was driving all the way to Seattle.

As soon as I reached my dad, he enveloped me in a loving hug. I'll admit it was a little awkward. Charlie didn't often show me outward signs of affection and neither did I. Our relationship was good, just not all "I love you" all the time. But I guess, given the current situation, this time was an exception.

I sort of gave him a slightly awkward one-armed hug and a pat on the back in response. I loved him, but I wasn't exactly in a "huggy" mood.

Then again, nowadays, I seemed to _never_ be in a "huggy" mood.

"How was the trip?" Charlie asked conversationally while he helped me load my bags into the trunk of the car.

I shrugged. "Fine."

Charlie looked at me worriedly but didn't say anything, for which I was grateful. I didn't want to talk. I wanted to go to bed and sleep; I'll just pretend it's not only six in the evening.

"Do you want to go out for dinner?" Charlie asked me.

"Sure."

I knew he wanted to talk about… _it_, but I couldn't bring myself to. He probably thought it would help me move on, but I didn't want to and not forcing me to talk was the least he could do. After all, I made this big move from Phoenix to Seattle because he wanted me to.

Okay, that's not entirely true, but it is sort of.

Ever since it happened, Charlie wanted me to transfer to a school closer to Forks to be closer to him. I was his only family left and he was mine, so he wanted me closer by, even if I'm only closer by a few hours.

We drove into Forks and towards a small little restaurant we used to go to when I was a little kid.

Driving through Forks, after over two years of absence was… nostalgic. Memories flooded into my mind full force, some of them great, others, not so great. Even just being in the airport earlier had caused unwanted memories to make a reappearance.

_I waited, sitting on the seat in my plane terminal .They were going to call my flight any minute now. People filled the terminal, walking every which way. It all felt dream like, like what I was doing somehow wasn't real._

_Sighing, I took out my cell phone and called the familiar number to make the call I was dreading._

"_Hey B, what's up? Oh wait, before you answer that, are you doing anything today? I want to go to the movies."_

_I almost chickened out when I heard Alice's voice. She was one of my best friends and I felt extremely guilty having to tell her goodbye like this_

_._

"_Um, Ali, I have something to tell you, but you have to promise not to get mad or go crazy on me, okay?"_

"_Bella, now you have me worried. What happened?! Are you in the hospital DYING?!" she was almost shrieking at the other end. Trust Alice to jump to conclusions and get hysterical._

"_Promise?"_

"_Okay, I promise. Now tell me! Wait- Oh. My. God. Are you PREGNANT?!"_

"_What?! NO! It's just that…" I hesitated._

"_Tell me now, Isabella Marie Swan, or so help me God, I wil-"_

"_I'mattheairportabouttogoonaplanetoPhoenix." I spit out in a rush._

_"What?"_

_I sighed, "I'm at airport, about to go on a plane to Phoenix."_

_"What?! As in Phoenix, Arizona?! Now?! For good?!" Alice sputtered._

_I put my face in my free hand, groaning in exasperation. Not towards Alice, but towards the whole situation. I _hated _goodbyes._

_"Yes, now. My flight is leaving in less than twenty minutes. I'm sorry Ali…"_

_"Sorry? _Sorry?! _How could you Bella? I thought we were friends, BEST friends, and you don't bother to tell be you're moving to ARIZONA till the last freaking minute!"_

_I winced at that. She had a point._

_"You promised you wouldn't go crazy or get mad. Just listen to me…" I waited a second to let her calm down. "I know this is sudden and you have every right to hate me right now, but I do have my reasons."_

_"Why Phoenix? It's so far."_

_"Because I got accepted at a prestigious school there. If I graduate from there, I'd get accepted in pretty much any university or college English program in the U.S., maybe even in North America. I couldn't pass up on the opportunity. Staying here would do nothing for me and it's convenient since my mom already lives there. Face it, Forks High isn't exactly the artsy-est school." _**(A/N: I don't know if this is actually true or not. I made it up)**

_There was a brief silence on the other end before, "Something tells me you have ulterior motives."_

_I let out a dry laugh. "You know me too well Alice."_

_"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Does anyone else know about this?"_

_"Besides Charlie and my mom? No."_

_"Why did you wait so long to tell me?" she said sounding sad. I hated for her to sound like that._

_"I was going to tell you a few days ago when I went to your house for movie night, but I was… distracted, to say the least."_

_"Wait, was it _him_?"_

_"Maybe… him and a certain _her_…"_

_"I knew it! I _knew_ that if my brother decided to show off his new girlfriend in your face, you'd get upset. He's such a jackass, I swear, he knows how you feel and stupidly thought you'd be okay when he dumps the news of a girlfriend on you. Oh, there will be blood tonight. I swe-"_

_"Alice, stop! I'm not mad at him or anything."_

_"Yeah, but _I_ am."_

_"Please don't be so harsh on him. He told me her doesn't feel the same way. He has every right to have a girlfriend. It's not his fault he doesn't see me that way. "_

_"So you're saying you don't mind?"_

_"I never said _that_…"_

_"Bella, you know he loves you so much, right? He's just so stubborn sometimes that he's pushed his mind into denial. Just… give him time. You're his best friend in the world and when he realizes-"_

_"No, Alice. He doesn't feel the same way. I've given him enough time already, and he hasn't done anything" I said cutting her off again, "He never will. I'm trying to get over him, but being around him so much isn't helping that. That's my other reason I'm leaving. I need space to clear my head, and if I said anything earlier he would have tried to stop me."_

_"You do know what this will do to him, right?"_

_"He'll be fine. He has Tanya. He doesn't need me anymore and he won't need me ever again."_

_"I'm going to miss you…"_

_Ah, the part I was dreading most; the emotional goodbye._

_"I'm going to you too Ali, but I really need this."_

_"When are you coming back?"_

_"I don't know. Not for a while. Definitely not till I graduate at least and even then I will be busy with post-secondary school."_

_"Not even to visit?"_

_"No. I'm so sorry Ali, but I need this so badly. I can't really be around him or Forks or anything that reminds me of him for a while, or I will combust."_

_I heard a sniffle on the other end and tried to cheer her up by using one of the many over used quotes we loved so much. "Alice! What is your name?"_

_I smiled when I heard her giggle at the familiar X-Men 2 quote._

_"John."_

_"John, what is your _real_ name?"_

_"PYRO!!!"_

_We laughed together before someone announced the boarding of my flight._

_"You have to go now." Alice sighed._

_"Yeah. I'll call you later, okay? I'm sorry again. Bye."_

_"Bye Bells. I love you."_

_"Me too."_

_I hung up my phone and looked forward as I walked to board the plane. Once seated I kept looking forward towards my future, leaving a piece of me behind._

I rubbed my temples, trying to erase the painful memory, one among many, wishing I had amnesia or something.

Charlie parked the car outside the familiar small restaurant and we walked inside silently.

After we were seated, Charlie and I talked a bit about senseless things. I lost some of my icy exterior and laughed a bit. I really missed my father; living away from him was harder than I thought it would have been.

Some of the few other people in the restaurant recognized me and started up new conversations. No one mentioned what happened, so I suspected either Charlie didn't tell anyone, or they were simply being polite.

It didn't matter either way; as long as no one brought it up I was good.

Both Charlie and I agreed to keep the incident confidential, only telling the full story to people we truly trusted.

For Charlie, that was a couple close friends. For me, it was no one.

I made a few friends in Phoenix, but no one I was remotely close to like how I was close to Alice and her family, the Cullens.

I wished I could tell Alice. I missed her so much when I moved away. Of course, I also missed _him_. But seeing as he was the main reason I left in the first place, I wasn't going to do anything about it.

Alice however, I did try to keep in touch with. For the first year or so, it wasn't too bad. But after that, it went downhill. We were both busy with school, trying to get into the universities and colleges of our choice that we ended up loosing contact within a few short months.

But I didn't regret moving to Montreal with my mom. I went to clear my head and to help me get over _him_, and it did. I wasn't completely cured, I didn't think I'd ever be, but I was certainly better than I was two years ago.

Of course, if you saw me two years ago, you probably wouldn't have noticed the emotional turmoil going on inside. I was a good actress and tended to hide my more upsetting feelings. It wasn't easy for me to admit being vulnerable, scared, or in that particular case, in love.

I eventually did admit it, and sadly it did me no good. Thus, the emotional turmoil.

No, I wasn't emo, although now I might be.

Me being better wasn't the reason I came back. I already said the first reason was because Charlie wanted me to.

The second reason was because my mother, Renee, was killed.

She was murdered and I was there.

I didn't want to stay in Phoenix after her death. The constant nightmares and horrid memories were too much and I was hoping a change of scenery would help me forget.

As if I could ever forget.

But there was also a third reason that only Charlie and I knew. No one else.

Someone was on the loose, someone I knew and hated.

And until he was found, my life was in danger.


	2. Rain Delays

**A/N: Hey! I know this chapter update is really fast but I couldn't help it, I just had to keep writing. These really fast updates won't be a regular thing though. I will try to update at least every week if not more.**

**Anyway, I just noticed I accidently wrote "Montreal" instead of "Phoenix" in the last chapter. Oops. I already told you that this story is just a Twilight-i-fied version another story I wrote so I am very sorry for this mistake and any others I may make in the future. Sometimes I miss things when I am going through these old chapters and Twilight-i-fying them. Sorry again.**

**Enough with my rambling… I present, Chapter DEUX! **

**Chapter 2: Rain Delays**

I sank down on my old bed in my old room in my old house. The rain started an hour earlier and was coming down hard.

It didn't matter though. Nothing mattered.

I missed Renee so much. I had gotten so much closer to her than I ever was in those two good years I lived with her. Then she was taken away from me and I was never getting her back.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I forced the memories back. I didn't, _wouldn't_, cry over this anymore.

I rolled over in my bed, opening my eyes to land on the framed photograph on my night side table and felt a slight sting in my heart.

I bet you thought the picture was of my mom, right?

Wrong.

The photo showed me and my closest friends back when I was sixteen and still living in Forks with Charlie.

It pained me to see how happy and carefree we were at the time the photo was taken. It made me almost wish I could step into the picture, into that moment, and stay smiling like that forever.

The four of us were smiling widely and dressed in our pajamas. I remembered we were sleeping over at Alice's house. I could almost smell the buttery popcorn we ate while watching the horror movies. I could still hear the laughter as Alice and I chased the guys with pillows when they laughed when we screamed at the scary parts.

Emmett, Alice's older brother, was grinning like a mad man, sitting on the ground with his legs stretched out straight in front of him. His mop of tight dark curls were all askew from the pillow fight and his green eyes, bright. His hands were pressed onto the floor behind him as he leaned back on his arms. He was huge. And when I say huge, I mean total muscle-man, weight-lifter huge. But not in a slightly gross way like some pro-wrestlers **(A/N: No offense to wrestlers)**. He was a handsome guy, and beneath the big strong guy image, Emmett was actually a really big teddy bear with a heart made of butter.

I was sitting beside him in more or less the same position. We almost looked comical side by side since he was so much taller and bigger than me. I missed him.

I stared at the foreign girl who was supposed to be me in the picture. The girl in the photo was no longer me. I was older, and not nearly as happy.

I was smiling widely, staring at the camera with my wide, round boring brown eyes. My soft, mahogany hair was loose. The thick strands framed my heart-shaped face and mantled my shoulders. My skin, pale white, like vanilla.

People called me pretty. I called myself an average. I didn't see myself as anything special. Apart from my very rare pale skin, I was completely average.

Yup, nothing out of the ordinary. I was 5 feet 4 inches and one hundred and ten pounds. I was slim and hated sports. I guess a part of it was because of my inability to walk across a flat surface without tripping, falling, smashing my face into the floor, and humiliating myself. Ah, all in a day's work.

On my other side in the picture sat Alice's twin brother, Edward.

Edward.

Two years ago, being around him, I would hardly be able to think clearly or breathe evenly. He affected me in ways he never knew.

He was the greatest friend I could have asked for. I was even closer to him than I was to Alice. We were like two halves of one whole, him and I. I missed him more than anything.

I started having feelings for him beyond friendship when we started high school. I was confused and brushed it off. The feelings wouldn't go away, however, and kept getting stronger with every moment more I spent with him.

By the time I was fifteen (almost sixteen) I realized I was in love with him.

Call me too young at the time, but I knew I was in love. I'd known him since we were babies. I loved him. Completely and hopelessly, and it scared me.

I knew he wouldn't feel the same way, so I kept our relationship the way it had always been; platonic.

But it got harder and harder to keep it in, since I was falling more and more in love with him every day.

Alice knew. She could tell and confronted me about it. I had sworn her to secrecy.

Shortly after this very picture was taken (maybe a week or two) I finally told Edward how I felt. If I kept it in any longer, I would have self-destructed.

And he said he loved me too, and then we went to live happily in the land of rainbows, unicorns, and a talking dog called Fabio.

Ha, ha. I wish.

No, instead he told me that although he cared a lot about me, he only saw me as a friend and didn't love me the same way. I was shattered.

Of course I hid it, but I knew he could tell the pain I was in. He didn't feel the same way, but still wanted to be best friends. I agreed to this, as much as it hurt me, because I preferred being his friend instead of shutting him out of my life completely.

Of course this got too overwhelming over time. We acted as if nothing was wrong, but I was slowing destroying myself on the inside.

I know, that was pretty deep coming from Miss Touch-me-and-you-die, but being around him didn't help my love for him.

I wanted to get over him, but I couldn't when I was around him so often and not able to be with him the way I wanted to.

I felt suffocated and needed an escape. From Edward.

That's when I started looking for means of getting out of Forks and you know what happened from there.

I was going to tell him and his family I was leaving the 3 days before during our weekly movie nights, but when he brought home his new girlfriend, looking so happy and proud, I couldn't bring myself to speak.

He tried calling me numerous times on my cell phone after I left. I knew it was childish to ignore him like that, but it was for the best. After a few months he gave up calling me and I hadn't heard from him since. I had forbid Alice from writing about him when she and I emailed each other back and forth.

Staring at him now, looking so perfect in the photo, my heart beat a little faster, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was much better than I was before.

He had a very unique hair colour. I hadn't seen anything like it. Bronze sort of, like a penny, but it was casually disarrayed and messy, it never seemed to stay down, no matter how much water he put on it. He had white skin like mine and Emmett's, and the Cullen Family green eyes, but his always seemed so much greener than the others'. The other Cullen's had very nice green eyes, but they never shone with the same emerald hue as Edward's. They sparkled with amusement at the camera.

Like Emmett and I, Edward had this legs stretched out straight in front of him and he leant on his arms behind him, but one of his arms was casually slung over my shoulders. He had a goofy grin on his face. He wasn't as muscled as Emmett, but he had them. Muscles I mean. He was just a leaner version.

Alice laid her tiny body over our legs horizontally, lying on her side, her head propped up by her elbow. Her black hair was cut short and was in her usual spiky style.

I sighed, putting the picture back on the night side table, but this time face down. I didn't want to look at it again.

I was so worn out and even depressed about my mother's death, the school transfer, and the worry over Renee's killer being on the loose, I felt like I was running on empty.

I felt like I wasn't really living, that I'd suddenly wake up from this nightmare and I'd be back in Phoenix and Renee would be downstairs making breakfast, and singing something totally off-tune.

I was starting to think the whole world had become pretty pointless, with people screwing themselves, and global warming bringing Doomsday closer and closer. Pointless.

I huffed turning over again.

I needed a hobby.

* * *

I woke up early the next morning, my eyes fluttering open and darting around. A little confused at first, but relaxing after I remembered I was with Charlie in Forks.

It was still raining like last night, but it wasn't coming down as hard. Groaning, I got up to go to the bathroom.

I was grateful I didn't have a nightmare last night. Ever since Renee died, I had been having horrible nightmares about the killer every few nights or so.

Renee was murdered eight weeks ago and for the first week or two after her death I had the same nightmare every night. The killer would be coming after me, and the blood… so much blood. After the first week, I got the nightmare maybe three or four times a week and two weeks after that, I only got it maybe twice a week if I was unlucky .

Now I had the nightmare once in a while, I guess. I hadn't had it in almost a week and I was hoping it would continue to lessen in occurrence.

Half an hour later, I went downstairs, ready to say goodbye to Charlie.

"Hey kiddo. I put your bags in the truck. Are you sure you don't want me to drive with you to Seattle?"

"I'll be fine Char-Dad." _Nice save Bella._

"Make a safe trip and text me or something when you get there, so I know you're still in one piece, okay?" he said, handing me my car keys. When I still lived in Forks, Charlie bought me a 1950's Chevy red truck. I loved it even though Edward, Emmett, and Alice all didn't. It had personality. Unfortunately I had to leave it behind when I went to Arizona, but thankfully Charlie saved it for me.

"Okay. Bye Dad" I said, turning towards the door.

"Bye baby. Be safe."

I smiled the smallest of smiles towards my dad. I lived with him for most of my life when Renee divorced him and went to Phoenix to start new. Renee didn't want to pull me out of Forks to go with her so she let Charlie take care of me while she sent money and occasionally visited, of course.

Charlie was the police chief of Forks. He was an easy, laid back guy, giving me more freedom than other parents. He wasn't overly emotional, like me, and spent most weekends out fishing with Billy Black from La Push. Regardless though, he was a great father.

I envied him. I knew he never really got over Renee even all these years, yet he didn't seem to be in a downward spiral of emotional destruction like I was.

Okay, maybe that was being a bit dramatic, but the point is; he was in much better shape than I was.

Then again, he might have been putting on a show to be strong for me. Whatever.

The car ride was uneventful. I drove, stopped for food, drove, stopped for directions, drove, drove some more, then Hallelujah, I was there.

I kept driving, looking around for the campus of Seattle University.

After finding it, I walked towards the main campus office in dread. I would have much preferred to be in my school in Phoenix, but what I preferred wasn't really being put into consideration.

God, I sounded so cold-hearted. I needed a friend just as much as I needed a hobby.

But then again, a friend wasn't exactly in the cards right about now. Not after what _he_ told me.

The secretary at the front desk was older, with short white hair, leaning over her computer. I thought someone like her to be retired, but I guess not.

"Excuse me?" I said, trying to get her attention.

Her head snapped up, looking me up and down. Jeez, what was she? A pervert? Highly unlikely.

"Yes?" she said politely, but brusquely. She was obviously an aloof person.

"I'm the new transfer student from Phoenix, Arizona. Isabella Swan."

Swiftly typing something into her computer, she nodded and printed off some papers for me and handed me a key.

"Here is your classes' schedule, you don't have to officially start classes until tomorrow. And this is your room key for your dorm. You're in Building 2, Room 328. And here is your ID card. You need to scan it before entering your dorm building otherwise you cannot get in. That should be it. Welcome to the Seattle University." **(A/N: I know nada about Seattle University and I'm too lazy to research any of its procedures in terms of new transfer students, so please forgive me if I get anything wrong) **

I nodded taking the things and heading out. I easily found Building 2 and scanned my ID card, unlocking the door for me.

I quickly texted Charlie to let him know I was fine while I was in the elevator.

I found my room just as easily. I unlocked and opened the door, pulling my stuff inside with me. Someone then said hello to me and I looked up. I was hit with an immediate self-esteem destroyer.

Inside my new dorm room stood a beautiful, no, gorgeous, no, _stunning_ young woman who looked about my age. I suspected she was my new roommate. To say the least, I never felt uglier around her.

She smiled at me and to my utter surprise, she came forward and hugged me. I automatically stiffened. An immediate response to physical contact ever since the incident… that, and the fact most people are uncomfortable with strangers hugging them.

Feeling my discomfort, the girl unlatched herself and took a step back, mumbling an apology.

The girl was taller than me. She looked maybe 5 ft 8" or 5 ft 10". She had long golden blonde hair that was thick and wavy. She had pale skin and gorgeous violet eyes.

I had to admit, she was like a freaking supermodel. She must have had tons of guys drooling at the sight of her, daily. I bet that if she walked into a room, angels would sing. By the way she greeted me, I could tell she was friendly person. Although, I don't think she usually does that; hug strangers. She seemed a little shocked at her actions herself.

"Hi", she said, holding out her hand. "I'm Rosalie Hale, your roommate."

I shook her hand. "Isabella Swan, but call me Bella. Isabella is too long and formal."

"Okay, and that's a pretty name by the way."

"Thanks."

Rosalie smiled and I already felt myself liking her, which was very surprising for me.

"Sorry for the welcome." Rosalie said sheepishly. "I wouldn't normally do that, but you saved me from having the worst roommate in the history of roommates. Your bed is over there by the way."

"Thanks. How did I save you?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"It's just this other girl, Tanya Denali, who had her dorm damaged in a fire, and needed a place to stay. She immediately asked me since I had no roommate, but luckily I told her you were coming soon and that she couldn't come."

_Tanya, Tanya Denali. Why does that name sound so familiar?_

"What's so bad about this Tanya?" I asked.

"Well, she seems to like to think she has free reign of the world and the people living here," Rosalie replied, rolling her eyes. "She has absolutely no filter when it comes to talking and is rather self-centered. She treats her boyfriend more like a possession than a person. I don't know why he puts up with her. I think he's pretty much blinded himself to her flaws, which are many."

"Oh. I understand why you wouldn't like her very much."

"Yup, but I have to put up with her since her boyfriend, who she's been with for a surprising two years, is one of my close guy friends."

"Does she know you don't like her?"

"I don't know, and I don't care. Anyway… so… what are you majoring in?" she asked, changing topics.

"English literature. Writing stuff. You?"

"Dance. Minor?"

"French." I said, surprised at how comfortable I felt around Rosalie.

_Wow, I wish for friend and less than an hour later I get one. Or someone close to that. I should wish for things more often._

"Ooo, cool. My minor is music. Vocals to be specific."

"Plan on being famous one day?"

"Maybe, if I feel like it." she replied in an offhand manner and giggled.

I felt the corners of my mouth twitch. What was up with me?

Rosalie and I talked about random things, comfortably chatting while I unpacked. It felt so odd to be at such ease with someone I just met. It was like we'd known each other for years. Strange, yet comforting, and slightly scary.

"So did you live in Phoenix all your life?" Rosalie asked me.

"No, I actually only lived there for two years with my mom. I'm originally from Forks, Washington, but went to live with my mom in Arizona when I was seventeen."

"Forks, that sounds familiar… wait, you lived separately from your mom? Who did you live with in Forks?"

"My dad. My parents divorced when I was a little kid."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"So why did you move to Seattle? Need a change of scenery?"

The pain stabbed my heart like a cold, sharp knife. I tensed before quickly composing myself.

"In a way." _It wasn't a complete lie…_

She looked at me curiously and I wondered if she saw the flash of pain in my eyes. But she didn't say anything more on the topic so I guess not or she didn't want to pry.

"Oh, look at the time! Come Bella, I want you to eat lunch with me and my friends!" Rosalie said excitedly. If only some of her enthusiasm could spread on to me.

I followed her out of the dorm and into the dining hall without protest. Not like I had any other plans for lunch.

Rosalie looked around for a second before smiling and leading me to a table that was pretty empty except for one guy. Rosalie was smiling and waving to him as she approached. Was he her boyfriend?

"Jazz! Hi! Meet my new roommate, Bella Swan. Bella, this is Jasper Whitlock, a good friend of mine." _Oh, so not her boyfriend._

He gave me a friendly smile and a "Hi". He had the whole calm, cool, and collected air about him. He had honey blonde hair that was kind of shaggy and fell in front of his ice blue eyes a bit. Even though he was sitting, I could tell he was pretty tall, lean too. He was very handsome.

Rosalie sat down across from Jasper and pulled me down next to her.

"There are others coming too. There's my boyfriend, Emmett Cullen…"

I froze.

Em-Emmett was… _here?!_

"and there's his sister, who is a close friend of mine and the same age as us. Emmett is a year older. Her name is Alice…"

_No, no, no, no, no! I wasn't ready to face them yet! And if those two are here than quite possibly…_

"And there's also Alice's twin brother, Edward. He's Tanya's unfortunate boyfriend. So I guess you'll meet her too…"

But I stopped listening at soon as I heard Edward's name leaving Rosalie's lips. She was busy rambling about her friends, AKA the Cullens, that she didn't notice my horrified expression.

Edward? _Edward?!_ I knew Tanya's name was familiar. It was the name of Edward's new girlfriend two years ago, the one he announced just before I left. And he was still with her? He must love her…

It didn't hurt as much as one would have thought, me having once been in love with him. I wasn't anymore, the two years in Phoenix helped me to get over my feelings for him, but that didn't mean I was ready to see him yet.

No, I wasn't ready.

I wouldn't be able to explain my sudden departure to him. Why I left without a word. He _was_ a jerk for announcing his new girlfriend in front of me and his family, knowing how I felt. But I still left abruptly without a word to anyone but Alice, and I was his best friend! I wasn't ready for confrontation.

And then there's Alice. I knew she would forgive me, she already had. She would want to be best friends again. She would be excited to see me, for us to be close once more. But I couldn't let that happen.

I wanted to be that close with her again. Hell, I wanted my old friendship with Edward and Emmett back _so_ _badly_. But I couldn't. Not only because I was afraid of confrontation, but because of what just happened to me… I couldn't.

Maybe I could fake an illness or say I need to go to the washroom and make a mad dash for the airport. Think Bella, think fas-

"Bella? Is that you?"

**A/N: MUWHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Eep! Don't hurt me!!!**

**Sorry for the cliffy, I couldn't resist –snickers- Soooo… quick question. Does anyone want me to post some or all of the lyrics of songs I use at the end of each chapter? If so, or if not, let me know. Ciao!**


	3. We are Broken

**A/N: Salut mes amies! Once again I feel like putting up a fast update. 1) because it is Friday 2) because I have a long weekend :D I don't have to go to school on Monday, so I'll probably post again this weekend.**

**Anyway, thank you to everyone who read my story, a special thank you to BloodyFreakin'Nightmare and ginnyinvisible who reviewed! Another thank you to the people who put my story on their alert lists and an EXTRA special thank you to BloodyFreakin'Nightmare again for putting my story as one of her favourites. An extra special Edward-shaped cookie for you! **

**I must say though, I'm a little disappointed in the review department… almost 120 hits and only ****2**** reviews? Sigh. Please I urge you to review! I love it when you guys talk to me and it really helps me write. So… REVIEW!!! (If you do I will give you an Edward-shaped cookie) **

**Without further ado… Chapter three!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

_Maybe I could fake an illness or say I need to go to the washroom and make a mad dash for the airport. Think Bella, think fas- _

"_Bella? Is that you?"_

**Chapter 3: We are Broken**

I froze as I heard the velvety, musical voice behind me. It was soft and quiet, probably with shock. I couldn't bring myself to turn around. Time stood still, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Why did he have to be _here?_ Of all the luck…

"Bella?"

Crap, I should probably react or something. Despite all the panic that suddenly shot through me, I couldn't help but feel a sense of peace. Comfort. An almost longing for that familiar sexy voice…

Hold the phone, did I just say _sexy?!_

Breaking myself from my statue-like state, I slowly turned around, still sitting in my seat, to look at the Greek God that I knew would be behind me.

When I finally looked at him, well, he was even _more_ gorgeous than I remembered. His jaw, more defined, his face, more mature and angular. But there were things about him that were exactly the same. His disheveled bronze hair, his long eyelashes. And when I met his emerald gaze…

I saw so many emotions running through his eyes the second we locked gazes. Shock being the most prominent, but there was also hurt, sadness, and… did I see a hint of joy?

Just the sight of him again, after all this time, was enough to get my heart beating erratically. But… that isn't right. I wasn't supposed to have these reactions anymore while around him. Was it possible I wasn't so over him after all…?

_No of course not! I do _not_ love him anymore. I've moved _on_. _

We stared at each other for what seemed like hours but couldn't have been more than a minute or two. I was so absorbed in his intense eyes, I hardly remembered Rosalie and Jasper who were still sitting there, completely confused.

Suddenly, an elegant white hand literally _slithered_ on to Edward's shoulder. He seemed to snap out of it then and turned to whoever was behind him, breaking our staring contest.

"Eddie? Why are you acting so weird?" I recognized that annoyingly perfect voice.

A strawberry blonde head peered over Edward's shoulder to take a look at whatever, or in this case, whoever, Edward was staring at. Her clear blue eyes were confused at first, then a flash of recognition crossed them. They immediately hardened. I could practically _hear_ the touch-my-boyfriend-and-you-die vibes oozing off of her.

Stepping out from behind Edward, Tanya Denali crossed her arms and glared at me.

_Why hello to you to Tanya. _I thought sarcastically.

As much as I wanted to glare right back, I needed to remind myself that I did _not_ love Edward anymore, so glaring would make me look like a jealous freakazoid. Which I was _not_.

Of course she, just like Edward, still looked incredibly beautiful if not more so. Her perfect strawberry blonde curls, perfect blue eyes, and perfectly manicured nails seemed to mock me. Why couldn't I look like that?

"I remember you," Tanya started to say. "You're the bi-"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Someone in a high-pitched soprano voice, squealed. I knew that voice only too well…

Before I could finish that thought, something small and dark flung itself at me with such force, I nearly fell out of my seat. The thing was tiny, but it had a grip that could challenge Emmett's. Seriously. I was dying here!

The thing slowly released me and looked into my eyes, beaming. I knew Rosalie said she was there, but it still surprised me to see Alice staring back at me. Before I could open my mouth to say anything she squealed again, softer this time, then gently slid off my lap. Standing up, she started speaking in an overly excited voice.

"Oh my God! Bella! I can't believe you're here!!! What are you doing here?! What happened?! I've missed you so much, and you look nice. Well except for the pants, and the shirt, and the shoes, but other than that you looked great! I'm so sorry we lost touch! I mean, I didn't mean to! I don't think I meant to. Never mind. I just can't believe you're here! We have to catch up! I just feel like… feel like… like… EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

I just sat there, my mouth hanging open at Alice's little outburst of excitement. I guess she wasn't mad at me for leaving. But that made me worried. I couldn't be close to anyone. It wasn't safe. Nice. This would certainly make things more difficult…

"BELLA!" a deep masculine voice boomed from the dining hall entrance. I looked to see Emmett sprinting across the hall making his way directly towards me.

I barely managed to squeak before he picked me up in a crushing bear hug. Okay, correction: Alice's grip is no where near as suffocating as Emmett's.

I could barely get the words out of my crushed lungs to tell him to stop, but luckily Alice saved me.

"Em! Stop! You're going to kill her!"

"Eh, woops." He said sheepishly before setting my feet back down on the floor. I gripped the table to regain my balance before Rosalie said in a very confused tone, "Um, am I missing something here, because something tells me you guys already know each other."

"Oh yeah. Sorry Rose. Bella is our childhood friend from Forks. We haven't seen her in like, two years." Alice explained as she went to Jasper's side, giving him a kiss on the cheek. I guess they were dating.

"Oh. Bella you never told me you knew them." Rosalie said.

"Uh, right. I guess I was just shocked. You know. It's been a long time."

Alice and Emmett sat down and started to talk animatedly, talking about what they've been up to I supposed. I told my mind to pay attention since I knew they would interrogate me about my life next, but I couldn't ignore the nagging feeling at the back of my mind.

Turning around, I met Edward's bright green gaze once more. He looked like he was trying to figure something out, the look of concentration on his face was almost cute. Tanya stood beside him looking incredibly annoyed as she glared at me. How long had they been staring at me?

Suddenly feeling nauseous and a bit unnerved, I stood up.

"I, uh, I don't feel so well. I'm, going to g-go… away… from here." I said, stuttering pathetically.

"What? No, Bella. Stay!" Alice said standing up too.

"I said I don't feel well Alice."

"Then I'll come with you."

"No, you stay here. I don't want to take you out of your lunch."

"It's no trouble."

"No, I want to be alone."

"But-"

"I said _no!_" I nearly shouted at Alice. I then walked, almost ran, from the dining hall. I immediately felt guilty for yelling at Alice like that. She just missed me, and I missed her too, but I really did need to be alone. Hopefully she wasn't mad at me.

On the other hand, if she _was _mad at me, then maybe that would make it easier.

I stood leaning against the outside wall of the dining hall, the soft breeze helped calm me and ease my nausea.

It wasn't too long before I heard the door open and quiet footsteps approach me. I looked up to see Edward standing a few feet away from me, an unfathomable look in his eye.

"Hi" he said quietly.

"Hi" I replied back in the same tone. Something in the almost apologetic look he gave me told me he knew why I left, why I hadn't contacted him at all while I was away.

He looked so _sad_ that it nearly broke my heart. I- I was over him, but I still didn't want him to be sad. But… at the same time, a part of me, a less considerate part, wanted him to feel guilty. Wanted him to hurt like I did.

I looked away from him as he silently leaned against the wall next to me.

"So… how have you been?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Fine" I said looking away from him. _And by "fine" I mean awful _I added mentally.

"That's… good."

"What about you? How are things with… " _think Bella, what would a guy like to talk about? _"Tanya?" _nice going! Guys love to brag about their girlfriends. But Edward's not a typical guy…_

"It's fine. We're fine." He answered, oddly short.

We stood for a few more minutes in awkward silence until I couldn't handle it anymore. The air was thick with some much needed, but yet unspoken words.

Silence had never been this awkward with Edward before. What happened to us? Oh right.

I opened my mouth to say something, apologize for my sudden absence, anything, but nothing came out. Instead I just looked like an open-mouthed idiot. I quickly shut my trap.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and attempted to speak again, but this time, all that came out was, "I, uh, have to go. I'll… I guess I'll see you later."

I quickly turned around and sprinted towards the dorms. I ignored him when he called my name after me. Thankfully he didn't chase me. I knew if he did that, I wouldn't have made it across the parking lot. He was a lot faster than I was.

I didn't stop running until I reached the elevator, catching my breath. Surprisingly, I ran the whole way without tripping once. I nearly did a few times, but I caught myself at the last second. It was quite the accomplishment.

Once in my dorm room I headed straight for the bathroom, locking myself in.

I looked at the plain, boring girl in the mirror, staring back at me. She wasn't anything special. Just someone worn and broken down. Full of bad memories.

I knew I needed to sort out this problem, as soon as possible. I already had too many other problems and this one I didn't need.

But I was a coward. I didn't want to face the Cullens, and it was just my luck I get a roommate who happens to be dating one and is friends with the others. That ensured I would see them again, and it would make it exceedingly difficult to avoid them.

"_You tell anyone anything, and I will kill you and everyone you love."_

I shuddered as I sank to the cold tile of the bathroom floor, wrapping my arms around myself. Although I couldn't see myself anymore, I knew my eyes must have looked dead and empty.

"_You can't run from me. I'm going to find you."_

I shivered and took deep breaths to try and calm myself, but it wasn't really working.

"_I will torture everyone you care about. Everyone you're close to."_

I don't really remember how long I was sitting there on the bathroom floor, rocking back and forth, before the door opened and someone walked in.

The footsteps were too light to be Emmett or Edward's (thank God it wasn't Edward) and since I was pretty sure Jasper didn't walk like a dainty ballerina, my best guess was either Alice or Rosalie.

"Bella? Where are you?" I heard Alice's voice say from somewhere inside the dorm room.

I debated answering her, not really wanting to go out there and talk, like I knew she probably wanted to, but decided to respond. I knew if I didn't, Alice would get worried and send a search party for me or something.

"In the bathroom" I answered, silently cursing myself for using such a shaky voice. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay."

I stood up and leaned over the sink, lightly splashing my face with water. Turning off the tap, I stood up straight, smoothed down my hair and tried to compose my hair.

Operative word there: tried.

Of course I still looked awful, but Alice was waiting.

Before I could change my mind, I opened the bathroom door and stepped out. Alice was sitting on my bed. She gave me a small smile before gently patting the spot beside her on the bed. An indication she wanted me to sit down with her.

I walked over, making sure to look at least somewhat composed as I sat down next to Alice. She didn't try to hug me or anything, which was good. I didn't want to be touched right then.

"Why did you run out of lunch today?" she asked softly, although something in her voice told me she already had an idea.

I shrugged.

"Bella…"

"I didn't feel like eating anymore." I answered lamely. I was a horrible liar, but at least this was a sort of half-truth. I truly didn't feel like eating anymore… when I saw Edward.

"And why, pray tell, was that?"

_Damn you Alice._

"I… I…" I hated having these sensitive talks. To be honest, they frightened the crap out of me. Tell anyone that, and I will hunt you down.

"Was it Edward? Tanya?" Alice guessed.

I shrugged again. _Please, please don't keep on this subject. Drop it. You know you want to._

"Bella… do you, do you still love him?" she asked very quietly, like she was almost afraid of the answer.

This time I answered right away, "No! No, I don't! I am completely over him. Now I feel like, like… I don't know what I feel anymore. I feel sort of… confused." I started off strong, but said the last part in a near whisper.

Alice nodded knowingly, as if she came to her own conclusion about the topic.

"You should talk to him Bella. Have you talked to him?"

"Yes I have." I replied a little offended. I _did_ have a conversation with him. I very short, short conversation. More like a few casual comment.

"Uh huh. And by talk, I mean a _real_ conversation. Like, a talk about, you know, your departure."

I stiffened. I knew I should probably talk to him about it, but I just couldn't bring myself to verbalize the words. I'll admit it, I was afraid to.

"Do I have to?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes. Come one, Bella. You know if you don't, nothing good will come out of it. You need closure."

"No, I don't" I said defiantly.

"You do. You both do."

"Yeah right," I scoffed, "he probably doesn't want to talk to me anyway."

Alice rolled her eyes and said, "Yes he does. More than you know. Do you know how broken up he was about you suddenly leaving?"

I shook my head silently, a little apprehensive of what I was going to hear.

"When he first heard, he didn't believe it. He didn't think his best friend would do something like that to him." I flinched a little at the mention of best friend. "When he finally believed it , he went a little hysterical. He was upset. So upset. Emmett practically had to physically restrain him from running out of the house and jumping on the next plane to Phoenix. He hardly even played his piano anymore."

"I don't understand. Why would he care so much? Didn't he have Tanya to comfort him?"

Alice rolled her eyes again at my obliviousness.

"Well yeah, he had Tanya, but that is beside the point. The point is, he wanted his _best_ friend, not his girlfriend. You guys were so close, he was depressed."

"Didn't Tanya comfort him?" I repeated.

"That little bimbo hardly did anything to comfort him," she said , annoyed. "She seemed not to care that he was in pain. All she did was nag him about how he was being 'overdramatic' and that it wasn't like you were 'dead'"

Anger and annoyance flared up in me at Tanya's insensitivity. But it was quickly masked be the guilt at causing Edward pain. I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't know he would care so much if I were gone.

"Why is he still with her then? Sounds to me like she's a cold-hearted bitch."

"She is. But I guess he stayed with her because she was a distraction from all his guilt."

"Guilt? Why would he feel guilty?" I asked. I was confused. I told Alice I wasn't mad at him or anything, so why was he feeling guilty? If anything, _I_ should have felt like the bad guy.

"Well, why do you think? I swear Bella, sometimes you are so oblivious for someone so smart." I rolled my eyes at that. "He knew it was his fault you left Bella. He knew it was because of the fact you loved him and he stupidly introduced his girlfriend to everyone without telling you first."

"But my leaving was already long in coming. New girlfriend or not, I would have left anyway."

"Yes, but it was Tanya's surprise introduction that caused you to leave without saying a proper goodbye to everyone. N'est pas?"

I didn't answer and Alice took it as confirmation.

"I thought so. Not to mention both Emmett and I were pretty pissed at him for driving you away. I'll admit, that could have been handled better by us. But please, you have to talk to him. I promise I won't nag you about it anymore If you talk to him. I won't even bother you about being friends with him or not. You both need closure, Bella. Approach him if he doesn't approach you."

"I-I'll think about it" I replied.

Would he forgive me for going away without saying goodbye? Alice seemed to think he would. But if he did, he would probably want to be friends again. Really close, like we used to be.

But with the risk that was out there right now concerning me, being close to me wasn't exactly the safest thing right now. Until _he_ was found, people took a risk just being around me.

So if he were to forgive me, I would have to be distant. Still there, still his friend, but not as close as before. It was for the best.

And if he didn't forgive me, then that would be easier. It would be hard to have him reject me, it would probably kill me, but at least he would be safe and I wouldn't have to be distant. Besides, I kind of preferred being alone right now. I was still recovering from the incident…

So the question was, did I even want Edward to forgive me?

**A/N: Sooooooo… Hit or Miss? I can only find out if you REVIEW!!! I cannot really stress that point out enough. If I get more reviews than I did last time, than I'll probably update again sometime this weekend. REVIEW and I will give you your Edward-shaped cookie. **


	4. Move Along

**A/N: Hola! I'm back with a new chapter!!! I don't know what is making me update so fast! Maybe it's the high of writing a new story… or the fact I just came home like half an hour ago from a party where I drank waaaay to much coke, hence a sugar and caffeine high! –giggles- so it is like 12:45 AM right now and I shall try to complete this chapter before my high runs out and I totally crash. Can any of you relate? Can ya? Can ya? **

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed my stories. I love you all and an Edward shaped cookie for each and every one of you! And an extra special shout out to Nancy (retardedtwilightlover)! I decided to give you a moment of glory in my author's note since I already gave your best friend a shout out in the last chapter and you guys are pretty much my most enthusiastic and loveable reviewers! So thank you Nancy and I might as well thank you too Nightmare :D**

**A SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ AND LOVES MAXIMUM RIDE! YOU'LL GET WHAT I MEAN WHEN YOU READ THIS CHAPTER! If you haven't read this book… read it! Seriously, it's so action-packed and Fang-a-licious!**

**Also, I'd like to apologize for all the typos in my last chapter. I literally posted it 5 minutes before I had to leave for the party, so I was in a major rush and didn't get to edit my work like usual.**

**Enough with my incredibly long and dragging A/N. Here goes CHAPTER FOUR!!!**

**(By the way, in case you haven't figured it out yet, this story is rated T for some language and violence that will happen later in the story. Just a foreshadow of what's to come…)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except my comfy pajamas which I am wearing right now.**

_So if he were to forgive me, I would have to be distant. Still there, still his friend, but not as close as before. It was for the best._

_And if he didn't forgive me, then that would be easier. It would be hard to have him reject me, it would probably kill me, but at least he would be safe and I wouldn't have to be distant. Besides, I kind of preferred being alone right now. I was still recovering from the incident… _

_So the question was, did I even want Edward to forgive me? _

**Chapter 4: Move Along**

It would be a lie to say I didn't have a lot to think about when I went to bed that night. I told Alice I would think about talking to Edward. I knew I would have to do it eventually, but to tell the truth, I was just so damn scared. I knew it would be easier and safer if he didn't forgive me… but a part of me, a part that was growing with every passing minute, desperately wanted to be best friends with him again.

The way my heart and body reacted when I saw him today and spoke to him (even if only very briefly) was so new yet so familiar. It was like those reactions were sleeping dormant inside of me, just waiting to wake up again.

Of course, this was because I was just surprised to see him, that's all. Definitely _not_ because I still love him. Nope, not that.

I decided I _would_ talk to him, for closure as Alice said. But only if he doesn't approach me first. What would I say? I was a complete coward. Part "cow", part "ard": coward.

Luckily, neither Alice nor Rosalie, or anyone else for that matter, bothered me for the rest of the day. I guess Alice knew I needed time to think and sort of "review" my feelings. I was so confused, my head was spinning. Alice was so sweet. At dinnertime, she brought back some stuff from the dining hall for me. She and Rosalie decided to go grocery shopping tomorrow so I would be able to cook in the dorm. She remembered that I was the only one of us who could cook an edible _and_ tasty meal. She really was being so nice to me after what I've done. It's too bad I would have to be distant…

I rolled over and fidgeted for an hour more or so before finally letting the darkness take me. The last sound I heard before falling asleep was Rosalie's soft, steady breathing in the next bed.

* * *

_I ran through the forest, passing trees and nearly tripping over barely visible roots and logs. It was so dark outside, I had absolutely no idea of where I was going. The only thing going through my mind was _escape_._

_I could here the quick lethal footsteps of my pursuer. They were getting closer and closer. Oh God, please, no!_

_I suddenly tripped over something bigger than a root. I toppled over and fell on top of whatever the thing was. It was cold and firm, and… sticky? What was this semi-dry crusted stuff covered all over it?_

_That's when I smelled it. Blood. I didn't faint since it wasn't fresh, but I still wanted to hurl. _

_Gasping, I quickly rolled off the thing and onto my knees to get a better look at what ever it was._

_I screamed. _

_It was Edward. Dead Edward to be precised. He was lying on the ground of the forest, stone cold and with dried blood all over him. His eyes were still open, staring out to the sky, full of emptiness._

_I backed away from the body, tears pouring down my face, my hand over my mouth. But I bumped into something. Whirling around I gasped. It was my pursuer._

_He grinned evilly at me before bending down and whispering in my ear, "You can run, but you can't hide from me Bella…"_

_I pushed away from him and opened my mouth to scream but before I could do it, his hand came over my mouth and he pushed me up against a tree. His grip was firm and unbreakable as I tried to struggle._

"_Now, now Bella. Be good. We don't want more people hurt like poor little Edward there, now do we?"_

_My eyes widened with terror as I stared at the man who killed my mother… and now, Edward too. _

_Not Edward, not my Edward._

_He pressed a cold, sharp knife against my throat and chuckled darkly before pressing it harder as pain shot through me, and swiftly slicing it across my neck…_

* * *

"Bella! Bella! Wake up!" someone called out to me.

I couldn't hear them properly through my terrified haze. I screamed and thrashed about.

I felt someone's gentle hands on my shoulders, an act a reassurance I'm sure it was meant to be, but I couldn't comprehend it as I forcefully pushed whoever it was away from me, sobbing hysterically.

"Bella! You have to wake up! Snap out of it! It was only a nightmare!"

_Nightmare._

I slowly stopped my hysterics, before blinking and looking around my surroundings. I was in my dorm room, not the forest, and the person who grabbed me wasn't the murderer, it was Rosalie.

Relaxing ever so slightly, I panted heavily, trying to regain my breath. I was hiccupping a bit from crying so hard. Rosalie looked at me, her face showing obvious relief that I was no longer acting like a possessed lunatic. I'm sure I looked as if I needed an exorcist.

I looked at the clock on my bedside table. 3:05 AM. Damn it. Whenever I had the nightmare, it was always at exactly 3:05 AM. Creepy…

I looked back at Rosalie, having regained most, if not all, control over my emotions and said quietly, "Sorry I woke you."

Rosalie smiled at me. "It's okay. I'm just happy you're back to normal. You kind of scared me. Waking up to the sounds of your screams and cries."

"I'm sorry."

"I said it was fine. Do you… do you normally have reactions like this to nightmares?"

I shook my head. "No, well, only to that certain nightmare."

"You have reoccurring nightmares?"

Whoops, I let too much info slip out. Nice going Bella.

"Uh…" I said lamely, trying to rack my brain for an excuse.

"I can tell you're not comfortable with this. I'm sorry. Forget I asked." She stood up from where she was sitting on the side of my bed and walked over to her own before turning to face me. "Are you sure you're okay now? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine now. And Rosalie?"

"Yes?"

Would you… would you get mad or annoyed with me if this happened again, more than once?" As much as I didn't want it to, I knew it would happen again.

Rose was silent for a few seconds before, "No. I guess a normal person would, but we've all had… _darknesses_ in our lives. I understand that. You should be allowed time to get over it."

She looked at me as if she could tell there was something I wasn't telling her. Something that made these nightly terrors no ordinary nightmares. And there was something else in her face and her eyes. Something that conveyed a sadness, a memory. As if she had her own "darkness" in life that she needed time and patience to get over too.

* * *

I woke up later than Rosalie the next day. Her classes started at 8 in the morning, so she needed to be up early. My classes didn't start till 10, so I could afford to sleep in a little longer.

The complete feeling of hopelessness and vulnerability surrounded my as it did every morning after I had the nightmare.

But this time, the nightmare was different. Looking back on it, I shuddered. But it was slightly different. Usually in my nightmares, I'd trip over the dead body of Charlie, since at the time of Renee's death, he was the closest one to me considering I pretty much cut off contact with the Cullens.

This time though, it was Edward's body. I shuddered again. No. I wouldn't allow that to happen. No one I cared about was going to get hurt. I would make sure of it.

Confidence took over the hopelessness as I reassured myself something like that would never happen. But I still felt… sad. Strange. But I pushed it aside. Despite my lost hope, I needed to keep going.

By ten o'clock, I was seated in my English literature class, waiting for the professor to make an appearance. I hadn't seen Edward yet today, and for that I was grateful I saw Jasper walking with Alice briefly when I made my way to the English department. They didn't see me, so I pretended not to notice them, resisting the urge to wave. _Distance, Bella, distance. _

The chair on my right side was gently pulled out as someone sat down in it.

"Hi." Whoever was beside me said. I could tell it was a girl by the sound of her voice.

I looked over to my right side to see a girl about my age giving me a friendly smile. I could tell she was pretty tall, probably the same height as Rose, and was very pretty. She had dirty blonde hair, cut into short feathery layers with streaks of hot pink in it, and brown eyes. Although her eyes were the same colour as mine, hers had a slightly more Hispanic look to them. She looked athletic.

"Are you new here? I don't recognize you from this class." She said.

"Yeah, I'm new."

"Cool. I'm Max by the way. Max Ride." She held out her hand for me to shake. **(A/N: Come on, I couldn't resist. Max Ride rocks my socks! But this doesn't make the story a Max Ride/Twilight crossover or anything. Max is not a major character. Only a minor friend, like Angela Weber from Twilight)**

"Bella Swan" I replied, shaking her hand.

She smiled again and motioned to a guy sitting on her other side. "This is Nick, My boyfriend. But my friends and I call him Fang."

The guy, "Fang", nodded in my direction. He didn't come across as a talkative person. He seemed the dark and silent type, which was pretty accurate. He was tall and lean a far as I could tell, with overlong black hair, black eyes, and olive skin. I had to admit, he was pretty cute.

"Why 'Fang'?" I questioned.

Max Laughed, "He used to bite adults a lot when he was angry when he was a baby."

Surprisingly, I almost laughed at this. Almost.

A few minutes later the professor walked in, along with her TA for the class. Class was okay. Pretty standard I guess. Both Max and Fang turned out to be pretty cool people. Even if Fang didn't talk much, I could tell he was a good guy and could see how much he loved Max by the way he looked at her. I hoped for their sake that true love was real, even though I pretty much turned my back on love after the whole "Edward fiasco".

When class ended around lunch time, I bid Max and Fang goodbye as another guy came up to me.

I looked up to see a guy with gelled blonde hair and blue eyes. He seemed like the generic popular boy. He was cute, with a slightly baby face and friendly smile. On second thought, it seemed a little _too _friendly.

"I'm Mike Newton. Pleased to meet you." he said, introducing himself.

"Bella Swan" I replied shortly, trying to walk past him. He just continued to block my path. Okay, now he was just annoying.

"So, Bella… do you want to join me for lunch?"

I panicked a little inside. I didn't want to eat lunch with him, but at the same time, I didn't want to say a direct "no". I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then I remembered Alice and the others and almost sighed with relief.

"Sorry, but I already have people to sit with. But thanks anyway." _Not._

"Oh." His face fell and I immediately felt guilty, but I wasn't going to give in. "Well then, maybe another time."

"Sure." I said, brushing past him, hoping he wouldn't take that answer literally.

I entered the dining hall and was quickly flagged down by Alice, who motioned for me to join her and the others at their usual table.

Everyone was already there. Emmett and Rose, Alice and Jasper, and even Edward and… Tanya. I felt like the seventh wheel being the only one there without a significant other.

As soon as she saw me approach, Tanya started glaring _again_ and latched herself on to Edward's arm in a possessive, childish manner. Real mature. Jeezums, what were we? Five?

"Hey guys." I said as casually as I could manage. _Distance, Bella, distance._

The others, with the exception of Tanya, greeted me in return and went back to whatever conversation they were having before my arrival. Tanya kept shooting me dagger glares throughout lunch, but I didn't really care. The others were chatting about something I couldn't really focus on or even remember. They tried to include me in the conversation, but I purposely contributed as little as possible. Only talking when spoken to. I was trying to demonstrate my new distance.

Through lunch, however, as much as I tried to ignore it, I kept feeling that weird nagging feeling, like someone was watching me. I tilted my head slightly and sure enough, out of the corner of my eye, I could see Edward staring at me.

I ignored it best I could, but it still unnerved me. His gaze was so intense, emotions I couldn't even identify swirling around in the emerald orbs. I could tell he wanted to talk to me, and he would – I just wanted him to make the first move.

Finally lunch ended, we all got up, going our separate ways. I had a couple hours of French class before going back to the dorms, so bidding everyone goodbye, I left towards the assigned classroom.

Once getting there, I sat beside a nice, quiet girl who introduced herself as Angela Weber. She was very kind and a bit shy. She didn't expect you to talk to her if you didn't want to.

There were also a few other new people I met in that French classroom.

Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley.

Let's just say they weren't the brightest crayons in the box. I couldn't even fathom how they even got accepted into university, or even graduated high school.

Not to mention they were completely slutty with mini skirts that showed more of their butts than they covered and so much make-up, they looked like clowns.

I didn't meet them face-to-face yet, but Angela warned me they were rude little bimbos and huge gossipers, so I should keep my distance if I knew what was good for me. That wouldn't be a problem.

Finally, class was over and I hurried back to the dorms to lie down and relax. To try to free my mind of all the stress of every added thing. I knew that with everything I was dealing with right now, I would soon be growing white hairs or get wrinkles.

Of course if that happened, Alice would go on a beauty product shopping spree. Hmm… I was actually kind of surprised she hadn't said anything about going shopping with me yet or thrown out my whole wardrobe. Believe me when I say she had done it before. She probably was waiting to do it, drag me to the mall I mean.

I vaguely wondered if the Cullens knew about Renee. Since Alice, Edward, and Emmett's parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen, lived in Forks, they probably knew that she died, but that was most likely it. They knew the gist of things, but not the complete story. No knew the _complete _story. Not even Charlie or the police. Only myself. And intended to keep it that way.

The dorm was empty. I suspected Rose and Alice went out grocery shopping or something. Whatever, I preferred to be a one anyway.

I flopped onto my bed and looked up at the ceiling…

The quiet knock on the door snapped me out of my reverie. I brought my head up and looked at the door, wishing whoever it was to go away or for the door to spontaneously open itself so I wouldn't have to walk. Of course, no such luck.

The knocker knocked again.

Sighing, I got up and went over to the door, opening it.

To my surprise, Edward stood on the other side, looking as handsome as ever, but also with a firm determination in his eyes.

"Edward-" I began, but he cut me off.

"Bella, we need to talk."

**A/N: There! So, Hit or Miss? I must know!**

**I am also incredibly proud of myself for actually completing this chapter when I am completely exhausted right now from my sugar and caffeine high wearing off. Why must all good things come to an end?**

**So the only other thing I have left to say before I pass out is REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!! Please, anyone who reads this, just drop in a simple review. It could be as short as "Good story", or a whole paragraph. I don't really care. Just review, because it really helps motivate me to write more.**

**Review and I shall give you an Emmett shaped cookie this time! As they say, "Bigger is better!". Ciao!**


	5. Never too Late

**A/N: Hello everyone! I will probably be continuing to update nice and fast during this weekend, but starting Tuesday, I probably wouldn't be able to update again until Friday.**

**Anyway, thanks again to everyone who reviewed and special thanks to everyone who has reviewed more than once. You guys rock my socks! Well, I'm not really wearing socks right now, but you get the idea.**

**So… has anyone seen the movie or read the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom? I watched the first half of the movie in my careers class yesterday and it is so touching. Seriously. They guy sitting next to me started crying. I'm not even lying. Well, anyway, I know this was random, but it was on my mind. **

**Also, I got way more story alerts than I did reviews! If you think my story is good enough to alert, than please, please, please, drop in a quick review!**

**Here's the chapter you've all been waiting for, the Talk with Edward! So on with Chapter FIVE!**

_To my surprise, Edward stood on the other side, looking as handsome as ever, but also with a firm determination in his eyes._

"_Edward-" I began, but he cut me off._

"_Bella, we need to talk."_

**Chapter 5: Never too Late**

I just stared at Edward, a little surprised. So soon? Sure, I was hoping he would approach me first, but I was never expecting him to so fast.

He looked at me expectantly, and when I didn't reply, a little worriedly.

"Uh, Bella?"

I snapped out of my silence. "Yeah?" I answered rather stupidly.

"Can I come in…?"

"Oh! Right. Uh, sure." I said sounding even dumber with every word. I stepped aside to let him walk in, blushing lightly at my stupid moment. Did I mention my ability to blush on demand? It was incredibly inconvenient when trying to hide something.

Edward walked in, well more like he _glided_ in. Why did he have to be so graceful while I walked around like some weirdo klutz? Isabella _Swan_, my ass.

He sat down on the couch and waited for me to join him. I could tell he expected me to sit beside him, but I knew I wasn't going to. Shutting the door, I went and sat in the bowl chair, positioning the chair so I would be opposite him, facing his direction.

We sat there in awkward silence, waiting for the other to make the first move. It was so silent between us, the only sound in the room was the quiet ticking of the clock on the wall. Finally Edward broke the silence.

"Well… this is awkward." He said, stating the obvious.

"No shit Sherlock" I replied sarcastically.

One corner of his mouth twitched up, no doubt amused by my sourness. That just reminded me of his dazzling crooked smile. The one he used to only give me. It used to be _my_ smile. But then I remembered how the night he introduced Tanya to us, he used that same smile on her, making me incredibly angry and jealous at the time. My mood turned sour again.

"You said you wanted to talk, so talk" I said a little annoyed. Who says they want to talk to somebody, and then be all silent?

"Right. I guess I just wanted to say…" he began a little nervously. I waited, expecting him to say something like I was horrible for leaving him. "I wanted to say… I'm sorry."

Huh? Well, that wasn't what I was expecting. I knew Alice said he felt guilty and upset, but in a way, I didn't really believe it. I was the one who felt immensely guilty and sad. I was the jerk for leaving so abruptly.

All of the sudden all my annoyance at him melted away and was replaced by guilt. I didn't mean for him to feel guilty and sad. I thought he would be fine without me. If he felt anything after my departure, I thought it would be along the lines of anger and disappointment.

"No," I said shaking my head. "I should be the one who is sorry. I left without a word to anyone but Alice, and that was at the last minute, on the phone! I-I" I took a shaky breath. "I should have told you all. I should have given you at least a proper goodbye."

"No Bella, don't be sorry," he said sadly, looking into my eyes. "It wasn't your fault. I should have told you about Tanya before I introduced to her to everyone. It was insensitive of me. I'm sorry."

"Although it _was_ upsetting," he flinched at my words. "You didn't have an obligation to me to tell me about your girlfriends. I was being overly sensitive and I over reacted."

"You didn't over react. I may not have had an obligation, but you were still my best friend, and I was aware of how you felt about me at the time. I should have warned you before hand."

Edward shook his head, as if disgusted with himself, and looked at me pleadingly. Did he seriously believe there was a possibility I wouldn't forgive him? That was ridiculous.

"You should quit beating yourself up over it Edward. I'm not mad at you or anything. I never was." _Well maybe a little bit when you showed Tanya my special smile…_

"You aren't?" he said, looking surprised. Christ, wasn't he listening to me at all? I said I felt guilty, not _mad. _That boy seriously had a one-track mind.

"No, I'm not. I told you, I left because of… myself. I was angry at myself for feeling… that way. I thought I told Alice that I wasn't mad at you."

"You may have told Alice, but she never told me." He said, "She and Emmett were kind of harsh, to put it lightly. I don't think they spoke to me civilly for weeks."

I immediately felt doubly guilty. In no way whatsoever did I intend to cause family problems.

Seeming to read my mind without me even saying anything, Edward quickly amended, "No, don't apologize Bella. No-" he said as I opened my mouth to protest. "I know what you're going to say, so don't. It's not your fault. Besides, there was no _permanent_ damage done by those two…"

I gasped, "Did Emmett beat you up?"

"Define 'beat up'."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Did he punch you, kick you, pulverize you, put you in a potato sack and throw you off a cliff…?"

"Yes, yes, yes, and no." he said, chuckling dryly. "But it's all fine."

"I'm so sorry for causing you guys pain. I thought you'd be okay…"

"Bella, just because I didn't feel the same way about you as you did for me, definitely doesn't mean I never cared about you. You were my best friend."

"I know…" I said, my head down like a little kid who's being scolded.

I felt Edward's hand go under my chin, bringing up my head to look at him straight in the eyes.

"I just want you to know that it wasn't easy without you."

"What do you mean? 'Wasn't easy'?"

He sighed and dropped his hand, leaving my chin burning. That was strange…

"I mean," he hesitated, unsure of how to explain I supposed. "I mean, I missed you, and the guilt was pretty much eating me up. Not to mention Tanya was pretty annoyed with me." He chuckled a little at that.

He looked at me in a reassuring manner, trying to get me to not worry or feel guilty, but I still did.

Instead of apologizing, for I knew he would only tell me to not apologize, I whispered, "Alice told me you hardly played your piano after I left."

Edward sighed in exasperation. He probably didn't want Alice to spill that tidbit of information. Too late.

"I won't lie to you, Bella. Alice was putting it nicely. By 'hardly' she meant 'never'"

I gasped again. Edward not ever playing his piano was like… like… I couldn't think of an analogy at the moment, but it sure wasn't right. I remember Edward telling me that he took his inspiration for his piano compositions from the important people in his life. Could that have meant…

"Why?" I asked quietly, already afraid of the answer.

He shrugged, as if it weren't that big of a deal. I knew he was downplaying it for me so I wouldn't worry about him. "I guess I never felt like it without you. I told you before Bella, I missed you. I missed my best friend. Your fun and cheerfulness were often inspiration for me."

He added the last part, wearing his crooked grin. It automatically made my heart swell. But then I remembered he probably used that smile on Tanya on a daily basis, and my heart went back to its normal size, if not smaller.

"Wasn't Tanya inspiration enough for you?" As soon as the words were out, I regretted them. Especially since they came out harsh and that made me sound jealous. Which again I was _not_. I didn't mean to say it, it just came out of my mouth before I could think it through.

He looked sad again and I mentally slapped myself.

"Yes I had Tanya, but…" he trailed off.

I waited for him to elaborate, but when he was silent for a minute or so, I guess he wasn't speaking anymore on the Tanya subject.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that." I said quickly.

"No, it's alright. Bella…"

I looked into his eyes and saw the same sadness and hurt as I had before, but I also saw longing. Longing for what?

"Bella… I really want to be friends again. Please. I know I've made a lot of mistakes in the past regarding your feelings, and I guess mine as well, but I want nothing more than a second chance." He took a deep breath. "We used to be so close. You were my confident, and I was yours. Of course I betrayed your trust in me when I got a girlfriend without telling you, but I'm sorry. Please, can we go back to being best friends? I don't want to lose you again."

His voice was so sad and almost pitiful, that I felt hugging him with all my might. The truth was, I really wanted to be best friends again too. I wanted to forget everything bad and hurtful that had gone on between us, and go back to the way things were before.

But I knew that it wouldn't be the best idea. One reason was because I knew, no matter how much we tried, we couldn't go back to how it was _exactly_ before this whole thing blew up.

I knew we could probably be best friends again, but something would always be… off. I wasn't sure.

But the other reason was because, as I thought over and over again, that it wouldn't be safe. I was a danger magnet, and I was attracting some very, _very_ big danger right now.

So the logical choice would be to refuse him, and to stay away from most everybody else. But was that what I really wanted? I knew that was what's best for everyone, but was it right for _me?_

I really wanted to be best friends with him again. My heart throbbed for it. 99.9% of me was sure I was over him, but I really did miss our closeness, or friendship. I still cared for him a lot.

But I was being selfish. What was more important, that he was with me, or that he was alive? I knew the answer. It was obvious. But my selfishness wouldn't get out of the way. So I decided to go for a compromise.

I knew I was being stupid by not quitting him cold turkey, that I would probably regret it later on, but I couldn't help it. I felt a strange pull towards Edward that I couldn't deny. This so wasn't fair. All I wanted was to live my life alone where no one else could get hurt. He just had to show up and ruin my resolve. God, I felt like such a selfish bitch.

Edward could see the conflicting emotions on my face and in my eyes. He was always able to read me so well. His face scrunched up in sadness and pain.

"It's okay," he said. "I understand if you don't want to. I was a pig to you anyway…"

He started to get up and walk away. My mind was telling me, or rather, yelling at me to let him go. Not to stop him, but before I could think, I said, "Edward! Wait!"

He turned to me and I said in a rush, "I'm sorry, I was only thinking. Don't go."

He came back and slowly sat down, searching my face. I took a deep breath, ready to verbalize my compromise.

"I do want to be friends with you again," I started. His face lit up. "but I'm afraid we can't go back to the way things were." His face fell again.

"Can't or won't?"

"A little bit of both." I admitted. "Can't, because we've changed. You've changed, I've changed. We've grown up. Despite our efforts to forget what happened, there would always be remnants of it there. We can't just ignore it. You may be able to, but I can't." I'll admit, I was kind of exaggerating at the end. Of course there would always be that little "incident" between us, but it probably wouldn't completely stop us from being best friends. I didn't care though if I was exaggerating. It had to be done to put the seed of doubt in his mind.

"Won't, because I need to concentrate on school and… other things right now." _Like not getting killed._ "This whole meeting up here in Seattle was completely coincidental. If I had never met up with you again by chance, I wouldn't have contacted you for a very long time if at all. I never counted on this" I pointed between him and I. "happening.

"Don't get me wrong. We can still be friends, and you can still come to me if you need someone to talk to or whatever, but ultra close best friends just aren't in the cards for me right now. I'm sorry. Maybe in the future. But right now I still need a little distance."

Edward looked disappointed but he didn't push me. "I guess that's… understandable." He said finally.

"No, it's not because of what's happened between us, it's not because of you. I just have… higher priorities right now. But we can still be friends."

The "higher priorities" sounded harsh, even to my ears, but it was too late to take it back and it seemed to have the desired effect on Edward.

"It's not only you," I said. "It will be everyone. I'll be there with you guys, just not as close as we used to be." I paused for a second. "But don't hesitate to come to me if you need someone to talk to about anything, okay?"

"Sure." He said. I could tell he was hurt, even though he tried to hide it with casualness. It pained me to hurt him, but he would get over it. He had to. It was for his own good I was doing this. Not mine.

But I guess it was also a little for my own good. If I was being completely selfless, I would have refused friendship of any degree with him and the others, but I wasn't selfless. I just hated myself sometimes.

He stood up and brushed some invisible dust of his pants. "I, uh, I'd better go now. You know… Tanya's probably looking for me…"

I stood up too. "Where is your dorm room?" I asked.

"On the floor below this one. The building sorts the floors by boy, girl, boy, girl - you get the idea."

I nodded. We were taking a step towards the door when it suddenly opened. Someone who was definitely not Rosalie or Alice was at the doorway. I guess I didn't lock it. _I probably should remember to if people are just going to burst in like this._

"Hey Rose, have you seen Edward? I can't find him anyw-" Tanya stopped speaking when she saw Edward and I standing in the room. Alone.

Her eyes quickly filled with anger as she looked at us. I could tell she was about to throw a fit about something that was completely innocent. God, we weren't even touching!

"What are you doing here Edward, with HER?!" she said, outraged, jabbing a red nail polished finger at me.

"We were just talking Tanya. Calm down." Edward said in a soothing voice as he stepped towards her. It was as if she was the lion and he was the lion tamer.

"How can I calm down when I find you ALONE in a room with that bitch?!"

Anger started to boil in my veins then when she called me a bitch. I didn't do anything to her! She was making a dramatic tantrum over _nothing!_ I didn't even love Edward anymore… at least I was pretty sure I didn't.

"Tanya, please stop. And don't call Bella that. You're making a big deal out of nothing. We're just friends." Edward said, an edge of annoyance in his voice.

"Friends! Ha! Don't tell me you're on good terms with that little wench? After all she did to you?" Tanya then turned to me, he eyes full of hate. "Thanks to YOU, I was stuck babysitting a depressed little boy instead of hanging out with my boyfriend!"

The anger in my veins took over. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, but a _good_ girlfriend would have comforted her boyfriend when he was in need, not complain about it!" I said.

"Why you little whore! Don't judge me!"

"Then don't judge _me_. I had my reasons for doing what I did." I replied, coolly.

"Oh I know about your reasons" she scoffed, "You had the hots for my boyfriend, and when he didn't like you back, you ran. You're nothing but a coward! I bet you don't even want all this "friends" crap with him. I bet you still want _him_! Well news flash bitch, you can't have him! He's _mine_! We're made for each other! He will NEVER like you! He loves ME! He won't even look twice in your direction if I'm around."

How dare she! She had no right to say what she said, she wasn't even that accurate. I didn't "want" Edward anymore! She was the bitch here, not me. I wanted to strangle her skinny little neck…

Before I could get on with the strangling however, Edward intervened.

"Tanya! What has gotten into you?! _Never _speak like that to Bella. You're being overly possessive. Stop it."

"But _Eddie_…"

"And I never said I loved you. How could I when you're being rude and disrespectful to my friends? If you can't accept Bella and be at least civil towards her, then I can never love you Tanya. Bella and I are friends, whether you like it or not."

His tone was cold and almost deadly as he looked, no, _glared_ at Tanya. A part of me was celebrating on the inside, overjoyed Edward was sticking up for me. But there was another part of me, a much smaller part, that didn't want Edward to be defending me so forcefully. It meant we were getting attached again. It wasn't safe.

Why was nothing safe when it came to Edward?

Tanya looked stricken. Like a deer in the headlights. No doubt she was expecting Edward to back up and support her little outburst. She thought he would be all lethal towards _me_. She never expected him to get angry at _her._

"I-I… Eddie, please… I…" she was speaking so pitifully that I almost felt sorry for her, but not quite. She was still an ass for saying those things to me, and Edward knew it.

"I think we need to talk Tanya." He glanced at me. "In private. I'm sorry for this Bella. I'll talk to you again soon."

His face still stiff and hard with anger and annoyance, he swiftly walked out of the room, taking Tanya's hand and pulling her after him, leaving me standing there, a little shell shocked over what just happened.

**A/N: Once again, Hit or Miss? **

**So, I get over 310 hits for the last chapter, but only ****9**** reviews?! Come on people, you can do better than that! I'm not going to update again until I get somewhere between 15-20 reviews for this chapter. I know it's a bit of a stretch from last chapter, but I think it is perfectly attainable. In fact, I would love you guys even more if I got over 20 reviews! So REVIEW, REVIEW, REIVIEW!!!**

**So the Twilight movie is coming out in North America in… less than 2 weeks. Anyone excited? I am! WOOT! Although, I don't know about you, but I feel like the acting is… forced somehow. I just think it could be better. And is it just me, or does Kristen Stewart move/shake her head a lot when she talks? (But I loved her in "Speak"). Anyway, tell me your thoughts in a PM or maybe, I dunno, a review? I'd love to hear if you guys agree with me or not :D **


	6. Disturbia

**A/N: Hello my readers. Here we are with Chapter 6! **

**I know what you're probably thinking. "But, Laura, you haven't gotten 15 reviews for the last chapter yeeeetttt!". Well, I decided to take pity on the loyal readers who did review and also, I decided that the reason I didn't get a whole lot of reviews on the last chapter was because it lacked more… substance. It was basically all talking. So I decided to give you another darker chapter that has more of the plot and foreshadowing in it so I can get MORE REVIEWS!!!**

**I'd like to say a big, big thank you to everyone who has favourited my story. You guys seriously rock! **

**On with Chapter SIX!**

**Disclaimer: I keep forgetting to put these at the top of every chapter. Jeez. I own nothing.**

"_I think we need to talk Tanya." He glanced at me. "In private. I'm sorry for this Bella. I'll talk to you again soon."_

_His face still stiff and hard with anger and annoyance, he swiftly walked out of the room, taking Tanya's hand and pulling her after him, leaving me standing there, a little shell shocked over what just happened._

**Chapter 6: Disturbia**

To say everything was just fine and dandy after the "Edward and Bella Talk" would be a lie. Everything was _not_ fine and dandy and sugar filled, well, at least not for me. To say I was content would be a major overstatement; to say I was miserable would be a tad more accurate. Just a tad. I wasn't content or happy. I was just… there.

That statement was probably vague and confusing but bare with me as I try to explain.

I stayed true to my compromise of being "friends", but that didn't mean I was enjoying it. I sat with the Cullens, Rose, and Jasper at lunch and hung out with them in the dorms, but I wasn't really _with_ them. Sure I was with them in body, but not in mind.

I talked, I hung out, I did whatever with them, but I still distanced myself. Instead of going out with them, I would make up some excuse to study. Alice noticed this, and I could tell she was hurt, but it was for her own good. She just didn't know it yet.

Not to mention there were other things that kept me miserable.

I kept having the nightmare every night. I hadn't had it every night since Renee died, but for some weird reason, it just kept coming back. I left Phoenix for a change of scenery, to hopefully push the nightmares _away_. But it did the exact opposite. They came back, now worse than ever.

Sometimes, Rosalie would have to wake me up from them. I felt bad interrupting her sleep, but she kept reassuring me it was alright. Nevertheless, I still felt guilty. But other nights, when Rosalie would sleep over at Emmett's, I would have to wake up on my own. It was even worse since I would be alone when I did wake up. Those were some of the few times I wished I wasn't alone.

Another thing that would contribute to my wonderful miserable-ness would be the presence of Tanya. Yup, Edward and Tanya were still an 'item', which annoyed me to no end. I wasn't jealous or anything, nope, so _not_ jealous, but I really thought Edward was going to break up with her the day we talked. Apparently they 'worked things out' and were still together. This didn't help me even though now Tanya was being civil, I guess, towards me, I still got the death glare whenever Edward wasn't looking, and I'm pretty sure she flipped me the bird a few times behind Edward's back. So nice.

Not like I was a threat to her. I was alone right now, supposedly working on an essay, but in reality, I was sitting at my desk, staring at my computer screen.

_What was 'life'? Why do we 'live'? Why do people feel uncomfortable talking about dying?_ Jeez, I sounded like weirdo fortune teller. I shouldn't have read _Tuesdays with Morrie. _

The phone rang, calling me out of my reverie. It was Friday night, almost two weeks since I came to Seattle University. Who the hell would be calling? It was probably for Rosalie. I contemplated ignoring it, but then decided to answer. It would give me a distraction.

"Hello?" I answered as I picked up the phone.

"Hey Bells." I recognized Charlie's voice and silently thanked the Phone Gods for making me pick up. I was meaning to call him all week, but I was sort of… distracted.

"Hi Dad. How have you been?"

"I'm fine Bella, but I should be asking that to _you_. How have you been? I just heard that the Cullen kids are in Seattle too. Have you seen them?"

"Yeah. I have. And I'm fine." _Lie_. "Um, Dad?"

"Yeah, kid?"

I took a deep breath to compose myself. I would have to ask this question sooner or later.

"Have they, uh, have the police… found anything yet? Have they found any_one_?"

I heard the audible sigh on the other end. That could only mean one thing…

"No, I'm sorry Bella. They really are working hard on this, but unfortunately they haven't found anyone."

"But it's been _months_, and they have _nothing_?!" I didn't mean to sound so ignorant, but it was really frustrating, not to mention I was miserable, so I wasn't exactly in a happy-go-lucky mood.

"I know Bella, calm down. They really are working hard."

"Well working _hard_ just isn't good enough! It's obviously not going anywhere with just _hard_ work!"

"Well, what do you propose they do? You aren't the Phoenix police Bella. Besides, it could be easier if you would talk with them again. Are you sure you don't remember _anything_?"

"No I don't" I answered quickly. "I don't remember a thing. I told you already. And since I don't remember anything, there is no reason for me to talk with the police anymore. It would be a waste of time."

Charlie sighed again, "Fine, Bella. But if you do remember something…"

"I'll contact the police, I know."

"Good. Listen Bella…" he paused. I knew he was about to go into a heartfelt father/daughter moment, which was hard for him since Charlie wasn't exactly an emotional person. "I'm proud of you. You've been through… a lot in the past couple of months, and I'm proud of how… strong you're being. I know it's been hard…"

My eyes started to water at Charlie's thoughtfulness. It had been hard, very hard. Losing Renee was… shattering, and it touched me to know Charlie was worried about me.

"… I just want you to know I miss her too, kid." Charlie said.

"I know Dad, I know you miss her too. And I'm sorry for being difficult. It's just so… frustrating with the police and everything…" The door opened as I said _police_. "Listen, I got to go now."

"Okay Bells… call me soon okay?" I could tell he was a little surprised by my abrupt goodbye from the bewildered tone of his voice.

"I will. Bye… I love you, Dad."

"You too."

I hung up, and turned around to face the door, only to find everyone, and by 'everyone', I mean Edward, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and even Tanya staring back at me. Crap, did they just hear my tearful goodbye? I must have sounded like an emotional wreck, which wasn't too far from the truth actually.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Alice said walking towards me.

I nodded, reaching up and brushing away the single tear from my cheek.

"I'm fine Ali."

"What did you mean by the 'police'?" Emmett asked. Rosalie swiftly smacked the back of his head when he said it.

"Emmett! Quit prying!"

"But Rosie…"

I sighed and took him out of his misery by saying, "Nothing. The police part wasn't anything important. You know how my father is a police chief…"

I was a horrible liar and the lie practically screamed itself out in that sentence, but nobody questioned me further, but Edward did give me a very skeptical look.

"So… you up for a movie night, Bella?" Alice asked me, setting down some DVDs on the coffee table.

"Um…"

"Come on, Bella. You've been working all day." Jasper said.

I shrugged, giving in. What harm could a couple movies do? It was only Friday.

Alice gave a little victory squeal before spreading out the DVDs to show me. Apparently it was horror movie night; most of the movies were about ghosts or the supernatural or whatnot.

_The Blair Witch Project, The Sixth Sense, The Ring, The Grudge, _and_ Psycho._

I had seen all of these except for _Psycho_, which was an older film that Charlie forbid me to watch when I was a little kid. Something about it being far too scary for a ten-year-old…

"Okay, let's only pick two to watch, since I doubt anyone will be able to stay awake any longer than that." Edward said.

"One has to be _The Blair Witch Project_. I heard it is really good." Rose said, picking up the DVD and examining it. It was good; I remembered watching it with Renee back in Phoenix. We were clinging to each other by the end of the movie. Well, actually she was clinging to me and I was laughing at her.

"Oh! And _Psycho! _I watched that when I was eight and I had nightmares for weeks!" Emmett said, excited to relive his childhood fear.

"We remember." Alice said, rolling her eyes.

I sat down in the bowl chair by myself, pulling the blanket over me, as Rose popped the popcorn and Jasper put in the DVD for _The Blair Witch Project_.

Watching the movie again was enjoyable. I wasn't easily scared by ghosts and such. I could tell by looking around the room that everyone, even Emmett, was spooked by the film. When Heather Donahue taped her apology, the flashlight shining into her teary eyes, I could practically _hear_ the shivers going up everyone's spines.

Of course, I didn't need to pay attention to be able to tell Tanya was scared. That had to be the only part of watching the movie that I didn't like. I knew she was only screaming and grabbing onto Edward every five minutes for attention, but it was still exceedingly annoying. Thankfully Edward told her to be quiet halfway through the movie, but that didn't stop her from whimpering and whispering "Eddie, save me!" several times. I could tell the others were just as annoyed as me.

When the movie ended, Jasper got up and put in _Psycho_. In reality, I was already sleepy, my eyes were drooping, but I didn't want to disturb their move watching with my nightly nightmares, so I fought to stay awake.

I didn't take long before I no longer needed to fight.

My eyes were wide as I stared at the TV screen, showing the path of a psychological killer. When the lead actress, Janet Leigh, was killed, stabbed in the shower, I was literally frozen to the spot.

_Stabbed._

_Blood… all that blood._

I started breathing heavily, my eyes darted around the room at the others, who were completely oblivious to my steadily rising panic level. Why couldn't they see it? It was right there! She was dying! There's so much blood!

This time, instead of Tanya screaming, it was me. I screamed. Loud. It was a natural reaction. I could no longer see the people, my friends, in the room with me. All I saw were the memories flooding through me brain. I lied before when I told Charlie I didn't remember anything from my mother's death. I had remembered _everything_.

Ever since it happened, I had been pushing the experience away. Suppressing the images that would be burned into my mind for the rest of my life. All it took was for that one traumatizing stabbing scene to make them break free and attack me.

I was sobbing now, no longer screaming, as I begged for whomever to turn off the TV. I didn't want to see it anymore. My face was hidden inside my hands, as I rocked back and forth. I felt several pairs of hands on my shoulders, a pair of tiny pair of arms trying to hug me but I shook them all off. I didn't want to be touched. _Don't touch me! Get away! _

But them I felt another pair of arms encircling me, stronger, more comforting arms. This time I didn't shake them off, instead I leaned into them. Something about this person's arms were soothing and I wasn't afraid of them like I was of the others.

The person was rubbing my back comfortingly, whispering soothing words of calm in my ear. As soon as my mind cleared, I recognized the voice.

Edward.

No wonder I was able to calm down. He was always able to comfort me when I needed it. Well, most of the time. My sobs slowly stopped as he continued to rub my back.

When I calmed down enough to think straight, he pulled back. My body immediately missed his warmth.

"Are you alright now, Bella?" Edward asked, his voice soft.

I nodded and looked around apologetically at everyone else. They were all standing there, looking at me worriedly, probably wanting to know what caused this outburst. Tanya, of course, just looked annoyed. By the way she glared at me, she wanted me dead, especially after Edward held me.

"Bella? What just happened?" Alice asked in a rather cautious tone, probably afraid I would set off again.

I shrugged and said, "I'm sorry. I'm fine now." My breathing still had a few hiccups in it from the crying.

"Bella, what made you react like that?" Rosalie asked.

"I don't know." I lied. The lie sounded so obvious that everyone's eyebrows immediately shot up. I should work on my lying skills.

"Bella…" Rose trailed off and I knew nothing good would come out of her mouth next. "That is exactly how you react to your…" stopped, but I could tell she was about to say 'nightmares'.

"React to what?" Jasper said, turning to look at Rosalie.

"Nothing." I said quickly. "Nothing to be concerned about."

"Bella, that reaction right there _is_ something to be concerned about. It was as if you were possessed. It isn't normal."

"Are you calling me abnormal? Am I a freak?"

"Well, what if he is?" Emmett said, stepping forward. "We're only trying to help you, Bella. If you don't tell us what Rose was talking about, then Rose will just have to tell us herself."

I turned to Rosalie, looking at her pleadingly, silently begging her not to tell them. They would worry, they would pry, they would try to get involved, which was the last thing I needed. More people involved.

But, lucky me, Rose didn't seem to notice how important it was that other people did not know. Instead she said, "I'm sorry Bella, but I think they should know. I think it will help you."

"No it won't! I don't need help!"

But Rose shook her head. Traitor.

"Bella's been having reoccurring nightmares. Every night. When I'm not with Emmett, I have to wake her up from them. She's exactly as she was a minute ago; screaming and thrashing."

Everyone stared at me with wide eyes. I felt like an animal on display at the zoo. Anger shook me as I glared at Rose. At her betrayal. Okay, she didn't exactly say she wasn't going to tell anyone, but I thought she'd understand I didn't want anyone to know.

In everyone's eyes (except for Tanya's) I saw the one thing I never wanted: Pity. Was I really that pitiful? Was I really such a charity case? If that's what I seemed like to them, I wanted nothing to do with them.

"Bella, what do you dream about at night to make you scream like that?" Edward asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Nothing!" I almost shouted, putting my face in my hands. This was beyond frustrating. I shouldn't of let them convince me to watch those stupid movies. I should have known nothing good would have come from watching _horror_ flicks. Damn movie night to the fiery pits of Hades.

"Talking about it will help." Alice said.

"No it won't, because there is nothing that needs helping!"

"Please just tell us…"

"No."

"Bella…"

"No! don't _Bella_ me, because I don't need your help or anyone's help. Why don't you mind your own business and quit trying to butt your little heads into places they don't belong!"

With that said, I stood up from the bowl chair and practically ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I almost tripped on the way there, but I miraculously caught myself before I could make an acquaintance with the floor.

I sank down onto the floor on the bathroom and laid my cheek against the cold tile. I could hear the others on the other side of the door calling me, but I didn't respond.

This just made things more difficult. Now they knew something was going on with me and would probably continue to try and figure things out. Stupid idiots. Why couldn't they just leave well enough alone?

I rolled over and stared at the wall, waiting for them to leave. I knew Rosalie probably wouldn't go to Emmett's tonight; she would stay in our room, waiting for me to come out so she could pounce.

Well, I couldn't let that happen, so I guessed my only option was to stay in the bathroom all night. That was comforting. I would _definitely _be getting a good night's sleep tonight.

Finally after half an hour or so, they left, taking Rose with them. I guess she sensed I wasn't going to come out with her waiting on the other side. Well, that and the fact she wouldn't be able to use the bathroom for a _long_ while.

I waited for another hour, to make sure they really were gone, before quietly creeping out of the bathroom and towards my bed. The dorm room was dark and quiet as I slipped beneath the covers.

Of course, I had the nightmare that night and woke up screaming bloody murder. Eh, I probably did need help. A therapist, a grief counselor, anything, but there was no way in hell I was going to accept it.

The next day I left for class, carefully avoiding anywhere the Traitor and her gang of traitor-followers would be lurking about, and made it there safely. Max and Fang could tell there was something wrong with me, but didn't pry.

See? That's what _good_ friends do.

At lunch, still avoiding my 'friends', I went to the university's library to read. It was actually quite comforting. To forget all your troubles and, if even for only an hour or two, escape into someone's else's world, was a 'sweet escape'.

After classes were over, however, I knew I had to face reality as I stared at my closed dorm room door. I knew Rosalie was behind it, waiting for me to come in. No doubt they knew I was avoiding them today, and with good reason.

But I had to face her sooner or later. She was my roommate for heaven's sake, I couldn't avoid her forever as much as I wanted to.

When I opened the door, I was enveloped into a tight hug by none other than my roomie and… Alice? Well, that was unexpected. Luckily it was only those two, and the guys and Tanya stayed away.

"Bella! I'm so, so sorry! I never thought you'd react that way! I really did think I was helping you. I'm so sorry." Rosalie said, still hugging me.

I gently patted Rose on the back and she let go.

"Really, Bella. I didn't think it would make you worse. I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't my business to tell. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, Bella." Alice said. "I was being nosy too. I thought I was helping, but I obviously wasn't. And all the guys are very sorry as well. They want you to know they never meant to hurt you. We shouldn't have pushed you. It was wrong, and we're all so, so, so sorry! Please don't isolate yourself like that again, Bella. You scared us for a bit. Please say you forgive us."

I expected Alice to give me her puppy-dog pout like she used to whenever she wanted something or didn't want me to be angry with her anymore. But this time, there was no pout, only sincerity in her eyes. I guess I really did worry her by my actions. I immediately felt guilty.

"I forgive you, Ali. I'm not angry anymore. And I'm sorry too. I over reacted."

"No, you didn't." Rose said, shaking her head. "We pushed you too far. We should have known that we were crossing some lines."

"It's okay now. Just please don't bring it up again. If I want to talk to you guys about anything, I will approach _you_. If I don't seek you out first, it means I don't want to talk, okay?"

They both nodded, relieved that I wasn't going to give them a hard time about it. And I guess I was relieved too. I didn't like avoiding them. Hopefully now, everything can go back to normal.

Of course, 'normal' had its own plans, and they didn't involve coming back.

**A/N: Hmm… Hit or Miss? I can only find out if you REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!! **

**And don't worry, I know what happened to Renee is a little vague, but you will get a much more detailed explanation (maybe a flashback to that faithful day…?) in a future chapter. **

**SO, on with more Twilight movie opinions. Is it just me or does Taylor Lautner (Jacob Black) look incredibly unflattering with long hair? Sure, with short hair he is pretty cute, but with the long hair I was all "ewwww". I know he's SUPPOSED to have long hair in the first book, but couldn't they like, tie it back in a ponytail or something? Isn't it tied in a ponytail in the book? **

**And some people are criticizing how the dude playing Laurent isn't French and how he's supposed to be French and blah, blah, blah. Well, maybe he faked a French accent for the movie. Also, Edward is supposed to be American, but Rob Pattinson is British, so why all the harsh criticism? **

**So drop in your opinion in a REVIEW!!! Ciao! **


	7. Just Dance

**A/N: Okay, so… here's the deal. I have to go back to school tomorrow –sobs- so I probably won't be able to give daily updates like I have this weekend. If there are days after school when I can update, then of course I will, but be warned that most of my updates will happen mainly on Friday and the weekend.**

**That having been said, how many times do I have to urge you people for REVIEWS!!! I don't care if you like my story or not (well, I care a bit) I just want reviews! They help me improve my story and motivate me to write faster! So those of you who have alerted or favourited my story WITHOUT dropping in a review better start reviewing NOW!!! If you think my story is good enough to alert of favourite, then I think it should be worth your time to spend 5 seconds on a simple review. Thanks.**

**So, one last announcement: a very big and special shout out to everyone reading this story ACROSS THE WORLD!!! Seriously, you guys are da bomb! I have readers from Singapore, Peru, Slovakia, and even… even… Honduras! I don't even know where Honduras is! So a big, big thank you to all my international readers, whether you're from North America, Europe, Asia, South America, the Middle East, or wherever, I love you all!**

**On with Chapter SEVEN!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Boohoohoohoohoo… hoo. **

"_It's okay now. Just please don't bring it up again. If I want to talk to you guys about anything, I will approach __you__. If I don't seek you out first, it means I don't want to talk, okay?"_

_They both nodded, relieved that I wasn't going to give them a hard time about it. And I guess I was relieved too. I didn't like avoiding them. Hopefully now, everything can go back to normal._

_Of course, 'normal' had its own plans, and they didn't involve coming back._

**Chapter 7: Just Dance **

The next couple of weeks had gone by quickly. Everything had gone back to… normal, if that's what you can even call it. We haven't had any movie nights since the fateful one, and Tanya was now more clingy than ever to Edward. Although I know I shouldn't had been enjoying it, but it would be a lie to say I wasn't secretly happy to see the annoyed looked on Edward's face every time Tanya grabbed on to him like a life line.

So here we were, the Friday before leaving Seattle on Sunday to go home to Forks for Christmas. A part of me was relieved to finally be going home for the holidays and away from this madness that we call school. But another part was not looking forward on returning to Forks.

Why? Because there would be no school and hundreds of other students to distract the Cullens from spending time with me. It would be harder to avoid them with them probably begging me to come over to their house everyday. In fact, it will probably bring us closer, which was the opposite of what I wanted.

Rose lived in Port Angeles. I know, what a coincidence that it was so close to Forks. Jasper, however, lived down south, so he wouldn't be so close by. Of course, this had Alice slightly down the past couple of weeks, but she was still happy and bubbly.

We were sitting at out usual table for lunch in the dining hall on this particular Friday. I was reading _Wuthering Heights_ for the bazillion-ith time while munching on my fries before a tiny, white hand suddenly ripped the book from my hand.

"Hey!" I said, glaring at the culprit. "Give that back, Alice!"

"Puh-leeze, this is far more important than a book you've read more times than you can count. And don't deny it!" I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at Alice. She was my friend, but sometimes she was so damn annoying.

Alice put the book away, in her bag, then turned back to me, and started bouncing on the spot. A sure sign she was excited.

"So, Bella! Are you going to the Christmas Party tomorrow night?" she asked me, still bouncing.

"Huh?"

"Le gasp, Bella! What do you mean by 'Huh'?"

"I mean, 'Huh, what Christmas party?'" I said, rolling my eyes.

"You HAVEN'T heard of the Crowley Christmas party?!"

"Uh, no…?"

Alice got up and started bouncing while standing, looking twice as excited as before. This earned her a chuckle from her brothers and a loving look from Jasper. I just looked at her anxiously. Something told me, I wouldn't like this…

"Tyler Crowley, the uber rich guy on campus, throws a Christmas party every year for everyone else on campus to attend! It's tomorrow night Bella! And it's really fancy! Tyler rents out a big reception hall for it. Formal dress only!"

"And if it's tomorrow night, why are you only just telling me now?"

"So you can't put up as much of a fight, duh."

I shook my head. "No way, Alice. You can't just expect me to agree with this the night before. Besides, you know I don't like parties or dressing up. I'm going to sit this one out."

"But, Bella!"

"No, Ali. And that's final."

Alice bit her lip, and then looked at me with a mischievous look in her eyes. That couldn't be good.

"Would you change your mind if I said I already bought your dress…?'

"What?!" I stood up as the others laughed. They probably already knew Alice's scheme. Oh, that Alice was a clever one. She knew I hated it when people spent money on me. "Are you serious?!"

"Of course I'm serious Bella. Come on, you know that if I didn't, you would have stayed in your dorm and that's no fun. You need to get out with us more… I miss you." She then unleashed the full force of her puppy dog pout on me, and I knew I was doomed.

In one last attempt, I sighed, "How much did the dress cost?" Maybe I could pay her back…

"Um, would you hate me if I said $275.00?" Alice said, looking away.

_Okay, forget about paying her back then._

Standing up, I was about to throw a fit and give Alice a lecture about spending money people without them knowing or wanting you to, but then realized either way, I was going to this stupid party. Alice knew I wouldn't let someone's money go to waste, and she took advantage of it. Scheming pixie…

"Fine." I said, slumping back down in my seat.

"Yay!" Alice squealed, "Be at my dorm by four tomorrow. And stop sulking. My dress cost almost $350.00"

"The party starts that early?"

"No, silly. We're going to need _hours_ to get ready! In all the time we've known each other, have I taught you nothing?" Alice dramatically put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes.

The others laughed and Edward turned to me, saying, "I've never seen you give up a fight so easily before, Bella." He smirked and I scowled at him.

I turned back to Alice. "Do I have to go? Can't you just return the dress?"

"Well, yeah, I could return the dress, I just don't want to. And yes, you have to go. You might meet a cute guy there, Bella. You never know."

"Whatever." I said, getting up, taking my book from Alice's bag, and leaving the dining hall… but not before I saw a flash of anger cross over Edward's face. I wondered what that was all about?

* * *

The next day, at 4:02 PM, I knocked on Alice's dorm room door, just wishing to get this night over with. The door was thrown open and before I could blink, Alice pulled, no, _yanked_ me in.

"Jeez, Alice. I love how you're being so gentle." I said sarcastically.

"Oh, ha ha. You're two minutes late, Bella!" Alice said, sticking her little face into mine.

"Two minutes. Whoop dee doo, Basil." I replied my eyes turned to the ceiling. I heard Rosalie laugh and looked towards the sound to see her sounded by a bunch of beauty products and packages.

"Whatever. Come on! It's Bella Barbie time!" Alice squealed, pulling my arm towards the bathroom. Alice lived in a singles dorm, so there was no roommate to kick out.

"Is Tanya coming over?" I asked. I suspected the two had to include Tanya in a lot of their girly activities since she was Edward's girlfriend.

"No, thank god." Rosalie replied. "She prefers to get herself ready since she doesn't like Alice's and my style sense. Of course her sense of style includes stuffed bras and pounds of glitter on your face and hair."

I would have laughed, but Alice pushed me down onto a chair in front of the bathroom sink and mirror.

"Did you take a shower before coming here, like I told you to?" Alice asked the question as if she were asking me if I cleaned my room.

"Yes, Miss Cullen."

"I'll forgive you for that cheekiness this time Bella, since I happen to be in a good mood."

"Whatever."

Without further comment, Alice set to work on my hair, Rosalie joining us after a few seconds. I noticed that they already had their hair done. Alice's was no longer spiky, but smooth and wispy. Rosalie's hair was put up like a crown on her head, a few golden locks were loose around her face and ears.

They both looked even more beautiful than normal, which made me feel ten times uglier.

"Um, why is it that you two are already done with your hair and make up?"

Alice looked at me as if I were an alien. "Because we're going to need all the time we can get to work on _you!_" She shook her head at my stupidity.

"Gee, thanks. Should I be flattered?"

"Of course."

They put some weird, icky yellow stuff on my hair while they put it up in hot rollers. While they were waiting, they worked on my make up. Normally, I would have protested against make up, but I had known Alice long enough to know that it would do know good.

They didn't apply any blush since I "wouldn't need it, I already blush so much" (To prove their point, I actually blushed at that). They then put on basically everything else; eye liner, mascara, some subtle natural eye shadow, and a layer of shiny lip gloss on my lips.

Alice then took out the rollers in my hair, letting the dark brown ringlets fall. She then pinned a small bunch of pretty white flowers in my hair.

"Freesias." She said shortly.

"Okay, Bella. You ready to put on your $275.00 dress?" Rose asked me, leading me out of the bathroom.

"Do I have a choice?" I sighed.

"Nope" Alice replied, looking smug.

I sat down on Alice's bed as she opened up a white box and took out a dress that was buried under mounds of tissue paper.

It was a short cocktail dress, royal blue, strapless, with a bubble hem **(pic of dress of my profile)**. I had to admit, I liked it. A lot. I involuntarily smiled and Alice did a little victory bounce.

"I knew you'd like it! Now stand up so I can put it on you!"

The dress fit me perfectly and looked quite good. Alice and Rosalie put on both their dresses right after. Alice's was a white and black strapless cocktail dress with a sweetheart neckline. Rosalie's was a longer, low backed, red gown. **(Both dresses on profile)**.

"Okay, Bella… now, for SHOES!" Alice said, whipping out a shoe box.

"_Please_ tell me those are flats!"

"No can do, Bells. You are going to this party in heels whether you like it or not."

"_Good_ friends don't force each other to do things they really don't want to."

"Then it's a good thing I'm not a good friend then, right? I'm a great friend. Now shut up and put on the damn shoes!." Alice thrust the box in my face, shaking it about.

After fifteen minutes of struggle, I finally put on the shoes, and although they looked great, they were clearly death traps on my feet. They were the same royal blue as my dress, with a nice high heel and ribbons that criss-crossed up my calves.

Finally, the torture that was Bella Barbie time was over. Rose and Alice put on their own shoes just as there was a knock on the door.

"That would be the guys!" Alice said happily as she flung the door open.

There stood the three most handsome guys on the planet (plus a very sour looking Tanya). Seriously though, Apart from prom one year, I had never seen Edward and Emmett wear suits. Jasper too. And let me say, they look _good_.

I found I couldn't take my eyes off of Edward and his incredibly gorgeous body incased in a black tux. It was a classic tux, nothing special, but of course, Edward could make everything a hundred times more beautiful if he wore it.

Tanya was hanging off of Edward's arm as usual, looking very… sparkly in a magenta strapless mini dress covered in sequins **(pic on profile)**. She had glitter eye liner, glitter eye shadow, glitter in her hair, and I could have sworn I saw a bit on glitter on her cheeks. Thank god it was night time, for I think I would have been blinded if she stepped into the sun.

When I met Edward's eyes, I realized he was staring right back at me. Well, not into my eyes, but at the rest of me. His eyes did a once over and looked shocked, I guess at my change in appearance. I blushed and quickly looked away. I still saw the scowl Tanya sent my way however. I guess she saw where "Eddie" was looking, too.

Putting on our coats we left for the party. Of course Jasper and Emmett complimented their girlfriends on how great they looked. Edward couldn't say a word to me since Tanya was being all attention hungry as usual.

The party was in full swing when we arrived. A couple men at the door took our coats as soon as we entered. The hall looked great. There were tons of Christmas decorations and a big, gorgeous Christmas tree in the corner of the hall. I thought it would be in the middle, but I guess they needed room for dancing.

Instead of Christmas songs being played, regular songs were. I guess Christmas songs just weren't right for upbeat dancing. The current song on right then was "Just Dance" by Lady GaGa featuring Colby O'Donis and Akon.

Rose took my hand and dragged me to the dance floor a long with the others. This wasn't good. I couldn't dance. I'd end up knocking not only myself down, but everyone else on the dance floor.

Slipping away from her grasp, I scurried off the dance floor and away to the side. I watched as the others danced, Alice bouncing quite comically. I purposely avoided looking at Tanya and Edward dance since the first time I let my eyes drift there way. Tanya was trying some very inappropriate moves on a very reluctant and uncomfortable looking Edward.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see Mike Newton behind me, a very sleazy grin on his face. I internally shuddered.

"Hey Bella! You look HOT!" _Eww_ I thought. I hated it when guys called girls' hot. I'd much rather be called beautiful.

"Hi Mike."

"So, you want to dance?" he asked eagerly. He reminded me of a puppy, a golden retriever.

"Um… I can't dance." I said, hoping he would back off.

"It's okay! Just hold on to me and you'll be _fine_…" _Okay, double eww._

"I… uh, I…"

"Come on, Bella!" he started reaching for my hand.

Another hand then came down on Mike's shoulder as a very tall boy who looked about my age stepped to my side. He was pretty handsome, but couldn't hold a candle to Edward. He had tan, russet skin, and long black hair tied back into a ponytail. He looked like an Aboriginal.

"I'm back sweetheart." He said, throwing his arm casually over my shoulder. _Sweetheart? Who does this guy think he is – Oh. Ohhhhh._

"Sure, hon." I said, playing along. I reached up on my tip toes and lightly placed a quick kiss on his cheek.

I turned back to Mike to see him a little pink in the face and obviously surprised.

"I, um, I'll see you later then, Bella." Mike said, a little flustered, before scampering off to wherever.

I turned to my savior who then retracted his arm from my shoulders.

"Thanks for saving me." I said, smiling.

"No problem. You looked as if you needed a hand." He replied, smiling too. His voice was deep and husky.

I was about to walk away before he took my hand pulling me back.

"Do you mind if you dance with _me_?' he asked.

"I wasn't lying before. I can't dance."

"Don't worry, listen, a slow song is on right now." He started gently tugging my arm towards the dance floor and this time I let him. He wasn't such a bad guy and he did save me, so I must have owed him something.

Picking up my right hand in his left and wrapping his other arm around my waist, he pulled me close, but not too close, as we gently swayed to the music. The song was "Have yourself a Merry little Christmas" by Frank Sinatra. I'll admit, it was relaxing and I didn't feel too uncomfortable in this guy's arms. I felt no romantic spark towards him, a more friend-brother one, so it was a nice friendly dance.

"By the way, I'm Jacob. Jacob Black." He whispered in my ear.

"Bella Swan." I replied.

When the song ended and we broke apart, I felt another tap on my shoulder. But this time it wasn't Mike, it was Edward.

Edward looked… annoyed. What was up with him?

"Hey Edward," I said. "This is Jacob Black. Jacob, this is my friend, Edward Cullen."

"Hey," Jacob said, sticking out his hand for Edward to shake.

Edward rudely ignored the hand, narrowing his eyes at Jacob, he turned to me and said, "Bella, have you seen Tanya? I can't find her. She disappeared after the last dance."

I shook my head, "Sorry, no. Do you need a hand finding her?"

"Sure, thanks." He looked towards Jacob, nodding, "Jacob." And started walking away.

"Sorry Jacob, he's not normally so cold" I said to Jacob, apologizing. "I'll see you later then. Bye."

"Bye, Bella. It was nice meeting you." He replied.

I quickly caught up to Edward, tripping at the last step and frantically grabbing onto his sleeve for support.

"Sorry." I said sheepishly, letting go of his sleeve.

We kept walking, keeping on the look out for Tanya, a comfortable silence over us. We stopped after a few minutes, as I peered into another room down a hallway.

"Have I told you how nice you look tonight?" Edward asked suddenly.

"Um, no?" I said, looking back at him curiously.

"Oh, well, you look beautiful." He said, looking me straight in the eyes. I blushed and looked away. I looked anywhere but his face. When my eyes met the ceiling I nearly froze in place.

Mistletoe.

Hearing my breath hitch, Edward looked up to see what I was staring at, and his own eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

"Mistletoe…" he whispered before looking back at me.

We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Time had stopped and the only thing that seemed to exist was Edward and Bella. We both knew the tradition of a couple standing under the mistletoe, but would he go through with it? I dreamed about something like this happening back when I was still in love with Edward. I was pretty sure I didn't love him anymore, so surely if our lips did connect, it would mean nothing… right?

He slowly started leaning into me, and I found myself leaning forward too. I was getting lost in his eyes, the emerald pools held some kind of emotion that I couldn't quite place.

Suddenly, a movement behind Edward caught me eye.

As much as I didn't want this moment to end (wait, I _didn't_ want it to end?) I knew it had to, with what I was seeing behind Edward, Edward needed to see too.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yes?" he breathed, his lips only two inches from mine.

"I think I found Tanya."

He pulled back slowly, looking confused and… disappointed? I motioned behind him and he turned around to see what I was talking about.

Behind him, Tanya was furiously making out with… Mike Newton?!

Okay, everyone repeat after me, "_EWWWWWWW"._

They were literally glued to each other in the corner of the hallway, eating each other's faces. One of her legs was hitched up onto Mike's hip as his hands were placed quite disgustingly on her ass.

Edward was frozen in place. His mouth hanging open at the scene. I instantly felt bad for him. He didn't deserve this. Tanya didn't deserve Edward. I wondered how long this thing with Mike Newton had been going on.

"Tanya?" Edward said, still with shock prominent on his beautiful features.

The two immediately broke apart and turned around to see Edward. Tanya looked like someone was pointing a gun to her head and Mike, well Mike just looked smug. I never felt like punching someone's face as much before as I did then. And I wasn't normally a violent person.

"Eddie… this-this isn't w-what it looks like!" Tanya stuttered. She disentangled herself from Mike and started running towards Edward. Her hair was messed and her lip stick smeared. As soon as she got to Edward, placing her hands on his chest, he pushed her away and took a step back.

"Eddie…"

"My name is not _Eddie" _Edward said, all traces of shock were gone and were replaced by anger.

"Edward, just let me explain!" Tanya said desperately.

"There's nothing to explain Tanya. I know what I saw."

"But…"

"I trusted you, Tanya. But frankly, I'm not surprised. I guess I always knew there was something off about you. No more, Tanya. We're over."

"You're… you're breaking up with me?" Tanya whispered.

Edward glared down at her and took another step back. "Yes, Tanya. I am."

Tanya looked stricken. If it was anybody else, I would have felt sorry for her, but since it was Tanya, I could make an exception.

Tanya looked around, as if begging someone to help her, then her eyes met mine. Her eyes went from pleading to fiery hatred in a millisecond. I could literally see the steam coming from her ears.

"YOU! This is all your fault! You ruined EVERYTHING!!!" she screeched. She then tried to come at me, I took a step back bumping into the wall behind me.

Edward stepped in between Tanya and I, blocking her path of destruction. He took her shoulders and pushed her back.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't attack my friends. This had nothing at all to do with Bella, so leave her alone." He said, his voice was evident with anger. I could tell he was trying very hard to control his temper at the moment.

He then turned his back on Tanya, put his hand on the small of my back, and swiftly led me away from the scene. Leaving Tanya and their mess of a relationship behind.

**A/N: Hit or Miss?**

**So once again I remind you that I probably won't be able to update every single day. Most of my updates will happen over Friday and the weekend. **

**Also, I've been thinking about doing an EPOV but wasn't really sure. But thanks to a reviewer, mcfeather, who made the suggestion, I am confirming that CHAPTER 10 will be a special EPOV chapter. Just something to look forward to :D**

**So, other than that, the only thing left I have to say is REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	8. I'll be Home for Christmas

**A/N: Okay, so honestly, I was not expecting this fast update. Teehee, but I wrote a math test today (it wasn't so bad) so I have one less subject in my work load for today. SO, on with my usually rambling author's notes… I'm glad so many of you loved how I got rid of Tanya (who didn't?), but be warned, just because Eddie is single now, DOES NOT mean he and Bella will hook up right away. That's unrealistic. Remember, Bella thought she got over him and now she's just really confused and a little in denial on how she feels, and Edward… well, we'll figure out how Edward feels in Chapter 10. **

**For those of you who thought Jacob's part was a weensy bit short, don't worry. I do not intend on making him a minor character. Jacob WILL appear again, maybe even sooner than you think…**

**So hopefully you are satisfied with this chapter. If not, I'm sorry, but keep in mind I am pushing back studying for a science test, an English assignment, and careers homework in order to get this to you. I'm kind of pressed for time here!**

**So, I won't hold you guys up any longer, here is Chapter EIGHT**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

"_I'd appreciate it if you didn't attack my friends. This had nothing at all to do with Bella, so leave her alone." He said, his voice was evident with anger. I could tell he was trying very hard to control his temper at the moment. _

_He then turned his back on Tanya, put his hand on the small of my back, and swiftly led me away from the scene. Leaving Tanya and their mess of a relationship behind._

**Chapter 8: I'll be home for Christmas**

For the rest of the night Edward was pretty silent. I guess it was a mix of after shock from the "Tanya Affair" and anger over the same thing; the T-Affair, as I was now dubbing it in my mind. Yeah, I could bring on the gangsta when I needed to. Okay, ew, that sounded weird.

When we made it back to the main party room, we found Rose, Em, Alice, and Jasper sitting at a table drinking whatever-the-hell-was-in-their-glasses and munching on Christmas cookies. Actually, it was more Emmett doing the munching and Rosalie smacking the back of his head when crumbs would fly out of his mouth.

As we sat down, Alice immediately noticed Edward's moodiness and was about to say something when I shook my head ever so slightly at her. She shut her mouth but gave me the look that meant "_You better spill when we get back or I shall dissect you"_. It was so heart warming, really.

The rest of the night was pretty dismal for Edward, and I suppose through extension, me. I didn't really know why, but whenever Edward was unhappy, I was unhappy. It must have been because we've known each other so long, we have some weird connection. I probably felt the same thing with Alice and Emmett anyway. Pft.

Finally, around midnight, the others called it quits since we needed to be up be up early tomorrow to start our drive home to Forks.

That was another thing I wasn't looking forward to.

I wanted to take my truck home, drive it by myself. I didn't want to be in another car riding with one of them, plastering fakes smiles on my face and having to listen to "Fergalicious" over and over again **(no offense to "Fergalicious" fans, but I don't think it's the type of music Bella likes listening to)**. Nope. I wanted to be allowed a few nice hours in my truck, alone, able to be myself. When I was with them, I had to put up a guard. Make sure I don't let anything slip or get too close, and I was pretty sure Alice knew something was up. Regardless, driving in my truck wasn't too much to ask, right?

But, nooooo.

I would be wasting too much gas, my truck couldn't make it there on one tank of gas, the "big, red thing" didn't look safe enough to drive for long periods of time. What was it? Pick on Bella's Truck Day?

Finally, after stalking me after classes and bugging me to give in, I surrendered and agreed to ride in someone else's car. It looked like I will have to be guarded all trip.

But going back to the present, Edward and I were walking side by side back to the dorms. We usually branched off into pairs while walking and I would be left lagging behind, but this time, without Tanya, Edward and I walked together. Not like it made a difference. He didn't talk to me. I wasn't really sure whether I wanted him to or not.

The guys got off the elevator on their floor, Jasper and Emmett bid us ladies goodnight, Edward was silent.

As soon as Rose opened the door to our dorm, Alice took my hand and sat me down on my bed, plopping herself down next to me.

"Spill!" she demanded.

I shrugged, "Edward and Tanya broke up."

Rose rolled her eyes as she sat down too. "We already figured that out when she didn't walk back with us. We mean _how_."

"Um… Edward saw Tanya cheating on him with Mike Newton…"

"EW! Gross! Mike Newton?! I may already have a boyfriend, but I'm not ashamed to say that Edward is waaaaay better than Mike. Why the hell would she be with Mike when she already had Edward?" Rosalie said, obviously disgusted.

I shrugged again. "Beats me. She is pretty much dumped and now Edward is free to date someone way more bearable than Tanya."

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Like… you?" Alice piped up.

"What? No! When did I say me?" I asked, shocked at Alice's bluntness. Then again, she never did have a thing for subtlety.

"You never did say you, but… well I thought you loved my brother."

"Key word there Alice, I lov_ed_ him. I'm over him now. I thought I already told you that."

"Yeah, but… never mind. So that's the whole story, then?"

"Yup."

"Okay, then. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Good night." And with that last parting comment, Alice sprung off the bed and off to her own dorm room across the hall.

I was a bit surprised though. It wasn't like Alice to leave so abruptly when gossiping. She usually stayed until she got every single juicy detail out of you, right down to what kind of mascara whoever was using, or whether or not I thought the guy in question used Tresemmé on his hair.

With her sudden silence, something told me that little pixie was up to her little schemes… again.

* * *

The next morning, after another nightmare filled night, I slumped as I leant by my truck, watching Alice and Rosalie ordering the boys about. Telling them which bags to be careful with and whatnot. I swear, with the amount of luggage Alice was taking for a two-week trip, she might as well been moving back home. I took another sip of my cappuccino, looking up to the sky. The nightmares had gotten to the point where I was afraid to go to sleep. I knew I had to eventually, it was inevitable, but it didn't stop it from scaring the crap out of me.

I was thinking about asking for sleeping pills, the kind that zonk you out so bad, you are pretty much blacked out for the whole night. But then decided against it. I needed a valid medical reason for those, and if I told the doctor I had horrifying nightmares about a psychotic killer… well, let's just say he'd be giving me the number to a psychiatrist.

"Bellaaaaaaa! Ready to hit the open road?" Alice said, waving her little hands in my face.

"No, now go away." I grumbled, taking another swig of my coffee.

"That's nice. Now I'm going to tag along with Rose and Emmett in Em's car okay?" Emmett usually drove a jeep, but he left it in Forks for a more practical car to use here. Jazz already left for the airport two hours before to fly down south. Alice saw him off.

"Fine." I said, getting up to follow her to Emmett's car.

"No, silly. You're going to ride with Edward in his car."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"Do I even get a choice?"

"No."

"Why are you so insistent I ride with Edward?"

"So he won't be lonely."

"So why don't _you_ ride with him?'

"Oh Bella," she laughed. "You will thank me for all of this in the future. Trust me. Now stop arguing with me and get into Edward's car. He's waiting for you."

Defeated, I slowly walked over to Edward's silver Volvo. He still hadn't changed it since I left for Phoenix two years ago. The thing was like his precious baby. He hardly let anyone else but himself touch it, let alone drive it. I felt that if left him alone with it, he would start saying "Preciouuuuussss…" like Golem from the _Lord of the Rings_.

I opened the door and slipped into the soft, black leather passenger seat.

"Morning Edward." I greeted him glumly.

"Morning," he chuckled, obviously amused by my grumpy state. _Why wasn't he feeling better…_ I ignored him and pulled out my iPod.

We drove in silence, neither one of us willing to start a conversation. I took the quiet time to not only listen to my music but to also take a look around the familiar space. Most everything was the same. Piles of CDs both in the CD compartment and out. There were a couple of new things, such as the one or two medical books which I guess he studied since he wanted to become a doctor like his father. The cab still held his sweet scent perfectly.

"So…" Edward said, breaking the silence. He quickly glanced at me. "Alice told me you're majoring in English Lit. Planning on becoming an author?"

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. Maybe." I replied, staring out the window instead of looking at him. _Another thing that hasn't changed about him _I thought as I watched the scenery whiz past, _he still drives like a maniac._

We made occasional light conversation for the rest of the ride, but for the most part, we were silent. It was a little awkward. Kind of like our first "conversation" the first time we met again after a two year's absence. What was that about me thanking Alice again?

"Bye Bella! We're gonna drop Rose off and then we'll stop by later, okay?" Alice called from her open car window when we stopped at my house, hours later.

I nodded in response then watched as they drove away. I could hear Emmett booming in song as the car drove out of sight. Shaking my head, I chuckled to myself.

"Thanks for the ride Edward." I said, taking my suitcases from the trunk of the Volvo.

"Let me help you." He offered, taking my bags from me.

"I can carry them you know."

"I know."

He stubbornly started walking towards the front door. Huffing, I grudgingly followed him. I wasn't that helpless was I? He always had to be the gentleman.

The house had a holly wreath on the door and Christmas lights strewn along the edge of the roof. It was clumsily done, but nice. That's when I saw an unfamiliar car in the driveway parked next to Charlie's police cruiser. I didn't know Charlie would be having someone over…

I took my key and opened the front door, stepping aside to let Edward in with my bags.

"Dad! I'm home!" I called into the house. I could hear the football game playing on the TV.

"Bells? You're home?" I saw Charlie's brown, curly head appear around the corner of the hall. "Bella!"

My father came forward and hugged me tight. Well, this was the second time he had greeted me so warmly and it was still a tad awkward. He backed away and smiled at me.

"Hey, Dad," I said, smiling a bit in response. "How are you?"

"I'm good, Bella." He then just noticed Edward. "Edward? That you? It's good to see you again. I haven't seen you much since you left for college."

Edward just put on his adult-charming smile that just screamed _Good Boy_, and replied, "No, sir. It's good to see you again too."

"Charlie? Is that your daughter?" I heard another voice say behind Charlie.

I looked around him to see a middle-aged man, a little older than Charlie, in a wheel chair. He had long black hair, russet skin, and an Aboriginal-made looking blanket draped over his lap. I was guessing he was Native American.

"Yep" Charlie said, sounding proud. "Bella, this is Billy Black. An old friend of mine I got back in touch with recently. He used to live on that reservation, La Push, and moved back there a few months ago."

"I shook his hand politely and was about to excuse myself to put my bags in my room, when a very familiar face came around the corner.

"Jacob?" I asked, surprised.

"Hey, Bella! What a coincidence. I just got home an hour ago to see a note from my dad to meet him hear. I never knew Charlie Swan is your father."

"Wow, small world." I muttered, more to myself.

"You two already know each other?" Charlie asked, puzzled.

"Sort of," I said. "We met briefly at a Campus Christmas party last night."

"I was hoping I would get to see you again," Jacob said. "But this _soon_? That's just a bonus." He laughed and I found myself chuckling a bit with him. He was a very likeable guy. Down to earth, nice.

"Oh, hi again, Edward." Jacob said, noticing Edward who was still behind me. Jeez, even I had forgotten he was there. He had been so quiet all this time.

I turned around to look at Edward and noticed he was quite stiff, kind of like last night when he didn't say a word to me after the T-Affair. He only nodded and sort of grunted in response. Since when did Edward become so rude to new people? I didn't remember him being like this before.

"We better go now, Charlie. You should be given a little catch-up time with your daughter." Billy said, checking the clock on the wall.

"Are you sure? You could stay longer if you like." Charlie said.

"No, it's fine. Jacob?" Jacob nodded at his father and started to push him out of the door. As they went by me, Billy grasped my hands saying a goodbye and, to my utter surprise, Jacob gave me a hug. Not a tight, big hug, for that would have been a little awkward coming from someone you just met, but a light, friendly hug. Sort of a "Happy Holidays" hug.

I found myself not feeling awkward in his embrace. It was strange because ever since the incident, I found myself preferring to avoid physical contact. I'm not saying that Jacob's hug was a monumental turning point in my life, but it was, for a lack of a better word… nice.

I gave him a very light hug back before he let go of me.

"I'll see you around, Bella." He said.

"Sure thing, Jacob." I replied.

Once the door was closed, I turned around about to gather my bags to bring up to my room when Edward quickly picked them up instead. I looked up to his face to see a very hard, closed off look on it. One that made it seem as if he were trying to hide what he was feeling from me. I didn't like it. But most concerning of all, I had no idea where it could have come from.

"Let me" he said shortly, and started walking towards and up the stairs.

Charlie had gone back into the living room, not wanting to miss anymore of the game. He was such a typical guy, my father.

I followed Edward as he walked stiffly up the stairs. I wondered if he needed a reminder as to where my room was, but it seemed he didn't. Without hesitation, he walked into my room and dropped my bags on the floor near the end of my bed. He looked around, as if revisiting a childhood memory. Actually, that already was a pretty accurate description.

"Are you gonna stick around, or are you going to go see your parents?" I asked.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Of course not." I said, but of course, the lie told itself out. In truth, I did want him to leave. I was still avoiding him and the others, or at least trying to. But I also wanted to ask Charlie some more stuff about the investigation on Renee's… well you know. And I couldn't do it right away with Edward hanging around.

Of course Edward caught the lie and his eyes narrowed. I knew what he was thinking. That I didn't want him around since I didn't enjoy his company or something like that, but that was only half true. I liked his company, when we weren't being all awkward like we were ever since last night. But that was definitely not the reason I wanted him to leave.

I just decided to let him believe the reason he set up in his mind because there was no way in hell I was going to tell him the truth.

"So you _do_ want me to leave?" I didn't answer.

He stared hard into my dull, brown eyes.

"What is wrong with you, Bella?" he said quietly, as if more to himself. "Why have you been so distant lately? You're there, but not fully. Is something wrong?" His bright green eyes changed from irritation to concern.

"No, nothing's wrong." I lied.

"Lie. Something's wrong, Bella. Tell me. Maybe I can help."

"There's nothing to help."

"Are we going to have a repeat of movie night?" He asked, getting annoyed again.

"That depends on whether or not you push me too far." I replied coldly. I didn't like him bringing up that movie night. It wasn't fair and he knew it.

"Bella, what is the matter with you? Why do you keep pushing yourself away from me? I'm your friend, I want to help!"

"I don't need help!" we were very nearly shouting now.

"Would you tell _Jacob?_"

"What?" I said, surprised. Since when did Jacob have anything to do with this? Edward's eyes were angry and fed up with built up frustration. Something told me he had been frustrated on this topic of my distance for a while, but never had confronted me about it till now.

"Would you tell Jacob your problems? Because you seem a hell of a lot friendlier to him then the rest of us, and you just met him!"

"What does Jacob have to do with any of this? He's just some guy I met! I don't see why you're unnecessarily bringing him into all of this." I crossed my arms over my chest, out right angry now. I had no idea what his problem was with Jacob, but he needed to get over it.

"I'm saying you've been distant for no good reason! You've shown Jacob more closeness than you have me or Emmett in the past four weeks! You hugged the guy!"

"I don't see what the big deal is!"

"Of course you don't because you've been too obsessed with feeling sorry for yourself after Renee's death to notice anything! Why won't you talk to us? Why won't you open up to me anymore?! I've waited so long to talk with you again. Two years! And when I do meet you again, you're cold and far away. Why can't you just talk to me?"

I knew he was pleading to know what was wrong with me, he was worried. But that didn't justify his accusations against me. _I_ was obsessed with feeling sorry for myself?! That wasn't anywhere near the truth! I was staying away to protect him! A murderer was on the loose, an abusive man who had my name next on his list and I couldn't afford to put anyone else in danger.

Even though I couldn't tell him all that, it still gave him no right to assume such things about me!

"I don't need this!" I said angrily. "I have my reasons. Just because you don't know every single one doesn't mean you can assume things about me."

"I'm not assuming, I _know_ your reasons, Bella. You think you're perfect don't you! That because your mother died, you're special and deserve special treatment! Isn't that it? That's why you don't talk to Emmett, Alice, and I like you used to! We're not good enough for you anymore! Well, is Jacob worthy of you!?! Can you open up to him? I want you to open up to _me!_ Tell _me_ what's wrong!"

I stared at Edward is a mix of fury and shock. I kept trying to tell myself that he was only angry and didn't mean any of it. That he was still my friend Edward underneath, but I just found it hard to believe. I thought Edward would've known me better than that to say such things about me.

_He's only angry, he doesn't mean it, he's only angry._

Edward was breathing heavily, still looking mad. "So, I'm right, aren't I? You're just too special that we are no longer worthy of your time. Well, sorry for trying to be your friend again, Bella. I should have known you would have been too different and cold."

I finally found my voice again, "_You_ think that _I_ think I'm _special_?! _Perfect_?!"

"I know you do."

Rage overtook my words that I no longer had a filter on what was coming out of my mouth. I knew I was probably yelling loud enough that Charlie could hear me, but the words would be too muffled for him to make out. Knowing him, he'd stay downstairs, away from the drama. Tears were streaming down my face as I jabbed my finger at Edward.

"Edward, you _idiot_! I am not perfect! I'm not special at all! According to Phil, I'm worthless! I'm stupid and worthless! And he made sure to not only tell me that, but to show me every single day until he decided to 'off' my _mother!_"

As soon as the words were out of my lips I regretted them. Slapping my hand over my mouth, I stared at Edward with wide eyes. He looked just as shocked, his own eyes were rounder than UFOs.

_Okay, that was so stupid. So, so stupid._

I quickly turned around so Edward can no longer see my face. I just ruined it. Great. I said I wouldn't say anything to anyone, and now I've gone and ruined it. I held back the tears, but I knew they couldn't be restrained for long.

"Edward," I said quietly, "I think you'd better go."

"Bella…"

His voice was full of regret and remorse at his harsh words. Proof that he never really meant them in the first place, that he was only angry, but that didn't mean I wanted to be around him right then.

"Go, Edward."

"But Bella, I didn't mean…" he sounded so pathetic, I wanted to hug him. I would have if I wasn't so distracted over _other_ matters…

"I said go."

"Bella, listen-"

"GO!" I yelled, still not facing him.

I heard him hesitate for a second or two, before turning around and quickly leaving my room. I listened to him as he went down the stairs and out the front door without saying anything to Charlie. When I finally heard the purr of his Volvo driving away, I sank down on the floor of my bedroom, and cried.

**A/N: Phew! So, Hit or Miss?**

**So just to clear things up before I get reviews saying, "EDWARD WAS SO MEEEEAAAAAAN! WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM SUCH A MEEEEAAAAAAN POO HEAD?!" **

**Well, he was being mean, but you have to understand that he never actually meant any of what he said. It was all his pent up frustrations with Bella that made him lash out like that and say things he doesn't actually think. I don't know about you, but I've definitely had moments where I say things I don't mean, or even know where they come from, because of anger. So I hope this clears up the air. **

**The only thing I have left to say is REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, AND REVIEW SOME MORE!!! **

**Peace out.**


	9. Jingle Bells

**A/N: Hey, I'm back! Sorry I did post yesterday, but I already warned you that daily postings cannot happen during the school week. I was thinking of posting yesterday, but decided to hold off since I needed to study for a huge science test (which I wrote first thing this morning). Not to mention my poor father has a sinus infection and has been home from work, curled up in bed, needing care. Sigh, I hope I don't catch anything :S**

**So, I'm happy everyone who reviewed liked the argument between Bella and Edward. I just decided to mix it up a little with the DRAMA. A couple of you have made suggestions, and I will take them into consideration, but I'm not guaranteeing anything, so if you are unsatisfied with this chapter, than I'm sorry. **

**Enough with my babbling, on with Chapter NINE!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing… which makes me sad :(**

"_Bella, listen-"_

"_GO!" I yelled, still not facing him. _

_I heard him hesitate for a second or two, before turning around and quickly leaving my room. I listened to him as he went down the stairs and out the front door without saying anything to Charlie. When I finally heard the purr of his Volvo driving away, I sank down on the floor of my bedroom, and cried._

**Chapter 9: Jingle Bells**

_The music was blaring loudly in my room as I worked on a couple of essays and writing compositions for my English class at the university. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes, music helped me think clearly and get my creative juices flowing… not that I needed a ton of creativity for an essay._

_I nodded my head to the music, my fingers rapidly typing words onto the document on my computer screen. I very faintly heard the front door bell ring downstairs. I didn't move an inch from my spot. Renee would get it._

_I heard nothing for a few minutes, although hearing something besides the music was a little hard. I suspected whoever was at the door was just some annoying sales man trying to sell Renee the newest Triple X 5000 version of something or other. I was lightly chuckling to myself, remembering times when Renee would slam the door in their faces before they could utter a word, when I heard it._

_WHAM!_

_Jolting up out of my chair, I went over to my CD player and turned off the music. I was already walking down the upstairs hallway, ready to see what the hell Renee dropped to make that noise, when I heard a voice._

_Not just any voice. His voice. _

_I couldn't clearly make out the words, but it was his voice. I knew it anywhere. Oh God, did he do something to make that loud noise earlier? I heard Renee say something in decipherable, but by the tone of her voice she sounded pleading, like she was begging him to do something. What? I quietly walked down the stairs, careful not to make a sound, trying to get within better hearing range of the conversation. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, just incase I needed to dial 9-1-1. _

"… _telling you Renee. You can't just leave me! What about Bella? Doesn't she need a father?!"_

"_You were never her father, Phil. You hurt her!"_

"_Only when she deserved it! It was nothing! If you leave me, I can't guarantee I won't do more…"_

"_Don't touch my baby! Please, leave her out of this! Just… leave!"_

"_Not until you come back to me."_

"_No!"_

"_Fine then… if you won't come back to me…"_

_I heard a loud thump and Renee screamed. Oh my God, he was hurting her! I whipped open my phone and dialed 9-1-1 faster than lightning. The police could deal with this. He hurt my mother!_

"_Hello, please state your emergency."_

"_Please! My mother's ex-boyfriend is at my house and he is hurting my mom!" I whispered the whole time, but the shakiness of my voice betrayed my panic. I couldn't hear anything coming from the kitchen, where they were, anymore. What was he doing?!_

"_I'm tracking down your location. Don't worry, we'll be there soon, honey. Calm down."_

_Before I would answer, the phone was snatched out of my hand and thrown across the room. I froze in place, my breathing coming out ragged and laboured with fear. My mind was screaming with shouts of escape, my instincts told me to run for it, but I was frozen in place._

"_I thought you were smarter than to pull a stunt like that, Isabella." He said smoothly, a sly smile on his face._

"_Well, since the cops will be showing up soon, I'd better make this quick." He said, more to himself than anybody else._

"_Bella! Get out of here! Now!" I just realized Renee was there as my eyes snapped towards the sound of her voice. Phil was tightly grasping one of her arms as she tried to squirm away._

_I looked back to Phil who was reaching into his jacket for something. I gasped and my eyes widened immensely when he pulled out a knife. I very sharp knife._

_I'd always thought it was so stupid when people on TV were about to be hit by cars, and didn't move out of the way. They simply stared at the oncoming car, and I didn't know how they could just stand there and let it hit them. Right then, I knew why. Paralysis. Paralyzed by fear, not only for my life, but for Renee's. I knew I was probably going to die then too, and that thought didn't exactly excite me, but I was worried for my mom. _

_Renee started shouting at the sight of the knife._

"_Bella! Run, leave!!!" I couldn't run though. Not only because I was frozen, but because there was no where to go. I was at the bottom of the stairs, with Phil blocking my path. The only direction to go would be back upstairs, and unless I was going to jump off the roof of the house, there was no escape._

_Phil rolled his eyes. "Oh will you shut up." He muttered before plunging the knife into her chest, so fast, I barely caught the action. Renee was frozen, her only movement was her trembling. I stared at her in shock, then at Phil, who looked smug._

_That's when the screaming began. _

_I screamed loud and long as I stood up and was going to at least try to get Phil away from Renee, who's blood was spilling and pooling on the ground, but he swiftly punched me in the face, sending me reeling. I tried to get up, but the pain plus the smell of my own blood and Renee's were making me weak. I could barely lift my head._

_This wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening. _

_I lifted my head a bit just in time to see Phil stab my mother again… and again and again. He finally let go of her, letting her limp body hit the ground I felt a huge gut-wrenching pain in my heart as I head the soft thud her body made when coming in contact with the floor._

"_That's what you get for thinking you can leave me, bitch…" he snarled._

_This was all a dream._

_Phil turned around and advanced towards me. I held my arms out in front of my face in weak defense as he grabbed me by the hair and started dragging me towards the stairs. I started screaming again, but he punched me across the jaw, breaking the skin and drawing out more blood._

"_Shut up!" he yelled. When we passed by Renee's body, I saw her eyes were still open, completely lifeless as she lay in a large puddle of her own blood. Instead of screaming, sobs shook my body. I knew she was dead, but my mind wouldn't believe it. I kept wishing she would all of the sudden wake up and save me. But of course, that didn't happen. This isn't TV, people._

_I didn't exactly know why he brought me to the top of the stairs, but he did. I soon got my explanation though._

"_You, Isabella, are going to commit 'suicide'. You would have felt so guilty after killing your own mother that you then killed yourself." _

_Tears poured down my cheeks, stinging when they hit my bleeding jaw. I hated this man. I hated him with everything in me. I opened my mouth to scream again, not caring if he punched me, but then stopped as I heard the police sirens getting closer and closer…_

_Phil swore before looking at me. He obviously had a more elaborate set up of my death in his mind, but was pressed for time._

_Finally seeming to come to a decision, he said, "Adios kid. Oh and if you somehow survive this, don't tell anyone anything. If you tell anyone, I will torture and kill everyone you care about." He said the last part menacingly, like the words alone were lethal. I knew he meant the threat._

_My eyes widened and I gave one last scream as he threw me down the stairs and the world went black._

* * *

Gasping, I shot up in bed and frantically looked at my surroundings. My room, Charlie's house, Forks… safe. I fingered my face to only feel smooth skin and sweat from thrashing around I supposed, instead of the blood and split skin I was anticipating.

Reassured that it was only a dream, I fell back on my pillows, still breathing heavily. I looked at my clock. 3:05 AM again. Damn, that was just too creepy…

The nightmare was different this time though. In fact, it wasn't a dream, it was a flashback to that day. I shuddered and buried my face in my pillow. That horrible day… the empty, lifeless look in Renee's eyes still haunted me.

Phil. He haunted me too.

Phil started out alright. He was Renee's boyfriend of five months. Renee was smitten with him and his charm that they started dating right away. He didn't seem to mind that she had a kid, a major turn off when it came to many single men. I didn't actually meet him until a month into their relationship. He was introduced, and although he was nice, something always seemed off about him. I didn't say anything though since Renee was happy. I didn't want to ruin it for her.

Then, after their three month mark, everything changed. Phil was practically spending all of his time over at our house. He even stayed a while and watched TV while drinking beer if Renee wasn't home and it was just me. I didn't exactly feel comfortable and close with him, but he wasn't too bad.

He had his own key to the house and came and went as he pleased. He basically unofficially lived with us. After their three month anniversary, he took it upon himself to act like my father. Needless to say I was pissed and told him I already had a father.

That's when the hitting started. He started getting violent. I was a clumsy person, so Renee didn't really think much of the bruises that would appear every once in a while on my arms or legs. I wanted to tell her so badly, but every time I tried, I chickened out. She was so in love with Phil, I was convinced she wouldn't believe me. He only hit me in private and whenever Renee was present, he treated me like gold.

Then Renee accidently walked into the house, just as Phil was slapping me and needless to say, she screamed at him and threw him out, refusing to see him anymore.

After a week or so, he came back, demanding Renee in that psycho way of his to come back to him. She refused and you know what happened from there. I always knew Phil was possessive, but never in my wildest dreams did I think he was capable of murder.

The night it happened, the police banged on the front door for a minute or two since it was locked, demanding for whomever to come out. This gave Phil the opportunity to slip out the back door I guess and away to wherever. When the cops did manage to the knock the door down, he was gone, leaving only Renee's dead body lying in a pool of her own blood, and me, sprawled, unconscious, at the bottom of the stairs, a small pool of blood surrounding my own head.

I survived, and when the investigators questioned me about who did this, I lied and said I didn't remember anything. The doctor unknowingly helped me out when he said I may have suffered memory loss with the huge blow to the head I received. I didn't have _any_ memory loss, but I faked it in order to protect mainly Charlie from Phil. He said if I told anyone, he would hunt down anyone I loved, and I knew Charlie would be his first target. Not only did I love him, but Phil had always been jealous of the fact that Charlie was my real father and he was not.

I didn't even know if Phil knew I survived, but he probably did. I shivered at the thought of him trying to find me. Turning over, I tried to go back to sleep, but I knew I wouldn't be able to. Especially since I didn't do as Phil said.

I told someone. Edward.

It was a mistake, and I didn't tell him the whole story, but that didn't matter. What did matter was that I told him, even if by accident, and I knew as soon as the words slipped from my mouth that I blew it.

Not only did I endanger my life and his, but I pretty much ruined any friendship between Edward and me. He knew so little and yet he knew too much. I would have to stay away from him completely from now on. Only being around him if I absolutely had to.

And pray to God, he didn't tell anyone else.

* * *

Three days.

That's how long it had been since my itty bitty argument with Edward. Three days since we had spoken to each other. Three days since I had said something that I really shouldn't have. He hadn't called me, texted me, or tried to contact me in any way in three days.

This was what I wanted… right?

I wanted distance, I wanted to avoid him, and I didn't want to be best friends with him anymore. So why did I feel so depressed. I mean, back at Seattle University we weren't exactly best friends; I stayed away from that. But we still saw each other and spoke, even if only small talk, every day.

I hadn't spoken to any of the other Cullens or Rosalie either. Of course, I didn't expect to hear from Jasper since he was down south. Despite the fact that this was the distance I had been wanting, I didn't like it. I missed them. Even Jasper. I know. Gasp.

Jacob came over for a couple of hours the day before. We just talked about a lot of different things and I really liked spending time with him. He was a great guy.

So now I was sitting at my kitchen table at 9 in the morning staring off into space with a mug of hot chocolate, or by now, _cold_ chocolate while I contemplated these thoughts. It was Christmas Eve today, and Charlie was out doing something with Billy down by La Push. I was dreading the seconds as they ticked by, bringing me closer to 7 PM, when Charlie and I would have to go to the _Cullen Christmas Party._ I would have no choice but to see Edward there. My heart may have been yearning to see him, but my mind sure as hell wasn't. I wondered if it was possible to get drunk off of eggnog, because if so, I was definitely doing so tonight.

My doom and gloom was interrupted though by the sound of… sleigh bells?

What the hell?...

I wondered down the hall and opened the front door to see…

Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie sitting in a sleigh… pulled by two real horses?!?

"Hey Bella!" Alice called.

I walked out of the house, still in my slippers, across the snowy driveway, and towards the horses standing on my street, pulling a freaking sleigh with the wackiest people in the world inside.

"Holy sh-" I started, but was cut off by Emmett.

"_Language,_ Bella! We do not want to ruin Christmas Eve, now do we?"

I rolled my eyes and said, "What are you guys doing here? And where's…" my voice shook the tiniest bit. "… Edward?"

Alice sighed and shook her head. "Locked up in his room wallowing away in guilt at whatever he said to you."

"Wait, what?" Edward? Guilt? What he said to me _was_ out of place, but I hadn't really given his words a second thought since then. I was busy worrying over what _I_ said. Wait, did he say anything to any of them?...

"Um, did Edward tell you about the argument?"

"No. By the time Em and I got home from dropping Rose off in Port Angeles, he was in his room. Apparently stormed in with barely a greeting to Mom and Dad. When I asked him what was wrong, he just said that he hurt you and that he felt like a monster. Wouldn't be the first time," Alice flipped her spiky hair in an offhand matter. "He wouldn't tell me what happened exactly, so I'm guessing it was a fight. And since he is _still_ in his room, guilt-ridden, I'm going to take another wild guess and say it was a bad one."

I nodded, not meeting any of there eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rosalie asked kindly.

"No", I answered quickly. Too quickly. Alice looked at me suspiciously, but, for once, didn't push it any farther. She was probably afraid I was going to run away from her like I did on movie night.

"Well, Jingle Bells," Emmett said jokingly, trying to bring back the holiday cheery mood, "go get dressed and we shall bring you out on an enchanted sleigh ride. We shall dash through the snow!"

I chuckled, I really did miss these guys. "How the hell did you manage to get a sleigh and horses?" I asked, genuinely curious. Where _did_ they get these things and… animals?

"You're forgetting we're super rich, Bella" Alice replied, wiggling her eyebrows. "Let's just say, we have our connections…"

"Okay then.."

I dressed and put on warm boots, a coat, scarf, and mittens. I hopped onto the sleigh, sitting between Rose and Alice as Emmett drove us around. As we rose through the neighbourhood, people looked interested and amused, and little kids squealed at the sight of "horsies".

Alice, being as sweet as she was, decided to hang out with me to cheer me up after my little falling out with Edward. She was great. She knew that mine and Edward's words to each other were really bugging me, so after the sleigh ride would be over, she decided to watch a couple of movies with me, Rose, and Em while eating Christmas cookies, and later helping me get ready for the party. Well, the last one wasn't really that exciting for me, but whatever.

"What movies did you bring?" I asked Alice as we rode around town.

She reached down to the floor of the sleigh and into a bag. She pulled out two DVDs and showed them to me. I smiled in response to my favourites.

Romeo and Juliet, the two best versions (in my opinion).

"_Romeo + Juliet, _because we all can't get enough of Leo." Alice giggled and Emmett gagged from the driver's seat. "And the 1968 version, since I know you think that one's the best."

"Eww, do we have to watch the older one?" Emmett whined.

"Why not?" I asked, slightly annoyed. It was the best version!

"Because… it shows the dude's ass in it, and I don't want to see that."

"Oh! The guy who looks like Zac Efron?" Rosalie asked, turning to me. I was about to reply, but was cut off again by Emmett.

"What?! His ass looks like Zac Efron's?!"

"What?! No!" Alice giggled and Rosalie and I contained our own laughter. "And how the hell would we know what Zac Efron's ass looks like?"

"And even if we did," Rosalie piped in, "what the hell would individualize his ass so much from everyone else's so that we'd be able to recognize it on someone else?"

"I don't know", Emmett scoffed, "Maybe one of his butt cheeks are more-"

"OKAY! That's quite enough discussion on Zac Efron's and the Dude-who-looks-like-Zac-Efron's butts."

"I agree." Alice said.

It was silent for a moment, the only sound coming from the sleigh bells ringing. Then we all burst into hysterical laughter over the absolutely absurd conversation we were having. Then I felt it. This was it. The "whole" feeling I had been missing the past three days when I didn't speak to any of them. No matter how many times I tried to push them away, they always wormed their way back into my heart, and… I was glad they did.

**A/N: OKAY! Phew! ……. Hit or Miss?**

**Anyway, I am uber excited because my bestest friend and I ordered our tickets online yesterday to go see Twilight on opening day! WOOT!!! JUST ONE MORE WEEK!!! The tickets are for 4 PM so I have to be out, like WHOOSH, right after school in order to get there on time and get half-decent seats. I can't wait! Of course the movie will be no where near as good as the book, but I'm hoping it will be good… and full of Edward-love! The only down side to next Friday is the fact that right after the movie, my mom wants to take me out to get my flu shot at the clinic. Nice way to ruin the fun, Mom. Ah, but I digress. **

**Haha, that conversation in this chapter, the one about Zac Efron and his butt was actually almost the exact conversation I had with my friends last week. Almost word for word. Yeah, my memory is **_**that**_** good. Teehee, and seriously, the guy who plays Romeo in the 1968 version of the film DOES look like Zac Efron! My friend's and I always refer to him as "Zac Efron's grandfather". Ah, good times. Goooood times. **

**And one quick reminder: Next chapter is the special EPOV chapter!!!**

**So… REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!**

**Peace out. **


	10. The Reason

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is being posted later than the others. When I came home from the mall, I wanted to relax before typing up a brand new chapter in EPOV, so please forgive me. I actually tried to post this last night, but fanfiction was screwed and wouldn't "process my request" and kept saying "error" when I tried to submit it. So I'm not to blame. Blame fanfiction. **

**So here's the chapter you've all been anticipating! EPOV!!! By the way, this chapter was a little harder to write than the other chapters in BPOV and that is because Edward thinks very differently from Bella. His mind tends to over think things and be very emotionally self-destructive. So hopefully I got this right, or somewhere near right. If you feel as if I couldn't capture the "Edward-esque" of Edward, I apologize.**

**So, enough about my thoughts, let's get into **_**Edward's**_** head! On with Chapter TEN!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

"_I don't know", Emmett scoffed, "Maybe one of his butt cheeks are more-"_

"_OKAY! That's quite enough discussion on Zac Efron's and the Dude-who-looks-like-Zac-Efron's butts."_

"_I agree." Alice said._

_It was silent for a moment, the only sound coming from the sleigh bells ringing. Then we all burst into hysterical laughter over the absolutely absurd conversation we were having. Then I felt it. This was it. The "whole" feeling I had been missing the past three days when I didn't speak to any of them. No matter how many times I tried to push them away, they always wormed their way back into my heart, and… I was glad they did. _

**Chapter 10: The Reason – EPOV**

Three days.

It had been three miserable days since I had wrongfully lashed out at Bella. My best friend. She was hurting so much and I went out and lost my temper with her. I was wrong. I shouldn't have been so harsh, I should have known better than to make such ridiculous accusations. I said hurtful things before I could even think about the words coming from my mouth. I was such a monster. I hurt my best friend when she was already so broken.

I needed to stop rambling.

It took all my strength to leave Bella's room that day and drive away. She looked so vulnerable and upset. I just wanted to stay and comfort her. We had known each other so long that it was a natural reaction to her distress.

When I got home I went straight to my room after a very brief greeting to my parents, Carlisle and Esme. I needed to be alone and think… about Bella. I remembered seeing the look of hurt on Esme's face when I hardly said "hello". My god, I was hurting just about everyone, wasn't I?

What the most hateful thing of all though was not the fact Bella was hurting, even though I hated that too, but that _I_ was the one who hurt her. I knew she was in pain as soon as I saw her again. I knew Renee had died, from what, I wasn't sure. I felt bad for her and desperately wanted to see her smile again. I had missed that smile so much. That was another thing I would never be able to forgive myself for; making Bella leave Forks.

I knew Bella was in love with me at the time. She told me, and I didn't reciprocate the feelings. I loved Bella, but only in a friendly way. I felt horrible when I told Bella I didn't see her that way, but I couldn't lie to her. Bella deserved so much better. It almost broke my own heart when I had to go and break hers.

Fortunately, Bella and I remained best friends, and she put up a brave show, but I knew she was suffering a lot more than she was letting on. Usually, I hated it when she masked her pain to me, but that time, I was almost grateful. I hated it when she was upset and wanted to do everything I could to make her happy, but that time I couldn't.

Of course, little Alice gave me an earful when she found out. For someone so small, she could be so hugely annoying **(teehee, adapted from Stephenie Meyer's brilliant line)**. She told me that I really was in love with Bella and that I was in denial, but Alice was wrong for once. I knew myself better than anyone, right? I think I would've known if I was in love with Bella, and I was not.

Simple as that.

Things got more complicated with Tanya. When I first met Tanya Denali, I was entranced. She was so beautiful and bold, I couldn't help but feel attracted to her right away. We got into a relationship pretty quickly, but I kept it a secret from Bella and my family, since I was not one to have flings, and I wasn't sure if Tanya and I would go anywhere as a couple. Once I finally felt like I liked Tanya enough to have a real relationship with her, I decided to introduce her to my family. I planned to do it on movie night, so Bella would be there too. At the time it seemed like the perfect idea; to introduce them all and let the girls bond over movies.

I knew Bella would be very surprised. We never kept secrets from each other and I just did. I knew Bella would probably be a little hurt over not being told by me first, but she would get over it and learn to like Tanya. How could she not? Tanya was sweet, outgoing, and bold. She had fire, and I liked it.

Not telling Bella first though, to prepare her or ask for her approval (I knew she was too sweet not to give it) was the biggest mistake I had ever made. I remembered Alice storming into my room, three days later, while I was _sleeping_ to yell and scream to me about how I was such a jerk. And I was. When I could finally accept Bella was gone and wasn't going to come back for a long time, if at all, I grew depressed. I hated myself for doing that to her and I missed her like my lungs would miss air if I stopped breathing.

I ruined our friendship. Completely ruined it. It was my entire fault.

I missed the little things about Bella that probably hardly anyone else noticed the most.

Like the way her eyes brightened when she looked at someone she loved. How she would always bite her lip when she was nervous or hide behind her hair when she was being shy. It hurt badly when I would wake up in the morning knowing my best friend was not anywhere nearby. That it was my fault.

Tanya eventually showed her true colours after Bella left. She started becoming impatient with me, demanding attention and favours that she believed were a boyfriend's responsibility. In reality, I didn't feel the pull that I felt for her before. She was still beautiful and bold, but whenever she was around, I couldn't help but crave my best friend instead.

I'm ashamed to say that I used Tanya. I needed a distraction from the guilt eating me away and Tanya was as good a distraction as any. She was my girlfriend, after all. She never knew this of course, and had mistaken my actions for true affection. She was even hinting at a ring when we started college. I shuddered when I thought about marrying Tanya. Never.

Seeing Bella again was such a shock. When the surprise eventually wore off, it was replaced by a sense of wholeness, relief, and happiness. Wholeness and happiness were obvious. Relief came from the fact I would finally get to give her my sincere apology and show her how much I regret not telling her about Tanya first. Hopefully, she would give me a second chance. A chance at being best friends again. That's all I wanted.

When she told me she didn't want to be best friends again, but could be normal friends, I was hurt and disappointed, but not surprised. How could I expect her to just take me back so quickly with full forgiveness. Instead of being upset, I took her rejection as a new opportunity.

An Opportunity to start over again with Bella. I would try to earn her trust again and hopefully go back to the way things were before. I would do anything to make her trust me again.

She was the reason I was going to start out new.

I would do anything for her… only out of friendship, of course.

But she never gave me the chance. She was distant. She hung out with us, but I felt that everything she did was fake somehow. Like she was putting up a barrier in between herself and us, never letting her true feelings show. I knew that she must have been over me by now, which was good, so the only reason I could think of for her distance was her ongoing lack of trust in me **(Heh, heh. We all know this assumption is wrong)**.

It only got more complex when we discovered Bella was having reoccurring nightmares. I was so worried and immensely puzzled. I didn't know what could cause something like vivid nightmares. Only something very traumatic could do that, but what had Bella been through that was hugely traumatic? I knew Renee died, and that must have been hard…

But then another thought struck me. My parents said Renee had died, but didn't clarify how. Was it possible that something more happened than just her death?

I was determined to find out what had happened, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I knew I had to be kind and subtle, have her trust me first to tell me. That was the master plan.

When I finally broke up with Tanya, it was a relief. I didn't want to be with her anymore. Now that Bella was back, even if not my best friend, I no longer needed to distraction from the guilt. When I saw her cheating on me with that perverted swine, Mike Newton, I was more angry than upset. In fact, I wasn't really hurt at all. I was just angry at her for cheating on me. Affairs were low, and I would have never had treated Tanya like that, even if I didn't like her anymore.

Without Tanya hanging onto me, I had put more effort into decoding Bella and earning her trust back. She was so important to me. She was the greatest friend I'd ever had and I was going to do her right this time.

It was even better when I heard that Tanya was going to spend Christmas in Alaska with family instead of in Forks.

But or course I had to go and mess it all up when I lost my temper with her.

I wasn't exactly positive of what I felt when I saw Bella and that boy, Jacob Black, interact. She was warm and friendly towards him, smiling at him in a way that made my blood boil. She had been warmer to him than to me, and she barely knew him! I know she said she couldn't be best friends just yet with me, but surely she didn't have to be nicer to a near stranger than I. She distances herself away from us, worrying Alice and Emmett, but decides it's okay to be so inviting to some boy she just met. I felt betrayed in a way. Were we not good enough for her friendship anymore? Was _I_ not good enough?

Jacob Black didn't deserve her kindness, he didn't know her like I did.

I lost my temper and yelled things at Bella I never meant. Things that hurt her badly and I just stood there, letting her take the burn.

The look of hurt and agony in her eyes was painful to see. I only said those things out of frustration, not meaning a word of it. But she didn't know that. To her, I was telling the truth, and it nearly killed me to know that she thought I was being genuine.

Then she said something that I definitely was not expecting.

"_Edward, you idiot! I am not perfect! I'm not special at all! According to Phil, I'm worthless! I'm stupid and worthless! And he made sure to not only tell me that, but to show me every single day until he decided to 'off' my _mother_!" _

What did that mean? Who was Phil? I had so many questions that begged for answers, but I knew I couldn't go to her. I was probably the last person she wanted to see.

I hurt her yet _again_. Why couldn't I just stop hurting Bella? She most likely hated me after what I wrongly said to her, and she had every right to. I couldn't blame her because I hated me too. I only messed things up, I didn't fix them. I was worse than every and any monster.

But still, my curiosity was sparked and I couldn't help lingering over what she said. Her saying it was obviously unintentional, judging by the way she covered her mouth with her hand as soon as it was it, as if she was restraining herself from saying more.

It was obvious that this Phil was responsible for her mother's death, and apparently she didn't get along well with him, of course. But something told me there was more to the story, much more.

Not only did I desperately want to know what Bella was talking about, I was also hugely worried over Bella. When I reluctantly left, she seemed like she was going to have a complete melt down. I wanted, no, _needed_ to know if she was alright, but…

I reached for my cell phone on the bed side table. I was in my bedroom and it was twilight outside. Both Bella's and my favourite time of day. Was she thinking of me? If she was, probably only of how much she hated me.

I flipped open the phone and quickly dialed her number. I was going to hit the "call" button when I had second thoughts. She wouldn't pick up. She didn't want to talk to me.

But I was so worried… I had to try… _Just press the damn button…_

Sighing, I closed my phone and ran a hand through my hair. I couldn't do it. Not now. I angrily put my phone back on my bed side table, glaring at the ceiling.

Not only was I a monster, but I was also a coward.

* * *

"Edwaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrd!!!"

I growled angrily at the sound of Alice's voice on the other side of my bedroom door. What the hell did she want? She was interrupting my restless nap. She was my twin sister, and I loved her, but there were times I wanted to wring her skinny little neck.

I wasn't usually this temperamental. I had a bit of a problem with my temper, but I could always control it better than this…

"What?" I responded grouchily. I knew it was wrong to be taking out my anger on Alice, but I didn't really care at the moment.

"Can you unlock your door so I can come in?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

She audibly sighed, her own frustration with me building up. I purposely locked myself up in my room so she wouldn't be able to badger me about calling and making up with Bella. I just wanted to live through my guilt in peace. There was no way I was going to let her in now after three days of peace.

But it was only peace of body, not peace of mind. My mind was tortured with thoughts of Bella. Of all the times I hurt her, all unintentionally. But good intentions never seemed enough anymore though.

"Fine. Emmett and I are going out on a sleigh ride!" Alice said excitedly, talking through the door. "We're gonna pick up Rose and then pick up the sleigh… with real horses!"

I rolled over, groaning. I didn't need to know this, did I?

"Do you want to come?" Alice finally asked after she finished babbling her excitement.

"No."

"You're such a one-word man today, Edward. But you should come. Bella will be there."

I shot up at the opportunity to see and talk to Bella again, but then remembered she probably still hated me, and I sank back down, deflated. She didn't want to see me. It would only make her uncomfortable, or angry even.

That just made the guilt come crashing back down again.

"Still no, Alice. Go away."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. No go away."

"Please?"

"No."

"Back to the one word answers again, Edward?"

"Yes."

"Fine," she groaned, "do what you want, but you really should talk to her. It might…"

I tuned her out and rolled back over in my bed. I would talk to Bella… eventually. I didn't need Alice to push it along. I was going to do it my way – even if my way wasn't very effective at the moment.

Alice finally finished her morals and ethics speech before walking away. I was relieved that she and Emmett would be gone for a couple of hours at least.

I picked up my cell phone again and dialed Bella's number, but like I had been doing for the past three days, I closed the phone, backing out at the last second. I was never going to gain peace of mind like this.

* * *

I woke up a little while later to voices coming through the front door. Emmett and Alice were home. Looks like I couldn't get out my room just yet.

This was insane. Since when did I need to hide from my siblings?

Since when did I stay away from my best friend?

I knew the answers, and I was to blame. All I ever did was make mistake after mistake. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I do something right for once when it came to Bella? Was I really that pathetic?

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the voice down below.

_Her_ voice.

Bella was here. Why was she here? I thought she was going on a sleigh ride, but that should have been over by now. Alice probably invited her over to watch movies or something. That Alice was quite obviously planning on getting us to talk to each other. Well I was definitely going to have a talk, but not with Bella. My sister needed to know not to mess with things that were not her business.

I listened intently, finally making out the sound of Bella's soft voice.

"… 1968 version first. Just to see Emmett squirm." That made me smile. Bella was actually acting a little like her old self. But then I frowned. Did my absence have anything to do with that? Maybe it was beneficial to Bella that I was staying away. This just confirmed that she was better off without me. I hurt her so much that she could be herself around me anymore. I supposed that was… understandable.

"How old are Romeo and Juliet?" I heard Emmett say.

"Um, thirteen or fourteen, I think. Why?" I heard Bella reply. I couldn't explain why I felt a little tug at my heart when I heard her speak. I guess it was from the guilt I had been feeling about her. Yes, that was it.

"EWW! They're _that _young and they 'boom shaka laka-ed'?"

"Nice words Em, and I guess so. Things were different back then."

"But that's still gross. How old is Paris."

"I don't know."

"So wait. If Paris is older than Juliet by a good amount of years and get's married to her, does that make him a pedophile?!"

I heard Bella sigh and I chuckled softly. "In this day and age, probably. But I already said things were different."

The conversation went on for a while longer, but I stopped paying attention, finding no interest in Emmett's rude, sexual commentary. I started dozing after a while. The sweet sound of Bella's voice almost rocked me to sleep, it was a comfort. I yearned to speak to that voice, to talk to my best friend, but I didn't think she wanted anything to do with me.

But I wanted to see her so badly. Maybe just to say hello….

No, stay away Edward. You've hurt her enough.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Emmett's loud booming below me.

"HOLY CRAP! It's Zac Efron's ass! Cover your eyes Rosie!!!" I could imagine him slapping his hands over Rosalie's eyes and her smacking him to get his hands off. An, "Ow!", from downstairs confirmed my thoughts.

"Emmett! You've seen it before! And that isn't Zac Efron, that's a dude who _looks_ like him!" Alice said.

"I know, but it's not appropriate for guy's girlfriends."

"But look! Juliet is showing off her boobs!" Bella exclaimed.

I chuckled again and felt compelled once more to go downstairs and see her. I missed my friend, and it would be harmless to say hello, wouldn't it? I hated staying away from her and I didn't think I was strong enough to keep doing so. I missed her too much.

But hadn't I upset her? Would she still be angry? Of course she would, but I needed to try. There was an undeniable force between us that I didn't understand that kept pulling us together. I should fix this, but could I? I didn't know exactly where my change of heart came from, but I knew it had something to do with hearing Bella talk. Hearing her voice.

I heard her voice again, but this time it said something that didn't make me smile.

"Oh, look at the time. I have to go home now. You'll be over at four, right Ali?"

"You betcha." My sister replied.

I heard them moving around and I knew Bella was leaving. This was my chance. Just to say a brief goodbye before I got to see her again at the Christmas party later tonight. It was Christmas Eve, I had to go and say something. Just a word or two.

Rushing downstairs, I made it to the front hall just as Bella was opening the door to leave.

"Bella", I said almost nervously.

She turned around and her eyes widened when she saw me. She was clearly shocked and unprepared. Was she going to say anything? Was she going to say she hated me? Of course not. Bella was too kind, but still…

"Um… Hi, Edward." She said, mirroring my nervous tone.

"I'll, uh, I'll see you tonight." I said pathetically.

"Sure." She replied quietly, not meeting my eyes. She was then out the door, heading towards Emmett's jeep where Emmett was waiting to drive her home.

I was closer to her, or at least I had been. I should've been the one to be driving her home. But I wasn't, and it was because I had made too many mistakes when it came to Bella.

"Can't you see you love her?" I heard Alice say from behind me.

I turned around, not wanting to have that conversation again, but knowing she wouldn't let it drop easily. With a slight hint of defiance, I said, "Of course I love her, Alice. She's my best friend. You love her too, don't you?"

Surprisingly, Alice sighed and walked away. I knew she thought I was _in_ love with Bella, which I wasn't. She was only my best friend. And besides, she had to be over her feelings for me. It had been two years.

It had been too long, and we weren't even on the best of terms right now. It was impossible for me to be in love with Bella… right?

**A/N: Done! Hit or Miss?**

**Sorry if you were unsatisfied with it. It was more difficult to write and I tried to make it more Edward-ish by not using words like ass or bitch and describing his feelings in a lot more detail than I probably would with Bella. He thinks a **_**lot**_**, so there is a lot of emotion to type up.**

**SO, now for a little unrelated yet entertaining story of mine which most of you will not read. My friend and I were at the mall today, talking, blah, blah, blah. Until all of sudden, holy crap, Santa Claus and Mrs. Clause are walking our way! He even had a few elves with him and like, 3 security guards to keep the huge crowd of parents with their little kiddies at bay. We got all excited and got in line behind the guards, stalking Santa as he made his rounds around the mall. We kept stalking him until the security guards stopped us from following him down an escalator. Darn! So we continued to walk around, depressed at losing Santa, when some guy dressed up as a jester and walking on stilts came walking along with a trail of little kids who he made balloon animals for. Yay! A new person to follow for no good reason! But after a while, we got bored and went into a store. The End. :D**

**Teehee, so the only thing left I have to say is REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! REVIEW OR I SHALL SEND THE JESTER UPON YOU!!! (in case you didn't get the jester thing I said right now, read the paragraph above that you skipped).**

**Reviews are love… LOVE, people!!!**

**Peace out. **


	11. Lost

**A/N: Hello. Thank you to everyone for the positive feedback on the EPOV chapter. I know it was a lot more emo and guilt-wallowing, but remember; Edward is a very dramatic person and deep thinker. If you've read, **_**at least**_**, the first chapter of Midnight Sun, then you would understand. I don't know if I will write another chapter in EPOV, so I set up a poll on my profile so you can decide. If I DO do another EPOV chapter, then it won't be for a while, probably after certain events happen, so keep that in mind.**

**I really don't have much to say today, so on with Chapter ELEVEN!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Surprisingly, Alice sighed and walked away. I knew she thought I was in love with Bella, which I wasn't. She was only my best friend. And besides, she had to be over her feelings for me. It had been two years._

_It had been too long, and we weren't even on the best of terms right now. It was impossible for me to be in love with Bella… right? _

**Chapter 11: Lost – BPOV**

What happened at the Cullens' house was… interesting. Carlisle and Esme weren't home, but I would see them tonight at their Christmas Eve bash. I was worried about going there to watch the movies. I tried to convince Alice to watch them at my place instead, but she wasn't having any of it. I knew Alice. She was probably trying to get Edward to get out of his room and talk to me. Well, he did eventually come out, while I was leaving, to say a very awkward goodbye.

Seriously, that was the most awkward thing in my life.

I knew Edward remembered what I said to him. The slip up that was a stupid mistake on my part. I could tell he was curious to get the whole story, but I was not going to crack and tell it to him. Maybe years from now, when this whole thing blows over, I would tell him what happened. But last time I checked, I was still in danger, therefore Edward will have to be kept in the dark.

When I came home after hanging out with Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie, Charlie was in the living room, watching something manly on the TV as usual.

"Bells? Is that you?" I heard him ask when I stepped into the front hall.

"Yeah." I answered.

I kicked off my boot and took off my coat. I went into the living room to talk to Charlie. I had been meaning to talk to him when I first came home, but my idiotic mistake sidetracked me. I sat down on the couch beside my father and turned to him.

"Dad? Can I talk to you?" I asked.

Charlie looked a little apprehensive, probably worried that I wanted a heart-to-heart with him. As if. Charlie and emotional instability did not mix well. He got all nervous when it came to "deep" conversations. I did a little to, so I knew who I got it from.

"Sure… What is it?" Charlie answered.

"Um… have the police contacted you? About the investigation?" I asked quietly.

He sighed and turned off the television. Oh no, this could only mean something serious happened. Did they catch Phil? Did they have a lead? Would I have to fly down to Phoenix for more questioning? I shouldn't have to. I made it quite clear that I remembered _nothing._

"Actually, Bella, they did contact me. I was going to talk to you about it. They called while you were out with Alice", Charlie said calmly. How could he be so calm? Sure, I looked calm, but I knew that if you looked closely, you could see the panic rising in my eyes.

"And?" I whispered.

"They found a suspect." My heart stopped. Could it be…?

"Who is it?"

"Some guy… apparently knew your mother…" Come on, spit it out already! "Liam Griffiths. Used to be a co-worker of Renee's. They had a stressful working relationship. They said she ratted him out for doing something that got him fired a few weeks before she died."

My heart sunk. It wasn't Phil. That meant he was still out there, looking for me, waiting to pounce. This meant that nothing changed. I would still have to be careful, probably even more so since I doubt Phil would want me spilling to the authorities taking him out of the clear.

Wait, what led the police to suspect Liam Griffiths?

"Um, do you know how they got led to him?" I asked.

"An anonymous caller tipped them off. They said they saw him leaving the house around the time of the… incident."

Phil. The "anonymous caller" had to be Phil. It couldn't have been a neighbour since Liam Griffiths never came to our house in the first place, and they would all be able to recognize Phil since he was at our house everyday when he was still dating Renee.

He wanted to be safe, in a sense, so he led the police on a false trail. He also must have known that I was still alive, then. I went cold.

Would he do anything to change that?

* * *

At precisely four in the afternoon, Alice came bouncing over to help me get ready, or forcefully help me, for the party. She wanted me to look good and "Christmas-y", which I sure wasn't going to do on my own. I didn't know whether to thank her or resent her for these Bella Barbie times.

"Hey Bella!" she greeted enthusiastically. She, of course, was already ready for the party, clothes, make up and the whole she-bam. She looked gorgeous, as usual, and was holding a large white bag in her tiny arms. I suspected that held my outfit and whatever else I happened to lack in my bathroom to make me "presentable".

"Hey", I replied dully.

"Oh chin up, Bella!"

She skipped past me and bounded up the stairs towards my tiny bathroom. I followed her, but much more slowly.

Alice already had my bathroom set up the way she wanted when I finally made it over. It looked like a cool celebrity powder room with all the stuff around the sink and counter. The only thing that was missing was the lights going along the edge of the mirror.

"Come on, time for me to start my work!" Alice said, patting the seat in front of the mirror. "You've washed your hair, right?"

I nodded before sitting down and letting her commence her torture. I had basically stopped resisting her makeovers since there was no use. She would always win. Stupid Alice.

She set to work quickly, she did something, I had no idea what, to make my hair a lot smoother and glossier than before. I didn't question her methods. You never question the way of the Alice.

She then tied my hair into a low ponytail and positioned it so it draped over my right shoulder in a pretty red ribbon, then curling the hair in the ponytail. She pinned a little bunch of freesias again to the ribbon holding the curls. I didn't really get why she kept choosing freesias, but she was the expert I guess.

After finishing working on my hair, Alice then went on to make up. She kept it neat and simple, but pretty. Of course the end result was great, Alice after all was magical.

While she worked, she chatted to me about things like Jasper and how she was talking to him over the phone everyday. Of course she missed him like crazy. I felt a little sorry for her. I couldn't imagine what it was like spending one of the most love-filled times of the year without the man you loved.

"Now for your outfit! I really out did myself this time, Bella. It will look great on you and looks pretty festive." Alice said back in my room, take a long box out of the white bag she brought over.

She took out a simple off-shoulder red sweater dress that went down to my knees. It fit me well and I wore black pantyhose to cover my legs. I liked it. **(outfit on profile)**

After I was done getting ready for the party, it was time to go. Alice was going to follow us in her car since she drove over here. I put on the stylish black coat, courtesy of Alice, **(coat on profile)** and got into the police cruiser next to Charlie.

The Cullens' house was beautifully decorated for the season. I noticed a few things while I was there earlier, but now that it was dark, the lights were turned on and it looked beyond gorgeous. There were even Christmas lights spiraled around the huge ever grand trees surrounding the house. Even the giant, inflatable Santa Clause and his reindeer on the roof were lit up.

Many people were already there. Since the Cullens had so many friends and family, that the house would be full of people.

I was anxious of course. I would have to see Edward in there and it would be very uncomfortable. I would have to avoid him or he'd probably try to question me. I knew he wasn't mad at me. He demonstrated that earlier today when he said goodbye to me, but that didn't change anything. I already said too much to him.

When we entered and took off our coats, we were greeted warmly by Alice's parents, Carlisle and Esme. The two were like my second mom and dad. They had always been so kind to me and treated me like their own daughter. I had grown up with them just as much as I had my own parents, so not only did they have pictures of their own children gracing their walls, but pictures of me as well, through the years.

"Bella! It is so good to see you again." Esme said, hugging me. I returned the hug, feeling a twinge of loss and envy over Alice and her brothers for still having their mother. It was the holiday season, and I missed my mother more than ever. Seeming to sense this, Esme hugged me a little tighter before letting go.

I hugged Carlisle, who also was happy to see me, and said, "It's good to see you guys again too. I've missed your Christmas Eve parties."

"Well, Christmas hasn't been the same without you, Bella." Carlisle said.

I smiled again before following Alice farther into the house. I looked around nervously, making sure a room was Edward free before entering. I didn't know where he was and I didn't want to find out. If I could go through this night without confrontation with Edward, then it would be a success.

After greeting Emmett and Rosalie, I walked over to the beverage table to pour myself some punch. So far, so good. No sign of Edward. Maybe this would be easier than I thought.

Spoke to soon.

As soon as I was finishing that thought, I heard Emmett boom, "Hey! The Ed-meister emerges!"

Oh crap.

If he just entered the room, most likely he was somewhere near the doorway, which meant I had to pass him if I tried to leave, which meant he would see me, which meant he might try to talk to me.

Okay, so trying to leave the room is out.

Hoping he wouldn't recognize my back side, I kept my back to him while awkwardly maneuvering myself to a corner of the room. _Blend in, Bella, blend in… It doesn't matter if it's a white wall and you're wearing bright red. Just blend in…_

After a few minutes of nothing, I was starting to feel positive. Hopefully he really couldn't recognize me from the back. A part of me, a small part, was a little bit disappointed that Edward couldn't recognize my back. I knew my back wasn't entirely unique from any other girl's, but I thought he knew me well enough to be able to tell me apart.

But, this was a good thing. He wasn't talking to me. I didn't even hear his voice at all in the few minutes I stood there. Maybe he had even left the room altogether…

Once again, spoke to soon.

"Bella?" I heard the velvet voice say from behind me. Crap. My cover was blown. Well, it wasn't really a cover, but my back is definitely more difficult to identify than my front, right?

I slowly, and rather reluctantly turned around to face the bronze-haired god behind me. I met his eyes and the emeralds held remorse, guilt, curiousity, and… amusement? If he was amused, then he must have known I was trying to avoid him. I blushed at how stupid I must have looked, facing a wall, and how obvious. I wished I had super secret agent skills so I could leave a room without anyone noticing.

Looking away from his eyes and at the wall on the other side of the room, I said, "Hi Edward."

"Were you trying to avoid me?" he asked amusedly.

"No." I answered, and blushed at the obvious lie. At times like this, I would've hid behind my hair, but stupid Alice put it in a ponytail, so the hair curtain was out of the question.

He chuckled at me, which made me blush an even deeper shade of red. Damn this blushing!

"Sure…" he said, then there was a pause, "Um, Bella?" His tone turned from amused to a mix of nervous and sad in a matter of less than two milliseconds.

"Yeah?"

"Um, I just wanted to… apologize for… a few days ago. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. Please understand I didn't mean a single word of what I said. I'm so sorry." He now sounded pleading that it was almost pitiful. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to hug him and tell him that there was nothing to forgive and be friends again, but I knew that I couldn't do that.

I decided to try faking something. If I forgave him, it would make it all the more harder to avoid him. If I pretended to be mad and resentful at him, then maybe he would get the message and stay away from me. Give me space. But then again, it might do the opposite and make him work twice as hard to get me to forgive him. If there was something I was sure I knew about Edward, was that he was determined. If the prize was worth it, he wouldn't give up.

But it was still worth a try.

"Yeah, whatever." I muttered, still looking away from his eyes. If I looked him in the eyes, there was no doubt he would be able to see the lie.

I tried to brush past him, but he caught my arm, stopping me.

"You're still mad?" he asked sadly.

"Yes." I answered. "I don't care if you meant the words or not. You still said them, and you had no right to." I tried to put as much venom in my voice as possible. It wasn't easy.

"I know, and I'm so sorry." He maneuvered me so I was directly in front of him. I turned my head away. "Bella, look at me." He asked, no, commanded.

"No. Now leave me alone." I said, trying to get past him again, but his hands, one gripping each arm, held me firmly in place. How the hell was he so strong? Or maybe I was so weak.

"Look at me." He commanded again. When I defiantly ignored him, he gripped my chin with his hand, gently but firmly, and forced me to look at his face.

But I kept my eyes away from his. Ha! So whatchya gonna do about that, pretty boy? Dig your fingers into my eye sockets and forcefully turn my eyeballs towards you?

But no, he did something much worse.

"Bella, _please_", he begged.

Cheater. He remembered from the old days that I couldn't resist him when he was pleading with me like that. It probably made his ego inflate.

I reluctantly turned my brown eyes to his green. His eyes were triumphant at my defeat and burning with both curiousity and sadness. I guess our argument really did take a toll on him. And judging by the curiousity, he remembered _every_ word I said.

Double crap.

He looked deeply into my own eyes, reading the emotions splayed out freely for him to see and decipher. I hated how my eyes were so expressive and he loved it. Damn him and damn my eyes.

Seeming satisfied at whatever he found, Edward said, "Can I talk to you?" he looked around. "In private?"

"No, now leave me alone. I told you, Edward, I don't forgive you." I said, but I knew he didn't believe me. He looked at me skeptically, see through my act and before I could say another word, turned around and leading me out of the room, dragging me by my arm.

He forcefully dragged me up the stairs to his bedroom. It had been a long time since I was there and despite my reluctance, I looked around to see if it had changed at all. It hadn't.

He plopped me down on his leather couch and sat down beside me. He was so pushy!

I childishly crossed my arms and turned my face away from him. He just reached out and once again, firmly turned my face to him.

"I said to leave me alone, I said I don't forgive you." I said angrily. Get the hint, buddy!

"Bella, you and I both know that isn't true." Damn it, he was right. I hated how he could see right through me. These were times I wished he didn't know me so well.

I sighed in defeat and said, "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Might as well get this over with. If worst comes to worst, I may have had to tell him to stay away from me out right. Of course, that is, without telling him _why._

"I want you to know that I truly am sorry for what I said." Edward said pleadingly.

"I know. And I guess… I'm sorry too. I said some stupid things" Emphasis on the _stupid_.

"I also want you to know you can trust me with _anything_, okay?" He put emphasis on the 'anything', as if he was trying to coax me into saying something. I desperately hoped this didn't have anything to do with my humungo slip up.

I nodded, not saying anything.

He gently moved a loose strand of hair from my face and my heart beat a little faster from his tender touch. It was so miniscule and probably meant nothing, so… why did I react that way?

_Because you still have feelings for him_

Nooooo, that wasn't it… or was it?

Before I could ponder on that thought anymore, Edward started speaking again.

"Bella," he furrowed his eyebrows in indecision, "is there anything… anything you want to, want to talk about?" he asked quietly, as if he was treading on broken glass.

"No", I answered automatically. Something told me he was referring to what I had last said to him three days ago. I couldn't stop cursing my big mouth. How many times was he going to go back to it?

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He looked away for a second, then back. There was the indecision again, and it was driving me crazy! Oh god, he was going to say something about _it_ wasn't he? Well then, I just wouldn't tell him the truth.

"About…" he started hesitantly, "about before… you said something. About-" I cut him off.

"You can forget I said anything."

"Bella, you said something. About Renee's death… who did it. How was this 'Phil' responsible for it?" Oh jeez, he even remembered the freaking name I said. I should just throw myself off a cliff for being such an idiot. I would _never_ tell him. Never. I couldn't.

After a minute of silence, Edward spoke again.

"Please. You can trust me, Bella. I want you to talk to me." He said the words not out of curiousity like others might have, but out of concern. He really was worried about me. Did he make the connection between Phil and my nightmares? I couldn't tell, and I wasn't about to ask.

"Did – did he hurt you?" Edward whispered.

Yes, yes he did. So much more than he could've possibly imagined. He hurt me, abused me, took away my mother. He affected me in ways that haunted me and would haunt me for the rest of my life. I wanted to tell Edward so badly right then. I wanted to cry and pour out the whole story. I wanted Edward to hold me, to comfort me and tell me everything would be alright.

But everything wouldn't be alright. I couldn't tell Edward what happened. I couldn't get the comfort and reassurance that I so badly wanted. That I so badly _needed_.

I would never go back to the happy teenager-almost-adult that I was. Even if this whole thing solved itself in the end, I would never be the same. And it wasn't fair. God, it wasn't fair! Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Even if Phil was caught, it wouldn't change what had happened. The effects were permanent, unchangeable. Up till now, I was in a sort of denial. That Renee would come around and take me home. That I could just be more of myself in front of my friends, in front of Edward, instead of so closed off all of the time. Today, on that sleigh ride, in those few moments I dropped my boundaries and let my self laugh, _really_ laugh, I felt whole.

Not even the broken heart Edward left me with was as bad as this revelation I was having. At least then I took comfort that he was back in Forks, happy with his family and girlfriend. Now, there was nothing. No comfort, no reassurance. And for that, I hated Phil. This time with an even riper, more powerful hatred. He took my mother's life. There was no going back, no matter how much I wanted to.

The finality of it hit me full force. And all it took was that moment to make my raw emotions spill out into the open. Nothing would ever take back what had been done, and that alone killed me. The raw, desperate need, no, _hunger_ for everything to be okay again, for everything to be fine, was so powerful that it left me breathless. The world seemed to be against me, and I wasn't going to win. I was going to be haunted forever. All it took was one man to ruin everything that had been set down for me. Life just kept throwing hurt after hurt at me, wasn't it?

In this moment in time when I finally came to terms with the finality of it all, I did the one thing one could do; I cried.

At first it was just a few tears spilling out from my eyes, falling into my lap. But it soon turned into full out sobbing. Have you ever had that feeling of the end? The feeling of no hope? The knowledge that nothing will ever be better, be how it was, and it killed you? No, I don't suppose many of you have. Well, it sucked. This wasn't a good epiphany, it was a bad one. And it sucked.

Through my agonized sobbing I felt two strong arms encircle me. They were full of concern, worry, and the wanting to help, but the complete lack of knowledge on how to.

But I didn't care. I needed the comfort, the protectiveness of anyone right then that I think I would even have accepted Tanya's arms- as awkward as it would have been.

I leaned into the arms and the sweet, honey scent told me it was the one person I trusted with everything in me. The one I used to love, possibly still did, and the one person who was sitting beside me the whole time.

Edward. Thank God for Edward.

Edward rubbed soothing circles on my back as I cried my heart on my shoulder. He whispered securities in my ear, but the knowledge that those comforting words would never be true made me cry even harder.

It seemed like forever before I finally calmed myself down enough to pull away. Edward loosened his hold so that I was no longer pressed against his chest, but never let go of me.

I was hiccupping rather violently from my crying. My body shook as I gulped in big breaths of air to try and calm myself further.

I turned to Edward who was looking at me, his eyes full of pain and concern. But there was something else there. As if he had an epiphany himself while I cried. As if he realized something. There was a look in his eyes that wasn't there _before_ I had my sob-fest. A look I couldn't quite pin point. It was if my crying caused him to… see something? Nah, that was ridiculous. If my crying did anything, it made his shirt wet. Whoops.

"Sorry about that." I said, my voice hoarse with the raw cries and emotions that escaped from it. I cleared it a bit.

"It's fine", he said softly, gently wiping the remainder of my tears from my face. Despite my wretched state, I still felt the little skip of my heart beat when he touched my face. My cheeks were practically tingling when he took his hand away.

"I-I'm just so l-lost", I whispered, my hiccupping breaths causing me to stutter. I realized how pathetic I sounded and looked away. I was also hugely embarrassed. I had never acted so helpless before. I had never cried so openly before in front of _anyone_. What the hell was wrong with me? I already knew the answer.

"It's okay," Edward replied before almost _tenderly _taking me back into his arms and resting his chin on the top of my head. "I won't ask you again. You can tell me when you're ready. I just want you to know that I'm there for you, okay? You're not alone."

I nodded and relaxed in his arms. I still couldn't tell him, not yet. But… maybe I didn't have to avoid him. This friend thing could work. I just didn't have to tell him.

Despite the fact I couldn't tell him, I still trusted Edward. I trusted him with all my heart. And in that moment, I let myself relax and felt fully and deliciously _whole_.

Little did I know that putting so much trust in Edward was the worst thing I could have ever done.

**A/N: Finally, I'm done! –wipes sweat off forehead- So, Hit or Miss?**

**I really don't have anything else to say other than REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!**

**Oh! DON'T FORGET TO VOTE ON MY POLL WHETHER I SHOULD WRITE ANOTHER EPOV CHAPTER OR NOT!!! Note: If you vote 'yes', know that the chapter won't be written until **_**after**_** certain major events happen. So, let me know if you want to keep the rest of this story completely BPOV or if you want to throw another bit of Edward in there :D**

**REVIEW!!!**

**Peace out.**


	12. My Heart

**A/N: Hello. Sorry it took me longer to post this, but I'm sure we can all relate that school comes first. It's only Wednesday and my week's already been kind of hectic. I've only just had time to write today because the past three days I've been preparing for a major English test and in-class essay split over the course of two days. Now that I completed it today and I'm not overly swamped with homework (although I still have some), I've decided to write another chapter. **

**So, at the end of this chapter, I've added a sneak peek of my new story, "Life ain't been No Crystal Stair". No, I have not posted it yet, but the first chapter of it should be up by the end of this week at the latest. Go to my profile to read the full summary. It's at the bottom, under "New Story Ideas". **

**Sorry this author's note is so long, but there's one more thing I must let you know before you start reading:**

**This chapter is a special EPOV chapter! :D It is the previous chapter, "Lost", in Edward's point of view. I actually wasn't planning on writing this. Edward goes through a MAJOR epiphany in the last chapter and I was thinking of simply putting a flashback to that moment in the future EPOV chapter, but thanks to a reviewer (BloodyFreakin'Nightmare) who requested (or rather demanded) that I write it in EPOV, I've decided, meh, why not? Something major does happen in this chapter for Edward and it would be easier and much more descriptive if you read a whole chapter instead of a flashback.**

**So, without further ado (what the hell does "ado" mean anyway?), on with Chapter TWELVE!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Recap from Chapter 10: The Reason**

_Surprisingly, Alice sighed and walked away. I knew she thought I was in love with Bella, which I wasn't. She was only my best friend. And besides, she had to be over her feelings for me. It had been two years._

_It had been too long, and we weren't even on the best of terms right now. It was impossible for me to be in love with Bella… right? _

**Chapter 12: My Heart – EPOV**

"EDDIE!!!"

I cursed under my breath as I heard my loud lug of a brother stomping up the stairs. He didn't stomp on purpose; he was just so big and massive that he did it naturally. Less than three seconds later, Emmett began pounding against my locked door. Thank God for door locks. Emmett didn't know the meaning of "privacy" and would come and go into your room as he pleased. Believe me; I've had quite my fair share of intrusions, especially when I was with Tanya.

Ugh. Tanya.

I hadn't heard from or seen Tanya since the break up, not that I was complaining. In fact, it would be an understatement to say I was overjoyed when I heard she was spending Christmas with relatives in Alaska instead of Forks. Knowing Tanya, she was probably _very_ bitter from the break up and if she were in Forks, we would either try to seduce or terrorize me. If she didn't make my life a living hell, she would probably target someone close to me. Some she never liked in the first place or saw as a threat.

Someone like Bella.

But Bella was never a threat to Tanya. I wasn't saying that Tanya was better than Bella, God she was so _beneath_ Bella, but I never saw Bella that way, so Tanya's insecurities were completely ridiculous.

Of course, that was then, and this was now.

Now… I was still utterly confused when it came to how I felt about Bella. She brought out reactions and feelings in me I had never felt for anyone before. Even the thought of her was enough to make a goofy grin spread out on my face. Of course I kept these_… reactions_ a secret from my family, especially Alice. If I told her, there was no doubt in my mind she would go off on all that nonsense about being in love with Bella.

I cared so much for Bella, but not in that way. The thought of us being a couple was absolute ludicrous. She was like my… sister… of sorts.

I nearly jumped out of skin when Emmett started shouting on the other side of the door again. Was it just me, or was he even _louder_ than I remembered?

"EDDIE!!! If you don't answer this door in FIVE SECONDS, I am going to break in right through the door and EAT YOU!" he boomed. Well, that was new. I didn't think he'd ever used that threat before – the eating me, I meant, not the door breaking. He broke at least four of our house doors in his teenager years. He finally stopped when Esme threatened him with no more pop tarts.

Grumbling, I got up off my couch and opened the door. Emmett looked excited, like a little kid in a toy store.

"Don't call me Eddie", I said warningly.

"That's nice Ed_wina_," he said brushing it off with a wave of his hand, "Come on, Dad-ee-o wants us strong men to help him put up the inflatable Santa and his reindeer up on the roof." Emmett, having delivered this message, or command, scampered off.

I slowly followed him, my head down. I admit that I was acting like a little child instead of the nineteen-year-old young man I was, but I had been so frustrated, tortured, and confused the past three days, that I would not have been doing my family a favour by gracing them with my dark presence.

After dressing appropriately, I went outside to brave to cold to put up the lovely gigantic inflatable Santa and his trustworthy reindeer up on our roof. Did I mention our house was three stories high? Oh, well it is.

My father, Carlisle, was standing in the front yard, taking out the currently deflated Santa. Emmett was helping him and bouncing like Alice. I couldn't fathom how Emmett and I were related or that he was older. We were complete opposites and at times I felt like _I_ was the older brother taking care of a little goofball called Emmett.

"Edward! Come help us unpack these things. You and Emmett can handle the reindeer. I'll take care of Santa." Carlisle called to me.

I worked with Emmett, unpacking the lovely deflated reindeer, one by one. We only had three despite Santa having more. Of course, one of them was Rudolph, bright red nose and all. What would Santa's entourage be without Rudolph?

Finally, we dragged the four _things_ onto the roof of the house through the large window on the third floor. We would have used a ladder, but we didn't have one that was quite long enough.

The work and Emmett's bad jokes were a useful and welcome distraction from my previous brooding thoughts. I'm sure you are aware that over the past three days I had thought of Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Nothing but Isabella. It was very strange, but not at all frightening. I didn't know why that was. Instead, I would feel warm inside when I thought of my best friend. Well, I _always_ felt warm and happy when I thought of Bella, but since I had gone two whole years without her friendship and warmth, I had almost forgotten what it felt like.

It had to be a good few hours before us strong men finally finished setting up the inflatables on the roof and adding lights so they lit up along with the rest of the decorations. It was now only about two hours before the early guests would arrive for the Christmas Eve party. Rose was already here, she had been since the little sleigh ride with Bella. She was helping Esme decorate the house and lay out beverages. Appetizers and Christmas cookies were in the oven.

Giving them both a quick greeting, I raced upstairs to take a shower and mope around until people started arriving.

When I entered my room I chuckled as I saw an outfit laid out on my bed. No doubt Alice wanted me to wear it to the party. Normally she let me choose my own clothes, but for special occasions she claimed I needed "special assistance". She was an odd little pixie. I suspected she'd already left for Bella's for Bella Barbie time.

I laughed again when I thought about Bella being tortured by Alice and beauty products. Bella hated makeovers back in high school and she still hated them now. It was one of the few things I truly loved about my friend. Most girls would jump at the chance to undergo an afternoon of primping, but she did not. She was unique.

The outfit Alice left for me was simple enough. It was a casual button down emerald green shirt and dark dress pants. I knew why she chose the green colour; it was a "Christmas-y colour and would match your eyes!" and que the squeal.

I spent more time in the shower than I probably should have. I know it's very feminine to say this, but the hot water eased the tension in my muscles and seemingly washed away from build up emotions I had been feeling today since Bella's movie visit. It was very relaxing.

When I finally came out, Emmett called me girl for taking so long before going in and showering himself. Sometimes it appalled me how considerate and non-judgmental my brother was. Really.

After drying my hair with a towel (I had simply given up trying to keep it down) I slipped on the clothes Alice left and headed downstairs instead of my room.

Esme and Rosalie were in the kitchen decorating the Christmas cookies with icing and sprinkles.

"Hey", I said shortly, snatching up a cookie and biting it before either one could blink.

"Edward!" my mother scolded. I just gave her a sheepish smile and shrug before turning around and exiting the kitchen. I was bored and I wanted to do something before Bella came around. She and I needed to talk. A serious talk. I was going to apologize for what I said and hopefully she would forgive me.

There was also another matter that concerned me.

I remembered every single word she said to me, even the obvious slip up she made three days ago.

Who was Phil? It was quite obvious that he was the reason Renee was dead, but how so? I wanted to get these answers from Bella, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I wanted to be subtle, but this time, subtle didn't seem to cut it. I just wanted Bella to talk to me. _Really_ talk. Like how we used to.

* * *

Guests started pouring into the house at around six in the evening and just kept coming. Of course, the whole town wasn't there, but it definitely felt like it. I mingled a while, but most of the people were middle-aged and would have rather spoken with my parents, or a giggling, inappropriate girl who for some odd reason, thought I was attracted to her. Apparently news of Tanya's and my break up had spread among the young female population in Forks and they saw it as a chance to finally "snatch" me, as they put it. I felt like they were planning a kidnapping.

It was incredibly annoying to say the least. The girls had no brains and most of them were too young for me. One was only fourteen!

Finally, having enough of this torture, I went upstairs, not to my room, but to the second floor landing, looking out the window to keep a look out for Bella. She hadn't arrived yet and I was anxious to speak to her. Not to mention that with her by my side, the high school girls would stay away.

"Hiya, Edward," a nasally female voice said from behind me. I turned around to ee another high school no-brainer walking in, I'm guessing what she thought was a "sexy" way. But to me, "stupid" was putting it lightly.

"Uh, hello…?" I trailed off at the end, not knowing her name.

"Kitty", she said when she reached my side, batting her eyelashes. _Alright then…_

I nodded briefly before turning back to the window, hoping she'd take the hint. I was not going to be rude to her, Esme taught me to be a gentleman, but that didn't mean I was going to give in to her obvious and rather ridiculous flirting.

"Edward?" she asked. Damn, didn't leave.

I turned back to her silently. She was like all the others, so much like Tanya actually. Amazing how I had never noticed how hooker-like Tanya always was until now.

Looking pleased that my gaze had returned to her, she batted her eyelashes in a way that made it look like someone was spitting in her eyes, and latched herself to my arm, pressing her very poorly concealed chest onto me. It should've been illegal to wear such little clothing, not because it made her look sexy, but because it so disgusting it practically burned my eyes out.

I tried to get out of her grip, but she only held on tighter. Her heavily lipstick-ed lips were slightly parted in anticipation, as if she expected me to kiss her right there. I would never. I took a closer look at her; she had shiny black hair and looked about fifteen or sixteen.

"You look _delicious_ tonight Edward", she purred. I internally shuddered. I personally didn't like being called "delicious", but she thought it was appealing.

"I would appreciate it if you removed your hands from me", I said as politely as I could manage.

Looking surprised, Kitty released my arm, but didn't leave.

Ignoring her, I turned back to the window, only to see…

_Damn it! _I thought as I spotted the police cruiser parked along the many other cars in the driveway. I missed her arrival. She was already here.

Brushing past Kitty, I headed downstairs and looked in a couple of different crowded rooms, looking for Bella. I finally found her in a room by the beverage table, pouring herself some punch. I was going to quietly walk up to her and say hello, when Emmett saw fit to ruin my plan and boom, "Hey! The Ed-meister emerges!"

Damn.

I saw Bella tense soon as she heard my name. I swear I was going to snap and kill Emmett one of these days.

Resisting the urge to punch my brother, I started walking towards Bella again. But before I even got halfway across the room, she rather awkwardly maneuvered herself so she was facing the corner wall. She looked humorous, standing there in a room full of people, facing a _wall_.

I chuckled to myself. She was simply standing there innocently sipping her drink. She looked cute when she acted so oblivious to her surroundings, thinking she's crafty for finding some way to avoid me. It hurt a little that she was trying to avoid me, but I quickly suppressed the feeling.

After a few minutes of letting her have her fun, I walked up so I was right behind her and said, "Bella?"

She tensed up again and very slowly and reluctantly turned to me. I had to stop myself from laughing at how cute she looked.

When I saw her face I was slightly surprised how beautiful she looked. It was common knowledge that Bella was beautiful all the time, I had known that since we were kids, but with Alice's magic, she looked beyond stunning. Everything she was wearing and the way her hair was styled only seemed to heighten her delicate, feminine features.

She eyed me critically and I knew she saw the amusement in my eyes. How could she not? I was highly amused by all of her antics.

Looking away from my eyes, she said, "Hi, Edward."

Trying again to suppress a chuckle, I said, "Were you trying to avoid me?"

"No", she answered, but her lie was obvious I was surprised flashing lights weren't attached to it. She simply blushed and I chuckled, not being able to hold it in any longer.

"Sure…" I said, then paused. I wanted to talk with her, didn't I? "Um, Bella?" My tone very quickly became nervous.

"Yeah?"

"Um, I just wanted to… apologize for… a few days ago. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. Please understand I didn't mean a single word of what I said. I'm so sorry." I said sincerely, sadness involuntarily lacing my words. I really didn't mean to be so cruel. I would never intentionally hurt Bella. I wasn't going to hurt her again.

I saw a flash of some kind of… idea come to Bella's deep, chocolate eyes, which were still directed away from mine, by the way.

"Yeah, whatever." she muttered, clearly not forgiving. I was momentarily surprised but then replayed the words in my head and once again heard the lie. Why in the world was she lying to me? Did she forgive me for my words, yet still wishes to stay away from me? The thought of staying away from Bella was painful.

She then tried to brush past me, but I quickly caught her arm, stopping her.

"You're still mad?" I asked sadly.

"Yes." Bella answered. "I don't care if you meant the words or not. You still said them, and you had no right to." There was venom in her words, but there was also another false undertone. But that didn't mean her words didn't affect me.

"I know, and I'm so sorry." I said before maneuvering her so she was directly in front of me. She turned her head away. "Bella, look at me." I demanded.

"No. Now leave me alone."

She tried to get by me again, but I kept her firmly in place with my hands. I had always been stronger than her.

"Look at me." I commanded again.

When she stubbornly looked away, I gripped her chin and directed her head to face me. Despite this, she kept her eyes wondering anywhere but my eyes.

Time to bring out the heavy machinery.

"Bella, _please_", I begged. I knew Bella couldn't resist my special pleading voice.

She reluctantly looked into my eyes while I tried to almost hungrily read the emotions in her eyes. I always loved how expressive her eyes and face were. They made Bella all the more special. I could tell by the way she looked at me, she was reading my emotions too.

I saw pain and fear in her eyes. The pain was understandable. She was still grieving over her mother and I had hurt her with my words before. But why was she scared? Did I really frighten her? Maybe I could fix that by talking to her.

"Can I talk to you?" I said, looking around. "In private?"

"No, now leave me alone. I told you, Edward, I don't forgive you." She said, but she was lying. She really needed to work on her lying capabilities. I looked at her skeptically before taking her arm and almost dragging her upstairs to my room. We passed several of the idiotic high school girls who scowled at Bella. I couldn't care less at the moment.

I put her down on the leather couch once in my room and sat beside her. She crossed her arms and looked away. I turned her head to me once more.

"I said to leave me alone, I said I don't forgive you." Bella said angrily.

"Bella, you and I both know that isn't true."

She sighed in defeat and said, "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I want you to know that I truly am sorry for what I said." I said pleadingly. I needed her to know I was truly and deeply sorry for what I had said. I _needed_ her forgiveness.

"I know. And I guess… I'm sorry too. I said some stupid things" she replied.

She forgave me! I sighed in relief. But… that wasn't the only thing I wanted to talk to her about. How did I start a conversation on the man responsible for your mother's death?

"I also want you to know you can trust me with _anything_, okay?" I finally said, putting emphasis on the 'anything'. Hopefully she'd get the hint. I could tell by the flicker in her yes, she did.

She nodded. That wasn't good enough.

I noticed a loose strand of hair lying against her cheek and impulsively tucked it away from her face. My finger tingled form the contact with her soft, smooth cheek. Odd.

"Bella," I was afraid of upsetting her. I needed to approach with caution, "is there anything… anything you want to, want to talk about?" I asked quietly, as if her emotional state was fragile like glass. With everything that had happened, I wouldn't be surprised if that were true.

"No." She answered automatically. Her emotionless voice made her sound like a robot. That made me even more concerned.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I looked away from Bella, then back. She obviously didn't want to tell me, but I wanted to help her get over whatever Phil had done to her mother. Whether he was directly responsible or simply a factor, I wanted to make her feel better.

"About…" I started hesitantly, "about before… you said something. About-" she quickly cut me off.

"You can forget I said anything."

"Bella, you said something. About Renee's death… who did it. How was this 'Phil' responsible for it?" I said, straightforward. If she wasn't going to bring it up, I was.

She was silent for a minute. Did I upset her again?

"Please. You can trust me, Bella. I want you to talk to me." I was worried about her. She was in pain and I wanted to help her so badly. She was my friend. I wanted to know why she was so reluctant to talk about this Phil character. Why her eyes showed fear when I mentioned him. Wait…

"Did – did he hurt you?" I whispered, Horrified. If he so much as _touched_ my Bella…

Wait, did I just think _my_ Bella? No, she definitely wasn't mine, but I couldn't help but feel possessive over her anyway. What the hell had gotten into me lately?

Before I could think anymore, a thousand different emotions flashed across Bella's face; fear, grief, so much pain. Not a single one was happiness. Her breathing started becoming harder and more laboured. Oh God, what was happening?

"Bella?" I asked worriedly, but she didn't respond. She didn't even seem to hear me.

Her eyes all of a sudden filled with water as a single tear rolled down her cheek and into her lap. No! Did I make her cry?! God, Edward, you're such an idiot! Why is hurting Bella seem like the only thing you can do anymore?

Before I knew it, more and more tears cascaded down her cheek, as her breathing started hitching as she reached the sobbing stage. Her voice came out in whimpers and quiet screams

It quite literally killed me inside to see Bella cry like that. Never had I seen or heard a cry so anguished and full of pain. It didn't break my heart to see Bella like that; it completely tore it out. My mind flooded with wanting to desperately help her, but the lack of knowledge on how to, hurt so much. When I saw her cry, I felt like crying as well. I've seen her cry before, but nothing so full of grief and agony as this was. It was like all the pent up raw emotions just pushed forth, knocking down her walls.

I softly gathered her into my arms and slowly rocked her back and forth, whispering hollow reassurances in her ear. If they did anything though, it made her cry even harder. My heart was being ripped apart from her wrenching sadness. I had never before felt like this. With Carlisle working at a hospital, I had heard many crying families before. I had heard cries of agony and pain from people I cared about, friends and family when losing someone, but never before had I ever wanted to desperately help them like I did Bella.

I was willing to do _anything_ to make her stop crying and bring back her beautiful smile. Her smile always brought so much joy inside me that when it was covered by the grief torn expression she was wearing now, I felt like I was dying.

_Smile Bella, smile for me_.

Why did I have such a heart-wrenching reaction to Bella's cries? I already said that I had never felt the need I felt with Bella to wipe the pain from her angelic features and replace it with a smile. Why did I so hungrily want to make her feel better? Why did my heart feel like it was being ripped out of my chest upon hearing her anguish? Why didn't I ever feel this pain when someone else cried? Then it came to me. I knew why.

_I was in love with Bella._

The world seemed to stop. My heart beat quickened.

Alice was right all along. I was hopelessly in love with my best friend. I had always been, but too stupid to see it. It took seeing her in such pain for me to finally realize that I loved her as she had once loved me. I held Bella to my chest tighter, breathing in her freesia scent and sighing. I loved Bella, completely, utterly, hopelessly, and irrevocably.

She was my other half, my sun. How could I not have seen this? I was such an idiot. A stupid idiot.

I suddenly felt such a damn fool for letting her go two years ago. She told me she loved me and I was too blind to notice I loved her too! I let her escape from my fingers! I could have been with her, loved her, held her everyday, but I threw it all away to be with that idiot Tanya.

And now she had probably moved on. She left Forks to get over me, and she probably did. I felt my own eyes moisten when I thought of her no longer loving me as I loved her.

But she didn't deserve me. I hurt her over and over again. I made her cry. She deserved someone who could make her smile and never hurt her. Someone who could protect her from pain, who she could look at without fear in her eyes. Who could say her name without her tensing on the spot. That someone wasn't me. I already lost my chance.

Finally, Bella's sobs lessened until they were replaced with the hiccupping of her gasping breath. She pulled back to look sheepishly at me. I loosened my grip so she was no longer pressed to me, but I didn't let go. I didn't want to. My chest immediately felt cold without the warmth of her body.

"Sorry about that." she said, her voice rusty. She gently cleared it. Even with red rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheek, she still looked gorgeous.

"It's fine", I said softly, gently wiping the remainder of her tears from her face.

"I-I'm just so l-lost", she whispered, sounding completely helpless. I felt the same painful tug at my heart hearing Bella's sad, hopeless tone. She looked away. I didn't like it, but I didn't force her to look at me again.

"It's okay," I replied before tenderly taking her back into my arms and resting my chin on top of her head. "I won't ask you again. You can tell me when you're ready. I just want you to know that I'm there for you, okay? You're not alone." She needed to know that I would be by her side no matter what. She would _never_ be alone.

Bella simply nodded and thankfully relaxed in my embrace. The feeling of her in my arms was indescribable. I'd hugged her before, but never something this intimate. I cursed myself internally remembering that if I had just realized this sooner I could have held her like this everyday for the past two years.

Bella was no doubt my soul-mate, she made me feel complete and deliciously _whole_.

But… I had hurt her so much in the past _and_ present that she couldn't possibly love me anymore. I didn't deserve her. She was far too good to me. Yet, I loved her too much to let her go. I knew it was selfish, but I needed this angel to be mine, even if I didn't deserve her.

So, should I be selfish and try to fight for Bella, or should I do what's right and leave her alone?

**A/N: Oh my… teehee. Hit or Miss? And NO this does not mean Edward and Bella will declare their undying love for each other and get together next chapter. He's only JUST discovering his love, so give the two lovebirds some time people!**

**So here's a special sneak peek of my new story **_**Life ain't been no Crystal Stair**_** which I will post the first chapter sometime by the end of this week. You can go to my profile to read the full summary. You can find it under the heading "New Story Ideas".**

**The story's title came from the poem, "Mother to Son", by Langston Hughes. It is truly inspiring and a beautiful poem. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. **

**Oh! And I've decided that whenever I start a new story, the prologue will contain a well-known quote that will reflect on the story. Okay? Okay.**

**SPECIAL SNEAK PEEK:**

_**Life ain't been no Crystal Stair**_

**Prologue**

From the time we were all children, we've always been told that "Money cannot buy true happiness".

As lovely and corny as that sounds, it sure as hell doesn't stop us from _wanting_ money.

Let my teach you the two most basic rules of the fiscal world:

1. Those who do _not_ have money, want it.

2. Those who _do_ have money, want _more._

Simple as that.

We live in an entirely material world. iPods, convertibles, designer handbags, cell phones, diamond jewelry, and brand name clothes are just a few of the pointless material items that none of us need, but want. Despite the fact that this is a material world, I am definitely _not_ a material girl.

I never had much growing up. I was born from a cheap summer fling that unfortunately ended in an unplanned teenage pregnancy. I grew up on the wrong side of town with a mother who was hardly home since she worked several different jobs. With so little parenting under your belt, you tend to do stupid things. I've done my fair share of stupid things. I probably would have done more stupid things if I had the money.

See? It all leads back to money.

Of course, today, I have things I could have never bought with that green stuff. Things I wouldn't trade anything for, not even my life. Although… money could help us become happy. If My mother had more money, she would have been able to raise me properly. I would have been a normal, average kid.

But do I really want that? I wear my scars, both the ones that you can and can't see, with pride. They show hardship and perseverance – and a daily reminder of where I've come from and why I'd never go back.

So I guess that in reality, money really cannot buy you _true_ happiness, but definitely _helps._

Because for me, _Life ain't been no Crystal Stair_. **  
**


	13. Old School

**A/N: Salut! Just to let you know, I posted the first chapter of my new story, **_**Life ain't been no Crystal Stair**_**, a couple of days ago, so please, please, PLEASE go check it out and drop in a review. I will be posting the second chapter extra soon. Probably tomorrow or later tonight. Whenever I feel like it I guess. As I'm sure you've already figured out, with two stories to take of now, I won't be updating so often anymore. Probably around once or twice a week, same goes for my other story.**

**I was going to update this story yesterday, but I was pretty exhausted from working all week and seeing the Twilight Movie! I went after school was done with my friend and of course it was a packed theatre. We didn't get the best seats, but they were decent. I will explain my thoughts on the movie at the end of this chapter. Don't worry, if you haven't seen the movie yet, there will be NO SPOILERS.**

**I have nothing else to say…. So on with Chapter THIRTEEN!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_Bella was no doubt my soul-mate, she made me feel complete and deliciously whole._

_But… I had hurt her so much in the past and present that she couldn't possibly love me anymore. I didn't deserve her. She was far too good to me. Yet, I loved her too much to let her go. I knew it was selfish, but I needed this angel to be mine, even if I didn't deserve her._

_So, should I be selfish and try to fight for Bella, or should I do what's right and leave her alone?_

**Chapter 13: Old School – BPOV**

It was New Year's Eve.

Correction: It was New Year's Eve and we were at the Cullen's house. I was pretty much starting to believe the world absolutely loathed me.

Ever since my little meltdown, things had had been doubly awkward between Edward and I. I knew that showing him that moment of weakness in me was a mistake and I hoped he wasn't under the false implication that everything was alright between us now. I had let my guard down that time, and I wasn't planning on doing it again. It was an accident, and nothing could come out of it. Both of our lives' depended on it.

Ever since Charlie told me that the police were suspecting some other dude, not Phil, I had become twice as paranoid as before. I knew that Phil would be trying three times as hard to get me to keep my mouth shut now that he was seemingly in the clear. Every time I was alone, or sometimes when I wasn't even alone, I would find myself glancing over my shoulder or darting my eyes nervously around me, as if he were watching me. I'm sure if he actually _were_ watching me he'd send me some kind of form of communication, like a text message or email or something, to let me know. Just to freak me out and make sure I shut the hell up **(hint, hint… just some foreshadowing)**.

Since he had comforted me, I truly did trust Edward. I knew he would never intentionally hurt me, even after all that had happened between us. Even then, when he first started dating Tanya, he never _meant_ to hurt me. I trusted him with my life. There was no doubt in my mind that if I told him the truth about Phil that he would be supporting, even though he would probably be insistent on telling the police. No, the problem wasn't that I didn't trust Edward.

I just didn't trust myself, at least not around him. When I was around him, I said too much. I lost my word filter, involuntarily dropped my guard and showed my vulnerability.

This was a very bad thing. I was still confused on exactly _what_ made me react like this whenever I was around Edward, but whatever it was, I wasn't going to let myself find out.

I knew I was hurting Edward by doing this. I knew he was probably expecting me to trust him and be closer to him after I broke down. I pretty much did the opposite of the latter, and it made me feel immensely guilty. I didn't want to hurt him, how could I? But it didn't change things. Yet it always seemed that when I wanted to stay away, fate would put us back together again.

Now it was New Year's Eve and Esme invited Charlie and I to spend it with her and the rest of the Cullen bunch. Rose was in Port Angeles spending it with her family, much to her annoyance. Since Esme and Carlisle saw us Swans as family, they tried to include us in all their family "togetherness" times. Hallmark commercial anyone?

So, here I was, in the living room of the Cullen mansion, holding a glass of coke, since I wasn't old enough to drink champagne like all the adults, watching the TV, waiting for them to drop that gigantic and probably environmentally unhealthy, ball in New York. At least, I was trying to watch. I could feel Edward's eyes on me and hear Emmett whining about missing Rose in my right ear and Alice's own gloom about missing Jasper in my left. This was the most _perfect_ New Year's Eve ever. Really.

I understood why they missed them though. The New Year was for lovers. On midnight, couples were supposed to exchange their first kiss of a brand new year. The only united couple in the entire house that night, even though most of the people there were involved in a relationship, was Carlisle and Esme. So I guess the rest of us were supposed to just clink our glasses together and act freakishly happy when the ball did drop while we secretly mourned the absence of our significant others or, in my case, the lack of a significant other to mourn.

"Bella, I miss Rosie…" Emmett said for the thousandth time that night. I was seriously getting irritated. If you couldn't already tell, I wasn't in the best of moods that night.

"And I miss my non-existent boyfriend, okay?" I snapped. I saw Edward twitch at that. I didn't know exactly why, but he had been giving me funny looks since Christmas, and it was seriously bugging me. I was very close to simply going up to him and demanding to know why he was being such a weirdo. But of course, that would be crossing my invisible boundaries, so it was out of the question.

"Jeez, Bella. You don't have to be so snappish." Emmett said in mock offense.

I sighed and took another sip of my coke. I would have rather been at home, quietly celebrating New Year's with Charlie, but Charlie practically worshipped the Cullens, so there was no way he would've said no when they invited us over.

"Aw, it's okay Em." Alice said in her Emmett-pitying voice. "I know how you feel." She crawled over me and into Emmett's lap, like a little girl to her daddy, or in this case, her big brother.

"Aw, sibling love", I said sarcastically.

"Why are you such a grouch tonight Bells? Feel the love!" Alice said.

I shrugged, "A number of pointless reasons," _pointless, ha!_ "Are you sure nothing's in the coke? It's sure making me feisty."

"Only one more minute kids!" Esme said excitedly. We all turned our attention towards the TV.

I decided that I couldn't take anymore of the hopeless lovesick puppies still clinging to each other beside me, so I stood up facing the television. I felt someone come up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to be met with the brilliant green of Edward's eyes.

"Got any New Year's resolutions, Bella?" he asked with genuine curiousity.

_Oh yeah. Stuff like not dying, staying away from you, not dying, and… well, nothing else. _

I shrugged. "A couple. What about you?" I asked politely, turning my head back to the TV screen.

I could hear the tenderness in his voice when he said, "Same. A couple." I quickly glanced back at him to see him looking at me with that weird emotion in his eyes again. It was so intense and strong that I almost fell down from the pressure of it. My thoughts became muddled as I broke the contact and looked back at the TV. He just kept making me more and more confused.

That's when the room and TV started counting down. I quickly joined in for the sheer heck of it.

"10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" Everyone cheered as the ball dropped and the crowds of people were screaming in joy.

Esme and Carlisle exchanged a brief but loving kiss as the rest of us clinked glasses and said a few more "Happy New Year" greetings. All of the sudden there was someone's lips pressing against my cheek in a quick kiss. I whirled around to see Edward who was smiling smugly.

"What was that?" I asked blankly, still surprised.

"Just giving you your New Year's kiss" he answered, his eyes sparkling. I blushed bright red before turning my head away to hug Alice.

She was bouncing up and down and squealing Happy New Year every two seconds. I laughed a little as she wrapped her entire skinny body around me.

"I saw what Edward just did, by the way," Alice whispered in my ear. "It's fate…" she trailed off as I glared at her. She only giggled before disentangling herself and taking out her cell phone to call Jasper. Emmett was already booming his undying love to Rosalie through his own phone.

Someone on TV started singing "Auld Lang Syne" as I niftily ignored Edward for the rest of the night.

Except… the burning on my cheek wouldn't go away.

* * *

We all got back to Seattle University the Thursday before classes started again **(I can't remember if I said they were going to start school again the day after New Year's, and I'm too lazy to check. So if I did, pretend I said the Monday after New Year's). **Except it wasn't going to be staying like that. Classes didn't start until Monday, so Jasper was taking Alice away on some romantic ski resort thing trip for the weekend to make up for the fact they were separate from each other the whole holidays. Apparently he did the same thing last year too.

Of course when Rose heard of their plans, she started dropping hints to Emmett that she too wanted to go with him, and he eventually made the same plans. So in other words, everyone except for Edward and I were going skiing for the weekend. They were leaving Friday at noon.

As you've probably realized, I was dreading this weekend.

Rosalie was a flurry of activity, whizzing around the dorm room, packing things for the trip. I was lying down on my side on my bed, watching her. When she started packing very lacey, sexy lingerie, I rolled over to my other side. I didn't even want to imagine what she was going to do with _those_.

My thoughts wandered to those of Edward.

I knew with just the two of us, he wouldn't have anyone to distract him from hanging out with me, thus, he would probably want to do stuff together. Friend stuff. Jeez, wasn't the guy, like, super popular? I had seen him outside of class; he had girls drooling over him and guys wishing they were him, although Edward always stayed unaffected by it. But still… couldn't he find someone else to hang with? I already knew the answer: no.

That only meant I would have to be extra cautious this weekend.

"So, Bella…" Alice said as her face popped up suddenly in my line of vision. I jumped.

"Holy, Alice. Don't scare me like that," I said sternly. "Since when did you get here?"

"Just now," she shrugged, "It's just going to be you and Edward all weekend Bella. Excited?"

"Why the hell would I be excited?" I asked, a little annoyed again. I felt like my moods were erratic, the littlest things would irritate me.

She shrugged again and said, "I would tell you, but I think it's better if you figure it out for yourself." She looked at me knowingly as if expecting me to go _"Ohhhh. I totally know what you mean. Don't worry, I got it all covered." _As if.

"Still don't know what your talking about." I said in an offhand manner. Alice only rolled her eyes before asking Rosalie if she should bring her pink ski boots or her red. Alice's statement puzzled me, but I quickly pushed it away. Alice was unpredictable and delusional. She had no idea of what she was talking about. Sure she was almost always right when it came to what would happen in the future, but not this time. Whatever she was implying, it was wrong.

* * *

Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose left the next day at exactly noon. Alice hated when things weren't done precisely, so they weren't allowed to drive away at 11:59, nooooooo, it had to be 12:00. I loved her, but if she was this picky now, I wondered how Jasper would deal with her if she became his wife. I shuddered to think of how she act if she were pregnant. Raging hormones and all.

Edward and I both saw them off. I hugged all four of them, wishing them a good trip and that I'd be fine here all alone. Well, not totally alone because Edward, but I hoped he would stay away.

"Are you sure you're going to be fine?" Rose asked me quietly so the others wouldn't hear. "You know, at night."

Ah, she was referring to my nightmares. I still had them every night, of course. It touched me to know Rose was actually concerned about me and not just relieved she would be able to sleep the whole night through without waking up to my screaming.

I gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll be fine. Now just go have fun."

She only looked at me uncertainly before getting into the passenger side of Emmett's jeep while Alice and Jasper climbed into the back.

"Bye! And Bella, don't forget to wear the pretty outfits I left for you! If you don't, I will take every piece of clothing you own that I didn't buy for you, and burn them in a bonfire." Alice said the first half in a teasing manner, but the threat she made was dead serious. She sounded lethal. I gulped and nodded.

Edward snickered at the expression on my face and said, "She's not joking you know. She's done it before."

Was that even legal?

As soon as they drove off, Edward turned to me.

"So… is there anything you want to do?" Just as I expected. He was expecting to spend the weekend with me. Hmm, how was I to put it lightly…

_Gee, Edward. I'd love to do something with you. Really. But I can't because you are currently a danger to your own life and mine. So I think you should just keep your distance. N'est pas? _

Ah haha, not gonna happen.

"Umm, actually I have a couple of things due on Monday so I was thinking about finishing them off. Sorry." I said politely, but in a detached tone. It was a lie; I had already finished all my assignments. I wasn't one to procrastinate.

Edward raised one of his dark eyebrows skeptically. I hated how he could see right through me. It almost creeped me out. Sometimes, when he was looking at me with those emerald eyes, I felt like he was looking right through me and into my soul.

Wow, that last sentence sounded corny and something straight from a fantasy novel.

"You aren't done yet?" Edward asked.

"Nope. So, I'm going to go work now. Sorry."

He only nodded, letting me go without further argument. He looked disappointed and I immediately felt guilty. Before I could stop myself, I said, "But I'll come over to your room later, okay?"

His face noticeably brightened, "Sure, we can watch a couple of movies."

I just nodded before hurrying away. Now why did I go and say that?! He just kept making me say things spontaneously before I could even think. I hated how guilt always made me give in to people. I needed to toughen up.

There was no point in canceling. It would only make me feel more guilty and then cause me to say something stupid like _"Hey, turn that frown upside down! We can spend the entire day together tomorrow!" _So not what I needed.

When I got to my dorm room, I picked up a copy of _Jane Eyre_ to read again. It would pass the time until I needed to make an appearance at Edward's. Ugh.

After a couple hours worth of reading, my eyes started to feel droopy and my vision more blurry. I was obviously sleepy, but I didn't want to close my eyes in fear of the nightmare, so I quickly got up to make some coffee. Some very strong coffee.

I decided I was going to go to Edward's in the evening. Six Maybe. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:30, so I still had some time to kill and mentally prepare for spending the evening with Edward.

* * *

I made it to Edward's room, about to knock before I changed my mind and scampered off, when I heard people talking from inside. One voice was obviously Edward's, judging from the fact it was his residence and that no one else could have such a velvet, musical voice. The other voice was one that I could never forget too. Tanya.

A jealous fire coursed through me as I heard her voice through the thin door. I felt like the time Edward first introduced her to me. Why was she there? Did they get back together? No, that couldn't be it. Edward didn't want anything to do with her ever since she cheated on him.

But the more prudent question in my mind was why was I so jealous? I thought I had gotten over him. I _did_ get over him… didn't I?

I shook my head free of these thoughts as I debated going back or knocking on the door. I was able to make out their conversation.

"How many times do I have to say 'no' before you get the message, Tanya?" I heard Edward say angrily. I couldn't deny the surge of relief I felt knowing that he didn't want her there, or anywhere.

"Oh, _Edward_, you don't mean that." Tanya replied flirtatiously.

"I do. Now for the last time, leave." The door then swung open to reveal Edward in all his Adonis glory, holding it open for Tanya to walk out. He wasn't looking at me, but at Tanya. I couldn't help but notice how handsome he still looked even when angry.

My jaw dropped in disgusted surprise when I saw Tanya. She was dressed in some cheetah print bra and panties that barely were able to keep her _assets _from bursting. A silk robe was lying by her feet which were in cowboy boots. Something told me she came to Edward's room to try and seduce him into sleeping with her. I dunno, just a hunch.

When he heard my quiet gasp, Edward whipped his head to me, his eyes going wide with surprise.

"Bella! This isn't what it looks like, I swear!" he quickly pleaded. I wondered why he was saying that in the first place. It wasn't like I was his girlfriend.

Tanya only giggled before smiling at me smugly. She quickly put back on her robe and walked out the door. As she passed Edward, she said, "Bye Edward. I had a really _good_ time with you. We should do it again sometime." Edward merely looked horrified and angry.

Slamming the door after she left, he turned again to me.

"Bella, I swear that I'm not going out with her anymore. I am completely done with her."

He looked so distressed that I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He looked down at it as if it were the hand of an extra terrestrial. _ET phone home, _I thought dryly. Now if only the tip of my finger could glow…

"It's alright Edward," I said, "I heard the jist of things through the door. Besides, if you were back together with Tanya, I wouldn't matter to me," Lie. "You're free to date who you want. I'm not in any place to interfere."

He looked away, mumbling something under his breath too low for me to catch. I pretended not to hear.

Edward ordered pizza. We sat and ate as we watched some stupid, yet still entertaining, comedy movies. Edward started snickering in the middle of _The Benchwarmers _and I knew it wasn't because of the scene.

I wasn't going to ask at first. I pretended like I didn't hear him, but soon curiousity overcame the resolution for distance and I said, "What?"

Edward looked at me grinning, his eyes sparkling. "I was just remembering how _you _used to play baseball. Back at our old school in Forks. You were just like these kids."

I blushed because it was true. I was horrible at baseball. Actually, I was horrible at pretty much every sport except for swimming. And that was only because you didn't need hand-eye coordination for it.

Regardless, I was still offended that Edward was getting a good laugh out of this.

"Yeah, well not everyone could be a super jock like you." I snapped.

This only made him even more amused.

"You're only jealous, Bella. Remember how I would beat you in everything?"

I scowled. He had beat me in everything. He not only was better at sports than I was, but he was also better in the classroom. My grades were good, but his were _perfect_. Damn him and his perfectness.

"That was high school," I snorted, "The most insane years of our lives. It's different now. You may not be the best at everything anymore." I then lost my teasing tone. "We've grown up."

Edward furrowed his eyebrows, looking serious too. "You're right. We're different," he murmured, more to himself than to me. He wasn't even looking at me anymore.

We were both lost in our reminiscing thoughts, I'm sure, wishing we could back to those days where everything was so much less complicated. It had been years since those days back in Forks. Until now, I really hadn't let myself go back to that time. It was too painful. But now, I felt not only pain, but longing. Longing for those crazy classes and wild weekends.

I wasn't sure about Edward, but I knew that I had grown up. After everything that happened in Phoenix, I knew that I was forced out of being a kid anymore. It happened so fast. I wasn't happy anymore. These days, I only felt better by hiding myself. I would never get back what I gave away.

I heard Edward murmur something that sounded like, "How in the hell we get here…"

I ignored his quiet comment for the third time that night and continued to watch the movie. Chatting lightly to Edward. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that feeling so comfortable and being to friendly with him was wrong, but my feelings for him wouldn't allow me to stop.

Sometime late into the night - or was it the early morning? - We fell asleep side by side, but not touching, thank goodness, on the floor of his dorm room. It felt good to be so close to Edward, even if we weren't exactly in any physical contact.

That was the first night in a long time that I didn't have any nightmares.

* * *

**A/N: Hit or Miss?**

**Sorry if it disappointed you because Edward and Bella didn't get together. Well, tough. In my opinion, if they got together right after he first discovered he loves her, it would be moving too fast and unrealistically. **

**SO, my thoughts on the TWILIGHT MOVIE were this (don't worry, there are NO SPOILERS in case you haven't seen it yet): the movie was definitely not anywhere near the same standard as the book, but I wasn't expecting it to be. It's almost impossible for the movie version of a book be as good as the original. I don't think the movie was awesome or excellent, but it wasn't bad. A fair attempt at capturing the story on screen, even though they changed the scenes a little too much for my liking. I thought it was going to be bad, so I was pleasantly surprised. Although there were some odd moments, like when Edward first smells Bella. I'm sorry, but I laughed. It looked like a cross between pre-vomiting and the face you make when someone farted and you smelt it (sorry if that qualifies as a spoiler for you). The whole theatre laughed.**

**Some people are criticizing Kristen Stewart for stuttering her lines. She does at a few parts, put I think that when she did, it was appropriate. Like when she(Bella) was panicking. Besides, isn't Edward supposed to "dazzle" her into incoherency? Others are saying her voice is too deep. Well, if you read the first chapter of **_**Midnight Sun**_**, her voice is described by Edward as deep, so deal with it. I'm a little disappointed on how Jasper's ability was never described though.**

**Although some will disagree, I thought Robert and Kristen acted out Edward and Bella's romance pretty well. The aspects of their relationship were there: Edward's hesitance of getting close to her, Bella's nervousness, etc. Sure, it was a bit rushed, but they had to fit it into a two hour time frame, so I think they did an okay job when it same to that aspect. In terms of special affects, I didn't like it. Especially the sparkling. I felt it was poorly done, but I guess that's the best they could do since I heard they had a low budget compared to other fantasy movies. **

**So overall, I say it was good. Not spectacular, but not bad. I wouldn't go buy the DVD for it, but would definitely go see it again if someone wanted me to. Since Summit officially announced today that **_**New Moon**_** is definitely being put into production, I'm anxious to see it. It will obviously need more money because of the werewolves, and I'm hoping that it will be good. **

**Anyway, PM me if you want to discuss/debate the movie or better yet, leave your opinion in a REVIEW! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Peace out. **


	14. Dirty Little Secret

**A/N: I know, I know. I haven't posted since like… Saturday/Sunday, but school comes first and I've been super busy in English class since we began studying Shakespeare. This is my third time reading a Shakespearean play, and it still manages to confuse me with those poetic and often metaphorical lines. **

**Next week, I definitely won't be updating till… maybe Thursday or Friday since from Monday to Wednesday, I have several tests; math, physics, English… my only class which I don't have to write anything for is careers, and that's because I wrote the test today. I hate studying…**

**Enough about my life. I hope you guys like this chapter since it's chalk full of DRAMA!!!**

**On with Chapter FOURTEEN!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, which totally sucks.**

* * *

_I ignored his quiet comment for the third time that night and continued to watch the movie. Chatting lightly to Edward. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that feeling so comfortable and being to friendly with him was wrong, but my feelings for him wouldn't allow me to stop._

_Sometime late into the night - or was it the early morning? - We fell asleep side by side, but not touching, thank goodness, on the floor of his dorm room. It felt good to be so close to Edward, even if we weren't exactly in any physical contact._

_That was the first night in a long time that I didn't have any nightmares. _

**Chapter 14: Dirty Little Secret**

I woke up to see green.

Not what I usually saw first thing in the morning, but okay.

It took me a second to realize that the green was Edward, or more precisely, Edward's eyes. Staring at me. Me. As I slept. Right beside him. On the floor.

It took me all of two seconds to become suddenly self-conscious.

I blushed pink before bringing my hands to my eyes and rubbing them with my fists. Sun was pouring through the un-curtained window, slightly blinding me. When I was able to open my eyes fully and take in my surroundings, I noticed I was still in Edward's dorm room from my little movie night with Edward. My cheeks flooded with pink again when I remembered that we fell asleep side by side. This wouldn't have been awkward in the old days with Edward, but it sure was now.

But Edward didn't seem to notice. When I finally looked back to him, he simply smiled at me, his eyes shining with amusement at my probably kitten-like awakening.

"Good morning", he said softly, brushing a strand of hair away from my face. I suppressed the shiver that wanted to run down my spine at the contact. I was unable to stop the skin on my cheek from tingling though.

"Morning", I croaked back, my voice crackly and laced with sleep. You'd think it would be hoarse with the lack of use while I slept, but that wasn't so. I frequently talked in my sleep. It was a nightly occurrence for me and Renee used to tease me about it.

But that just made another thought come to me.

What did I say last night? Oh my God, did I let something slip? No, I couldn't have since Edward wouldn't have looked so calm when I woke up. Did I thrash around and scream through my nightmares like every other night?

I scanned any memories from my dreams and surprisingly, I didn't find anything… morbid. What had happened? Didn't I have my nightmare? How come I didn't remember waking up from it? Didn't Edward hear me?

But then I realized why I couldn't remember any of those things; it was because I didn't have any nightmares last night.

That was… strange and different. Ever since I had left Arizona, my nightmares had become more vivid and came much more frequently; every single night. It was a pattern that I had almost become used to over the past weeks of lost sleep.

Why all of the sudden, did the pattern break?

Was there something different from last night? Well, I did fall asleep in a different room beside a different person…

Did something about Edward's room make the bad dreams disappear? That kind of sounded stupid.

Edward's voice suddenly brought me out of my thoughts.

"Are you alright, Bella? You look sort of troubled." He looked at me with genuine concern in his green eyes. He was being sweeter to me than I probably deserved considering the way I had been treating him the past weeks. "Is something bothering you?"

I shook my head and scrambled to my feet. Edward got up too. I smoothed the wrinkled end of my shirt while keeping my eyes oddly fascinated with a loose thread from the seams. My cheeks were once again pink.

"Um…" I started, "I'm sorry for crashing here last night. I guess I was more tired than I thought. Still, I should have gone back to my own room. I'm sorry, especially if you didn't want me to stay and was only being polite by not waking me up and tell me to go back to my dorm…" I realized I was rambling and shut up.

I heard Edward give a little chuckle before I felt his cool, white hand reach under my chin and gently coax my face up to look at him. When I looked up, he had that amusement in his eyes again. So nice to know that he thought my embarrassment funny.

"It's fine, Bella", he laughed. "Don't be embarrassed."

I just blushed again. Damn these cheeks.

"Did you want to go out for breakfast?" he asked.

Umm… did I? Well, of course I did. This was Edward Cullen, my best friend/guy-I-might-have-feelings-for-all-over-again. Of course I wanted to have breakfast with him, more than anything. But…

Did I really have to explain the whole distance/avoiding Edward thing again?

Seeing my hesitation, Edward hastily added, "Only if you want to, of course. If you have other plans, then please don't cancel them because you feel obligated to me."

He sounded so vulnerable and afraid of rejection, I couldn't say no. It was a stupid and foolish decision, but Edward had always been so kind to me and I guess I kind of owed him for letting me crash at his place last night. It was only breakfast, it wasn't like we were going to run away together and become kindred spirits. It was only breakfast.

Just keep telling yourself that, Bells.

I simply shook my head at his words and said, "Don't worry about it Edward. I'd love to go to breakfast with you." Hmm, that made me sound too eager. Not a good thing when trying to avoid said person. But then again, I shouldn't have agreed to breakfast with him in the first place. I felt like my will power was crumbling more and more. It kept getting harder to stay away from him. He had a pull to him. He was the magnet and I was attracted.

Edward smiled brilliantly and told me to meet him by his car in half an hour.

I went back to my dorm room to clean up my sloppy self and change into proper breakfast diner attire, whatever that was.

To her word, Alice left me an outfit for the two days she wouldn't have been there to order me how to dress. I grabbed the clothes labeled "Saturday" (yeah, she was _that_ controlling) and slipped into them, not really looking at the clothes until they were already on. It was a solid blue daphne blouse with a pretty lace tank top underneath, a pair of dark skinny jeans, and black boots. For once, Alice didn't try to dress me in something more "out there" as she put it.

I brushed my hair and teeth, washed my face, grabbed my purse, and threw on my pea coat before skipping out the door to meet Edward. Okay, I wasn't really skipping. That's just weird.

Edward was waiting for me, looking as handsome as ever, as he leant against the driver's side of his Volvo. When he saw me, he smiled breathtakingly, making my heart rate speed up. I tried my best to look indifferent as I approached him, but it got more and more difficult with every step. By the time I reached him, the corners of my mouth were twitching upward. Around Edward, I couldn't seem to find my self control anymore.

Like the gentleman he had always been, Edward opened the passenger door for me, closing it after I slipped in. He then climbed into the driver's seat to drive us to wherever we were going.

We sat in comfortable silence for the entire ride. For some weird reason, I felt perfectly at ease when I was with Edward. With anyone else I was all jumpy and paranoid, but with Edward, I felt comfortable and safe. In reality, I was the least safe around him.

Oh the irony.

Edward pulled into a small diner only 5 minutes away from campus. Odd how in my several weeks in Seattle I hadn't happened upon this cute little restaurant. I wondered if Edward came here often.

I soon got my answer. As soon as we entered the diner, the hostess's eyes lit up, glued on Edward. Yup. He had been there before and she was attracted to him. I could see the spark of familiarity in her eyes.

"Table for two, please", Edward said politely.

The hostess batted her eyelashes in what I guess was supposed to be a flirtatious sexy manner, but came more across like a weird muscle twitch. To me anyway.

What did Edward think?

I could feel the annoyance building up in me as we followed the hostess, her looking back every second to practically undress Edward with her eyes. It was disgusting. She was disgusting. I felt like suddenly jumping on her and ripping her hair out.

I knew where this rage came from. I had felt it before two years ago and I felt it now.

I was jealous. This could have only meant one thing. I wasn't completely over Edward yet. Fabulous.

I guess I always knew I would forever hold feelings for him, but after I had let most of these feelings go, I never knew upon seeing him again that I would begin to fall all over again. The resolve that took me years to build was crumbling slowly. And this was a very bad thing.

But as bad as the situation was, I couldn't bring myself to tear myself away from him. I knew that I needed to avoid him at all costs, but as I said before, it was getting more and more difficult to be apart from him.

I was so screwed.

The hostess sat us down at a booth table near the window. Trying to sound as seductive as possible, she told us, actually _Edward_, that our server would be with us right away. I couldn't deny the relief I felt when the waiter was a guy. The hostess probably purposely sent him over since a girl might've tried to steal Edward. I didn't miss the cut eye that aggravating hostess gave me as she walked away unsatisfied since Edward paid her absolutely no mind.

After placing our orders, Edward noticeably stiffened, his eyes narrowing.

"What is it?" I asked. I soon got my answer, but it didn't come from Edward.

"Bella?" I heard a deep husky voice say from behind me. I turned around to see Jacob Black looking down at me.

"Hey, Jacob." I said, giving him a friendly smile. I hadn't seen him around since that day he visited about a week and a half ago while I was at Charlie's for the holidays. He was a nice guy, a good buddy.

"Hey, Bella. How are you? Feeling better?" he asked. It warmed me a little to know that he remembered how melancholy I was the last time we spoke. I also didn't miss the little glance he gave to Edward, his eyes narrowing in the slightest when he recognized him.

It was sort of ironic how whenever we came across each other, Edward was always around and none of my other friends were.

"I've been great. Have you eaten yet?" I asked him.

"Nope. Haven't even ordered."

"Then do you want to eat with us?" I asked politely. Jacob really was a good guy and I enjoyed talking with him. But then I remembered how Edward didn't like him very much for whatever reason. He was, after all, the beginning of our holiday fight. Maybe I should have asked Edward first… "Do you mind, Edward?"

"No, not at all." He replied, his voice oddly tense, not looking away from Jacob. From the way they were staring at each other, it looked like they had some kind of staring contest going on. Neither one wanted to break the glaring thing they had going on between them first. Jeez. Men and their need to be macho. Testosterone, anyone?

I cleared my throat a bit, breaking both of them out of their contest.

"Um, why don't you sit down, Jacob. Do you have anyone with you or did you come here by yourself?" I asked.

Jacob slid into the bench seat beside me, making Edward's eyes narrow even more. Seriously, what the hell was his problem?!

"Nope, I'm not by myself." He turned around and waved for someone behind us to come over. In a second, a boy who looked maybe around sixteen or seventeen years old came over. "Bella, this is Seth Clearwater. He's my cousin, visiting from La Push. Do you mind if he eats with here too?"

"No, of course not."

Seth, who was also tall and Aboriginal, slid into the seat next to Edward. Edward politely shook his hand and looked at him like a normal human being should. _Suuuure, be all chummy with him. Go ahead and reserve your freakish slits-for-eyes for Jacob. _

The waiter come over and took both Jacob and Seth's orders before we started chatting. It was pretty much just me and Jacob talking or me and Edward. I didn't get much chance to speak one-on-one with Seth since that meant Jacob and Edward were left with each other, refusing to make more than the occasional polite comment to each other. It was quite childish, really. I hated the silent tension going on between them for absolutely no reason at all, so I took it upon myself to distract them from each other. Sometimes, I was such a saint.

"What do you plan to do after you graduate?" Jacob asked me.

"Um, I'm not entirely sure." I said, taking a sip of my orange juice. " Probably just become an English teacher or something. I also hope to write and publish a novel one day."

"That sounds cool. I'm sure you'll get several novels published, Bells. You're a great writer."

"You haven't even read my work."

"Yeah, well, I'm still positive you're awesome."

"Thanks. What about you? What do you plan to do once you graduate?"

"I want to open my own auto shop. I love cars. Fixing them, making them, driving them. If it has to do with a car, I'm in." he said, his dark eyes sparkling as if he were talking about some long lost treasure he just found.

"Wow, you're really into cars." I said.

"Yeah. I can really do a good check under the hood." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. I just laughed in response and swatted his chest.

Edward's head snapped away from his conversation with Seth and looked to me and Jacob. I immediately felt guilty. Thinking of our argument. It pained to know that what Edward had said was true. I hadn't known Jacob for nearly as long as I had known Edward, and yet I was being a lot more carefree and friendly with him. To the point of suggestive teasing! I knew Edward must have been feeling betrayed in a way, and with good reason. But the reason I was being so much less aloof with Jake was because I wasn't trying to protect him. At least not in the way I tried to protect Edward.

I knew that my current casual friendship with Jake wouldn't go anywhere, so I didn't need to feel the need to keep him safe. If I was as carefree with Edward, I was almost certain it would progress. At least it would on my side, and that was a very dangerous thing given the present circumstances.

We finally left the diner an hour and a half later. The guys split the bill, not letting me pay a single cent, no matter how much I argued and pouted. Once again, what was with men and their need to be macho? Why couldn't they at least let me pay my share?

Edward and I separated ways with Jacob and Seth in the parking lot, going to our separate cars. I noticed that once away from them, Edward was still stiff and his eyes hard.

"What's wrong?" I asked once we were in the car.

"Nothing." He answered. His voice was too cold, it wasn't right.

"Nothing my ass," I said, rolling my eyes, "Tell me."

He was silent.

"Tell me, Edward." I didn't know why I cared so much. It was better if he wouldn't tell me. It meant he didn't trust me enough, which was good. But I still wanted to know.

"Bella, why are you so friendly and warm towards Jacob, but you are so guarded when with me?" he asked, an edge to his voice.

Not this again.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said stubbornly.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about."

"No I don't." I knew I was being immature, but it was the only way. Either be mean to him or spill the truth. I knew which one I would choose.

"Bella…" he said warningly as he turned into the campus parking lot. I stupidly didn't take his warning.

"Why does it even matter to _you?_"

His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he accelerated, making the tires screech and causing me to jerk forward when the car came to an abrupt stop in a parking space.

"Damn it, Bella!" he said exasperated as he ran a hand through his disheveled bronze hair. "What the hell am I doing wrong? I'm trying to be your friend but you keep pushing me away. You always look so hesitant to talk to me or to do something with me. After Christmas you practically ignored me!"

"I hung out with you yesterday and today, didn't I?" I said, equally angry, although I didn't really have a right to my anger. He was right. It was me who was being unfair.

"You didn't want to though, I could tell. Again, you were hesitant. Why? What am I doing to you that is so horrible that you don't want to spend time with me? Are you still mad about two years ago?"

"No."

"Then what is it? What am I doing?!"

_Being perfect, being kind, being comforting. Basically making me fall in love with you all over again. _

But I couldn't tell him that.

"I'm not doing this again." I said angrily, getting out of the car and striding towards the dorms.

I heard Edward get out of his car and follow me, running to catch up. I ignored him and kept walking. Across the lot, into the building, and into the elevator. Once inside the elevator, he grabbed my arm, keeping a firm grip.

"Let go, Edward." I hissed.

"No, not until you tell me what's wrong."

"No."

"Why not? I'm your friend, Bella."

The elevator doors opened to my floor. I stepped out, Edward, who as till gripping my arm, followed. I turned around to face him. His eyes were determined and full of frustration, anger, and genuine concern. He was worried about me, but not as worried as I was about _him_.

There was no other choice. He wasn't backing down. I had already gone too far with this friend thing. He had gotten too attached and… so had I.

It was now or never. Cut and dry.

"I think it's better if we're not friends." I said, putting as much venom as I could into my voice. My heart though, was crying out in protest. I desperately wanted to take the words back, but I couldn't let myself do it. This needed to be done.

His face went from angry to shocked to hurt in a matter of less than a second. It broke my heart knowing I hurt him, but it was for his own good.

"Is that want you really want?" he asked, his vice quiet. A contrast to it's cold hard tone of a minute ago.

"Yes."

He grimaced before releasing my arm and turning around, walking back into the elevator and closing the doors.

Just like that, we weren't friends anymore.

I felt the tears sting my eyes as I turned around and quickly walked to my dorm room. Although it hurt me so much to do that to him, I wasn't going to take it back. He didn't understand. He would have done the same to me if he were in my spot I was sure.

I rushed into my room, closing but not locking the door. I practically threw my purse and coat onto a chair. I sat down on the couch and put my face in my hands, my elbows resting on my knees. I hated life right then and there. I wanted Edward to hug me and to laugh with me. I wanted to go over and apologize, to be friends again. But it was out of the option.

Call me stupid or stubborn, I didn't care. I called myself smart.

But is the smart choice always the right choice?

I peeked through my fingers to see the little light on the phone flashing, signaling a message. Good. I needed a distraction. I walked over and pressed the play button. Apparently I had two messages waiting.

The first message was just Alice and Rose, telling me that they were having a great time with the guys and that they missed me. Alice told me that I had better been wearing the clothes she left for me or she'd be very angry when they got back. The corners of my mouth twitched at that.

The next message though not nearly as light hearted.

"_Hello, Isabella Swan. This is Officer George Carlton of the Phoenix Police force and investigators working on the investigation of the homicide of your mother, Renee Swan." _**(Renee never got married to Phil, so her last name can't be Dwyer. So, I decided to have made her keep her married name despite being divorced. Some women do keep the last name of their ex-husbands for convenience, just changing the 'Mrs.' to a 'Ms') **

My heart stopped. Had they found anything? What happened so that they would call me at school?

"_We're contacting you to let you know about the recent advancements of the investigation, since your father, Chief Swan, told us that you, as a victim, are entitled to some information . The suspect, Liam Griffiths, has been rendered innocent for now, having no proof other than an anonymous caller tipping us off. He is no longer being questioned for now. I'm afraid that is all I am allowed to release to you at the present time. I am aware that you have no recollection of the incident, but if you can think of anyone who would have a motive for doing this, please contact us. Thank you for your time and I will contact you right away if another suspect is found and you are needed for confirmation. Perhaps seeing whoever did this again could bring back your memory. Thank you again." _**(Sorry if this doesn't seem like a real police guy call. I have no idea on how to do this)**

I stood there in silence, my eyes frozen on the phone. They let Liam Griffiths go? This brought on both relief and fear. Relief since an innocent man was no longer being blamed for what happened. Fear since this only mean Phil wasn't in the clear anymore, therefore he was more dangerous than ever. He had to make sure I would say _nothing_.

"Bella?" I froze at the sound of that velvety voice.

I slowly turned around and saw Edward standing at my doorway, his eyes wide with shock as they stared at the phone. Oh no.

He heard the message. He heard everything.

"W-what are you doing here?" I whispered.

His eyes snapped to me, as if brought out of a daze. "I came here to apologize and talk to you. You left the door unlocked and I heard…" his eyes slowly turned back to the phone. Then, something flashed across his face. As if he suddenly remembered something.

"Bella? Your mother was… murdered?" he asked quietly.

I could only nod. No point in hiding it now. He had heard it confirmed from Officer George Carlton.

"And you were there, but you don't remember?"

I looked away from his eyes as I nodded again. When I looked back he gave me a knowing look. I shouldn't had looked away. It only confirmed the lie.

But that wasn't the worst part…

Edward paused as if in indecision. He finally said very gently, "Did… did Phil kill Renee?"

H-how did he… how did he know?! How did he know it was Phil?! When did I tell him this? When could he have…

"_According to Phil, I'm worthless! I'm stupid and worthless! And he made sure to not only tell me that, but to show me every single day until he decided to 'off' my _mother_!" _

Oh God. My slip up. Because of my slip up he knew. He knew.

Edward knew it was Phil. He also knew I didn't lose my memory. He knew I remembered.

Crap.

Edward took my silence and completely panicked look as confirmation. He took a step forward into the room. I took one back. I was screwed. I messed up. And now Edward knew. It was only a matter of time until Phil figured out that someone besides myself knew it was him.

It was only a matter of time.

Edward Cullen had pretty much figured out my secret. Was he going to tell the police. God, no!

But then another thought came to me and I prayed to God he wouldn't ask.

"Why did you tell the police you lost your memory?"

God hates me.

* * *

**A/N: Hit or Miss? **

**Hope it was worth the 5-day wait. I'll probably update again sometime this weekend depending on how busy I am studying for the many tests I have next week. So if I'm absent all of next week, do not be alarmed. I am only sitting at my desk, not on the computer, but buried in my school books. Damn school. **

**So, my lovelies, REVIEW!!!!!!!!! REVIEWS are LOVE!!!**

**Peace out.**


	15. Your Guardian Angel

**A/N: IIIIIIIIIIIIII'm back! As I said, it was a crazy week, and this weekend is going to be extra busy and hectic too, so if I don't update at all this weekend, DO NOT BE ALARMED!!! Seriously, I have a huge Shakespeare summative assignment, and an unreasonably short amount of time to work on it, along with 4 quizzes, 2 projects, 2 tests, and trigonometry homework. I'm SO stressed here! There hasn't been a single night this week where I've gone to bed before 1:30am. Today is my first not-too-busy day, so be thankful, people! Sorry if I sound cranky, it's the stress. Nothing personal.**

**OH MY CARLISLE! I was so shocked form the amount of LOVE you guys gave me last chapter! I was blown away with it! I got a total of… -calculates in head- … 23 reviews! That has to be double the amount I usually get! Hopefully we can beat that ;)**

**Sorry for this incredibly long author's note, but there's still one more thing I need to say (even though most of you probably aren't reading this). I have another story Idea. I got the inspiration from a death god's eyes in "Death Note" which is a super cool anime. Some of you may hate anime, and I actually don't watch it either, but my sister got me hooked on it. It's not corny or cheesy in the slightest. It's quite adult (not sexually, but the concept and scenes can be violent). I totally recommend it to everyone over 12 years old. It's about a guy who finds a special notebook. If you write the name of a person in that notebook, that person will die. Anyway, totally check it. **

**Okay, I got off topic, but the point is, my new story isn't about some notebook, but about a certain thing death gods can see. You can read the summary on my profile. It's called **_**A Vision Stained with Red**_** and it's a Twilight fic (of course). I put a sneak peek of it (the prologue and part of the first chapter) at the bottom of this chapter.**

**That's enough of me! On with Chapter FIFTEEN!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_Edward took my silence and completely panicked look as confirmation. He took a step forward into the room. I took one back. I was screwed. I messed up. And now Edward knew. It was only a matter of time until Phil figured out that someone besides myself knew it was him._

_It was only a matter of time._

_Edward Cullen had pretty much figured out my secret. Was he going to tell the police? God, no!_

_But then another thought came to me and I prayed to God he wouldn't ask._

"_Why did you tell the police you lost your memory?"_

_God hates me. _

**Chapter 15: Your Guardian Angel**

I stood there silent, staring at Edward, shocked and horrified. I tried to keep my face composed, but I could tell her was able to see the horror in my brown eyes. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. All that work I had done, all that effort I made towards distancing myself from Edward, so he _wouldn't_ find out, had gone to waste. Nothing, it was for nothing.

Edward stared right back at me, his eyes intensely curious and concerned. I knew he only wanted the truth, who wouldn't? He deserved the truth, considering the way I had been treating him. I felt awful having to lie to him, but it was either that or put him in more danger than he already was. He already knew too much.

"I-I did lose my memory", I said pathetically. Even if I hadn't stuttered, it was an obvious lie. Why couldn't I have thought of something more creative?

"That's a lie, Bella." He took another step forward and I turned around so my back was facing him.

"If you know who did it," he continued, "you didn't lose your memory. Why, Bella? What happened?"

Okay, so lying wasn't going to work anymore. Not that it ever worked in the first place, but I needed to change tactics. But… what other tactic was there? Begging? Or I could just ignore him. But Edward was stubborn. Just as stubborn as me if not more so. If I remained silent, he would wait until I talked.

Edward stepped around me so I was facing him. He bent down his head so I could look into his eyes.

"Tell me why you lied to the police, Bella." He said deliberately slow, as if he wanted each word to sink in. For me to understand how he wanted, needed, to know.

But I needed him _not_ to know.

We just stared at each other for what seemed like years, but were only a few minutes. Finally Edward looked away and ran a hand through his hair. He always did that when he was uneasy.

"Bella, just talk to me." He pleaded, an edge of frustration to his voice. I knew my silence was hitting a few nerves.

"There's nothing to talk about." I said defiantly. I may had been quiet, but I was still determined. I wasn't going to give in. Did he understand just how important it was that he didn't know? I guess not, but it wasn't his business. He should butt out.

But I did understand that morally, I should tell him. He deserved to know and if the situation was reversed, I knew I would be just as insistent on Edward as he was on me. But that was because I had feelings for him. I wasn't sure whether or not I was in love with him again. I had fallen out of love during the years apart, and now I was in such emotional turmoil, I no longer knew what I felt for him. I was confused.

Edward's eyes narrowed. I assumed he had lost the whole 'be nice about it' method and was going for the 'you better tell me or I'll rip your face out' one. I normally would have been scared by his change of character, but I was distracted and I knew he'd never actually hurt me.

"Tell. Me." He said each word individually.

"No!" I nearly shouted, shaking my head furiously. I wasn't backing down. Not if I could help it.

"Why not?!" His eyes became angry and frustrated. I could understand. I could also relate.

Screw lying, it never worked anyway. "Because you don't need to know." It was the truth; he didn't _need_ to know. Quite the opposite. He just didn't know that, and I sure as hell wasn't telling him.

"Don't you see? I _do_ need to know, Bella! I need you to open up to me. Let me in. I'm sorry for whatever it is that's making you shut me out. Just let me back in! Please."

_I'm sorry too._

"You wouldn't understand." I whispered.

"_What_ exactly wouldn't I understand? How do you know I won't? You never even tried telling me!" He tightly gripped my shoulders and I grimaced. I knew Edward had a bit of a temper problem, but I was rarely on the receiving end of his anger. It seemed as if we were fighting now more than ever before. I hated it. I just wanted things to go back to normal, with Renee still around, no fights, no threats, and Edward as my best friend. It was too complicated with all this drama mixed in.

"I c-can't", I said weakly. I closed my eyes, waiting for his next out burst. And I wasn't disappointed.

Making his grip on my shoulders even tighter, if that was possible, Edward shook me. Hard. I felt my neck snapping painfully and before I could suppress it, a small whimper of pain escaped through my lips.

Edward stopped as quickly as he had started and let go of me, stepping away. I felt tears sting my eyes at his actions. I must have really pushed Edward off the edge for him to react like that. He had never laid a single finger on me before. I didn't realize just how much me telling him meant to Edward.

But that didn't change the fact that he had lost control for that small moment. It only took that for me to be afraid of him. Resisting the urge to rub the back of my neck, I quickly took a few steps back, away from Edward and closer to the door.

"Bella?" Edward said quietly, shocked at himself. His arms were outstretched towards me, hi eyes were wide with surprise and clouded with guilt and remorse. "Bella, I didn't mean… I'm so sorry."

Looked away from his face. I couldn't look at him right then. It was too painful. I knew he never meant to hurt me, but it was the fact that I had driven him so angry that he resorted to physical action that made me feel so… horrible. Edward didn't deserve this. I shouldn't had let myself get in so deep with him. I should have known it would have only brought pain. I suppose I did know what the outcome of such indulgences would have been, but I was too selfish to do the right thing. The smart thing.

Edward reached towards me and I immediately flinched away. It was an involuntary reaction. My mind knew that Edward wasn't dangerous, but my body believed otherwise. I didn't blame it.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Please don't look at me like that."

Look at him like what? I then realized what I must have looked like to him. I was leaning away from him, tears stains on my cheeks, my eyes terrified. But the terror wasn't directed at him, but at myself. At my carelessness and at this situation in general. I couldn't have screwed up any more than this, could I?

"I'm sorry I made you angry." I whispered, not moving any closer to him.

Edward closed his eyes and let out a big breath through his nose. When he opened his eyes again, they no longer held the anger, frustration, and guilt of before. They were now surprisingly tender, with hints of the guilt still there. This just made me confused. Was he bi-polar or something?

"Bella, I wasn't angry at you. I could never be angry at you. Impossible." He shook his head. "I was more angry at the current situation," Likewise. "I'm frustrated, not at _you_, but at the fact that you've lost so much trust in me that you don't feel you could tell me about something as important as your mother's death."

He thought I had lost trust in him? No, never. He didn't understand.

"Edward, I trust you. It's just that…" I drifted off, debating on what I should say next. "It would be better if you didn't know. For both of us."

"I don't see how. Bella, _please_. Whatever it is that you're hiding about this Phil character, I want to know. I can tell that it's eating you on the inside. It's a burden you shouldn't have to carry alone. You said you trust me, so tell me."

"It's not that simple, Edward. I want to, but I can't keep thinking of only myself. Your life and safety matters too."

"What do you mean, my 'life and safety'?"

Whoops. Heh, heh…

"I don't mean anything." I said much too quickly. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me skeptically. Of course he wasn't buying it.

"Bella…"

"Please, Edward. Drop it." I said, my voice was firm, but my eyes were begging, betraying just how important this was.

"No, I won't drop it. Don't you realize how much it kills me, Bella? Seeing you hurting and practically tearing yourself apart with all this, and being unable to help you, not only affects you. I hate how you feel you need to keep this from me. It's creating a barrier between us and it definitely isn't helping with you being so stubborn."

"Like you." I retorted. "Edward, this isn't just something I can talk to you about and make it all better. And don't you give me that 'you don't know till you try' crap. This is so much bigger than that."

"Bigger? Just how 'big' is this?"

Whoops again. Damn it!

I shut my mouth and stared at him with fiery determination in my eyes. He immediately became frustrated again, but this time with a hint of annoyance.

"Bella, I care about you…" Edward said. I already knew he cared about me; he was my best friend, how could he not? But hearing the words said aloud with such sincerity, although they were not the words I had once craved most from him, were enough to make my heart flutter.

Tears stung my eyes as I sunk to the floor and just sat there, not sobbing or being hysterical, just… there. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I didn't look at Edward, but more at the floor. Actually, I didn't' really see the floor. My eyes were blank.

I couldn't hide it anymore. I was stubborn and kept trying to push Edward away from the truth, but he was perceptive, and just as stubborn as I was. I knew he wouldn't let this go, and what's more, when the others returned he would most likely tell them that something was wrong with me. I couldn't have that. Maybe this way, he would keep his mouth shut. Not likely, but what other option was there? He already knew Phil was the one who killed Renee and that I had lied about losing my memory. It was not something he would easily forget or drop.

Edward came over to me slowly and sat down beside me. I could feel the intensity of his stare as I quietly said, "Edward, it would be risking your life if I told you."

"I don't care. I'm a big boy, Bella. I won't leave you, ever." Somehow I felt there was more to that then he led on. Like there was a double meaning to 'leaving me'. I just hugged my knees tighter and took in a shaky breath.

"Edward, I'm so sorry for pushing you away."

"I know."

"So sorry. But you have to understand that it was my only choice. You would have done the same if it was the other way around."

"Possibly. But you never know until you tell me." Right.

"Edward, I distanced myself from you and the other because I was trying to protect you." I kept my eyes glued to the floor. I didn't want to look up at him. For once, I didn't want to look into his eyes and read the emotions and thoughts through them like I had done so many times before.

"Bella, Phil was never caught, right?"

I shook my head.

"And you lied to the police about your knowledge about what happened. You never told them that Phil did it, did you?"

I shook my head again. This was good. He was figuring it out on his own. He was connecting the pieces together so I didn't have to tell him. I knew it was far too late now. Edward was smart and would put the clues together to solve the mystery. My only hope was that he wouldn't tell anyone.

"And, if you told me what happened, _I _would be in danger?"

I nodded.

"So I would be in danger if you told me about Phil and you purposely lied to the police so they wouldn't catch Phil." I nodded once more. Silence.

There were a few more minutes of quiet before he suddenly straightened his posture and I quickly glanced up to see his mouth open in an "o". I looked away again. Something dawned on him all of a sudden and my heart sank and rose at the same time, if that even made sense.

He figured it out.

My heart rose that he knew. It was like a weight off my shoulders and it was an added bonus that he figured it out on his own, with little help from me. I didn't have to go through telling him. I knew it was absolutely ridiculous, but it made me feel a little better that I wasn't the one to spill the beans on him.

My heart sunk because, obviously, this just made things all the more dangerous.

"You're trying to protect me and everyone else from Phil, aren't you?" he confirmed.

"Yes."

There was silence. We were both absorbing the full impact of his discovery.

"Bella," Edward said finally, "you don't have to tell me exactly what he said to you, but you can't let him manipulate you like this. You have to tell the police. They'll find him and send him off to prison."

I shook my head. "You mean they'll _try_ to send him to prison, Edward. It's just not that easy. If it was, I would have told them long ago. Phil is smart. He managed to pull off not only one murder, but an attempted one too, and he completely got away with it. It's been months and they've found _nothing!_ You can't solve it just like that." I snapped my fingers. "He will know, and he will do anything to stop the police form knowing too."

"What do you mean he also has attempted murder under his belt?"

Heh, whoops for the third time tonight.

"Please don't get angry, but…" I paused, unsure of how to put this in a way in which Edward wouldn't go berserk. He had always been very protective of his friends, especially me. He hadn't grown out of it, apparently, and I didn't want to set him off. "Phil tried… 'offing' me too."

I said the last part so quietly, you'd have to have super spidey-senses to hear them. Of course Edward had them, unfortunately.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his hands clench into fists and his posture stiffen. I dared to look up at his face and found it hard and stiff. His eyes were on fire, not with joy, but with rage. Never had I seen him so fierce before. My body immediately went into defensive mode and I involuntarily cowered away from him, remembering the last time he looked angry. But this was beyond anger, this was absolute fury.

Seeing me cringe away from him suddenly made his eyes soften and his body relax, even if only by a small margin.

"Sorry." He said quietly. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

I shrugged and turned away. He reached out a hand and gently directed my head back to him. "But that doesn't mean I don't think you're being absolutely absurd, Bella. You have to tell the police this. Now."

All of a sudden, Edward got up and started walking towards the phone.

"No!" I shouted, getting up and grabbing Edward's arm. He was much stronger than me and I knew he could easily fight me off, but he listened to me… most of the time.

"Bella, you have to."

I furiously shook me head. "No! I don't have to! Edward, you don't know him like I do! You don't know what he'll do! Last time, he beat me up then threw my down a flight of _stairs_." I knew I probably shouldn't have said that, but I needed to get into Edward's thick skull that Phil was _dangerous_. So much more than just some other criminal on the run. It wouldn't have been surprising if he was watching my very move right now. Although that was doubtful for he surely would have jumped out and tried to kill us as soon as Edward realized the truth. "I woke up in the hospital after being in a coma for four days, having received several broken bones, blood loss, and a cracked skull. Edward, he isn't to be tested. We need to remain quiet."

"He killed your mother and almost killed you!" Edward said, taking the hand on his arm and pulling me closer. "You can't expect me to just keep quiet about that. True, he's very dangerous, but that's all the more reason to tell the police, Bella. We don't want him hurting anyone else."

He had a point, but I knew that Renee was the first murder he had ever committed, so a part of me reassured myself that he wasn't some kind of serial killer. It was completely stupid thinking, I know, but I just couldn't let Edward make that phone call.

"He will only attack with extreme provocation," I lied, "and this would provoke him. Edward, please. You have to trust me. By telling the police, we would only be making things worse. Phil would figure out they were looking for him, and he would know it was me." That part was the truth. "He would come for me, and you too if he knew that you made that call, and who knows what he would do. What's more, he'd probably kill or hurt other people as a warning for me. His mind works in sick ways, and I don't want to test them."

Edward looked into me eyes, just looking. I could tell he was trying hard to read the emotions in them. I knew that he could see I was telling the truth, for the most part anyway. He sensed the conviction in my words and that Phil really wasn't one to be tested with. That I had been running from him for months and that keeping my mouth shut was how I had been staying alive and unhurt.

He looked back at the phone, then at me, then back at the phone, then at me again. Sighing, Edward looked defeated. I knew he wouldn't completely drop it, I knew he still didn't fully agree with my decision, but he was letting it go… for now. He would surely bring it up in the future, but at least I had won this battle.

"Fine, but I'm only humoring you with this. I can see that Phil is a very dangerous threat if we don't keep quiet, but this isn't over yet, Bella."

I just nodded and mumbled a thank you. Relieved for now.

Edward then pulled me into his arms and I couldn't help but melt into them.

_Don't get carried away. It's only a friendly hug of comfort. He still doesn't see you that way._

It hurt to know that was the truth.

Another thought came to me. Something I had almost forgotten.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone. Especially not Alice and the others." I said quietly into his shoulder.

"Bella, that's ridiculous. They would want to know. They _should_ know."

"They'll insist on calling the police. Knowing Alice, she'd even go behind my back and do it. I-I'll tell them eventually, when I'm ready. Just please don't tell them… yet." I did plan on telling them, just not anywhere in the near future. Probably not for years. But Edward didn't need to know that.

"Fine. But promise me you will when you're ready?"

"I promise."

I hugged him back briefly before quickly pulling myself away. I automatically felt cold and empty without Edward's arms wrapped around me. I looked up to his eyes and saw confusion over my abruptness. He opened his mouth to say something, but I shook me head, signaling him to be quiet.

There was still one more thing I had to do.

I had to now that he knew my secret.

"Edward, know that you know this, we need to stay away from each other. It's only safe. I… I can't be your friend anymore. It isn't safe. Not for you."

"Bella, please don't-"

"Edward, I can't. I need you to be safe and this is the safest way." My voice had become desperate. Why couldn't he understand?!

"Bella, no." Edward's eyes were full of pain and I wanted to wrap my arms around him again, but I didn't. "You can't just expect me to leave you, with this Phil on the loose, completely unguarded, just so _I_ can be safe."

"That's exactly what I expect you to do. So far, no one had been hurt by him because of me and I intent to keep it that way. If that means leaving me unguarded, then so be it."

"Bella, isolating yourself won't help. Please don't do this. You think you're the only one who is allowed to keep the other safe?"

"Edward, no…" but my resolve was weakening. It always did with Edward.

"You can't go through this alone. I won't let you. I don't care if you try to push me away again. I'm not leaving you to be unsafe. I'm not going to run away like a coward to protect myself." He spoke the words with such fierce intensity, that it made me weak in the knees. I didn't collapse, luckily, but I was close to it.

He was right. It was foolish of me to think that after everything that just happened, after everything I just told him, that he would be okay with just walking away from it and leaving me in the danger zone all alone. Edward wasn't that type of person. He would do anything to protect the people he cared about. That was just Edward. I couldn't push him away even if I wanted to, and we all know how much I didn't want that.

I nodded weakly, exhausted from what had happened just now. Despite the fact that we had gone out for breakfast less than two hours ago, I felt like I would be out like a light any minute.

Of course this didn't escape Edward's all-seeing eyes.

"You should go back to sleep. You look exhausted." He suggested.

I shook my head. "I'm not tired." But I yawned, giving away my terrible act.

Edward chuckled, but his eyes were still filled with worry and pain. I allowed him to lead me to my bed without protest. It was a relief to let myself sink between the sheets, letting sleep over take me.

I felt Edward move away and said suddenly, "Stay. Just sit here or something. Please don't go." I didn't know exactly what I was saying, my mind was too tired and fuzzy to register the words, but whatever it was, it made Edward come back and sit next to me on the bed, on top of the covers with his back leaning against the head board.

"Go to sleep, Bella." He said quietly, then started humming an unrecognizable tune. It sounded like a lullaby of sorts. It quickly lulled me to sleep. The last thing I remembered was Edward whispering something too quiet for me to hear as he brushed the hair from my face, and then I was gone to the blackness.

**EPOV**

It had hurt me so much to see Bella in such pain. She was hurting and the burden of her secret and Phi's threat were destroying her. If there was any way I could make this whole mess go away, believe me, I would without a second thought. Anything to spare Bella pain.

The only thing I could do now was stand by her. I would _never_ let her fall. I would protect her from hurt. I would make sure Phil wouldn't touch her.

Bella's breathing slowed and became even. She was asleep. Good. She looked so worn out; she needed to rest. Especially with what she just did. Letting me in on her secret was hard for her to do, and I'm glad she did.

I gently brushed the hair from her face and whispered, "I love you."

It hurt to know she couldn't hear me.

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**A/N: Hmm… longer than I thought it would be. So, Hit or Miss?**

**And here is the special sneak peek of my new story, **_**A Vision Stained with Red**_**. Check out my profile for the full summary. **

**I already have two stories to handle, so I won't actually be posting the first chapter for this one until AFTER **_**Shadow of the Day**_** is finished. SO, in other words, I probably won't post this story until around Christmas.** **So here's the prologue and part of the first chapter of this story. Tell me what you think!**

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_**SPECIAL SNEAK PEEK:**_

_**A Vision Stained with Red**_

**Prologue**

It is a common saying that we should always "Live every day as if it were your last".

So, contemplating on the meaning of that saying, I guess it's safe to say it simply means that you never know when you're going to die, so you might as well enjoy every moment of your life to its fullest. Well.

_You_ may not know when you will die, how you will die, or where you will die… but I do.

No, I was not the grim reaper. That guy didn't really exist. At least, I didn't think so. But I definitely wasn't him. I was a normal human being, a teenage girl who, on the outside, looked completely and utterly average.

But I knew better than that.

You would never be able to tell by looking at my boring brown eyes that I could see so much more than anyone else.

The monsters, the _things_ I saw weren't the kind who could walk, talk, growl, or attack you in any way. In fact, they were merely informative. This may sound ridiculous, but I could see _numbers._

Not just any numbers. These numbers I saw hovered above every person's head. A series of numbers that, when calculated properly, told me how long said person would live.

Pretty cool, huh?

Actually, no.

For some reason, I was born with this gift, or rather, curse. Before I could even remember, I was seeing these numbers. I saw them every day. Just hovering above peoples' heads, deciding their fate, how much longer they were going to live. It was horrible having to see everyone's life spans, feeling sorrow when you saw someone was going to die young. Sorrow that he or she was going to die at all.

Not to mention that if I saw someone who was going to die in the next 24 hours, I would get a flash vision of their death. I once saw a woman on the street when I was twelve. From her numbers, I could see she was going to die in one hour. I suddenly got a vision of a car colliding with her small body. It wasn't a surprise when her face appeared on the evening news that night.

As you can tell, I hated hospitals. They were full of dying people.

These numbers had become a normalcy for me. I didn't know what it was like to _not_ see them, so I never missed what I never had in the first place.

I expected to see the numbers above every head, they never surprised me. They were just _there_.

That was, until I met _them_. They didn't have numbers.

Hi, I'm Bella Swan, and I can see death.

Yeah.

**Chapter 1: Somewhere I Belong**

My head snapped up from my book when they called my flight. Sighing, I put away my book and stood up, picking up my carry on bag. The terminal was flooded with people, all heading towards different flights, their numbers all a jumbled heap. But I was so used to this that I could tell their death ages right away. The numbers were a second nature to me, so I no longer needed to pause to calculate a person's set of numbers to get his or her death age. All I had to do was look at the numbers, and I knew right away. This made me a whiz in math class. **(I know a lot of people don't read prologues, so if you don't understand what she means by numbers, read the prologue!)**

_69, 75, 74, 81, 77, 46 – Oh, that one isn't very long._

There weren't many people on my flight, which was nice. I was always a loner. Being around a lot of people made me feel uneasy. I wasn't exactly sure why. It just did.

I was always a loner back in my old school in Phoenix. That was where I used to live with my mother and stepfather, Phil.

My fellow students avoided me, labeling me a freak. I was quiet and reserved. I didn't have many friends, if any at all. I think it was because of my curse that people stayed away from me. No one knew about it of course, but it was as if they sensed something was wrong with me, and stayed away. That and the fact I was pretty distant. I hated getting overly close to new people, especially since I knew exactly when they would die. Down to the very hour. It was unnerving.

Not even my own mother, Renee, knew about these numbers. Well, sort of.

When I was four, I spoke to her about them. I was born with this curse so I didn't know as a young kid that normal people _didn't_ see numbers. Renee got worried and a little annoyed I was 'making up' things and told me not to speak of it again. I then figured out that I was the only one who could see these numbers.

The numbers I could handle. What I would never get used to though was the flash visions I saw upon seeing someone who would die in the next 24 hours. I remembered that my first experience with these visions was when I was seven. I saw my neighbour, Dylan. Back then, I hadn't mastered the art of calculating the numbers yet, so I wasn't aware he was going to die in 11 hours. Out of no where I had a vision of him burning, covered with smoke and engulfed in flames. I started screaming and crying. Renee couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. He died in a house fire that night.

I was partly thankful that Forks would be my new home. I was moving there to be with my biological father, Charlie Swan, police chief of Forks, Washington. The town population was just over 3000 people. The number of students in my old high school took up over half that number.

So, it was a bit of a relief that I wouldn't see as many numbers (since there were so little people) and the flash visions of people's oncoming deaths would probably cease to exist.

It was nice to get a relief from the madness of my life. Forks seemed, although dreary and boring, peaceful.

I didn't think I'd run into anything exciting there.

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**A/N: So there it is! Let me know if you like it! Remember, I won't be posting the first chapter till around Christmas, so in other words, not anytime in the next 3 or so weeks.**

**Also, I will be incredibly busy, so I apologize in advance if there isn't another update till next week (probably a week from now if I'm unlucky). I'll try to update my other story, **_**Life ain't been no Crystal Stair**_**, tomorrow, but absolutely no guarantees. **

**So, other than that, REVIEW!!!!!!!!! Show me love and REVIEW!!!!!!!!**

**Peace out.**


	16. The One Who Loves You the Most

**A/N: Hi! I'm glad I got good reception for the last chapter. I was really worried that people would be disappointed since it is a crucial point in the story when Bella tells Edward. **

**And thanks for the great feedback on my new upcoming story. I know you guys want me to start officially writing it, but I am firm in my decision that I will not start posting chapters until this story is done. So, I'm sorry, but the first chapter won't be up until sometime around the holidays.**

**Okay, so this chapter is pretty important to. Bring on the drama! Just read the chapter title and I think you'll get what I mean.**

**On with Chapter SIXTEEN!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Woe is me!**

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**EPOV**

_Bella's breathing slowed and became even. She was asleep. Good. She looked so worn out; she needed to rest. Especially with what she just did. Letting me in on her secret was hard for her to do, and I'm glad she did._

_I gently brushed the hair from her face and whispered, "I love you."_

_It hurt to know she couldn't hear me._

**Chapter 16: The One Who Loves You the Most – BPOV**

I woke up around noon. Wow, I really _was_ exhausted.

When I did awaken, I felt a sense of… peace, I guess, as corny as that sounds. It was like I was lighter, the weight of the world having been lifted off my shoulders. I knew this must have come from telling Edward about Phil. I also knew it wasn't good and that I'd probably regret it later, but it made everything so much less suffocating, if you know what I mean.

My eyes fluttered open, blurry shapes obscuring my vision. I blinked a few times to clear my eyesight.

"Ugh," I groaned. The light was too bright. Why did I have to wake up facing my freaking window?

"Bella?" a velvet voice said behind me.

Gasping, I shot up in bed and whirled around to see Edward, who was sitting on top of the covers, looking at me rather amusedly. What the hell was he doing here? I quickly backtracked in my mind what had happened before I fell asleep.

Fought with Edward, got hurt by Edward, fought with Edward, told the truth to Edward, fought with Edward, reconciled with Edward, decided to take a nap, asked Edward to stay-

Wait, I asked Edward to stay with me? Oh God, that was embarrassing. I felt my face flood with the usual blush as I remembered my sleep-induced words.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to ask you to stay with me. You were probably bored. I just, I – argh!" I felt like ripping my hair out, I felt like such a stuttering idiot, which wasn't too far from the truth actually.

He just laughed musically and said, "Don't be sorry, Bella. It's no trouble, besides, I wasn't bored." There was a mischievous glint in his eyes. Something told me I wouldn't like the next words out of his mouth.

"You haven't grown out of your sleep talking," he clarified, smirking.

I blushed even deeper. At this rate, my face would forever look like a tomato. Dread washed over me at his words. Holy crap, what did I say? I swear if he started teasing me, he would never see the light of day again. I hoped he remembered the last time:

We were thirteen and I had slept over at the Cullens' house. All four of us (Alice, Emmett, Edward, and I) were sleeping on the floor of the living room. In my sleep I said something about Emmett's big toe and the freaky looking fish my dad caught while fishing and… well, Alice took a video of it on her cell phone to humiliate me with. I won't go into the details, but I was in such a vicious rampage the next morning trying to destroy that video that even Emmett hid from me.

Now as I looked at Edward I knew I must have said something embarrassing. His eyes were wickedly amused yet there was something under all that. That same strong emotion that I could never decipher. I could tell he was trying hard to hide it from me.

"What did I say?" I asked, horror and dread filling my voice.

Edward grinned. "It's cute how you think I look like Adonis."

My face literally couldn't get any redder. I was mortified. Alice told me before, back in high school, that I talked about Edward a lot when I slept. I guess I still did. Oh my God, I would never live this down. I knew he would just keep on teasing me about this for years and years and _years_.

Would I still be around then?

I pushed the thought from my mind as I came back to the present. The very embarrassing, humiliating present. I groaned as I lay back down and buried my face in my pillow. I wanted to bury my head into a hole and not resurface until Doomsday.

Edward laughed more at me and then gently reached over and raised my face from my pillow. "Please don't hide your face," he said quietly.

I looked up at him to see that emotion in his eyes again, but this time it was less hidden and stronger. The force of it would have surely made me collapse if I wasn't already lying down.

Within half a second, the emotion was masked again and he said, "Would it make you feel better if I said you were Aphrodite?"

I scowled and smacked his chest while he just laughed at me. Stupid, perfect Adonis.

"Did I say anything else?" I asked after a few minutes.

"No," he said, quickly glancing away from my eyes. That instantly gave away the lie. I was surprised; normally Edward was an excellent liar. It was me who was so obvious in telling a false truth.

He looked back at my eyes and the room was filled with a comfortable silence as we just stared into each other's eyes. I knew, as I looked into the gorgeous green, that I was falling for him all over. As much as I didn't want to, I was. Now that Edward knew my secret, it was bringing us closer. It was something only the two of us knew, which created a special bond. The bond of confidants.

"So…" Edward said, breaking the silence. "You want some lunch?"

I nodded. "Sure. Thanks."

Within ten minutes, we entered the dining hall. It wasn't very crowded since most students were returning from home tomorrow. Jeez, it was still the holidays? With everything that's happened, it felt like the events of the holidays had passed long ago.

I took out my wallet to pay for my food, but Edward's elegant white hand stopped me. I looked up at him, glaring. I knew what he was trying to do and wouldn't let him. He knew I hated it when other people paid for me, even if it was something as small as buying me a keychain, or as big as buying me a house (though one has yet to try and do that). I didn't like being a charity case.

"Bella, don't be difficult for once and let me pay for you," he said.

"I don't want you to," I retorted.

"Yes, but _I_ want to, so too bad."

Before I could respond, Edward swiftly passed the cashier his money for both our meals, a smug smile on his face. I half expected him to say, 'I win'. Frowning, I took my tray from him and sat down at our usual table. Without the other four, it felt empty and too big.

All of a sudden, the dining hall doors banged open and Tanya walked in, or rather, strutted in. I felt like some kind of Pussycat Dolls song should have been playing as she made her entrance. She was obviously looking for attention, as if she was the queen of the school, and she got it. Pretty much everyone in the hall was looking at her. However, they weren't looking in admiration, but in amusement over her little show.

Spotting Edward, she made her way across the hall towards him, Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley following her like loyal puppies.

When she got close, Tanya spotted me sitting across from Edward and she frowned. Quickly wiping the frown off her face, she stood next to Edward and put her hand on his shoulder. She batted her eyelashes in an attempt to look sexy and leant down so her mouth was right next to his ear.

"Hello, Edward," she said in a deep breathy voice. Edward looked at me with eyes that just screamed 'Help!'. Not being able to stop myself from laughing, I not very discreetly covered it up with a cough. The corner of Edward's mouth twitched up at that.

"What's so funny, Swan?" Tanya sneered at me.

I just smiled at her. "Oh nothing. It's just your poor obvious attempt at flirting with Edward is rather pathetic," I answered. Tanya's nostrils flared, making her momentarily look slightly like a pig. I suddenly had the urge to laugh again, but suppressed it.

"You think you're like, so smart, don't you?" Lauren Mallory said in her nasally voice. She flipped in white blonde hair and shifted her weight to one hip. It looked ridiculous.

"Compared to you, yes."

"Look, why don't you just leave and give Edward and I some time alone. No one wants you here and I'm sure Eddie would like some private time with me without you breathing down his neck," Tanya said, wrapping her arms around Edward's neck.

"Actually, I'd rather she stay right where she is," Edward said, his voice cold as he withdrew Tanya's arms from around him. "You, on the other hand, can leave." His tone turned dismissive and Tanya's face looked shocked.

"But Eddie…" she whined. Really attractive.

"My name's not Eddie. Why are you even here, Tanya?" Edward sounded annoyed and I couldn't deny the satisfaction I felt when he wasn't being very welcoming towards her.

"I thought you and I can talk. I miss you, Edward. Did those two years together mean anything to you?" She batted her eyelashes at him again and looked at him with a sickly sweet expression.

"Those two years only showed me how much I do _not_ want to be with you, Tanya. Now, since you won't leave, Bella and I will."

Edward stood up from our table and led me out of the hall. Although I felt very happy and relieved Edward didn't return Tanya's flirting, I still couldn't help thinking that maybe he did miss her. I mean, they _were_ together for quite a long time and he broke up with her because she was cheating on him, not because he wanted to.

I just had to know. "Edward?" I said as we walked back to the dorms.

"Yes?"

"Do you… um, do you ever miss Tanya?" I asked quietly. I looked away from his face when I said this. I didn't want him to know I cared.

"No." Edward responded firmly, easing my fears. "I was going to break up with her anyway. We are two completely different people and we just never mixed the way I would have wanted. I don't think she really liked me the way she claimed she did. I'm sure all she felt was physical attraction. I'm positive the only reason she is trying to win me back is a combination of that same physical attraction and the fact that me breaking up with her took a blow at her pride."

I nodded slowly. It made sense and that seemed liked very Tanya-ish behaviour.

We entered the elevator and Edward turned to me. "Want to come to my room? I still want to hang out."

"Sure."

We walked in silence to his room. Once inside, Edward passed me a can of coke and we sat on the couch, watching _Friends._

"Besides, I kind of have my sights on someone else," he said after a few minutes.

"Huh?"

"I don't miss Tanya because I've fallen for someone else," he explained.

I felt my heart sink. So he liked someone else. I knew my falling for him again would be dangerous, I knew it would amount to nothing, but I still couldn't help but feel disappointment weld up inside me.

"Oh," I said, trying to sound nonchalant, "Who is she? Do I know her?"

"You know her. Very well actually." He grinned at me as if enjoying a private joke. I just looked at him confused.

"Care to enlighten me?" I said.

"Well, she's very beautiful. The most stunning woman I've ever seen," he said, his eyes smoldering. That instantly ruled me out then. I was far from beautiful. I certainly didn't think of myself as ugly, I was just average. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary about me other than the rare pale skin.

Although, if it had been he was talking about, I wouldn't be sure of what to think. I knew I was developing feelings for him again, but was it love? I fell out of love when I left. Coming back had just thrown my feelings for him into a jumbled heap of confusion. He had unconsciously hurt me before, and with my present circumstances, a relationship with Edward Cullen was pretty much out of the question… despite what the erratic beating of my heart was telling me.

"Does she have brains to go along with the beauty? We don't want another Tanya happening." I teased, trying to hide my disappointment.

"Yes, of course. She's intelligent, witty, kind, selfless, beautiful, generous, and so much more," he said, his words were so tender and loving that I almost melted, even though they were not directed at me. This only made my disappointment grow. I tried to make myself relieved; relieved that he wouldn't be pursuing a relationship with me since that would have been too dangerous, but it wasn't working.

"Sounds like in your in deep, Cullen." I said, making my voice sound amused. It was harder than I thought, but I pulled it off.

Edward nodded wordlessly. He stared at me for a few more minutes before turning his head back to the TV. It was silent for the remainder of _Friends_ before _Two and a Half Men_ came on.

Remembering what happened between Edward and I just hours ago, I needed to talk to him. As much as I would have loved to never bring that topic up again, it needed to be discussed. I could tell that Edward was itching to talk about it too, but hasn't said anything yet out of fear that I would break down or something. He probably thought I was mentally unstable. Great.

I turned to Edward. "Edward?"

He looked at me, a silent gesture for me to keep going.

"Um, about before, when you figured out… you know. Well, I'm sure that…" I didn't really know exactly what to say. I knew the topic needed to be discussed, but I didn't know how to do it or what precisely about Phil we should talk about.

"Tell me about Phil," he said all of a sudden.

"W-what?"

"Tell me about Phil. Bella, since I already know what you've been keeping from everyone, I might as well know the details."

"Uh, well…" To be honest, I didn't really want to tell him. Knowing Edward, he'd overreact and go into protective mode, which I didn't need right now. I _really_ didn't need that. But… he had the right to know and he did have a point. He was in on the secret, might as well know the finer details.

"Well," I began again, "Phil was my mom's boyfriend. Actually, he was her ex-boyfriend. They dated for about five months before she broke up with him."

"Bitter over the break up?"

"'Bitter' would be a bit of an understatement."

"That isn't all about him, is it?"

"No, um," Did I really need to tell him this? I knew the answer: yes. "Phil was… abusive."

"Towards Renee? Is that why she left him?"

"Uh, yes and no. Yes, she left him because of it and no, because he wasn't abusive towards _her_. In fact, Phil was great towards Renee. He treated her like gold. It was… it was _me_ he didn't like so much."

I saw Edward's jaw tighten. Great. It was already starting.

"Maybe I should stop…" I trailed off.

"No, keep going. I want to know, Bella."

I sighed. "Phil always wanted a kid. I guess I was a bonus when he dated Renee. After a while he started acting like my father and I guess that pissed me off. I told him I already had a father and that's when the physical beating began. It wasn't anything serious. Just few slaps here and there, occasional punches, but of course, that doesn't make it any better. He was… jealous of Charlie for being my dad. I suppose he wanted to replace him."

I quickly glanced at Edward to make sure he was alright. His hands were clenched into fists and he was breathing heavier than normal in an attempt to calm himself. He nodded, encouraging me to go on.

"Well, um, I didn't tell Renee because she was so crazy over Phil. I didn't want to ruin her happiness. It wasn't like he was doing any permanent damage and to be honest, I wasn't so sure she would believe me. She was so infatuated with him; she sort of built a perfect opinion of him in her head."

"What made her finally realize?" Edward asked, his voice tense.

"She walked in as Phil was slapping me. She came home unexpectedly early from work. She became furious and immediately ended it with him. He was beyond pissed."

"And then?"

I gulped. It was much harder to talk about what happened after that. It was too painful and I could already feel tears build up in my eyes even though I hadn't said anything about it yet.

"Then… then he came over about a week later. I was upstairs, working on some stuff for school. I heard…" I swallowed, "I heard a thump from downstairs and I went down to check on Renee. I heard Phil's and Renee's voices. I didn't even know he was there." I took a deep breath.

"You don't have to go on if it's too hard," Edward murmured, gently wiping a fallen tear from my cheek.

I shook my head. He deserved to know. "I called the police, but Phil knocked the phone from my hand. He then…" I took another shaky breath and squeezed my eyes shut. "He then took out a… knife," I choked, "and he, he killed Renee with it. I tried to s-stop him, but he just punched me, throwing me on the floor. He decided to frame the death on me; he was going to make it seem like I killed Renee myself and then committed suicide. He never got the chance though since the police came. So he did the quickest thing he could. He… he threw me down the stairs." I whispered the last part. Recalling these memories was… excruciating.

Edward gently cupped my face with one hand and wiped the tears from my cheek with his thumb. "Oh, Bella…" he murmured, pulling me into his arms. I breathed in his sweet scent, and immediately relaxed. He always knew how to soothe me.

"I'm fine," I said, pulling away. "It's just hard, you know?"

"I know," he said comfortingly, using one of his hands to rub soothing circles on my back. It felt nice.

"Thanks Edward, for listening. And understanding. It's kind of a relief to get that off my shoulders." He just nodded.

We just sat there for a while, saying nothing, taking comfort in each others presence. The calm silence was broken by Edward.

"Bella, I just want you to know that I'll always be there for you, okay? If you need someone to talk to or anything else, I want you to come to me. When you're feeling upset or angry or if Tanya sets you off, come to _me_, understand? I _want_ you to come to me."

He said the words with such sincerity, it made my heart throb. I nodded and looked up at him, a little puzzled. "Why Edward? I understand you're concerned, but why is it so important I go to _you_? Why are you being so completely kind to me? Not that I object, I'm just curious. Why do you want me to go to _you?_"

The question may have seemed stupid since he was my best friend; of course he would want to help me with my problems, but he said the words with not only sincerity, but with the firmness of authority. I wanted to know just why he wanted me to go to _him_ so badly whenever I was down.

Silence. We just stared at each other.

Edward looked at me as if he were trying to decide something. Looking uncertain and indecisive, he quickly glanced towards my lips before looking back into my eyes. What was he thinking?

The look in his eyes slowly went from uncertainty to a fierce determination. This only puzzled me more. He still hadn't answered my question and now he was acting all weird on me.

He suddenly started leaning closer and I felt my head spinning. What was he doing? He was definitely breaking some personal space rules, being closer than any _friend_ would be. My heart started beating in a rough jagged rhythm in my chest. Could he hear how loud it was?

Edward continued bringing his face closer until our foreheads and the tips of our noses touched. He closed his eyes as if savouring the moment. What. Was. He. Doing?! My mind screamed with this question over and over again. Was _this_ his answer to my question because in that case, it was a crappy answer. He was driving me crazy by doing this. And worse, I couldn't even read his eyes since he closed them. They were my main outlet to his feelings. Damn it! His close proximity was making my emotions go haywire. What was he trying to pull off?

My breathing hitched. I said shakily, "Edward? W-what are you doing?"

He sighed, fanning his sweet breath over my face. He opened his eyes and looked at me, that weird emotion now stronger than ever. "This." He whispered. He leaned forward and stopped about half an inch away from my lips, as if asking for permission. When I did nothing, he closed the gap.

Edward's lips were on mine then and my mind immediately short circuited. An electric shock went through me and before I could think, I was kissing him back. His lips were gentle and loving against mine as they moved in synch. Our mouths molded together as if they belonged fitted into the other. How many times had I dreamed of this back in high school? It was everything I had always wanted it to be and more. Kissing Edward was just so natural. It felt _right_.

But then my mind came back to the present and I saw reason through the starry haze that was Edward. This was wrong. This was dangerous. Edward already knew my secret, which put him in enough danger. Being in a relationship with him would just risk his life even more. I shouldn't do this, but… I couldn't bring myself to stop.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Edward pulled away, resting his forehead against mine again. Both of us breathing raggedly.

"Edward…" I whispered, but he cut me off, putting his index finger to my lips.

"Does this answer your question?" he said, "The reason I want to be there for you, Bella, the reason I want you to always take comfort in _me_ is because… is because…" he paused, scrunching up his eyebrows in indecision again.

"Because what?" I asked. What was he getting at?

"Because… because I love you," he whispered.

I froze. My eyes widened as I stared into his, trying to decipher if he was telling the truth or not. He couldn't _love_ me, could he? That was impossible. He told me he didn't feel the same way to me back in high school. His feelings couldn't have changed, right? I had been waiting for him to say he loved me for a long time, and now… I didn't know how I felt. I was still unsure on whether I loved him back. I just sat there, shocked and frozen.

"Bella, I understand if you don't feel the same way anymore. It has been two years, but… I love you. I'm _in_ love with you, completely, irreversibly, and utterly in love with you. I know this is a surprise, but I think I've always loved you. I just never realized it until now." He held my face in my hands and closed his eyes again.

"I-I…" I stuttered, not knowing what to say.

"Please, Bella. I know you're going through a hard time, but please. Let me show you that you can trust me. I won't ever hurt you again. I will be the one who loves you the most. I already am. Just give me a chance to prove myself to you. So I can be… with you."

No, he couldn't. I wanted to be with him, God, I wanted to, but it was too dangerous. I know I keep repeating how it was dangerous, but that's because it _was._ I couldn't afford to put Edward at such a risk. I cared for him too much. I…

I _loved_ him too much.

Shaking my head, I backed away from Edward, out of his grasp. He opened his eyes in confusion and hurt.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I can't," I said quietly. "I just c-can't. It's too dangerous. I can't risk losing you. You just knowing about Phil is a danger, imagine being in a relationship will do. I can't lose you, Edward." It was breaking my heart to say these words, but it had to be done.

"Bella, I don't care! I don't care about the risk! Please, don't…" My heart shattered even more to hear the pleading in his voice. I shook my head again and backed away.

"Please don't do this, Edward."

"Bella, give me a chance. I love you." How I had once longed for him to say those words… it was killing me to do this to him. But I had no choice.

"No."

"Bella…" To my absolute horror, I saw Edward's eyes start to water. Oh my God. No. This just showed his attachment to me was too deep. It needed to be severed.

"Bella, I need you. I don't care about the danger. Please don't go."

"I can't." I repeated before whirling around and dashing out of his dorm room. I ran down the hall towards the elevator, but I could feel and hear Edward coming after me. He was faster than I was, not to mention he was a lot less clumsy. I switched my route from the elevator to… somewhere else. I didn't know. I just needed to get away from him.

I found a janitor's closet at the end of the hall I turned down and ran to it. By some kind of miracle, it was unlocked. Thanking my lucky stars, I slipped inside and shut and locked the door. I turned on the tiny light, dimly lighting up the tiny room.

I sank down to the floor, my back leaning against the door. _Will Edward find me?_

"Bella! Please! Open the door! Just… talk to me. We need to talk about this." Edward banged on the door. I winced. Crap.

"Edward, please go away." I said, tears building up in my eyes. Finally he says he loves me, and I can't be with him. I bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing.

"Bella, don't do this!"

Tears poured down my cheeks as I banged the back of my head against the door.

_What do I do now?_

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**A/N: -Laughs maniacally- I mean, ah hem, Hit or Miss?**

**Next update should happen sometime next week. Sorry. You guys are going to have to wait a few days. Don't kill me!**

**Tell me what you think of the chapter! This was hard to write and took me a while. Let me know what you think in a REVIEW!!! REVIEWS are LOVE!!! If you LOVE me, then REVIEW!!!**

**Peace out.**


	17. These Words

**A/N: Yo.**

**Lol, what an anticlimactic greeting. So, I actually wasn't expecting to update today, but thanks to a fellow student's screw up, I have a little more free time, therefore I can write! **

**I loved the great response I got from you guys for the last chapter! So I decided to indulge you and quit dragging on Bella's intense internal battle, hopefully you get what I mean. But really, you guys are the best! I love reviews! They are what's keeping me alive!**

**By the way, I created a **_**Shadow of the Day **_**Playlist**_**,**_** which is on my profile. The playlist includes the songs I used for the chapter titles, a few different songs I felt fit, and of course, the story's namesake, "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park! Note that the website I created the playlist on did not have every single song I needed, so I apologize in advance that a few of the chapter songs are missing.**

**Well, that's it from me! On with Chapter SEVENTEEN!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

"_Bella! Please! Open the door! Just… talk to me. We need to talk about this." Edward banged on the door. I winced. Crap._

"_Edward, please go away." I said, tears building up in my eyes. Finally he says he loves me, and I can't be with him. I bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing._

"_Bella, don't do this!"_

_Tears poured down my cheeks as I banged the back of my head against the door. _

What do I do now?

**Chapter 17: These Words**

It had been an hour.

An hour since I locked myself in the janitor's closet to hide from Edward. I was afraid, I was a coward. Edward had continued to bang on the door like a lunatic, begging me to come out, for quite a while. Eventually he ceased the banging but kept pleading with me to talk to him. I wanted to, but I couldn't.

I was truly pathetic.

It was only about ten minutes ago did he stop talking altogether. I wasn't sure if he was still outside or not, but I didn't want to take my chances. Then again, it wasn't like I could stay in here for the rest of my life. The janitor was bound to come around and I didn't think he'd appreciate finding me in his little closet. He'd probably be even less pleased if he learned that I planned to live in this closet until I died of starvation or lack of sun exposure, if that was possible, all so I wouldn't have to talk to my best friend/guy who just confessed he loved me.

Or… I could just take the risk that Edward was out there, tip toe out, thank our dear Lord in Heaven if he wasn't, and damn Him to the hot flames of Hell if Edward was. If he was out there, I would have to talk to him, sort this mess out, push him away, and then be miserable for the rest of my screwed up life.

I was really liking Option 1.

Looking back to what Edward had told me… I just couldn't believe it. He said he was _in_ love with me, but my mind refused to grasp such a ridiculous concept.

I guess I was so used to Edward only feeling friendship/sibling-like affections for me that the idea of him romantically loving me was completely unbelievable. I used to dream of the day he would say those three words back to me, but it had never happened. I had lost hope.

Those three words. Three simple words that where so basic, yet held more meaning than any other words in the English vocabulary.

When had he fallen for me? When the hell did this happen? _How _the hell did this happen? Last time I checked, he was absolutely platonic towards me. Since when exactly did those feelings suddenly turn to love?

I let out a frustrated breath and flopped my head down onto my bent knees.

I knew I loved him back. That much was obvious. At first I was horrified that I had fallen in love with him again. I was appalled at what an idiot I was. How could I had been so careless? But then I realized that I wasn't careless at all. I just had a complete lack of self-knowledge.

I had loved Edward all along. I had never fallen out or stopped. My love was simply suppressed, waiting dormant inside of me, ready to burst forth upon the day I would meet with him again.

It had, and I hated myself for it.

My love for Edward only made things so much more painful. It would make everything I needed to do twice as hard and even worse would be how I might not be able to control myself. The fact that I had been waiting for the day he would love me back, would only double, if not triple, my yearning for him. I had to put my feelings in check. He was stubborn, but so was I.

After about twenty more minutes, I decided I had to come out. As much as Option 1 appealed to me, it would never work. If I was going to start living in the janitor's closet, I would need the basic essentials of human life. Unfortunately, things like a bed wouldn't fit in the little closet, so Option 1 was out.

It was now or never. Option 2, prepare yourself.

I quietly opened the door, feeling a tiny spark of relief that I was able to open it easily. That meant Edward wasn't leaning his weight on it.

But that didn't mean he wasn't there.

Opening the door fully, I creeped out of the closet. The hall was lit up with fluorescent lights, so I could clearly see that…

No one was there.

A huge wave of relief hit me as I confirmed with my eyes that Edward wasn't there; waiting for me, ready to pounce as soon as I emerged.

But at the same time I couldn't deny the smallest, most microscopic tinge of disappointment I felt that he wasn't there. Maybe he didn't love me as I thought. Or, at least, not as much as I loved him. Not enough to wait outside a janitor's closet for me. Not worth the discomfort of sitting on the floor, waiting.

Closing the door behind me, I quietly walked down the hall towards the elevators. I was grateful I didn't have to walk by Edward's dorm room in order to get there. I was almost positive he was there and if he heard me walking by…

I just wanted to get into my dorm room and eat a tub of ice cream. I wished with all my heart that Rose and Alice could have been with me. I needed a girl's night full of junk food, sweat pants, and chick flicks.

But they weren't.

I had never felt so alone before in my life.

When I got to my dorm room door I didn't bother to take out my key. I never remembered to lock the door anyway **(foreshadowing…)**.

I looked at my watch. 4:07 PM. How was time going by so slow? It had felt like years had gone by, but in reality, it was still Saturday. Just one day since Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett had left to go skiing. So much had happened in just one day.

I entered the apartment, planning to just order some Chinese for an early dinner when I stopped short.

There was barely any light in the room since the curtains were closed, but I could make the outline of a figure standing next to the couch, as if it was sitting there and had stood up as soon as I opened the door.

It was a man's figure.

My very first thought was that of Phil and my mind immediately went into panic mode. My breathing became more laboured as I stared frozen at the figure. Holy crap, he found me. Phil was here. He was going to kill me and then hide my body away. I wasn't going to live.

No! I didn't want to die. But he said if I told anyone he would kill me and everyone I loved. Well, I _did_ tell someone, but how did he find out so fast? Oh God, did he already get Edward?!

The man started advancing towards me and a scream was bubbling through my lips, but before I could let loose, the man ran the rest of the way to me, so fast I could barely blink, and pressed a cool hand over my mouth, pushing me against the wall next to the door.

As soon as he got close and his hand came in contact with my skin I knew it wasn't Phil.

It was Edward.

I could smell his honey sweet scent and felt the usual electric shock when his hand covered my mouth. What's more, he was close enough that I could clearly see his face. Unless Phil had gotten plastic surgery to make himself look like Edward, a kid he didn't even know, this wasn't him.

I breathed out in relief that it wasn't a psychotic man in my room, but my best friend.

Actually, back track there. This was just as bad if not worse. Edward never gave up on me. He came to my room to wait for me. This meant it was confrontation time. This meant it was alienate-myself-from-Edward time. Oh boy.

Edward still had his hand over my mouth, his other hand was at my shoulder. Once reassured that I wasn't going to scream '_Rapist!_', he let go of me and took a small step back. I didn't say anything.

"I came here," he whispered. _No shit Sherlock!_ I thought sarcastically, but kept silent, staring at him. I was preparing myself for what needed to be said.

He continued, "I knew you wouldn't come out of there if I stayed waiting for you right outside, so I came here. You'd had to come back here eventually," he paused. "Bella, I…"

"Edward, I have an idea of what you're going to say, so please, don't say it," I said quietly, cutting him off.

"I don't care. I'm going to say what I _need_ to, Bella," he said, determination entering his velvety voice.

I sighed, I should have known there was going to be no easy way to do this. It also wasn't helping that my heart was practically beating his name. My throat throbbed painfully with the words I had to say, but desperately didn't want to. Seeing him here, so perfect and so intensely staring at me, only weakened my resolve. I needed to do this quickly. I would be strong.

I walked more into the room until I was standing in front of the couch. I didn't know exactly why I chose to stand there, but I guess it was so I would have something to catch me after this was done and I would be in pain.

I wished, instead, it would be some_one_ catching me, but that was impossible.

Edward's life and safety came first. I wasn't going to risk his life by entering a relationship with him just to satisfy my own selfish wants, _needs_. I loved him too much.

I felt tears prickle my eyes and I desperately tried to blink them back as I crossed my arms over my chest. Of course, Edward was observant, and noticed my watery eyes right away.

"Bella…" he whispered, reaching over and gently wiping a tear from my cheek that I didn't even know had fallen. He then used the same hand to cup my cheek. It took every ounce of strength in me _not_ to lean into his touch.

"Edward, please stop," I said. "You, me… we can't." I couldn't trust myself to speak in complete sentences. My voice would crack.

"Bella… I love you," Edward said, his voice was pleading for me to listen. I almost threw in the towel when he said that. His voice held so much conviction in it that I found it hard not to believe him. But I was still hesitant to. How could he just go from feeling friendship to feeling love? Even after he rejected me once. It was just so incredulous.

"No, Edward," I said, my voice shaking ever so slightly. "You don't love me, not the way I want you to. You refused me once, you said you only saw me as a friend. It couldn't have changed so quickly." I shook my head.

"That's because it never changed," he said, staring intently into my eyes. I looked at him confused. If his feelings never changed, then they must have still been platonic. Then why was he talking about love?

"I've always loved you, Bella," he explained. But that just confused me more. If he always loved me, then why did he tell me otherwise before?

"I just hadn't realized until now," _Oh._

Edward took my hand in his and it felt so good, I couldn't bring myself to pull it away. His green eyes shone with sincerity and tenderness. I couldn't believe it.

He _loved _me.

But this just made everything so much more complicated.

I pulled my hand out of his grasp and his eyes became hurt. I hated that I was the source of that hurt, but it was better this way.

"Edward, I already told you, we can't," I said, hating how my voice sounded so weak and sad. "It's too dangerous and I can't risk losing you. It's bad enough that you know about Phil, but being _with_ me is ten times worse."

"I don't care," Edward said firmly.

"But I do."

His eyes turned desperate as he said, "Please, Bella, let me try. Let me prove myself to you."

"Edward, no," my voice cracking. "Please don't make this harder than it already is. Right now, this can't happen. You can't have just realized you love me and come here, expecting a relationship. I asked for you once, and you said no." I was starting to change tactics. Being angry was so much easier than being calm and firm.

"I know, and I didn't _just _realize now. I've known for… a little while now. And I know that I don't deserve it, that you've asked for me before and I refused, but I was a fool then. I didn't know what I do now." He held my face gently, but firmly, in his hands. I couldn't look away.

"How do I know you won't hurt me again?" My voice had raised an octave and another tear fell down my cheek. This was _so_ hard, and not to mention that I was telling the truth in my last statement. He may say he loves me now, but what about later? He refused me once, who's to say he wouldn't do it again? If he was so blunt to have only realized his love now, then I couldn't expect it to be as strong as the love I had for him. I didn't think I'd be able to survive another blow from him, literally.

Edward closed his eyes and slowly moved his hands upwards, so that they remained on the sides of my face, but his fingers entangled with my hair. He laid his forehead against mine. My breathing become slightly erratic at his very close proximity and my heart started to beat faster. He opened his eyes to look at me, his gaze held so much longing, it made me weak in the knees.

Edward disentangled one hand from my hair and reached down, picking up one of my own hands. Never breaking eye contact, he gently placed my hand on his chest, against his heart. To my complete surprise, it was beating at the same jagged, fast beat that mine was. Was it possible he…?

"This is how I know I will never hurt you again. I know I've hurt you so many times in the past and I'm so sorry. I've messed up, screwed up, and ruined things in the past, but I'm ready to make it better again. I need you to give me another chance. Can't you feel my heart? Can't you feel how much I love you?"

I could. I could feel how much he loved me. Although I never could believe that it was as much as I loved him, I knew he spoke the truth.

I looked into his eyes, searching. I saw longing, I saw apprehension, I saw pleading, I saw love. All these emotions mixed together, swimming in his emerald orbs, made me question my decision. Was I making the right choice? Was it _really_ better that I push Edward away? That I stay away from him to protect him?

What was I thinking? Of course it was.

I broke away from him, backing away so the backs of my legs hit the front of the couch. I shook my head at him and my eyes started filling with tears at what I was about to say.

"No, Edward. How many times do I have to say that?"

"And how many times do I have to tell you that we can try?"

"We can't try. It isn't safe. I can't risk your life, Edward. You're too important. If I let myself be with you, it will only lead to heartbreak and danger. You could get hurt, or worse," I choked. "I couldn't do that to you. Both of us will just end up becoming hurt. The risk is too great."

"I already said I don't care about the risk," Edward said pleadingly, "let Phil come and be this danger. I can protect both you and me. I won't let anything hurt us."

Was he crazy?!

"I said no! You may think you can protect yourself, but you can't! How many times do I have to tell you no before you get it? You can't just come out of no where, at a time where I'm _suffering,_ tell me you love me, and then expect us to be all dandy. You know as well as I do that this is dangerous and you're not making it any easier!" Tears were streaming down my face as I angrily said this. I was running low on will power and I needed to get him to leave me alone before I completely lost control and jumped back into his arms. I know I wanted to. So badly.

Edward looked so broken and desperate, it brought more tears to my eyes. It killed me how I was hurting him too, but he would get over me. He had to.

"Bella, no! We were meant to be together, and you know that! I can't describe it, but you fit into me, like a missing puzzle piece. I've never felt like this before towards anyone, and I know that it's meant to last. And I can't just leave you unprotected, while I go off and be safe! If you're going to be in danger, then I'm going to be right there with you. Bella, I love you! Please grasp that I do!" I was mortified to see a single tear role down Edward's cheek. He was begging me now. He wanted to be with me that bad.

I could see his point, but the thought of risking Edward's life for my own selfish needs was sickening. Hearing his speech broke my heart, but unfortunately didn't change my mind. It only showed how his tie to me needed to be cut off. He was already to attached.

I put my hand over my mouth, the tears kept coming. "I'm sorry," I whispered. Edward's eyes filled with agony and misery. I felt myself die a little more inside with every passing second. It was truly tearing myself apart having to do this.

But I would die a thousand times in order to spare Edward from getting hurt.

"Just tell me one thing," he said quietly, his voice strangled. "I promise I won't bother you anymore if you don't, but…"

I waited, dreading what he was going to say.

"Do you love me anymore? I know you once said you did, and it's perfectly understandable if you don't feel that way anymore. I was such a stupid jackass then, after all. But I need to know. Do you love me anymore?"

There was silence. I knew the answer and I wanted to tell him the truth and let him know that I never stopped, but it wouldn't demonstrate a clean break.

It was better this way. "No."

My voice shook and I looked away from his eyes when I said it. I tried to disguise the lie as best I could, but it wasn't working. Edward grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him again. He searched my brown eyes with his green ones. I tried to mask my feelings from practically pouring from my eyes.

"You're lying," he said simply. It wasn't cocky or confidant, but like he was stating a fact, which he was.

"No, I'm not." I wasn't going down without a fight.

"You are. I can see it in your eyes. You're lying." He was seriously pushing my buttons. Take the hint and _leave_!

"I'm not lying!" I pretty much shouted.

"Yes, you are!" he said right back, he wasn't shouting, but I could clearly hear the frustration in his voice. "Tell me the truth; Do. You. Love. Me?"

I was silently fuming at him. It didn't matter how much I adored him; Edward could still push me the wrong way. I may have been lying, but that clearly meant I didn't want him there. Most guys would have left me alone by now!

I knew my burst of frustration and anger was unreasonable and out of line, but I didn't really care at the moment.

"Of course I love you, you ass! I never stopped! It's breaking my heart having to push you away, but I love you too much to risk your safety so I can be happy! I'm not that kind of girl, Edward, so, yes! Are you happy now? I love you! I'm in love with you! Always have been, always will be!" I shouted at him.

_Shouldn't have said that_, but it was too late to take it back. I let my emotions take the best of me, and I shouldn't have made such a huge slip up. I made too many slip ups around Edward. That was what the problem with him was; I was too in love with him to think clearly.

I couldn't take it back. It was out. In the open.

Might as well finish it.

"I love you," I whispered, confirming the answer to his question. His eyes lit up and burned intensely. But that's all I got to see before his lips were on mine.

It was better than the first kiss. This one held so much love and adoration. I could feel it as Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, one hand on my back, pulling me closer. I found myself closing my eyes and kissing him back. It was a sweet, gentle kiss, but it held more meaning and emotion than any other action in the world. It conveyed so many messages; that he cared about me, that he wanted to be with me. But the most powerful one of all was that he loved me.

And this time, I truly and completely believed him.

I entangled my fingers in his perfect bronze mess and for the first time since I left Forks two years ago, I was breathing.

And, damn, breathing had never felt so good.

Feeling dizzy, I broke away first. Both of us had laboured breathing. Edward pulled me so his chest, resting his chin on top of my head.

"You can't deny _that_," he breathed. "Did that convince you? Did that convince you that I love you, that everything will be alright?"

I wanted to say no, but my will power had pretty much dissolved as soon as our lips touched. My mind was filled with nothing but feelings and images of Edward and I together. I could see nor feel anything else. I knew he was right. Everything would be fine. Here, in his arms, I never felt more safe and secure.

The only thing that seemed to matter was that Edward loved me and I loved him. All my plans and resolved were trashed along with the fear.

I nodded. "I see now. I understand," I said.

Edward pulled back to look at my face and looked at me for a few seconds. Searching my face for any signs of lying or hesitation. There were none.

Smiling his crooked grin so brightly that it lit up the whole room, Edward bent his head down and nuzzled my neck. Holding me to him even tighter.

"Thank you," he whispered, before bringing up his head and pressing our lips together.

I hoped desperately that I wouldn't regret my decision. My decision to be with Edward.

But things just don't work out like that.

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**A/N: Hit or Miss?**

**Man, it took me FOREVER to type that! I kept backspacing stuff I typed and rewriting parts. I'm still not satisfied with it, but since when am I ever satisfied with my own writing? However, I hope YOU are happy with how it turned out. I gave you what you wanted people! Some good Cullen-lovin'!**

**Just a reminder to check out the **_**Shadow of the Day**_** Playlist that includes most of the songs from the chapter titles (since the site didn't have all the chapter songs available, I could only put most down. A few are missing), a few different songs I felt fit, and of course, the story's namesake, "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park!!!**

**So, tell me what you thought in a REVIEW!!! **

**Peace out. **


	18. Everything

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm ecstatic with the amount of good reception I got for the last chapter! I knew you would love it if they finally got together. About time too!**

**Anyway, an unsigned reviewer asked: Is this story written in retrospect? **

**To be honest, that thought never really crossed my mind while writing it, but looking back and rereading some of my chapters, I suppose so. Certain chapters; yes, others; not as much. Hmm.**

**Also, I KNOW I've been updating this story way faster than I have been my other story, **_**Life ain't been no Crystal Stair**_** (which you should totally check out if you haven't already). I'm sorry I haven't been updating that story as frequently, but I'm trying to get this story concluded and wrapped up (yes, sadly the end is in sight… for me, anyway) so I can start my new story, **_**A Vision Stained with Red**_**, and also put more attention on LABNCS.**

**ONE MORE ANNOUNCEMENT before I let those of you who are actually reading this go; in case you didn't already know, I've put up an "Upcoming Stories" section on my profile where I put the summaries for stories that I plan to write in the future, as well as the playlist featuring the song that either inspired me for the storyline, or helped shape the mood and such of the story. So if you get the chance, you should check it (hint, hint)! NOTE that, if you already haven't figured out from this story, I **_**do**_** write some people OOC, but I try to keep their base personalities the same (i.e. Edward's temper and tendency to overreact or be overprotective) **

**Okay, I'm done. On with Chapter EIGHTEEN!!! By the way, this chapter is in EPOV!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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_Smiling his crooked grin so brightly that it lit up the whole room, Edward bent his head down and nuzzled my neck. Holding me to him even tighter._

"_Thank you," he whispered, before bringing up his head and pressing our lips together._

_I hoped desperately that I wouldn't regret my decision. My decision to be with Edward. _

_But things just don't work out like that._

**Chapter 18: Everything – EPOV (Starting from the middle of Chapter 17)**

"Bella… I love you," I said, my voice pleading, begging for her to listen. At the same time, I was mentally kicking myself for juts blurting out my love to her. She wasn't ready for this, but the need to tell her was too strong. I wasn't thinking, and possibly losing Bella forever was the consequence.

"No, Edward," Bella said, her voice shaking ever so slightly. "You don't love me, not the way I want you to. You refused me once, you said you only saw me as a friend. It couldn't have changed so quickly." She shook her head.

"That's because it never changed," I said, staring intently into her eyes. She looked at me confusedly.

"I've always loved you, Bella," I explained. This just made her look more confused.

"I just hadn't realized until now," I said. Bella's face cleared with understanding.

I took Bella's hand in mine and it felt so good. I felt even better when she didn't pull away. I looked into her deep brown eyes and tried to show her how much I loved her through my own eyes.

All of a sudden, she pulled her hand away and I felt the pain of her rejection again.

"Edward, I already told you, we can't," she said sadly, her voice weak. "It's too dangerous and I can't risk losing you. It's bad enough that you know about Phil, but being _with_ me is ten times worse."

"I don't care," I said firmly. And I really didn't. The only person who could keep me away from Bella would be Bella herself, and even _she_ wasn't doing a very good job.

"But I do."

I started getting desperate. I was _not_ going to lose Bella. "Please, Bella, let me try. Let me prove myself to you."

"Edward, no," her voice cracking. "Please don't make this harder than it already is. Right now, this can't happen. You can't have just realized you love me and come here, expecting a relationship. I asked for you once, and you said no." A little anger entered Bella's voice. As if anger could stop me.

"I know, and I didn't _just _realize now. I've known for… a little while now. And I know that I don't deserve it, that you've asked for me before and I refused, but I was a fool then. I didn't know what I do now." I held her face gently, but firmly, in my hands, as if I were cradling a delicate flower. I made sure she couldn't look away.

"How do I know you won't hurt me again?"

I already knew the answer. I hurt her back then because I didn't know. I hated myself for not knowing something so strong and damn obvious. But I knew now. I loved her too much to ever hurt her again. I would never let myself stoop low enough as to hurt an angel.

Telling her wouldn't be enough. I had to show her.

I closed my eyes and moved my hands so that they were slightly tangled in her hair. I leaned my forehead against hers. My already fast heart just started beating even faster, in a rough, jagged rhythm. I opened my eyes and looked longingly at her.

Removing one of my hands from her hair, I picked up one of Bella's own hands and gently placed it over my heart. Her eyes widened slightly, so I knew she had felt it. Was it enough to convince her?

"This is how I know I will never hurt you again. I know I've hurt you so many times in the past and I'm so sorry. I've messed up, screwed up, and ruined things in the past, but I'm ready to make it better again. I need you to give me another chance. Can't you feel my heart? Can't you feel how much I love you?" I said, meaning every word. I needed to get across to her. I needed to.

I looked into her chocolate orbs and saw indecision. I knew she was having an internal battle. Choose her happiness, or my safety? Bella was selfless, and would probably choose my safety, but I wouldn't be better off without her as she thought. I would be hurting too, just as much as her, if not more.

Bella broke away from me and back up so her legs hit the front of the couch. Her eyes filled with tears, practically breaking my heart.

"No, Edward. How many times do I have to say that?"

"And how many times do I have to tell you that we can try?"

"We can't try. It isn't safe. I can't risk your life, Edward. You're too important. If I let myself be with you, it will only lead to heartbreak and danger. You could get hurt, or worse," she choked. "I couldn't do that to you. Both of us will just end up becoming hurt. The risk is too great."

"I already said I don't care about the risk," I said pleadingly, "let Phil come and be this danger. I can protect both you and me. I won't let anything hurt us."

Bella looked at me as if I were crazy.

I wasn't expecting her next outburst.

"I said no! You may think you can protect yourself, but you can't! How many times do I have to tell you no before you get it? You can't just come out of no where, at a time where I'm _suffering,_ tell me you love me, and then expect us to be all dandy. You know as well as I do that this is dangerous and you're not making it any easier!" Tears were streaming down her face and I desperately wanted to gather her in my arms and wipe them away. I couldn't let her do this. Leaving her alone, unsafe, and unprotected, was not an option. She was too important to just leave.

"Bella, no! We were meant to be together, and you know that! I can't describe it, but you fit into me, like a missing puzzle piece. I've never felt like this before towards anyone, and I know that it's meant to last. And I can't just leave you unprotected, while I go off and be safe! If you're going to be in danger, then I'm going to be right there with you. Bella, I love you! Please grasp that I do!" She looked mortified and it took me a second to realize I was crying.

She had to understand. I depended on it. I was being very selfish, but I was also concerned for her safety. Leaving her alone would make Bella more vulnerable towards Phil. I would truly die if I let her get hurt, or worse, by Phil just because I ran off to be safe myself.

To my horror, Bella put her hand over her mouth as the tears kept cascading down her cheek. "I'm sorry," she whispered. I felt my heart dying right there.

All that, and I still couldn't convince her. I still had to give it one more shot. If it didn't work, I didn't know what would.

I had to ask the question. A question I had been wondering ever since I realized my own love for her. I had to know and I couldn't hold it in any longer. If I was going to fight for her, I needed to know if she at least felt the same as I. It was now or never.

"Just tell me one thing," I said quietly, my voice strangled. "I promise I won't bother you anymore if you don't, but… Do you love me anymore? I know you once said you did, and it's perfectly understandable if you don't feel that way anymore. I was such a stupid jackass then, after all. But I need to know. Do you love me anymore?"

I waited in dread for her answer. If she said no, and meant it, I would leave her alone. It wouldn't be fair to keep pressuring her if she didn't. Back when I stupidly told Bella no, she let me be. I had to return the favour as much as I didn't want to.

"No." But I could hear the lie. Bella was always horrible a horrible liar. She gave herself away as soon as she looked away from my eyes. This filled me with hope I couldn't describe. Surely this meant something. Anything.

I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me. She looked as if she were trying to hold back her emotions from showing. I didn't like that.. "You're lying," I said simply.

"No, I'm not."

"You are. I can see it in your eyes. You're lying."

"I'm not lying!" She was so stubborn!

"Yes, you are!" I said right back. I wasn't shouting, but the frustration was clear in my voice. "Tell me the truth; Do. You. Love. Me?"

The anger in her voice increased tenfold. I knew she wanted me to leave, but that wasn't going to happen. I would get my answer, whether she liked it or not. Bella may have been stubborn, but so was I.

"Of course I love you, you ass!" she shouted at me. "I never stopped! It's breaking my heart having to push you away, but I love you too much to risk your safety so I can be happy! I'm not that kind of girl, Edward, so, yes! Are you happy now? I love you! I'm in love with you! Always have been, always will be!"

I was shocked at her outburst for half a second before pure joy filled me. Bella still _loved_ me. After all I had done to her, she was still in love with me. I knew love could fade over time, so I doubted that she loved me quite as much as I did her, but that didn't matter at the moment. Bella loved me. This just made me twice as determined.

I could tell she didn't mean to shout out the truth at me. She looked as if she was chastising herself for her slip up. The scolding then turned to defeat. Was it possible…?

"I love you," she whispered.

That was all I needed before I kissed her again.

It was better than the first kiss. I tried to convey all my love through this connection. I didn't have to put an effort when kissing Bella. It just came to me. Her mouth felt and tasted amazing. If there was a heaven, this was it. I pulled her closer to me, putting one hand on her back, never wanting our lips to separate. I saw fireworks and felt as if my lips were on fire.

For the first time since Bella left Forks, I was breathing.

And, damn, breathing had never felt so good.

Bella broke away first, both of us practically panting. I pulled Bella even closer, resting my chin on the top of her head.

"You can't deny _that_," he breathed. "Did that convince you? Did that convince you that I love you, that everything will be alright?" I said, praying she would finally see the light.

My heart sang when she finally said the words I had been craving; "I see now. I understand."

I pulled back and looked into her face, searching for any signs of hesitation or lying. There were none.

I grinned and nuzzled Bella's soft neck. I could barely contain the happiness I felt at that moment. It was something you had to have felt yourself to possibly understand.

"Thank you," I breathed, before bringing up my head and pressing our lips together again.

It was then that the saying, "Third time's a charm", suddenly made sense to me.

Kissing Bella for the third time was… incredible, indescribable, sensational, blissful, and so many other words that couldn't possibly add up to the feelings I felt as I had my love's soft lips under my own. Kissing her felt so natural and I always had the intense need to be near her, to hold her hand…

I had never felt this strongly before. Definitely not with Tanya. When I first asked Tanya out, I definitely liked her. I thought she was beautiful and sweet.

That was no where near what I felt for Bella.

I loved Bella and she was more than just beautiful and sweet. She was stunningly gorgeous and the most selfless angel I had ever known. My head was still spinning with the fact that she had just accepted me. _Me_. The guy who hurt her countless times, who rejected her, acted like a fool, who caused her pain…

I contemplated Bella's main reason for not wanting to be with me. Phil. Somehow I felt that it was my fault that she was suffering from this fear and the traumatizing memories of her mother's death. If I had never hurt so much, if I had only realized sooner, she would have stayed in Forks. It probably would not have prevented Renee's death, but it would have saved Bella from seeing Renee die and having to live everyday afraid and paranoid. I just wanted to reassure her somehow. Give her some peace of mind, some sort of ease.

The only thing I could do, however, was be with her. Bella meant more to me than the entire world. More than my own life.

It still surprised me a little to be feeling this way about my best friend. I mean, this was Bella. The twelve year old girl with braces, ponytails, and old torn converses.

But I knew I loved her and that I must have always felt like this; in one way or another. Only I could have been this stupid to not have realized this sooner. Two years sooner to be exact. It would have saved Bella so much pain, both from Phoenix and from my rejection.

Her acceptance erased the pain of her previous rejection, but I still remembered how it felt. It was so heart-wrenching, I felt like dying every time she said "no".

Was that how Bella felt when I had once told her I didn't love her?

It was only now did I fully acknowledge the amount of pain I had put her through and the Herculean effort it must had taken her to continue being friends with me afterward. The strength it took every time she faked a smile for me.

If Bella had truthfully said she didn't love me when I asked her, I didn't think I could ever be friends with her again. Seeing her would be heart wrenching.

Having already broken the kiss, I looked down at Bella who was still tucked securely into my arms. She was truly my missing puzzle piece. You couldn't deny that how every line and crevice of her body fit into mine so perfectly. Like our bodies were purposely molded to fit one another. It was amazing.

After a few more minutes of us just standing there, holding each other, Bella looked up at me with her chocolaty brown eyes.

Before she could speak, I said, "Do you mind if I stick around here for a bit? I don't want to leave just yet."

Bella just shook her head and replied, "Sure, but I'm not going to be very exciting. I was just going to order Chinese and watch a couple of movies."

I smiled, brushing my finger tips gently over her cheeks. "As if anything you do could ever _not_ be exciting to me. And Chinese sounds great."

She smiled at me before pulling away to order. My arms immediately felt cold and empty without my love in them. She was barely gone for five seconds and my body already missed her. Trying to distract myself, I looked over Bella and Rosalie's DVD collection. There was quite the variety. At first I considered horror; anything to have an excuse to hold Bella closer to me. I may have been raised a gentleman, but I was still a guy. But then I remembered what happened last time we watched horror movies and decided to leave them for now.

When Bella returned, she leaned over me, seeing what I had chosen. I could feel her breath on the back of my neck and could smell her freesia and strawberry scent. It made it much harder to think with swirling not-so-gentlemanly images of Bella in my head.

"What did you pick?" she asked.

I gestured towards some old Disney movies she had. "Just thought we could use something light-hearted," I explained. That, and the fact that although those movies weren't "manly", I actually enjoyed them.

Bella put in the first movie, _Beauty and the Beast_, and sat down on the couch. She positioned herself so that her legs were bent, her chin resting on her knees, and her arms wrapped around her bent legs. It looked like a protective stance. She was doing that a lot lately.

Sitting on the couch next to her, I gathered Bella in my arms and sat her down on my lap. Just like I had been aiming for, she relaxed and repositioned her legs so that they were curled off to her side. The back of her head rested against my shoulder. Feeling completely relaxed myself, I bent my head down and placed a soft kiss on her temple.

Bella twisted around in my arms, surprising me. Now facing me, her eyebrows were furrowed and her face scrunched up with whatever she was thinking. It looked adorable.

Bella looked into my eyes suddenly and said, "What does this make us?"

Hmm, never really thought about that. The technical term of boyfriend and girlfriend didn't seem like enough. But I certainly wasn't going to suggest friends with benefits, so girlfriend it was.

"Are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?" I asked teasingly.

"That depends. Are you asking?"

I smiled. "Are you saying yes?"

"I don't know. You never asked." There was a slight smirk on Bella's face.

Chuckling, I took both of Bella's hands in mine and looked straight into her eyes. "Isabella, will you be my girlfriend?" I asked, sounding confidant, but underneath it all I was having second thoughts. What if she said no?

But to my relief and joy, Bella nodded wordlessly before kissing my cheek and wrapping her arms around my neck. I couldn't describe the joy I felt in that small moment. My heart was singing so loud, I was sure Bella could hear it. I smiled widely, holding my Bella tighter to my chest. Hmm, _my_ Bella. I liked the sound of that.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you too." A thrill went through me hearing those sincere words.

When Bella pulled back, I swooped in and connect my lips to hers. The sensation of kissing Bella shot through me again. I loved it almost as much as I loved her. It was so incredible, I felt like I was flying. Her soft lips moved expertly with my own as if we had been kissing each other all our lives.

Then the doorbell rang.

Groaning, I leaned back, flopping myself on the back of the couch. Bella smiled and went to answer the door. I heard her greet the Chinese food delivery guy and jumped up, remembering something.

Grabbing my wallet, I came to the door just as Bella was relieving the poor guy of his many, many packages. I swiftly came to her side and handed the boy the right amount of money once he had a free hand. "Here," I said.

He nodded and walked off. When I turned around, Bella was glaring at me. I choked back a laugh. She was like a kitten who believed it was a tiger.

"You didn't need to pay for that," she said. "You already bought me lunch. I can pay for things myself you know."

"I know. I just wanted me to do something nice for my _girlfriend_."

Bella's face softened. I continued, "Besides. If I'm going to be with you, you better get used to this, love. I intend on spoiling you for as long as I can."

Bella's eyes turned surprised for a moment before becoming tender. That was not the reaction I was expecting. I thought she would be more along the lines of annoyed, irritated, dripping with sarcasm; take your pick. What did I say to make her the opposite?

Letting it go, I took Bella's hand and led her back to the couch. The food and two plates were on the coffee table. We sat back on the couch, and continued the movie in silence. Just taking enjoyment in each other's company.

After the movie ended, I turned to Bella before she could get up and put another one in. I wanted to talk. Not about the heavy, Phil-filled things, but of other topics. I missed Bella and we never got a chance to just _talk_ without all this drama. She had been gone from me for two years and I wanted to know what she had been up to. I wanted to know if she had changed at all in that time, apart from the obvious things that have changed about her.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," I said as I played with a lock of Bella's hair, " but what had you been doing in Phoenix all that time, before… you know."

Bella stiffened and I regretted bringing it up. _Nice going, Edward,_ I thought sarcastically.

"If it makes you feel unco-" I began, but she cut me off.

"No, I should be able to talk about Phoenix. You're just curious. Um, in Phoenix I didn't really do anything out of the ordinary. Other than it being really hot and crowded there, everything was the same. I finished high school and went to the University of Phoenix afterwards to major in English literature."

"Any boyfriends?" I teased. But in reality, I was worried. Did I have any past competition?

Bella shook her head, making me feel relieved. "Nope. After leaving Forks, I sort of became a love-skeptic and took a much needed break from boys. I needed to clear my head, so I distracted myself with schoolwork and spending time under the hot Arizona sun." She looked up to smile at me then and I smiled in response.

Dropping my smile I sighed, feeling guilty once more. "I'm sorry for making you leave Forks," I said sincerely.

My Bella just shook her head again and said, "It's not your fault. You couldn't have stopped it. Whether you started dating Tanya or not, I would have left anyway. It was inevitable."

I didn't agree with her, but I let it go. I didn't want to argue again tonight.

"So…" Bella began, "It must have been a huge shock to see me here, huh?"

I laughed and nodded. "Bigger than huge. I cannot describe just how surprised I was to see you here, Bella. Completely unexpected. Sorry that my greeting wasn't nearly as climatic as Alice's."

Bella laughed. Music to my ears.

"So, you're studying biology?" she asked.

I took one of her hands and twined her fingers with mine. "Yes. I want to be a doctor like my father. I want to help people by saving lives. I really want to do something not just because I want to, but because it will help other people." I waited for her reaction. I hoped she didn't think I was odd.

"Edward…" Bella whispered, brushing some of my hair away from my eyes. "That's very noble of you. It nice to know someone who wants to be a doctor so they can save lives, not because they can make a lot of money."

I smiled. "Of course there's _that_ too."

Bella rolled her eyes and snuggled deeper in my embrace. I felt myself smiling for the millionth time tonight. Bella made me happy. I still couldn't believe she was with _me_, but I stopped questioning and just went along with it. Now that I had Bella, I wasn't going to ever let her go. She was everything.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

Bella hesitated before asking me, "When exactly did you realize you love me? I'm still surprised. You've been my friend for so long. I was sort of used to thinking that nothing would happen between us."

I tightened my hold on Bella as I remembered that painful night.

"The party at my house on Christmas Eve, when you…"

"Had a meltdown," Bella said, grimacing at the memory.

I laughed humorlessly. "Yes, that. I guess I realized right then because it pained me so much to see you hurting. I had never heard you cry like that before and me being unable to do anything about it was excruciating. My heart didn't feel like it was breaking; it felt like it was being torn out all together. I had never felt such pain when anyone else was crying… that's when I knew that I felt differently about you."

"Oh…" Bella said softly, probably not knowing how to respond.

"Yes," Is said, burying my face in her hair. "I never want to see you like that again. I felt like I was dying."

My Bella nodded and wrapped her arms around my torso.

Trying to lighten up the mood I said, "So, what about you? When did you realize you love me?"

Bella blushed and I kissed her burning cheek. I loved it when she blushed. It was like her cheeks were blooming. It was beautiful.

"When I was fifteen," she answered. "We were at the amusement park, remember? You guys managed to drag me on to the spinning teacups and I ended up puking my guts out. Even in my incredibly gross state, you took care of me better than the others, even Alice. You were so gentle and comforting, apologizing over and over again. I guess I just kind of realized right then that you were more to me than just a friend."

Ah, yes. I remembered that summer day. We drove out of town to an amusement park and Alice wanted to go on the spinning teacups. Of course, Emmett agreed, but Bella was more reluctant. I remembered feeling so much remorse for pressuring her on to them when she started vomiting like crazy.

"I remember that," I said quietly, "and you were far from gross. You could never be gross, Bella."

Bella shrugged. She may not have believed it, but she would always be radiant to me, no matter what state she was in. She couldn't see herself very clearly, but I was going to make sure somehow that she would.

After that we just talked some more. Everything was very light-hearted. Just catching up with each other, seeing if your tastes and interests had changed at all since she left Forks. It felt so good to be talking with Bella like that again. Without any worries or cares. It felt like I hadn't been able to do that with her since forever.

Bella yawned and I checked the clock. 11:12 PM. I scooped Bella up in my arms and she looked up at me, startled.

"You need to go to bed," I explained, "It's late. I'll come back first thing in the morning."

I gently placed her in her bed and turned to leave, but Bella pulled me back.

"Don't leave," she said in a quiet voice. She looked as if she was prepping herself to do something. "Do you think… do you think you could stay here with me, tonight?" She looked up at me through her eyelashes. Of course, Bella never meant to be seductive, but that's how she looked. I felt like kissing her again, but I was a little surprised at her request.

Of course I wanted to, but I thought she would think it too soon. She had only been my girlfriend for a few hours, after all.

Bella quickly explained, "It's just, when I fell asleep in your room last night, I slept the whole night through. I think you make the nightmares go away. Besides, with Rose away, I don't want to sleep alone." Her cheeks bloomed with her blush.

Right. Her nightmares. It killed me to know she was so broken. If my staying would help her heal, then I would.

"Alright," I said. "Just let me go down to my room to change."

Fifteen minutes later, I returned to find Bella already in bed.

"If you want, I could grab a pillow and sleep on the couch," I said. I didn't want to move too fast or make Bella feel uncomfortable.

Bella blushed again, and shook her head. "I asked you to stay here, you shouldn't have to sleep on the couch. You can always use Rose's bed if you want, but…"

"But…?"

"But… I'd feel better, _safer_, if you slept beside me," she said hesitantly, as if I would refuse. She was probably thinking the same thing I was; we didn't want to take this too fast or make the other feel awkward. But it wasn't like we were doing anything more, so…

I smiled before getting under the covers next to Bella. She turned off the lights and laid down for sleep. I felt the familiar need to hold her, but I was wondering if that would be taking it too far. Bella turned her head to me then.

"Thanks, Edward," she said sincerely. As if I would ever say no. Bella was everything to me. I know that may have sounded a bit dramatic, but she _was_ my everything. In this crazy life we were in, everything would always be her. It was beyond words that I was her boyfriend now. It felt incredible that I get to kiss her just because I _can._

"It was no problem," I replied, softly kissing her forehead and deciding to take a chance by wrapping an arm around her waist, bringing her closer. To my relief, she snuggled closer to me and laid her head on my chest. Breathing in her heavenly fragrance, my eyes drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: ………………………………. Hit or Miss?**

**Yeah, yeah, I know it was kinda fluffy at the end, but I felt that with everything they've gone through, Bella and Edward deserved some fluffiness. N'est pas? **

**Anyway, ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!! There will be ****6 or 7**** and I repeat, ****6 or 7**** chapters left in this story, ****plus an epilogue****. So I guess you can say 7 or 8 chapters left if you want to get technical. There will be 6 chapters left for sure, but I'm still unsure on whether or not I want to add another chapter in there, but I'm leaning towards no. So, I can confirm that there will be ****6 or 7 chapters left + epilogue****.**

**Also, don't forget to go to my profile and check out my "Upcoming stories" section. You never know when I will put up new story summaries for future stories to look forward to (hint, hint)!**

**Other than that, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!! **

**Peace out.**


	19. Like a Star

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A/N: Hello. It is I, Morpheus…………… okay, no, not really. But that'd be cool since Morpheus rocks! Although I'm sad to see Gill Grissom go on CSI, Laurence Fishbourne will totally do a great job replacing him!

**Yeah, yeah, that was off topic. ANYWAY, starting on SATURDAY DECEMBER 20, 2008 I will be giving this story DAILY UPDATES until it is finished, which should be around a day or two after Christmas. By the schedule I have laid out (yes I made a schedule for this story) I shouldn't be expected to post anything on Christmas, but in case I'm not done all the chapters (minus the epilogue) by then, I WILL NOT be posting on Christmas. I do have a life outside of fanfiction and a family I would like to spend Christmas with. Thanks.**

**Okay, this will be a fairly long AN, so bear with me.**

**I've laid out the blueprints for the last chapters and realized that it will be shorter than I originally thought. So I'm sorry to say that after this chapter, there will be 4, maybe 5 if I'm in a good mood, chapters left, plus an epilogue. So the countdown begins! So far I have enough story left for four chapters, but if you leave me more reviews, then I might stretch it out to 5! Okay? Okay.**

**As for the EPILOGUE it will be posted a 2-3 days after the last chapter. This is for two reasons: 1) It will give me a break from the daily chapters. Something I will need. 2) I have several scenarios I'd like to type up for the epi and I can't decide which one I should do. If I wrote them all in one chapter, my fingers would fall off! So after I post the last chapter of SOTD, I will be putting up a poll so YOU can decide what I should write for the epi.**

**Okay, finally I'm down blabbing! On with Chapter NINETEEN!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing… I need a life.**

* * *

"_Thanks, Edward," she said sincerely. As if I would ever say no. Bella was everything to me. I know that may have sounded a bit dramatic, but she was my everything. In this crazy life we were in, everything would always be her. It was beyond words that I was her boyfriend now. It felt incredible that I get to kiss her just because I can. _

"_It was no problem," I replied, softly kissing her forehead and deciding to take a chance by wrapping an arm around her waist, bringing her closer. To my relief, she snuggled closer to me and laid her head on my chest. Breathing in her heavenly fragrance, my eyes drifted off to sleep._

**Chapter 19: Like a Star – BPOV**

I was floating on a cloud.

Or… I think I was. I wasn't sure. All I know was that I felt safe, and comforted, and _peaceful_. That was new. I could feel myself nestled into something warm and hard, but still comfortable. That _definitely _was not my pillow. I was too tired to open my eyes and check. Whatever it was, it was nice.

That had to be the best night's sleep of my life. Even before the nightmares had started, I had never slept that well before. I yawned, completely content, snuggling closer to this strange thing substituting itself for my pillow. It smelled very sweet, like honey…

Wait a second…

A velvet chuckle roused me from my sleepy state.

And all of yesterday came back to me.

Oh dear God. Did I do what I thought I did? Did I accept Edward as my boyfriend, doing the one thing and becoming close to the one person that was under the most danger? What was I thinking? I must have been possessed or something. Why else would I do something that stupid?

"You quite cute when you're all sleepy. You're like a kitten," the velvet whispered in my ear.

Nearly jumping out of my skin, I opened one eye to see both of Edward's green ones looking back at me, filled to the brim with amusement. He looked as if he was trying to stop himself from laughing.

Hearing his voice, though, melted all my insecurities. I probably sounded pretty possessed by the Edward-fairies again, but I couldn't help it. He made me feel safe, simple as that. I'm sure that as soon as I was alone again I would let my worries eat me up, but for now, I wasn't going to think of anything and just bask in the wonderful world called Edward Cullen.

I groaned and he rubbed my back soothingly.

"What time is it?" I said quietly, burying my face in his chest again.

"Just past six. You should go back to sleep, you still look tired," Edward replied. Concerned as always.

"That was actually one of the best sleeps I've ever had," I admitted with a blush.

Edward lightly brushed my burning cheek with his fingertips. "Me too," he said softly, his eyes smoldering. I lost my train of thought as he bent down, replacing his fingertips on my cheeks with his lips. He pulled away, and said, "You should still go back to sleep though. It's Sunday. Enjoy your last sleeping-in day until school begins again tomorrow."

I was about to protest, but a yawn escaped my lips, betraying me. Stupid, involuntary reactions.

"Sleep, Bella. I'm not ready to get up yet, either, so I'm not going anywhere," he assured me. Before I could say anything in response, sleep overcame me once more.

* * *

I was woken by whispering.

"Oh my Carlisle! They look so cute!"

"Oh my _Carlisle_? Alice, that's a new one."

"My dad _is_ pretty godly, like a saint and all that."

"Do you think they're naked under there?"

_Smack!_

"Emmett!"

"What?! It's not like you and I haven't been caught in the same situation, Rosie…"

_Smack!_

"Quit doing that!"

I groaned.

"Shh, I think she's waking up!"

Shuffling noises. Ugh, what the hell was the meaning of this? I tried to pry open my eyes, squinting as the light from the windows momentarily blinded me. I groaned and shut them again, giving up for the moment.

I felt someone breathing heavily on my face.

I opened my eyes again to be greeted with Emmett Cullen, his face _right_ up to mine as he breathed through his nose on me, making strands of my hair blow up. I let out a small shriek before jumping from the surprise. Unfortunately, jumping did me no good for I ended up rolling off the bed and onto the hardwood floor. Ugh.

Emmett was laughing hysterically at my reaction as he reached down and ruffled my hair. I swatted his hand away and glared. It was one thing to wake me up in the morning; it was another to take ten years off my life.

I rubbed my sore butt before groaning for the millionth time that morning. I heard a rustle from atop the bed and a musical "What the hell, Emmett?!" before my favourite bronze head appeared over the edge of the bed.

"Bella? Are you alright?" he asked, his voice full of concern. Unlike Emmett…

"Yeah, fine," I grunted, picking myself off the ground and turning to the rest of the gang. "How come you guys are back so early? I thought you weren't arriving till this evening."

"So glad to see you missed us," Rose said sarcastically, rolling her violet eyes. I laughed and hugged everyone minus Edward. Alice clung to me like glue, gripping tightly for someone so tiny.

"I see you missed _me_," I said, smiling. I really did miss these guys.

"Of course! And we're back early since the ski resort had some kind of snow storm warning. It won't be coming here though," her face brightened, "and I'm glad we came back early! Bella! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Tell you what?"

"Well, two things actually. One, you were getting _pretty_ cozy with my brother in that bed, missy! You may have clothes on, but there is a story behind this, I can tell!" I blushed like mad. I heard Edward chuckling behind me and I wanted to thump him for taking amusement in my embarrassment.

"Not now, Ali… please," I begged.

"Fine," Alice said in a huff, "but I expect details later, Bella!"

I ignored her last statement. "What's the second thing I didn't tell you about?"

"The Winter Carnival!"

"Huh?"

"Oh, silly Bella. The Winter Carnival is coming to town! I saw the flyers while we were driving in! Why didn't you call me?! This is important!"

"Well, one, I didn't want to interrupt your skiing trip, and two, I had no idea about a Winter Carnival," I replied. I really didn't

"But the flyers were everywhere!"

"I must've missed them."

"Oh, I see. You were too busy with _someone_ to notice anything," she giggled and she not-so-subtly glanced towards Edward, looking back at me knowingly. I shut my mouth, pressing my lips together as I glared at her, making no verbal response.

"Aw, Bells lighten up. The little annoying thing is only teasing you," Emmett said, patting my head.

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled. "So what's so special about this Winter Carnival?" I sat back down on the bed and Edward rubbed my back comfortingly. I saw Alice's eye light up when she saw that, but didn't make any comment. I knew she would interrogate me later. She would have the whole interrogation room set up too. Blinding fluorescent lights and two-way mirror included.

That wasn't entirely a joke.

"Bella, if it involves leaving the dorms, it's special for Alice," Jasper said, looking lovingly at his little girlfriend. The two weren't nearly as "out there" in terms of PDA like Rosalie and Emmett, but you could see the love surrounding them. Sometimes, when they were merely looking at each other, it was too private a moment to look upon.

"I see… so when do you want to go to this carnival? What time does it start?" I asked. Maybe if I buttered up Alice, she would make the questioning later sweet and to the point. Unlikely.

Alice squealed and hugged me again. "Yay! It begins at eleven and I want to be there as soon as the doors open!"

"Carnivals don't have doors, Ali."

"You know what I mean."

"What time is it now?"

"It is…" Alice glanced down, checking her designer watch, "Ten in the morning… Oh my God! That only leaves us an hour to get ready! Bella! Come! Now!" Alice ran out of the room, leaving the door open. That was… urgent.

"Sorry, Bella," Jasper said apologetically, "she had coffee this morning."

I shook my head in disapproval. "You of all people should know what caffeine does to Alice."

"She downed the stuff while I was in the shower," he shrugged.

I huffed and turned to Rosalie. I knew if we weren't with Alice within the next two minutes, there'd be hell to pay.

"Come on, Rose. You guys can torture Edward while we're gone," I added. If I was going to be interrogated, then he was suffering right along with me. Not to mention this was also revenge for laughing at me earlier. He should have supported me. That's what boyfriends do.

_Boyfriend_.

I got the tingly, warm feeling from my head to my toes again when I remembered that Edward and I were technically in an official relationship now. It was everything I always wanted back in high school. For the longest time, I was convinced I would never get it, but I did. It just took longer than expected.

Edward's eyes widened. "Hey, wait! Bella!"

Emmett and Jazz snickered while Em rubbed his hands together, his smile sinister.

Rose and I went to Alice's room down the hall. Her door was already open for us, and a little black blur could be seen inside, flying around the room. Upon seeing us, Alice stopped in her tracks for about 4 milliseconds before flying over to me and rather savagely grabbing my arm. She dragged me to the bathroom and sat me in front of the mirror. She started brushing my hair.

I honestly had no idea why I needed to make myself look "respectable" for a carnival.

"Spill!" Alice demanded, trying to get the sleep-induced knots from my hair. I winced a bit at one of her harder pulls.

"Alice…" I really didn't want to go through this. But that was the annoying thing about Alice. She was nosy.

"Don't 'Alice' me, Swan," I heard Rose laughing at me and turned my head to glare at her. Alice turned my head back to the mirror. "I come in from my skiing weekend, eager to see my best friend and brother again, just to catch them being all 'cuddly' in her bed! What happened?! Are you together now?! Speak, woman!"

"Promise you won't go all 'Alice' on me?"

"Bella, sweetie, I don't _do_ the 'Alice', I _am_ the 'Alice'. Asking stupid things like that just doesn't work. Ever," Alice put down the brush and picked up the iron curler. She loved curling my hair; she said it suited me. "So? Are you going to tell me or will I have to force it out of you?"

I sighed, defeated. Not like I could've kept it a secret; I just wanted to do it outside of the interrogation room. "Uh… yes, we're together." I whispered it so quietly that a normal person wouldn't have been able to hear it. But neither Alice or Rosalie was normal, so my ears were subjected to about 24 seconds of straight squealing, which sounded a lot like a smoke detector.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

I covered my ears with my hands and tried to tune Alice out (since Rose wasn't the squealing type). Rosalie just stood there, smirking at me in an 'I knew it' fashion.

"OKAY, I'm done!" Alice said, bouncing happily. "Now tell me everything! Everything!"

"Um, okay. So…" I recounted everything that had happened since they left, minus the part about Edward listening in on the message from the police. In fact, I left out any part that involved Renee. Alice hit the back of my head, a lot like how Rosalie hits Emmett, when I told her about running away from Edward and hiding in the janitor's closet.

"Ow! What was that for?" I said, rubbing the back of my head. Alice calmly continued curling my hair.

"For being so stupid. You shouldn't have run away from him, silly!"

"Alice, you weren't in my situation, nor have you had the same experiences that I had. You and Jasper started going out right away," I took a shaky breath. I hated remembering the not so pleasant memories, like running for the hills from Edward, or hiding in the janitor's closet. Not my finest moments. Alice told me how she and Jasper met and started dating, so I knew it was nothing like what happened between Edward and I. "With everything that's happened, both two years ago, and a few months ago," I cringed, pushing away the memory of Renee, "I'm not as stable and open as you are. It's not as simple as you say. It's far more complicated."

"Oh, Bella…" Alice brushed away a single tear from my cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so much like a know-it-all, especially when I clearly don't know or understand everything."

"It's okay. Sorry I got all emotional on you."

Alice wrapped her thin arms around my shoulders and gave me a very light hug.

"Not that I mind sappy Kodak moments, but what happened after you hid in the janitor's closet?" Rose said, interrupting the hug fest. I laughed, pulling away and continuing with the story.

By the time I had reached the end, both Rose and Alice were sniffling. Alice had finished curling my hair and was digging around in her closet, looking for an outfit for me. There was a box of tissues between Rose and I. Call it a girly moment, but I even brought a few tears to my eyes remembering what had gone on between Edward and I before Edward and I become official. The shouting…

"That is so romantic!" Alice said, handing me some clothes.

"You totally blow me and Emmett out of the water. You know how he asked me out? 'Babe, I don't know you, but you're hot. Wanna do stuff?'" Rosalie made her voice low and rumbling, trying to imitate Emmett.

"And you said yes to that?" I asked laughing.

"No," Rose said smugly. "I said no and walked away, but he followed me around and pestered me. I told him to leave me alone countless times and when he couldn't take no for an answer, I kicked where the sun don't shine."

I was torn between laughing more and wincing in pity for Emmett. I didn't know from personal experience of course, but that must've hurt.

"Rose, you are too cruel," I finally said.

"I do what I can. Anyway, Emmett _still_ wouldn't leave me alone after that. Said that he liked girls with fire. I finally agreed on a date with him just to shut him up. Turned out the big lug could be pretty sweet and romantic. We've been going out since."

"That's really sweet."

"I know."

I put on the clothes Alice gave me. Surprisingly, they weren't anything out of my comfort zone. It was a very pretty, rose-coloured blouse that clung to me like a second skin, fitting me in all the right places, and some black skinny jeans. I actually looked nice.

"Here," Alice said, tossing me my coat. "The guys are waiting for us outside."

Sure enough, all three young men were outside Alice's dorm room, dressed and ready to go. A smile immediately lit up my face when I saw Edward. He had waited with Em and Jasper before for us girls, but never before had he been waiting exclusively for _me_.

Edward's own crooked grin took over his face when he saw me. He took both my hands and looked me up and down. Growing self-conscious, I blushed. He just smiled and pulled me to him, wrapping his arm around my waist. "You look beautiful," he said quietly to me.

"OH YEAH! Bella-ella-stella and the Ed-meister! It's about time! Never thought you had it in you, little bro!" Emmett cheered, interrupting us. I laughed and blushed at the same time while Edward glared at his brother.

"My name's Edward, Emmett," he said.

* * *

The Carnival was in full swing when we arrived. The music was loud in the background and all the typical carnival things were there; games, food stands, a Ferris wheel. The only difference from a normal carnival was the winter decorations everywhere; snowflakes and fake icicles. There was even an ice sculpture display. There was a fresh layer of snow on the ground, only an inch high, which added to the wintery scene.

"Oh! Jazzy, win me that bunny! Please?" Alice said, bouncing up and down, pointing to a stuffed white bunny hanging form the roof of one of the game stalls. It wasn't gigantic, but pretty big nonetheless. There were other stuffed animals around it, but Alice wanted the _bunny_.

Alice turned the full force of her puppy dog pout on Jasper, and he was putty in her hands. Why couldn't I do that?

Jasper stiffened his shoulders, bracing them with determination. He walked over the stall like a soldier to battle. It was pretty funny. Alice really knew how to control 'em.

The rest of us followed him to the stall. Apparently the game was of those simple, typical ones; throw the ball into the basket. I knew Jasper would be able to handle it no problem. Edward, who was holding my hand, pulled me closer so our sides were touching.

"Do you want me to win you one too?" he asked sweetly.

"Um, I don't want the bunny," I said, feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Seeing how my life had been as of late, it felt so normal to be one of those typical couples where the boyfriend feels the need to win a prize for his girlfriend at the fair, or in this case, carnival.

"How about the lion?" Edward suggested, raising our entwined hands and pointing his index finger at a stuffed lion, the same size as Alice's bunny. All the stuffed animals from this stall were pretty much the same size.

"Nah, not cute enough," I said smiling. "How about…" my eyes scanned the animals hanging from the stall's roof and back shelves. My eyes landed on the cutest baby lamb. It looked soft and plushy and just so cute. "…that." I pointed to the baby lamb.

"A lamb over a lion?" Edward asked teasingly, raising one of his perfect eyebrows. I nodded and he leaned down to give me a quick peck on the lips. "The lamb it is." He was really good at this boyfriend thing.

"If those two goons are getting prizes for their girls, then so am I," Emmett said with a streak of competitiveness. "See that bear, Rosie? You're getting it. It's on!"

Five minutes later, all six of us walked away from the booth, us three girls holding our stuffed animals and the guys looking very smug.

"Oh look! The spinning teacups!" Alice said, jumping up and down. "Can we all go? Can we all go?" she asked excitedly.

I was _not_ going on those again. They made me puke more than I had ever puked before. Bleh.

"No way, Alice. By all means, you can go, but I'm going to sit this one out," I said, taking a step back.

"Please, Bella?" Alice put on her signature pout and I almost gave in. _Almost_. Memories of losing my food last time made me firm.

"Nope. Remember last time?"

Alice's face fell. "Good point. Whatever you do, _don't_ go on those teacups. You can stay with her Edward!" Alice pulled the other four with her as she headed towards the dreaded cups.

"Oh no, you can go if you want to," I said, turning to Edward. "I don't want you to miss out on the fun stuff just because of me."

"Bella, it's never _just_ because of you," he said, leading us to a bench. "Besides, it wouldn't be very fun without you there with me." He smiled sweetly and I melted. Smooth talker.

"Want some hot chocolate?" he asked.

I nodded and we walked towards the stand selling it. The boy running the stand couldn't have been more than sixteen. He looked like a slightly younger and shorter version of Mike Newton. He saw us approaching and looked me up and down, licking his lips. I internally shuddered. Definitely a mini Mike.

"Hey, what can I get for you?" Mini Mike said as we reached the counter, his eyes only focused on me. I couldn't help but sense a double meaning to what he could 'get' for me.

Edward's arm encircled my waist and pulled me tightly to his side. I looked up at him to see his eyes narrowed at Mini Mike. He looked like those animals on Animal Planet when a rival enters his territory, ready for battle.

Was Edward marking his territory?

Surprisingly, Edward marking me as his territory was actually enjoyable. I had always thought that a man claiming a girl as his own was kind of controlling and sexist.

Not anymore.

"Two medium hot chocolates, please," I said, since Edward wasn't saying anything. Mini Mike got them, purposely brushing my hands as he gave them to me. Edward's eyes narrowed even more.

Edward paid for the drinks, much to my displeasure, and led me away. But not before snatching the receipt from Mini Mike, who was trying to hand it to me.

He flipped it over and his jaw flexed when he saw the back. I grabbed it from his hand to take a look for myself.

_Hey babe, I'm Mark. Call me._

_555-555-5555_

**(Obviously that wasn't a real number)** I snorted with laughter as I casually tossed the receipt into a nearby trashcan. Really? Mark? Was I the only one to notice how much that sounded like Mike?

Edward looked a little calmer once I did that. He couldn't possibly be jealous of that Mini Mi- I mean, Mark, could he?

"You know better than to be jealous, right?" I said, looking up at Edward as we resumed our spot on the bench.

"Do I?" he said, raising his eyebrows at me.

"You're ridiculous," I said, brushing it off. There was nothing to worry about. Not only was I completely in love with Edward, but that guy was so much like Mike, it creeped me out.

The others returned from the spinning teacups, Emmett was a little tipsy from dizziness (but was loving every minute of it), and we continued our way through the carnival. We ended up spending the entire day there. The boys won us girls a lot more prizes. So many, that at one point, we had to go and put them in the car, they were getting to be too much to carry.

We went on the Ferris wheel. When the wheel stopped, Edward and I were at the top, enjoying the view. It was beautiful and enjoyable, even more so when Edward wrapped his arms around me and decided to use this valuable alone time for kissing.

I was truly the luckiest girl alive to have a boyfriend like Edward.

Once the sun went down, the stringed lanterns were lit up, making the area glow. It was almost fairy-like. It was utterly gorgeous.

Music was playing in the background as I sat, huddled with Edward, by a cleared out area surrounded by the lantern lights. Couples started dancing and Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice got up to join them. Edward and I sat there silently for a few songs, completely content, until Edward got up all of a sudden and reached out his hand to me.

"Shall I have this dance?" he asked smiling. He sounded so chivalrous.

"Edward, you've known me our whole lives. You know I can't dance without causing a tragedy," I said seriously.

He just chuckled and pulled me up. "It's all in the leading."

"Fine, but it's your toes," I warned. He led me to the dance, uh, area, and wrapped his arms around my waist as I wrapped mine around his neck. He gently started leading me in a swaying slow dance as the song "Like a Star" by Corinne Bailey Rae played.

_Just like a star across my sky,  
Just like an angel off the page, _

"See? You're dancing," Edward whispered in my ear. Slow dancing with him, surrounded by glowing lights, and this beautiful winter scene was magic. I never liked winter much, but I just about _loved_ it right now.

_I wonder why it is,  
I don't argue like this,  
With anyone but you,  
I wonder why it is,  
I wont let my guard down,  
For anyone but you  
We do it all the time,  
Blowing out my mind,_

I felt so relaxed and safe in Edward's arms. It felt so right. I knew I shouldn't have been, but I couldn't help but _not_ regret letting Edward in. I searched inside of me, but I couldn't find a single trace of regret. Hopefully this meant I would never have to feel it. Being with Edward was right; I felt it now, as he held me, his face in my hair.

The song ended and I looked up at Edward. He smiled at me and leaned down, kissing me sweetly on the lips. I returned my head to the spot on his chest just below his shoulder and closed my eyes as "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine started playing. **(Bring on the Twilight movie prom dancing scene! Woo!)**

I was completely and incandescently happy.

**? POV**

I watched her as she danced with that pretty boy. I knew it was her; she was too important to miss. Too risky. I gave her a warning, and I wasn't sure if she followed it or not, but I couldn't take the risk anymore. She smiled as she titled her head and kissed the red-head she was dancing with. She looked happy.

That was too bad.

I smiled as I watched the brunette laugh and dance, seeming so at ease with the world. I turned around and started walking back towards my car, the smile still on my face. As I drove away, all I could think was one triumphant thought.

Check mate.

* * *

**A/N: ..................................................................................... Ooooh……………….**

**Hit or Miss?**

**Apart from the ending bit, it was pretty much a fluff chapter. COME ON! I had to write at least **_**one**_** fluffily, romantic chapter. It's practically a rule in the Sacred Book of Twilight Fanfiction, lol. Hope you liked it.**

**I was pretty disappointed with the amount of reviews I got last chapter. Less than I usually get, so please faithful readers, don't stop reviewing!!! I already made a deal with you guys:**

**If I get a lot of reviews, I MIGHT just stretch this story to 5 chapters left instead of 4. But that's only if you REVIEW!**

* * *

**Anyway, I doubt many of you took my advice and checked the "Upcoming Stories" section on my profile (judging by my profile traffic), so I shall tell you why I wanted you to. I came up with ANOTHER story idea. I know, I know. I'm spitting them out like crazy. Not my fault my head overworks itself. Anyway, this one is still quite rough and I don't know when exactly I'll start posting chapters, but here's the summary. **

_**For the Nights I can't Remember:**_

_Heliophobia. Fear of the sun. A horrible tragedy turns sixteen year old, Edward Masen heliophobic. Two years later, having entered a life of darkness, depression, and drugs, Edward's parents have had enough and send him to a psychiatric institute in Seattle, Washington under the care of Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Bella Swan, Dr. Cullen's niece, is a kind-hearted, normal teenage girl who frequently volunteers and visits her brother, Emmett, at the institute. When Bella and Edward meet, can she break down his barriers and see the true him? After a rocky start, Bella and Edward are instinctively drawn into each other. Will Edward be able to overcome his phobia, depression, and drug addiction and see Bella for what she really is; his personal sun? Bella tries to help Edward heal, but there's only so much one can do. It's amazing just how much that is. All human._

**The title and inspiration are from the song "For the Nights I can't Remember" by Hedley. If you've never heard this song, listen to it! It is a beautiful song with a lot of meaning. One of my all time favourites from Hedley.**

**This won't be started until after I've started posting **_**A Vision Stained with Red**_**, which should be very soon! Tell me if you think it's a good idea!**

* * *

**OH! ONE MORE ANNOUNCEMENT! In regards to a reviewer who asked if there would be a sequel to this story, the answer is NO. There will NOT be a sequel to SOTD and I am firm in that decision. Sorry if that disappoints you people, but I have the ending to this story in mind and I can't think of a proper storyline for a sequel unless I ended with a cliffy, which I won't since I would die. **

**Okay, sorry with the huge ANs. There's a lot to say. So the countdown is ON! Only 4 chapters left! (unless you decide to shower me with reviews, in which case I shall try my best to stretch it out to 5 chapters).**

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!**

**Peace out.**


	20. Photograph

**A/N: Hiya. Here's my update for today!**

**Unfortunately, not enough of you reviewed to make me seriously try to stretch out the story to five chapters. I hate having to disappoint people, but I was a little sad myself. I got more than last time, but not enough to seriously motivate me. So I'll just write the chapters as they come to me, and if it happens to exceed four chapters, then great. I, however, will not purposely try to make it longer. I will write it as I originally planned, and who knows, it might stretch longer than I thought. **

**Okay, so keep reviewing! I'll update again tomorrow unless something happens that prevents me from doing so. **

**On with Chapter TWENTY!!! Holy crap, we're in the twenties now…**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

**? POV**

_I smiled as I watched the brunette laugh and dance, seeming so at ease with the world. I turned around and started walking back towards my car, the smile still on my face. As I drove away, all I could think was one triumphant thought._

_Check mate._

**Chapter 20: Photograph – BPOV**

The next two weeks I probably remembered to be a couple of the best of my life.

Yes, I'm being nostalgic because that's exactly what it was.

Being with Edward wasn't forced or awkward in the least. You'd think it would be since we had been best friends for the longest time and on top of that, we hadn't been on the best of terms prior to our 'hooking up', as Emmett so bluntly put it. But it was the opposite.

Edward had to be the sweetest boyfriend a girl could have asked for. His class ended before mine, so he always waited outside the lecture hall for me, tenderly holding my hand in his or wrapping his arm around my waist. I, of course, never objected. I loved it. Whenever he had a free moment, Edward wanted to spend it with me. We didn't have to be doing anything exciting in particular. Just sitting with each other was enough.

I knew it was completely ridiculous to feel so strongly about some guy I had only been dating for two weeks, but it was so much more than that. I had been in love with Edward far before I even realized it. I had tried to get him, and failed, in the past. Now that I finally had him, it felt like this was truly how it meant to be between us.

My happiness not only affected me. Alice couldn't get enough of 'Happy Bella'. Although it was true, I was still slightly offended when she mentioned how much more fun and free I was than 'Emo Bella'.

Was I really that bad before?

"Well, maybe not to the point where you're 'emo'," Alice said when I asked her. "But you definitely were sad and reserved. Being around you just made me, and everyone else I'm sure, want to wipe off that serious face and replace it with a smile."

"I smiled," I said, defiant.

"Yeah, but not enough. You always wanted to be alone so much, B. Reading or doing homework. You didn't really talk, not the way we used to. It's great that you and Edward are together now since I can tell you're so much better emotionally this way. He's healthy for you."

"That's romantic," I said sarcastically. I was being a little mean, but I really didn't enjoy hearing about how I was before. I wanted to leave it all behind. "Being with Edward because it's _healthy_."

"Bella, you know what I mean," Alice said in exasperation, as if I was a small child. "And you also know that's not the only reason you guys are together." Her eyes gleamed. "Edward looks and acts happier too. I know my brother and I can tell when he is genuinely happy, and he is with you. He was never like this with Tanya. He really loves you."

I felt a smile tugging at my lips. It didn't matter how often I heard Edward or someone else say that he loved me; it was unbelievable every time. I couldn't believe that someone as perfect as Edward, who had rejected me in the past, loved _me_. It seemed so… unfathomable, that I felt I was living in a dream.

Of course, a tiny nagging voice in the back of my mind always kept warning me that this was dangerous and that I'd pay for the consequences sooner or later. But I ignored it. Nothing bad had happened as of yet, and as long as no one but Edward and I knew about Phil, it would remain that way.

I tapped the end of my pencil on my paper as I sat in the lecture hall. The professor was droning on and on. I must have tuned out at one point for the next thing I knew, everyone was getting out of their seats and Max was lightly shaking my shoulder.

"Bella? It's time to leave. Class is over," she said. I jumped slightly and rose from my seat, smiling sheepishly at her.

"Sorry. Thanks," I said. Gathering my things, I followed Max and Fang out of the room. As usual, Edward was waiting outside for me. He smiled my favourite lop-sided grin when he saw me and held out his hand for mine.

Max winked at me and walked away hand-in-hand with Fang, going to join some strawberry blonde pale guy, that Max told me was her brother.

A small sigh of satisfaction escaped my lips as Edward's finger intertwined with mine. Edward smiled again and leaned down, pressing our lips together in a deep, but brief kiss. As he pulled away, I felt breathless. That was another thing I would never get used to; his kisses, his taste.

As we walked away I got a strange prickly feeling, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I couldn't help but feel some sort of _thing_ on me. It wasn't material, but more like a force.

Okay, that sounded stupid. _Use the Force, Luke_, I thought dryly.

But… it wouldn't go away. I turned my head to look over my shoulder. Nothing but a bunch of college students walking by were there. Strange…

"Something wrong?" Edward asked as I turned my head forward again, my eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement. I looked up at his curious face and once again, just like all the other times, my insecurities and worries melted away. It was probably nothing. I was being unnecessarily paranoid. As long as we both kept _it_ a secret, there was no need to worry.

"No," I smiled up at him. "Nothing's wrong."

**? POV**

I took a step back, remaining hidden in the shadows of the building.

Perfect.

* * *

**BPOV**

Another week went by, just as wonderfully as the other two before it.

I'd like to say that after that weird little episode after class a week ago never repeated itself, but it did. Almost everyday now, I felt that tingly sensation. It made me nervous and automatically put me on guard. I couldn't explain it. All I knew was that my body's reaction to this was a natural warning bell, telling me to be careful, but I wasn't listening.

I kept reassuring myself that it was nothing, but something else inside me knew that it wasn't. But… I just couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. Everything's been fine so far.

I sat quietly with Edward in my dorm room, reading. We were sitting on my bed, me between his legs, my back against his chest. His arms were around my waist as he leaned his own back against the headboard. Edward's head was bent down as his mouth and nose were pressed against the area where my shoulder attached to my neck. He was simply breathing in and out deeply, as if he were asleep. But I knew he wasn't.

This was simply as we were at times. Just being each other's presence was satisfying enough.

As I casually turned the page of _Mansfield Park_, I felt Edward lightly brushing his lips back and forth against the back of my neck, like a feather.

"Edward, stop," I warned. I didn't like being distracted while reading.

"Stop what, love?" he asked slyly, still doing his little lip movements the whole time. I felt a tinge of warmth at his pet name for me. _'Love'_. The first time I heard it, I was a little surprised and felt like jumping him. I wasn't even sure why. I loved it though.

"That."

"What?"

"You know what."

"Do I?"

"Yes, you do."

I turned around and poked Edward's chest with my finger. He just caught my finger, laughing lightly and pulling my hand so my arm was around him.

"You don't play fair," I accused. He knew he was my greatest distraction.

"All's fair in love and war," he replied, cheekily. I scrunched up my nose at him in mock disgust. He only laughed again and leaned down to kiss me.

Our kisses were no longer the chaste, yet intense, kisses of before. They had gotten deeper… and longer. They were still intense, actually they were more so. Hey, I certainly wasn't complaining. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his own arms tightened around my waist, deepening the kiss even more. I moaned softly as I felt his tongue slide across my lower lip. I was about to open and grant him entrance, until…

There was knock on the door and a booming, "HEY KIDS, YOU BETTER HAVE YOUR CLOTHES ON 'CAUSE WE'RE A-COMING IN!"

Edward and I groaned simultaneously as I turned back around in his arms, positioning myself as I was before Edward and I were, _distracting_ each other. "You can come in, Emmett," I said in a bored voice. Why is it that we were always interrupted?

The door opened and Emmett charged in, a giggling Alice on his back. Rosalie and Jasper trailing in after them. Emmett turned around once he reached my bed and dropped Alice down with a soft _thud_ as she hit the end of the bed.

"Look what Mom and Dad set us!" Alice said, giddy with excitement. It was only then did I realize she was holding something in her hands. It was a box big enough to hold several books.

"What?" Edward asked curiously, looking curiously at the box from over my shoulder.

"All our old photo albums!" Alice squealed, whipping open the box and taking out about 6 different albums, all with different coloured covers. "They found them while they were clearing out some closets and thought we might want to look at them again." I reached over and picked up an album with a purple cover. Flipping it open, the first thing I saw was an adorable picture of Edward, Alice, Emmett, and I together on the first day of school.

Edward, Alice, and I were in kindergarten while Emmett was in first grade. The picture was quite funny, actually, since we were all standing from Tallest to shortest. Emmett was first, he was smiling widely with his arm slung around Edward's neck. Even at only six, he was taller and bigger than the average boy.

Edward looked adorable, his bronze hair shining in the sunlight, since this photo was taken outside. His polo shirt was tucked into his pants and he was wearing the same crooked grin he did today. He was missing his two front teeth.

Then there was me. I was holding Edward's hand and lightly tugging at the dress that Esme persuaded me to wear that day. I had the same long brown hair and big brown eyes.

Alice was last and was so tiny and small, despite being the same age as Edward and I. She was by far the cutest of us all, well, apart from a little bronze haired boy.

I felt Edward smile as he saw the memory I was looking at. "Do you remember that day at all?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"Not really. Just blurry flashes."

We flipped through all the albums, sharing old memories, some of which popped up only after seeing the picture. Since Jasper and Rosalie didn't grow up with us, we had to fill them in on all the stories behind the pictures.

"What the hell is on Emmett's head?" Jasper asked, pointing at some pink, lumpy mass on Emmett head in a picture of him when he was thirteen.

"Alice's attempt at knitting a hat… Ow!" Edward said as Alice punched his arm. "How can someone so tiny be so strong?"

"What about this one? How come you're all dressed in black?" Rose asked, pointing at another photo.

"MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!" Emmett shouted, thrusting his fist in the air.

"What?" Rosalie asked, dumbfounded.

I laughed. "Emmett brought his hamster to school and it escaped. He wasn't allowed to bring it in the first place, so he couldn't tell anyone, other than us, that he lost it. He wanted to break into the school that night to try and find it," I explained.

"Did you?" Jasper asked, laughing.

"No. My dad caught us since he was driving around on patrol that night. He told Esme and Carlisle what happened. We were all grounded," I said.

"I never saw Thor again!" Emmett said, his head down.

"Thor?!" Rose exclaimed.

"His hamster," Alice whispered, rolling her eyes. "Still a touchy subject."

There were so many other pictures. Edward playing the piano, Alice and me swimming, Emmett eating, Charlie taking us all out fishing, Emmett and Thor (Em whimpered at that), Emmett eating, Edward pushing me on the swing, and… Emmett eating.

My eyes glowed as I viewed every picture, every memory, both forgotten and not. It felt so odd to revisit these old times, yet so comforting at the same time. There were some summer pictures where I was missing. Those were the times I would visit Renee in Phoenix. Alice pointed out that in those pictures where I was absent in Phoenix, Edward always looked like someone ran over his puppy.

The pictures of us, as we got older, became less frequent as most of us got more self-conscious and camera shy as we grew into teenagers. When we saw a familiar photograph of all of us at the amusement park when Edward, Alice, and I were fifteen, Edward squeezed my hand. I smiled secretly at him. We were the only ones who knew the significance of that trip.

Much to my dismay, many of the photos after that, when they had me in them, I looked less than happy. I would smile, but at times the smile would not reach my eyes.

I knew that these were in my pathetic days. Pathetically in love with someone who didn't, or actually, didn't realize he loved me back. I had to keep myself from looking away from them. The scenes were normal; us eating ice cream, us playing giving each other piggy back rides. But looking at my face in each one brought back the pain of those days. The pain of having Edward within arm's reach, yet not being able to have him.

I could tell Edward was remembering it too, for he started rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb as he held my hand in his. It comforted me, but didn't erase the memory of the pain.

All too soon, the atmosphere of looking at these photos went from happy and nostalgic to somber… for me and Edward at least. Alice and Emmett either didn't notice, or were pretending not to notice as they told more stories to Rose and Jasper.

I rested my head on Edward's shoulder and he laid his own head on top of mine.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I knew he was apologizing for everything that happened back in high school, both before and after he told me he wanted to stay as 'just friends'.

In truth it didn't matter how many times he apologized. It happened and there was no changing it. I knew he was sorry, that he was remorseful for not realizing sooner, but regret can't change the past. It was over and done with.

I wasn't angry or resentful towards him. I could never be like that towards Edward. I just didn't want to talk about it. It was the past, and I had to leave the past behind me.

"Don't be," I whispered back. None of the others seemed to notice having our own private conversation.

"Bella, in those pictures, you're not as happy as you should have been," he said. Why did he always have to insist it was his fault for everything? Was he masochistic?

I shook my head. "You should quit blaming yourself for everything. It wasn't your fault." And it wasn't. I didn't blame Edward for a single ounce of the sadness I went through at that time. It wasn't his fault he never realized. At that time, he didn't know. How could I blame him for that? I didn't realize until I was fifteen. I couldn't have been mad at him for not knowing earlier than I did.

It only mattered that he knew now.

"But if I had only rea-" I cut him off with a small kiss.

"Would you blame me if it was the other way around?" I asked when I pulled away, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Never."

"Exactly," I said, laying my head back on his shoulder.

"Thank you, love."

"You have nothing to thank me for."

He chuckled lightly, kissing the top of my head. "I seriously doubt that."

By the time the albums were all sorted through and finally put away, it was late and time for bed. Ever since Edward had learned that he kept my nightmares away, he slept with me in my bed, or me with him in his bed, every night.

Tonight we were in my bed. Sometimes Emmett would stay with Rosalie in her bed; those nights we had to spend in Edward's room since Emmett snored louder than a foghorn. I couldn't fathom how Rosalie slept through that almost every night.

After showering and changing into my pajamas, I walked into my room to find Edward already in my bed, his arms open, inviting me in.

I happily crawled under the covers and into the safe confines of Edward's arms.

I snuggled closer to Edward, keeping my face buried into the crook of his neck and taking a deep breath of his heavenly scent. Forget cologne; Edward's scent beat all those fake perfumey smells out of the ballpark.

"Ready for sleep?" Edward asked me quietly. I already felt myself drifting off. My eye lids were drooping and I fought away a yawn.

"Mmhmm," I responded sleepily. Edward chuckled and held me closer.

"Me too," he whispered.

"Good night, Edward."

"Goodnight, my love."

A few minutes later I was almost completely under, until Edward whispered my name.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you."

I felt myself smiling against his neck. He was the sweetest. He felt the need to tell me he loved me out of no where. I loved that. I loved him.

"I love you too."

* * *

A few hours later I jerked awake, feeling that tingly odd sensation.

I looked up at Edward to see him still fast asleep. I raised my head, since Edward's arms kept me from sitting up. My eyes flickered around the room, searching for whatever was causing all the arms on neck and arms to stand up. The pale moonlight spilled in from the windows as the only light source for me to see. I didn't want to turn on a light in case it woke Edward.

After a few minutes of finding nothing, yet again, I sighed heavily and laid back down for sleep. I couldn't find myself able to settle though. The adrenaline in my body was still pumping, as if preparing me for battle.

I couldn't hear or see any danger, but my body was telling me otherwise. What was the matter with me?

Finally after maybe about half an hour, I was able to calm myself back down enough to sleep. That was the first night since Edward started sleeping with me that my sleep was restless.

**? POV**

Sweet dreams, Bella.

You'll need them.

**BPOV**

The next day I woke feeling back to my normal self. Last night was so weird and almost creepy.

It hadn't completely escaped Edward that I was tossing and turning all night. In fact, he questioned me about it in the morning.

"It was nothing," I assured him.

"Are you sure?" he asked, sounding concerned. He constantly worried about me.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Alight…" he said, sounding skeptical. I knew he didn't fully buy it, but let it go for now. I was grateful for that. He gave me a sweet kiss then left for class. I went to my own class half and hour later. As usual, by the end of the day, Edward picked me up and walked me back to the dorms.

"What do you want to do?" he asked me as we entered the elevator.

"I actually have a lot of schoolwork to do," I said regretfully. Stupid assignments keeping me away from Edward.

"I do too, actually," he admitted. "I'll see you at dinner?"

"You bet." I kissed his cheek as he stepped out of the elevator onto the second floor.

I got out on the next floor and went to my room. Rose was still in class, so the room was empty. I dumped my bag on next to my desk and threw my books onto my bed. I first had a bunch of reading to do and reading was of course, much more comfy when in a bed than in a chair.

Deciding to check my email before I began my work, I logged on my account to find an email from an unknown sender. The email had no subject either. Curious, I clicked on it, opening up the email. I hoped it wasn't some form of spam.

I definitely wasn't that. My eyes widened and my blood started pumping in my ears as I read the text.

_Roses are red,_

_Violets are blue._

_You're not watching me,_

_But I'm watching you…_

_Right. Now._

_See you soon, Bella._

That's when everything went black.

* * *

_**Sneak Peek Quote from Chapter 21:**_

"_I said it's over! Leave!"_

* * *

**A/N: -Silence-**

**Hit or Miss?**

**You know what to do! REVIEWWWW!!!!! **

**The countdown continues!!! 3 more chapters left!!! Oh, and sorry guys. This would have been up sooner but my mother decided to wake me at the ungodly hour of 9am to finish Christmas shopping. I know -rolls eyes- 9am… on a SATURDAY?! Anyway, I'll be seeing you again tomorrow for tomorrow's daily update!!! **

**REVIEW!!! WOO!**

**Peace out.**


	21. I'll Keep your Memory Vague

**A/N: GAH!!! I love how the last chapter got the right suspenseful effect on so many of you! You. Guys. ROCK!!!**

**Okay, so only 2 more chapters + an epilogue left after this! Remember that after I post the last chapter (which shall be in two days, ah!) I will be putting up a poll so YOU can decide what scenario I should write for the epilogue. Yeah, yeah. I know I'm generous. Anyway, here's another suspenseful chapter! PROMISE ME YOU WON'T KILL ME AFTER THIS!!!**

**On with Chapter TWENTY ONE!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing… except for Phil's totally badass side!**

* * *

_I definitely wasn't that. My eyes widened and my blood started pumping in my ears as I read the text._

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

You're not watching me,

But I'm watching you…

Right. Now.

See you soon, Bella.

_That's when everything went black._

**Chapter 21: I'll Keep your Memory Vague**

"Bella? Bella!"

Someone was calling my name, I was sure, but the words were so clouded and fuzzy, I felt I was listening to them through a pillow.

"Bella! Bella wake up!"

Shaking. Being lifted. Floating. Honey scent…

Wait… I knew that scent…

"Ed-Edward?" I said breathlessly, my eyes fluttering open. I lifted my head to look up at him but a sharp pain stopped me.

"Ow…" I groaned. Edward, who was carrying me, gently laid me down on my bed. I looked into his eyes to find them swimming with relief but also full of worry, concern, and curiousity. I rubbed the back of my head to find a small lump there. I winced as my fingers grazed the sensitive area. Edward gently removed my hand from my head and gripped it in his own.

"Oh, Bella…" he whispered, relief and concerned both laced his words. He gently kissed my forehead. My eyebrows furrowed, trying to straighten out my muddled thoughts. What the hell happened?

"Ugh… How come my head kills?" I said, closing my eyes and leaning back on my pillows.

"You must have hit it when you fell. Bella, when I came in, you were unconscious on the floor. Did you faint?" Edward asked, the fingers of his free hand gently stroked my cheek. _Did_ I faint? I must have… Everything was so blurry. Why couldn't I remember fainting?

"Um, I think so. I mean, how else would I have ended up on the ground?" I said lightly. No need to worry him.

"What made you faint, love? Do you remember?" I felt like he the psychiatrist and I was the patient.

What _did_ make me faint? I skimmed through everything that had happened today. As fuzzy as the memories were, my head was starting to clear up a little more with every breath I took. Woke up, ate breakfast, went to class, got out of class, came here, checked email…

Checked email.

Oh my God, my email!

I shot up so fast I almost hit Edward who was hovering over me. I started to tremble violently remembering the email. It was from an unknown sender but I knew better. There was only one person who could've possibly sent me such a thing. I shuddered and felt Edward gather me up in his arms.

"Bella?! What's wrong?!" he asked frantically, worried over my sudden change in stance.

I couldn't answer, not verbally anyway, so I just pointed one shaky finger towards my computer screen. Of course, no one had done anything to it since I fainted, so the email was still open on the screen. Edward looked at me, a little puzzled, before walking over to the computer and taking a look at whatever was freaking me out.

His eyes scanned the note Phil sent me and widened. He looked at me, then back at the email, then back at me, as if asking for confirmation. I could only nod.

"Bella, is this…?" he was quite surprised himself. I nodded again and put my face in my hands. He found me. Phil found me. And now… and now he was… I couldn't even comprehend what he was going to do next.

"Bella, it's okay. Everything will be alright, I swear it."

I'm sure Edward meant for it to be a comfort, but it had the opposite effect on me.

Everything was NOT going to be okay. Phil knew where I was now, and if the email was true, he had been watching me. He could have been watching me right this very moment! I started shaking again, my breathing becoming panicky as I realized he could very well be in the shadows, watching me. Was he looking through the window? The peep hole through the door? Was he… was he watching me from _inside_ this very room?!

These panic-stricken thoughts filled my mind and I desperately tried to shoo them away. I had to be calm, I had to think clearly to figure out what to do next, but my mind wouldn't let me. My body wouldn't let me. The hairs on my arms and neck stood up, adrenaline pumped through my veins, my heart thudding in my chest as if it were trying to escape.

I couldn't do this. Phil was cruel and ruthless. He wouldn't stop until he did what he came to do. I knew what he came to do. But… I thought he said that if I didn't tell anyone, I wouldn't die. Did he find out I told Edward? He couldn't have. Edward and I hadn't spoken one word about Phil since that day Edward found out himself over three weeks ago. Impossible.

But… this was it. I wouldn't make it out of this unscathed, or maybe even _alive_. I gripped my head with my hands as I bent my knees, curling myself into a pathetic ball, rocking back and forth. Just when I get Edward and all my friends back, I lose them. Just like that. Phil always got what he wanted. And this was it.

I felt Edward arms encircle me and his hands gently wiping tears I never even knew had fallen, from my face. He held me close to his chest as he whispered soothing words in my ear.

But it wasn't working. I couldn't be comforted.

Through all these jumbled thoughts and feelings coursing through me, there was only one thing I could understand. Only one thing that got through to me clearly.

Edward.

He was in just as much danger as I was. This was bad. This was worse than bad. This was… I started sobbing harder.

There was one thing I was sure of, and that was that I had to protect Edward. I had to protect him and Alice and Emmett and Jasper and Rose. I had to protect Charlie. They were the most important people in my life and I would die myself if anything happened to any one of them.

But the fact that they were even in my life was the entire reason they were in danger.

It was all my fault. I should have transferred out of this place as soon as I discovered the Cullens were here. I should have known we were going to get close again. I should have known better. Why hadn't I listened to the little nagging voice in the back of my mind?

I knew that there was no way to fully fix this mistake. I knew that if the tables were turned, Edward and everyone else would do the same thing. In the huge gist of things, this act I knew I had to do next was so simple and straightforward, yet at the same time, it was so, so hard.

Absorbing every single ounce of strength I had left in me, I put my hands on Edward's chest and pushed him away. Of course I wasn't physically strong enough to do this, but Edward knew what I was trying to do and reluctantly let go of me, confusion and hurt written all over his face. **(Sorry for the interruption, but this is where you should start listening to the song I named this chapter after: "I'll Keep your Memory Vague" by Finger Eleven.) **

"Bella…" I cut him off.

"Edward… this has got to stop," I choked out.

"Bella, what are you talking about-" I held up a finger.

"Let me talk," I took in a shaky breath. My strength was quickly escaping me and I needed to do it now or I would never have the resolve to. "I haven't tried as hard as I should have… to keep you away from me. I guess I just never wanted to come between us… I…"

"Bella, _no!"_ Edward almost yelled. He reached for me again, but I slipped off the bed and stood up, away from him. It was killing me to do this to him, to myself. I could feel my heart being ripped apart inside of me. Who knew it could hurt this much?

I shook my head as he stood up too and took a step towards me. "Edward, stop. You aren't m-making this any easier!" I said, harsher than I intended. But this was good. Anger was good. It was so much easier to feel anger than heart break.

"Edward, it ends here."

"No! Just because of-"

"_Just_ because of what, Edward?! _Just_ because a psychopath has me next on his hit list? Is it _just_ because of that?!" I was actually fuming now. Call me bi-polar, but I couldn't stand how he was taking this so lightly! _Lives_ were at stake here!

"Bella, you know that's not what I meant!"

"I don't care what you meant, Edward. It. Ends. Here," my voice broke and there went the anger, "It's not only you. God, it's not only you. I can't have you or Alice, or Rose, or _anyone_ hurt! Please be reasonable," I pleaded, "I wouldn't be able to stand it if anything happens to you. Something _will_ happen to you if we keep going on like this!"

"And _I_ wouldn't be able to live on if something happens to _you_! What if the tables were turned, Bella? Would you stay away, stand aside, as I unnecessarily risk my life?"

"Well, what if the tables were turned? Would you let me stay with you even though it puts me in unbelievable danger?! Would you?!" Edward stayed silent. "I thought so," I said bitterly. "Don't you ever use the 'tables turned' card on me, Edward, for it can be just as effective on you, and don't you _ever_ say this is unnecessary."

"Bella, please don't do this. I'm saying everything will be alright because it will! I can protect you!"

"It's not me I'm worried about."

"I can protect myself too."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'm not."

I shook my head. "Edward," tears were rolling down my cheeks leaving salty streaks. "It's over. It isn't safe. I'm going to transfer schools as soon as possible to get out of here. I know this sounds so high school, but… I'm leaving you Edward. Breaking up with you."

"No! NO! Bella, _no!_ You are NOT leaving me and there is no way in hell I am leaving you!"

"Edward, not everyone gets a fairytale ending. Phil might as well take out just one person instead of more."

"I'd rather Phil kill me too instead of just you!"

"That's not what I want."

"Bella, _please_! You can't leave me! You are not going to! I won't let you!" Edward gripped my face in his hands, his eyes were frantic and panicky. I knew how he felt. I was dying on the inside, as corny as that sounded. I knew that if I left Edward, not only would it keep him safer, but it would devoid me of any feeling. It's so much easier to die if you feel nothing.

It had to end _now_.

I ripped his hands away from my face and took a few steps back. A knife stabbing my heart with every step I took.

"You won't _let_ me?" I said, my voice emotionless. Maybe if I showed him this wasn't hurting me as much, he would back away. Probably not, but worth a try. "I don't remember needing you to _let_ me do anything."

"Bella-"

"Edward, it's over."

"What about all the memories? You can't just forget them! Didn't the past three weeks mean anything to you?! Did our entire _lives_ mean anything to you?! Do _I_ mean anything to you?"

I let go of my emotionless state then and let the anger and fury over take me. I couldn't believe he was saying that! That was low, and he knew it.

"Do you honestly think that all this time between us meant nothing to me?!" I shouted, "That _you_ mean nothing to me?! Honestly Edward, for someone so smart you can really be stupid! If you meant nothing to me, I wouldn't be breaking up with you! It's because you mean so much to me that I'm letting you go!"

"You can't just forget a lifetime of memories."

I won't forget," I whispered breathlessly, "I'd never forget. I'll just… suppress them somehow. I'll keep them subdued. Don't feel bad about me, Edward, because I won't forget, I'll just keep them, and you, away… vague."

"Bella, you can't…" his voice turned pleading and I had to shut my eyes. I couldn't stand to look at him. It hurt too much.

"Edward, don't make this any harder than it already is," I begged. He wasn't listening.

I opened my eyes to see him, his eyes and cheeks wet with his own tears. He was crying.

"Bella, you may think you can push away all of this," he pointed between us, "but I can't. You and I are meant for each other."

"It won't be so sad for me," I lied. I would keep him near, in my mind and heart. But in body, I couldn't. "Please leave. We're done."

"No, no, no, _no!_" he dropped to his knees in front of me and took both my hands in his.

"I _can't_," I cried, trying to extricate my hands from his, but he kept holding on tighter. "Edward, I _can't_. You can't stop me from leaving you, because I am. You said you would never leave me, but I made no such promise myself." Both of us were sobbing by now. I kept trying to loosen his grip on my hands, but he wouldn't let go.

"Edward," I sobbed, "please leave. I told you, I will never forget you, I can't, but you need to forget _me_. Don't feel bad about me, please. Just… leave!" I finally managed to take my hands out of his own. He stood up, shaking his head. I couldn't look at his face.

Using the last of my self-control, I shouted, "I said it's over! Leave!"

I turned around, facing the wall. He didn't say anything, or move. A part of me desperately hoped he would leave. But another much smaller part of me wished he would stay. Fight harder for me. To not let me go…

You can't have it both ways, Bella.

I felt the softest, feather light kiss of the top of my head, and a velvet whisper, "This isn't the end. I won't let you go, Bella. I'm going to keep you safe. I love you."

And then he was gone.

* * *

Numb.

Emotionless.

Dead.

I could feel _nothing_ anymore.

And that's how I wanted it. It had only been a mere hour since Edward finally left, but it felt like it had been years. My body yearned for him, yearned with the need to feel his arms around me. My nose craved his scent. My eyes ached for his bright green gaze. My hands flexed, needing to feel his soft bronze hair. Tears fell down my cheeks, yet I didn't make a sound. My heart recited his name with every beat, like an elegy.

_Th-thoomp, th-thoomp, th-thoomp, Ed-ward, Ed-ward, Ed-ward._

But… I couldn't feel any of it.

I shut myself down. I was a hollow shell. Phil could have killed me right now and I wouldn't have felt it nor minded.

I wondered how Edward was feeling. With any luck it wasn't as bad as I was. Rethinking on what I had said to him… I knew I broke him. But I couldn't help that hope that one day, when I was long gone, that his heart wouldn't have to hurt anymore.

He was gone. I let him go. I let him get away. No, I didn't let him get away. I _threw_ him away. I knew that no matter how many times I would try and tell myself that he was gone, my mind wouldn't let him leave the scenes it would play over and over again in my head.

Gone.

But it was okay, because now he was safe.

Who was I fooling? Not even myself.

The door to my dorm room opened, but I didn't make any reaction to the noise. I didn't even look up. I felt a small hand stroke my hair, but I didn't bother to look to see who it was.

Alice and Rosalie all of a sudden appeared in my line of vision, but I couldn't register it as their faces. I looked at them, I couldn't _see_ them.

"Bella…" Alice whispered, he voice sad. I made no response.

"Bella, please say something," Rose said gently. My eyes finally flickered to their faces.

"Oh, Bella," Alice said, gently wiping away my tears with her fingers. A lot like _he_ used to do. "Bella, we saw Edward. He could barely speak properly. Said you left him. Why? I thought you were so happy. Why, Bella?"

I shook my head, snapping enough out of my zombie state to answer her. "Because I can't be here anymore."

"Why not?" Rosalie asked, her voice shocked.

"I just… can't. I'm transferring out of here as soon as possible," I stood up from my bed and walked over to my computer. I noticed Edward exited the email. Good. I didn't want to see it again in fear of breaking down. I grabbed my bag and stuffed my wallet inside. I left my cell phone on my desk. I couldn't handle any calls right now.

"Transferring?!" Alice said, horrified. "Bella, no! Whatever happened between you two can be fixed! Don't leave!"

I walked towards the door, new tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "No, Alice. For once, you're wrong. It can't be fixed."

"But… we just got you back," she whispered.

I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. I looked back down and bit my lip. "And this thing… between Edward and I, is just proof I was never supposed to come back. I'm transferring schools, and you can't stop me." I looked back at the two of them. Alice looked so sad, I felt like dying all over again. Rose wasn't even looking at me. She had her head turned away.

"I'm going out. When I come back, there better not be anyone here except for Rosalie, and that's only because it her room too. I'm not changing my mind. I'm sorry Ali," I whispered the last part.

It was dark outside when I left my room. The night was cool, but bearable. I didn't even know where I was headed. I was just moving with no goal or purpose. I just needed to get out of there. I couldn't stand to look at Rose or Alice. Edward… Edward I already dealt with. Emmett and Jasper… how could I say goodbye to them? Jasper and I weren't overly close, but I still loved him and all the others like my siblings. And Emmett… what would I do without my teddy-bear?

No, this was bad. I couldn't think about them like this. It invoked emotion.

I had to be emotionless.

"Bella!" I heard someone call.

I turned around slowly to see Jacob running towards me. He was alone.

"Hey, Bella! What are you doing out here? It's kinda late." I tried to smile at him, but it wasn't working, so I gave up.

"Just… walking," I said. It wasn't a lie. I was only walking. I had no destination.

"Do you want me to walk you back to the dorm rooms?" he asked. I checked my watch and realized I had been out for half an hour. That was longer than I thought. Well, I had no reason to say no, and I guess I would just feel safer if Jacob walked back with me.

I nodded and started heading back towards the dorms. He followed me, easily keeping pace with my stride.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked, obviously noticing my less than chipper mood. It touched me that he was concerned.

Stop that, Bella. Be emotionless.

"I'm fine," I said quietly.

"You don't seem too fine."

"Trust me, I am." Lies, all of them.

"Okay…" he said skeptically. I stopped outside my dorm building and turned to Jacob. He was in a different building so he couldn't follow me inside. I stood up on my tip-toes, since he was so damn tall, and very lightly kissed his cheek. I knew this was going to be the last time I would see him.

"Bye Jacob, and thanks for walking me back. You're a good friend."

"You talking like this is the last time I'll ever see you," he laughed lightly.

I just shook my head ever so slightly and walked into the building, leaving him outside. I guess I would miss him. He _was_ a good friend. He was a nice guy and I wished I could have become better friends with him, but that was impossible.

I entered my dorm room and was pleased to discover it was empty. This was good. I was anticipating someone there, Rosalie most likely, who would try and convince me to stay. I guess they realized I needed space. This made things so much easier. I didn't bother to turn on the lights as I peeled off my coat and fell back on my bed. I closed my eyes, not knowing I would ever be able to sleep tonight without…

Don't think about him.

All of a sudden I felt the same tingly sensation. The one that felt like someone was watching me. I sat up and looked around the moonlit room.

_Thud_.

I whirled around towards the sound. It sounded a lot like a footstep. Oh God. My heart started beating rapidly in my chest, like it was trying to fight its way out of my ribcage. I could hear the blood in my ears.

_Thud._

My breathing hitched and then picked up again double time.

"Edward?" I called out shakily. Maybe it was him or any of the others coming to talk to me. "Jasper? Emmett?"

I turned back around, scanning the rooms with my eyes again. Nothing. Nothing was there. But where had that sound come from. Please don't let it be-

A large hand landed on the back of my neck.

As soon as I felt it, I knew who it was. How many times in the past had I felt those hands hit me, punch me? This was it.

I opened my mouth to scream, but in the next milliseconds, a cloth came down over my nose and mouth, gagging me, cutting off my air flow. I tried to struggle, but the lack of oxygen was making me light-headed and dizzy. Whimpering, black dots started clouding my vision.

That's the last thing I remembered before losing consciousness.

**EPOV (while reading this, listen to "Dreaming with a Broken Heart" by John Mayer)**

The sun shone behind my eyelids. The night had to be the worst I had ever had. I tossed and turned for hours, rotating between restless sleep and just being wide awake.

I rolled over and reached for my Bella to pull her closer, only…

She wasn't there.

All of a sudden all of yesterday came back to me, and my eyes shot open. She left me. She left me. She left me. I could hardly breath as I sat up and looked around my room, hoping against hope that she would be standing here in my room.

She wasn't.

She was gone.

Gone.

_Gone_.

_No,_ I told myself. She may have left me, but I wasn't going to give up on her. I was going to get Bella back; my whole existence relied on her. She was the air in my lungs, the beats of my heart, the blood in my veins, she was everything. I couldn't live without her.

And I wasn't going to.

I dreamt of her last night. Through the small amounts of time I did sleep, I dreamt of her. I asked her to stay, begged her to, just as I had done yesterday. But unlike yesterday, she said yes. She stayed with me.

Waking up from that dream was so hard.

I felt so numb. I couldn't even feel my heart anymore. It wasn't like it had broken; it was as if my heart was gone altogether.

Her crying eyes flashed across my vision and I gripped my chest, where my heart was supposed to be. But I knew it wasn't there. It was in a room on the floor above, with a beautiful brown-eyed brunette. It would always be.

I felt so hollowed and broken without my love. I couldn't say goodbye to her, I couldn't. But she said it too me. I couldn't wake up beside her and hold her.

Because she was gone.

No, I couldn't think like that.

I wasn't going to give up or I'd surely die.

I needed her so badly. I didn't cry easily, but I cried now. I swiped my arm across my eyes and saw the glitter of tears. She was so vital to me, I needed her. I needed her here with me. I had to talk to her. I had to convince her that everything would be fine and no matter what, we could make it through everything, even Phil.

I got up and threw on the closest clothes to me. I didn't care how I looked like. I needed to see her. I needed to hear her voice and get lost in her eyes. I needed to get her to see the light; to see that we had to be together. Being without each other would be worse than death. We would wither away.

I understood why Bella did what she did. I could see the reason behind her words, but I couldn't bring myself to accept them. Bella was stubborn and I knew that I wouldn't have been able to get through to her yesterday, so I gave her a day to sleep on it. Today, I would make her see otherwise. I wasn't leaving until we were together again.

I walked out of the elevator and over to Bella's room and opened the door without bothering to knock. The door was always unlocked and I knew she would never let me in if I just didn't barge in myself.

"Bella," I said breathlessly as I entered. My eyes went straight to her bed, hungry to see my love, my life. But she wasn't there.

Her coat was slung over the back of her computer chair, like always, so I knew she was here somewhere.

My eyes scanned the room, trying to find her. I needed to see her so badly. Last night was the longest I had gone without seeing my angel and it was pure torture.

I walked around the room. "Bella?" I called. But she wasn't anywhere. It was too early for class. Was she in the bathroom?

"Bella?" I said again, knocking on the bathroom door. No answer. I turned the doorknob and it opened to reveal no one inside. My mind started panicking and my breathing became faster. Where was she? Why wasn't she in here? Everything was as it should have been; coat in place, books and bag on her desk, no signs of any struggle or disruption. So where was she?!

"Bella!" I called, becoming frantic. Why couldn't I find her?! Where did she go?

I quickly whipped open my cell phone and called Alice.

"Hello?" she answered sleepily.

"Alice, is Bella with you?" I asked urgently.

"No, why?"

"I can't find her, she isn't in her room," I said, my running my hand through my hair and pacing around Bella's empty room. Think, Cullen, think.

"Maybe she's with Rose…?" I hung up before she could finish the sentence.

I dialed Rosalie's number faster than lightening.

"Hello?"

"Rose, is Bella with you?!"

"No, I'm with Emmett. Why? Where is she?"

"If I knew I wouldn't be calling you," I said through gritted teeth. I pinched the bridge of my nose in an effort to control my temper. I snapped the phone shut before she could say anything more. I didn't need her questions. All I knew was that Bella wasn't with either Alice or Rosalie, and through extension, Jasper or Emmett since those two always spent the night with their girlfriends.

I knew she wasn't with me, so where the _hell_ was she?!

My mind was racing, trying to desperately figure out where she could've been. What had happened to her? Oh God, was she safe? I had to go out and look for her! I needed to reassure myself she was alright.

Nothing bad could've happened to her, it just couldn't.

I turned to run from her room, ready to search all of Seattle for her, but stopped as one thing caught my eye.

Her computer.

Her email.

It all dawned in my mind then.

Phil.

_No._

**BPOV**

I felt myself starting to regain consciousness slowly. My head was groggy and ached horribly. I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks.

I opened my eyes very slowly. I squinted as bright lights filled my vision. I then realized that I was sitting up in a chair. Huh, wha? My head was bent down uncomfortably as I had been unconscious before. I slowly lifted my head, trying to stand up at the same time.

But I couldn't.

My hands were tied to the back of the chair and my ankles were bound together with thick rope.

I snapped open my eyes fully then and lifted my head so quickly, I felt a head rush. I looked around and realized in horror who had brought me here as the memories flooded back to me. The light continued to shine down on me harshly. I looked up.

It was a spotlight.

I looked around me. A little ways in front of me were empty seats, like you would see in a live theatre. Then I suddenly realized where I was.

I was tied to a chair, under a spotlight.

In the centre of a theatre stage, the curtains open as if a play was being performed.

And I was the main event.

* * *

**A/N: Hit or Miss?**

**Yeah, yeah, I know everything seems really screwed up and I messed up everything and blah, blah, blah, but you know what? I'm the author, so TOO BAD! If it makes any of you out there feel better, I'm NOT the type to write tragedies. **

**Only TWO chapters left (not including the epilogue). Luckily the next update will be tomorrow, where MANY things will happen. Tomorrow's chapter will be, to me, the most climatic chapter of them all. If you hate me and want to kill me for this chapter - don't! If you do, you won't know how it ends…**

**So, even if you hate me, REVIEW!!! Tell me how much you hate me in a REVIEW!!! **

**Peace out. **


	22. HeroHeroine

**A/N: GGEUHIWFBLA!!! You guys blew me over the moon with all the love you gave me last chapter! That had to be the most reviews I've received in a single NIGHT!! You guys are more awesome than I can possibly put into words!!! I tried to respond to every review, but if I hadn't replied to yours, I'm sorry. I'm very rushed for time today, so I didn't get as much time as usual to just sit down, and read emails.**

**So here's the ultimate chapter you've all been waiting for! Some of you were very sweet when asking me to update soon and others were… actually kind of rude, so please try to keep it respectful. Thanks. **

**Keep up the EXCELLENT reviewing! On with Chapter TWENTY TWO!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_I looked around me. A little ways in front of me were empty seats, like you would see in a live theatre. Then I suddenly realized where I was._

_I was tied to a chair, under a spotlight._

_In the centre of a theatre stage, the curtains open as if a play was being performed._

_And I was the main event._

**Chapter 22: Hero/Heroine**

**EPOV**

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!" I yelled for the thousandth time, this time actually throwing my arms up in exasperation. How many times did they have to know if I was 'sure' or not?! The damn police were taking their damn time about this whole situation! Bella was missing and I knew who had taken her!

As soon as I connected the pieces together and figured out it was Phil who had kidnapped Bella, I called the police. They were here in a matter of minutes, but wouldn't stop questioning me! How many times did they want me to repeat the story? Since when were they so incompetent?!

"Edward you have to calm down. Your temper isn't solving anything," Jasper said, putting a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"How can I be calm?! He could be hurting Bella right now! I need to find her; I _could've_ found her by now if these idiots hadn't kept up with the questioning!" I made a move to leave, but Jasper caught my arm and pulled me back.

"Don't be stupid. You can't blindly search all across Seattle for her. She may not even _be_ in Seattle anymore," he hissed.

"Jasper, I can't jus-"

"You can and you will. You need a lead, Edward. Just driving around looking for her will do you no good. He probably has her hidden somewhere."

I sighed. I knew he was right, but I couldn't just stand around while Bella was out there, possibly getting hurt. The investigators were in Bella's dorm room, searching for any evidence to show someone besides Bella or Rosalie had been there. I showed them the email Bella received, her account having still been open on her computer.

They agreed that this was suspicious, but they still weren't taking action!

Everyone was here, waiting with me; Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett. We called Charlie as well as Carlisle and Esme, who were on their way. Alice and Rose were both crying softly and leaning onto their boyfriends for support. Jasper was calm, but I could see the panic bubbling under the surface of his eyes. Emmett couldn't stop swearing and would hit something every few minutes.

Me? I couldn't stop pacing and yelling. I was at wits end. I had to be restrained several times from just jumping out the door and looking for Bella.

Bella.

I couldn't even begin to think of what could have happened to her by now. The worst thing was; we weren't even sure of exactly when she was taken. It could have been anywhere from sometime last evening, to shortly before I discovered her empty room. Hours and hours were between those times! _Anything_ could have happened to her!

I couldn't even begin to comprehend what would happen to me if Bella was not in my life. If she were to be taken from me… I wouldn't be able to, _couldn't_ be able to live on. She was everything to me. Even before I finally realized I loved her… she was everything. Life without Bella was not life at all. It was… it was a black hole. A starless night. A dark, empty room. Nothing but blackness. No purpose, no destination.

It was nothing.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to continue living if Bella didn't make it out of this alive…

No, Cullen. You need to stop thinking like that.

You _will_ find Bella and you _will_ get her back.

What was worse was that I knew this was my entire fault. If I hadn't left Bella so easily, if I hadn't let her leave _me_ so easily, I could've protected her from this. I could've prevented Phil from touching a single hair on her perfect head. I should've known that Phil was going to come for her after that email.

I should've stayed near to her. I should have slept outside her door for God's sake; anything to have kept her safe.

But I failed. I said I would never let anything hurt her, and I failed.

The guilt was eating me up from the inside out. How could I have let this happen? How could I have been so careless? I didn't know the answers to these questions, and it didn't even matter. All that mattered was getting Bella back. Safe and sound. I swear that if Phil had hurt Bella in any way, even if it was only a little bruise, I would rip him limb from limb. He was a monster, even more than I was, and I would make sure he wouldn't escape this time.

I hated him. I hated him such blind fury that it was staggering. He would pay for taking Bella.

An investigator exited Bella's room and I said desperately, "Have you found anything?!"

She shook her head helplessly. "Nothing yet, but we're still searching. So none of you knew this Phil Dwyer?"

We all shook our heads. I said, "No, but Bella once told me that he was the one who killed her mother, Renee Swan."

"And why didn't she tell the authorities this?"

"He threatened her. Said he would hurt her and the people she cared about if she said anything to anyone."

"Why did she tell you, then?"

"I sort of figured it out on my own."

"Please clarify that, Mr. Cullen."

"I heard a message on her phone from the police I wasn't supposed to hear. I guessed the truth about Phil and she confirmed it."

"And now Phil is the one who kidnapped her? You're absolutely sure of this?"

"Yes!" How many times did I have to repeat myself?!

"Aright then. We still don't have any leads though. Did Bella tell you anything about Phil that may be a clue to where he might've taken her?"

I thought. No, she didn't really tell me anything about him other than he was abusive. I didn't even know his career. I shook my head. "Bella didn't tell me anything about Phil other than he dated her mother for about five months and was both physically and verbally abusive towards Bella."

"Did she say why he killed her mother?" the investigator asked.

I started pacing again. "It was because Renee cut if off with him when she walked in on him beating Bella. How does this help us find Bella?"

"It doesn't really, but we're trying to dig into Phil's character some more. So far it's obvious that he has a violent nature and an uneven disposition. This is very unstable for Bella, I'm afraid."

"Then why are you just standing there! Find her!"

"We need a lead."

"Fine one!"

"Calm down, sir. Your panicking is not helping the situation. We're doing everything we can to find your friend. I assure you, we _will_ find her, but we need you to remain as calm as possible."

I groaned in frustration and punched the nearest wall. Anything to vent out my anger.

_Please Bella. Hold on, I _will_ find you._

**BPOV**

My heart picked up double time when I realized where I was. I wasn't in some dark cellar or the trunk of a car as you'd think I'd be, once being kidnapped.

No, I was in a live theatre, on stage, the spotlights shining down on me. A shiver ran down my spine as I registered why Phil brought me here.

He was psychotic. He was evil and cruel. Phil wanted me dead, and he was going to do it in the most dramatic way possible. Right here, as if my death was a grand play, the finest performance ever staged in theatre. Imagine the surprise of the owners, if there were any, when they opened up the next morning to find my dead, bloodied body on the stage.

My breath started coming out in near gasps as it suddenly dawned on me that this was it. Phil was going to win and I was going to die. I would never see Emmett or Jasper or Rosalie or Alice or Charlie ever again. Never again. And Edward…

Oh God, Edward.

My only comfort was knowing that he and all the others were safe, but for how long? Hopefully forever, but I wasn't so sure. I had done everything I could to make sure they would be safe. I made stupid mistakes, but I had done everything I could given those mistakes. Now that I would be gone, maybe Phil would leave them alone.

I kept my head down, waiting for Phil to come out. I knew he was probably watching me, taking relish in my despair, waiting patiently for my tears. He took enjoyment in other people's misery. He probably wanted me to cry and beg before killing him, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I would show him that I was stronger.

I would look in the face of death, and not utter a single sound.

I heard clapping from somewhere behind me and my head involuntarily snapped up and around to look at the man I knew would be there.

Phil Dwyer.

My mother's killer and soon-to-be mine.

He had a sadistic smile on his face, as he slowly approached me, still clapping. I fought hard to keep a straight face, devoid of emotion and feeling. I needed to be emotionless. I couldn't let him show he was affecting me so much. I wouldn't give him the pleasure of my horror. In the end, he would win, but I would give myself this small triumph.

Phil stopped his stupid clapping once he stepped in front of me, about a foot away. He leaned down so that his face was right in mine. I stared right back into the cold gray eyes I hated so much. On the outside, I may have looked brave, but on the inside I was scared out of my wits. It had been months and months since I had last seen Phil. Remembering the last time we had been face to face just brought back a slew full of memories that I had been trying so hard to push away.

But it also brought back all the hate and anger I felt for him.

And I let that take over me and fuel my fire.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he said, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. I flinched away from him, putting a scowl on my face. He just chuckled.

"How's my girl doing?" he said, looking smug.

"I'm not your girl," I spat. His eyes flashed.

"Still just as disobedient as I remember. You never learn, do you Bella?"

I stayed silent, making no response whatsoever. He was only angry and jealous over the fact that I never accepted him as a father.

"You know Bella," he said conversationally as he stood up and started walking slowly around the chair I was tied to, like they do in horror films. "You have no one to blame for this but yourself. If you'd only accepted the fact that I was your new father back in Phoenix, we wouldn't be having this problem now, would we? We'd be in Arizona, a happy family. Renee would still be alive and you wouldn't have to die. Both you and Renee were really idiots."

"Don't you dare talk about Renee that way!" I yelled. "You killed her you jackass!"

Quicker than I would have thought possible, Phil's hand was at my throat, gripping tightly. His face was once again right up to mine so close that I could smell his aftershave. It was nauseating. His eyes were blazing with rage.

But then, as quickly as it began, his anger died out, replaced with a cool indifference. He let go of my throat and straightened up.

"True, I did kill Renee. But that was only because she deserved it. I don't do things without a good reason, Bella. You should know that. Renee should have known better than to have left me, especially over something as miniscule as hitting you. I was only disciplining you. Don't go thinking that I'm a robot though. I did feel bad after killing Renee. It was a pity really, she was good in bed."

"You _bastard!_" I yelled, trying in vain to break free from the rope tying me to the chair. It angered me to no end to hear him speak of Renee in such a degrading way. I had never wanted anyone dead before, but I wanted it now.

I found it incredibly hard to believe Phil felt bad after killing Renee. In fact, I didn't believe it at all. Phil was one of those psychopaths you would hear about on TV, having those states of minds of serial killers. He was one of those people who felt _nothing_. He may have felt anger or rage, but nothing else. He felt no regret, no remorse, no love. For people like him, killing didn't mean ending a life; it was nothing but a simple action. It held no meaning or significance.

And that's what scared me.

"Ah, ah , ah, Bella. Try not to struggle so much. It makes it harder for me to be able to do a clean job," he said calmly.

"Clean job?" I mocked. "You call slaughtering a person who had done you no wrong a _clean job?"_

"And you call not respecting me doing me _no wrong?_ It's only karma, Bella. I already told you; you have no one to blame for this buy yourself."

"But why are you doing this?" I asked. "I haven't told anyone," I lied.

"Whether that's true or not, I cannot take the risk anymore. It's too dangerous."

I resisted the urge to let out a breath of relief that he didn't know about Edward. Good. That meant he wouldn't hurt him.

"So if you're trying to lay low and be inconspicuous, then why try to kill me here, in a theatre? Isn't this kind of dramatic?"

"Oh, Bella. That's part of the fun. But enough of these questions, they bore me." Phil walked over to a table off to the side I had never realized was there. He picked up a long, sharp knife off the table and started walking back towards me. My breath hitched, stopping all together. "Frankly, I came here to do a job, and your non-stop chattering isn't helping it get done. Now it's time for you to shut up, Bella, and let me have my fun."

There was no one there to hear my screams.

**EPOV**

"I can't just stand here waiting anymore! I'm going out to find her!" I yelled, grabbing for my car keys, but a large muscled hand stopped me.

"Edward, don't you dare," My brother, Emmett, growled. "I want to find Bella just as much as you do, but we keep telling you over and over again that we need a _lead_. You going out and searching with no clue of where to go will do more damage than good."

I had never seen Emmett so serious and solemn before. He was always happy and rather goofy. This didn't help me though. Seeing Emmett so serious only stressed the urgency of this situation. Another hour had passed and I was done sitting around! Bella's life was in danger! I didn't care if I was searching blindly; as long as I was doing _something_ to try and bring her back.

"Edward," Alice said as if reading my mind. Her face was tear-stained and anxious, but her voice was surprisingly firm. "Don't go thinking you're the only one who cares and wants Bella back. We all do, and you need to think clearly about this. Bella wouldn't appreciate you losing your head and making a whole mess of this situation by going out and blindly looking for her. She'd want you to be strong, not stupid."

"I know you all want Bella back, but to me, she's more than my own life… she's… she's," I struggled to find words that would describe how much Bella meant to me, but there were none. She was beyond words and if I lost her now… there would be no future for me. There would only be nothingness.

To my horror, a tear rolled down my cheek and dripped onto the floor.

I was crying. I was panicking.

I was possibly losing the only thing that mattered to me anymore.

Bella.

"Edward, you have to believe she'll be alright. Bella will be okay, trust me," Alice said in a small voice.

"And how would you know?" I said desperately. My voice was broken and agonized. I couldn't take the torture of waiting anymore, God damn it!

"I can't explain it, Edward, but you have to trust me. I can just… feel it. I can see it. She'll be okay. You can't let yourself even _consider_ the outcome. It _won't_ happen. If you keep thinking it will, you'll never be calm enough to think straight."

I knew she was right, but I still couldn't listen or absorb the words. All I could think about was Bella. I wasn't going to calm down until I felt her safe and whole, inside my arms. I needed to see her with my own eyes, hear her voice with my own ears in order to feel at ease. Until then, there was only worry and panic. My mind and heart had no room for any other emotions.

I was opening my mouth, just about to tell her about all these feelings inside of me, make her understand, but all of a sudden, one of the investigators quickly came out of Bella's room. We all turned to him expectantly.

"Well?" I demanded. If they had a lead, then say something!

"We found something. A note. It was in the jacket pocket of Bella's coat. We suspect that Phil Dwyer had stuffed it in there when he kidnapped Bella."

"What does it say?!" Rosalie said.

"Well, we haven't read it-"

"Why not?!" Emmett boomed.

"Because it's addressed to Edward Cullen."

My heart stopped. Phil wrote a note… for me?! Why the hell for and how did he know my name?

But then I remembered the email. If what it said was true, it meant Phil had been watching Bella for a while now and so he must have seen Bella and I, and through further extension, our relationship. He also must have been able to find out my name in that time.

I grabbed the note from the investigator's hand and unfolded it, reading the messy handwriting.

_Edward,_

_When the curtains fall on the final act, so will Bella's final breath._

_Come alone._

I stared at the note, completely puzzled. What did it mean other than his intention to kill Bella, that of which I already knew? I couldn't understand it at all, yet since it said for me to go alone, I knew it held some kind of clue as to where he was keeping Bella.

What was it though?!

Why did he even want me to come at all?

Curtains fall… final act… what did it all mean? What had Phil written for me did he want me to decipher? This frustrated me to no end; knowing Phil had left me a clue as to Bella's whereabouts, but being unable to find it out. I needed to, damn it! Bella depended on it!

I read the note over and over again, pacing up and down the hallway. I ignored the questions of the others as I recited Phil's words repeatedly in my head trying to figure out what he meant.

Curtain falls… final act… Bella…. final breath….

Wait…

_Curtain_ falls, final _act_.

"Are there any empty, unused theatres in Seattle?"

"Um, yeah. There's the Johnson Theatre. It's been abandoned for nearly two decades. Why?" the investigator said. **(I made up that theatre by the way)**

"I know where he's keeping Bella."

**BPOV**

Pain. Agony. Blood…

I bit my lip, trying to restrain the groans of pain and weakness from escaping. He already took enjoyment in my screams, I couldn't give him any more satisfaction from me.

I was cut free from my bounds of rope, but it didn't do me any good. I wouldn't have been able to run , I was in too much pain. I wished for a quick, painless death, but knowing that since luck was never on my side, of course I got just the opposite.

I was lying down on the stage of the theatre, clutching my leg that he had stabbed. He tortured me with slashes from his knife, but never cut or stabbed me anywhere vital, like my chest, knowing it would kill me. He wanted to have his fun first.

What a sick, twisted version of 'fun'.

I heard Phil chuckle and I weakly opened my eyes through the pain and waves of dizziness and nausea assaulting me from the scent of fresh blood. He was leaning over me, smiling triumphantly as he clutched my throat and slowly lifted me up. I gasped and weakly clawed at his hand. My movements were slow and sluggish. I had lost so much blood that I barely had any strength left. It was amazing I was still conscious.

"Had enough yet, Bella?" he said, laughing lightly.

_Like you'd listen to me even if I did answer,_ I thought bitterly. I wanted this to end so badly. I didn't know how much more of this I could take.

"Well, that's too bad, isn't it? What a pity…" Phil said as if I had answered him, throwing me roughly to the side. I slid across the floor of the stage, leaving light blood streaks behind as I hit the back wall. My head painfully crashed against the hard surface. I winced.

"It's too bad Edward hasn't gotten here yet. I wouldn't want him to miss this," Phil said, walking towards me again.

My eyes widened. "W-what… do you m-mean?!" I gasped.

"Why, I invited him of course."

"Why?! Edward has nothing… to do w-with this!"

"Bella, Bella," He said, shaking his head. "I'm not stupid. I knew from the moment I found you that you told Edward. I only told you otherwise so you would fool yourself into thinking he was safe. It was quite amusing actually."

"L-leave Edward out of this!"

"Sorry, sweetheart. He's too much of a risk to leave alive. He needs to be taken out." Phil grinned and punched me hard in the stomach, making all the air in my lungs leave me in a great _whoosh_.

"Hasn't this torture been enough… of your 'fun' for… you?" I gasped out. "Why can't you j-just kill me, already?"

"I want to see Edward's dear face just before I do; I can't afford to miss _that_."

"D-do you want me to b-beg for… death?" I hissed, black dots clouding my vision again. I knew I was fading quickly, and I welcomed it.

"You don't need to, but that would certainly be amusing to see and hear."

He clutched my upper arm and started to raise me again, probably for another blow, when all of a sudden the theatre doors burst open and in walked… _Edward!_

I couldn't see clearly through my blurry, black-dotted vision, but I would have been able to recognize Edward anywhere, and that was definitely him. He was running quickly towards the stage. I couldn't make out his facial expression, but it was probably fierce.

"Edward… d-don't… get away," I gasped. Phil laughed again and let go of my arm abruptly, letting me fall full force back onto the force of the stage. I couldn't restrain the whimper that escaped my lips.

"BELLA!" I heard Edward shout. But I my mind was so hazy, it sounded muffled and far away.

"Hello Edward. About time you got here," Phil said lightly, as if greeting him to a party.

"You son of a bitch, let her go!" Edward roared. I tried to open my eyes and focus on Edward, but my body just wouldn't let me.

"Edward…" I croaked. "Go away. Leave…"

"See? She doesn't even want you here," Phil laughed. "You should have never come, Edward. It will only end badly."

"Don't touch her!"

"I'm afraid it's a little too hard for that…" Phil, as if trying to prove his point, kicked me forcefully in the chest, creating sharp pains to shoot through. I was pretty sure he had cracked or even broken a few ribs. I squeezed my eyes shut and grimaced against the pain.

"BELLA!" I heard footsteps coming closer.

"Now, now, Edward…" but before he could finish, I felt Phil being pushed away from my side. I squinted my eyes open and saw two blurry figures fighting across the stage. I couldn't tell who was winning, my consciousness was going fast.

And then I was lost once more.

**EPOV**

I punched Phil across the jaw again, hearing another cracking thud, much to my satisfaction. It didn't matter how many times I would punch or kick this bastard; he deserved more. The fury and rage that filled me when I saw him leaning over Bella's broken body was so overpowering, it felt as if a monster inside of me was awakening.

I let this rage blind me as I threw my fists at Phil. I was a good fighter.

But so was he.

He punched me hard across the side of my head, sending my staggering a few steps. My slight pause in action was all he needed to punch me again and again. He kicked me, throwing me off the edge of the stage. I opened my eyes, scrambling to my feet just as he made his way back over to Bella.

Now was the time.

"NOW!" I shouted.

Right on cue, a dozen policemen including the investigators, Emmett, Alice, Rose, and Jasper, ran through the doors. We had planned for me to go in first, to make him think that I was alone. When I needed for them to come in, I would shout out to them. The police and investigators all had their guns drawn out and pointed towards Phil.

Phil froze, looking around him as they surrounded him. I was going to step closer, to be closer to Bella, but Emmett put a hand on my shoulder, holding me back.

"Phil Dwyer, put Bella down and step away from her," One of the investigators called out. Phil looked shocked for only a second longer before putting on a sly grin.

"If you're going to take me out, then the girl goes down with me," he said, taking his bloody knife, stained with Bella's blood I thought sickeningly, and pointed it towards her throat.

"I will repeat myself, Mr. Dwyer. Put Bella down and step away from her with your hands up."

"Sorry, not gonna happen."

"Do it now, Mr. Dwyer."

"No!"

"You can do it the easy way or the hard way. You choose."

"Neither! I won't surrender ever. If I die here, then so does this bitch!" He poked Bella's throat with the tip of his knife and I growled. My heart was racing as I noticed Bella was unconscious. Please, _please_, let her be okay.

Of course my main priority on the way here was finding Bella alive, but I couldn't help but make… contingency plans in the back of my mind. I couldn't live without her, of course. That much was obvious. If she was going to the next world, then so was I.

But… she needed to die for that to happen, and oh God, please don't let her die! I needed my angel more than I needed air. She _was_ my air.

"Mr. Dwyer-"

"No!"

"You leave me no choice…"

"No," Phil said, his eyes blazing with determination. "If you won't back down, then you leave _me_ no choice."

Phil raised his knife, ready to plunge Bella through the throat. His arm holding the knife came down…

"NO!" I screamed.

A gunshot went off.

Phil, whose arm was in Midair, half-way to Bella's throat, collapsed to the ground with a sickening thud.

* * *

**A/N: Hit or Miss?**

**So sorry this came out late, but I had relatives over and then I had to bake cookies with my sister. Not to mention this chapter was extremely difficult to write. You don't know how many times I had to stop and look back on what I wrote, erase it, and then rewrite it again.**

**Anyway, tell me what you think! Only ONE chapter left and then the epilogue!!!**

**The chapter title for the next chapter it "Fix You" by Coldplay. Listen to it to get a sense of what's gonna happen next!**

**REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!**

**Peace out.**


	23. Fix You

**A/N: W-O-W!!! I'm so happy you guys enjoyed the last chapter and that I didn't screw it up! I was really afraid of ruining the most climatic chapter in the story, so it's good to know that that is not the case.**

**SO, ****Dragon1974uk asked why I didn't just have Edward summon the police right away instead of playing hero. Well, I did this because Edward tends to have a very overprotective and overreacting nature, I'm sure you all know. In my mind, as soon as Edward saw Bella badly hurt, he lost of his self-control and good sense, and went after Phil. It was a natural reflex to hurt anyone who has hurt Bella. That's why it took him so long to summon the police; as soon as he saw what Phil had done to Bella, his over protectiveness kicked in and he went into a blind rage. Hope that clears the air :)**

**Anyway, GAH! This is the last official chapter in the story!!! The epilogue should be up around the 26 or 27****th**** of December, so this will be the last time I update for a few days. Anyway, ENJOY!!! As my English lit teacher taught me, this chapter is the nemesis. If you don't get it, look it up.**

**On with Chapter TWENTY THREE!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

* * *

_Phil raised his knife, ready to plunge Bella through the throat. His arm holding the knife came down…_

"_NO!" I screamed._

_A gunshot went off._

_Phil, whose arm was in Midair, half-way to Bella's throat, collapsed to the ground with a sickening thud._

**Chapter 23: Fix You - BPOV**

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

I groaned very quietly and reached over to my bedside table to shut off my incredibly annoying alarm clock. Seriously, why couldn't I have taken night classes? It would have spared me the extreme inconvenience of getting up in the morning. Who in there right mind would _ever_ want to get up in the morning?

My hand reached over to my side, but didn't make it the entire way to my bedside table. A weird tugging was keeping me from extending my arm and further. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to tug harder. I tried to pry my eyes open, but it felt as if they were glued shut. I heard some footsteps and a door closing, but didn't think much of it.

Finally after what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, my eyes slowly opened and focused on my arm, ready to obliterate whatever was holding it back.

It was an IV. Okay, well, that explains things.

… Huh, wait a second, an IV?!

My eyes snapped open fully and quickly scanned my surroundings. White. Huh. The walls were white, the bed was white, my freaking clothes were white. Did these people have some kind of mono-fetish? The smell of disinfectant and anything else sterile hit my nose and I recognized where I was. I felt like kicking myself for not noticing it sooner considering I had been in one so many times as a kid.

I was in a hospital. The IV and the beeping, which I now knew was the heart monitor, clearly showed I was a patient. But… why? My eyebrows furrowed again, but this time in confusion.

I heard a light velvet chuckle from my right and my head whipped around so fast I swear I cracked my neck.

Edward was sitting there, in a chair right beside my bed. He was leaning forward to his chin was resting on the edge of my pillow. In other words; only mere inches away from my face. My breath stopped for a mere second before coming back, but this time a little faster. He smiled before leaning back in his chair and looking at me in amusement. But underneath the surface of his eyes I could see worry and agony. And relief, immense relief.

"Edward," I breathed.

He gave me another small smile before reaching over and taking my right hand in his. He rubbed soothing circles in it, and didn't meet my eyes. I noticed that I had about a trillion different tubes stuck into me, including one that went to my nose, helping me breathe.

"Where is everyone?" I asked quietly.

"Charlie and my parents are getting lunch. Alice and Jasper and the others decided to step out and give us some time to talk," he answered. I nodded slowly.

"Edward, what happened? Why am I here?" I asked. Surely he would know why.

"You don't remember?" he said, looking back into my eyes. I studied him, so fast that he probably would not have noticed. He had his same bright green gaze and messy bronze hair, but there were dark circles under his eyes, as if he had been missing sleep. His messy hair was now twice as disarrayed, like he had been constantly running his hand through it; something he always did when anxious.

When I examined more closely, I noticed, to my horror, a small stitch line across his jaw. There was also some faded bruising on the left side of his face. How did he get hurt?!

I shook my head. "I don't remember… but Edward, how did you get those? Are you alright?" I asked, pointing at his small injuries. He simply shrugged them off.

He then looked at me in amusement again. "_You're _the one lying all beat up in a hospital, and you're asking _me _if I'm alright? Bella, you never cease to amaze me." I blushed crimson.

"You never answered my question," I said.

"Hmm?"

"What happened?"

"Right… so you really don't remember?"

I shook my head again. Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair for what I was sure was the millionth time since… whenever I got in here.

"What's the last thing you remember?" he asked me. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to go back into my memories. For the most part they were blurry and nonsensical, just moving shapes and such. Surprisingly, as I searched farther back, the memories became clearer. It was only when I tried to remember the most recent events that it got fuzzy. You'd think it'd be the other way around.

"I remember…" I squinted, "the um, Winter Carnival…" Edward nodded, wanting me to go on. "And the…weeks after that were pretty normal. I remember classes with Max and Fang and Angela. I remember Carlisle and Esme sending us some photo albums. And then…"

"Go on," Edward urged.

I tried to remember. I really did… but the images and sound weren't coming in clearly. It was like I was watching an old, messed up tape where the visuals and audio were both faded with age. I shook my head helplessly at Edward. He sighed again and mumbled something I could catch under his breath.

"Keep trying Bella. What happened the day after we looked at the albums?" he said, almost pleading for me to remember. Why was it so important?

"Um…" I thought back as hard as I could. Okay, so I went to sleep with Edward after we put the albums away… no nightmares, that was for sure… okay, I woke up the next morning as usual… went to class… Edward met me afterward as always…

But what happened after that?

I had the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that it was something important, and not in a good way. It was something bad, somehow. I couldn't exactly remember it, but my body suddenly felt cold and afraid. A shiver ran up my spine as I tried to remember what happened. I slowly sifted through the blurry images; my dorm room, dumping my books on my bed, my computer screen…

Wait, my computer screen…

The email!

Remembering the email just brought back this whole trainload of memories, crashing into my brain like those cliché flashbacks in movies. But this time, it wasn't a movie.

The email, the poem, Phil, blackness… and then Edward came and found me unconscious on the ground. When I woke up, I told Edward… I told him… oh God, that's when I told him to leave, that it was over.

I tore my hand from Edward's as I put it over my mouth and started rocking slightly. The memories were all coming back to me now, coming so fast they were almost overlapping each other, just like ocean waves crashing against the shore. My eyes widened with every forgotten event that happened.

Saying goodbye to Jacob… going back to my dorm room… being gagged. I clamped my eyes shut as my mind went back to that night. Then… waking up in a theatre, on stage… Phil… pain, blood, Phil's sadistic grin. Tears started pouring down my cheeks remembering the pain he caused me. The torture. I cried at the helplessness I felt, the finality of death. My shoulders started to shake at how close I had come to really dying. I was a hair length away, yet I missed it. How was that possible?

"Oh my God," I whispered through my sobbing. "Oh my God…" Phil had almost won. He kidnapped me, tortured me, and he almost killed me. If… If I hadn't been saved when I was, I probably would have been dead by now. I would have been dumped somewhere for my body to rot. No one would have known where I was. I would've been reported missing.

Charlie. Oh God, Charlie would have been hurt so much… and Alice, and Emmett and Carlisle and Esme. Everyone would have been hurt and worried. It was all my fault.

I still couldn't get over how close I was to really dying. To never see the light of day or the darkness of night ever again.

Death was jut so _final_.

There was no going back after it. If you died, you died. That was that. No second chance, no way to say a proper goodbye.

And I was… so close.

I felt Edward wrap his arms comfortingly around me, sensing my distress. Not that it would have been hard to tell if you didn't know me as well as Edward did. He stroked my hair. "I know… shh, I know…" he soothed. His smooth voice brought back the memory of the last time I had spoken to him before today.

When I broke both him and myself by ending it between us. It hurt even more that he probably hated me right now. I knew he was only comforting me out of pity; I had been through a lot and it was only natural he be nice to me. Underneath it all he probably hated me for being so awful to him. I didn't deserve him, I always knew that. He didn't deserve all this. I was a mess and a pity-case. My life was pretty screwed and I could've sworn my sanity had gone to the place of no return.

Finally, I managed to calm down enough to speak and think coherently, but having Edward in such close proximity, invading my personal bubble, wasn't helping me at all. Usually I wouldn't have minded, but we weren't together anymore, nor would we ever be. Great, I not only ruined our relationship, but our friendship. Now the only thing I could feel left between us was awkwardness.

And it didn't help that I was still hopelessly in love with him.

I pushed Edward away to give myself some space. He leaned back in his chair without argument. Just as I thought; he hated me and was only being nice out of pity. He would never forgive me for being so awful to him. He would never be able to look past the mess I had created between us.

God, Bella. You screw everything up don't you?

I pushed away the urge to feel sorry for myself and looked back at Edward. He looked worried, as usual, but this time it was probably worry over my mental stability. But now I had to be strong. Well, semi-strong at the very least. It was back to business.

"W-what happened after went unconscious in th-the theatre?" I asked, hiccupping slightly. I remembered everything up to there. I had to know what went on after that.

Edward reached over and took my hand once more in his. I couldn't help but feel a little more at ease when he did that, even if I was sure the action was hollow.

"I found you…" I cut him off.

"But how did you find me?"

"Phil left me a note with a clue. Anyway, I found you and…" his eyes darted away from me before looking back. "… and I may have fought with Phil…"

"_What?!"_ I yelled. There was a skip in my heartbeat, but it was from a mix of anger and shock over his stupidity. "Why the hell did you do that?! Did you have a death wish?!" I was nearly hyperventilating now. Who knows what Phil could have done to Edward. He could have _killed_ him!

"Bella, calm down," Edward said gently. His voice soothed me enough to get my heart at its normal pace again, but I was still as mad as hell at him.

"Why?" I asked in referral to his moment of idiocy when he decided to physically fight Phil.

"Bella, he hurt you, so badly," Edward paused as if remembering a horrible memory. "I couldn't stand there and do _nothing_. I was so angry at Phil in that moment, I guess I lost all of my self-control and common sense." He grinned crookedly, but it had a tinge of sadness. I stared at him in disbelief.

"Well, you shouldn't have," I retorted, "I'm _not_ that important." And I meant it.

"Bella, I don't think you will ever be able to understand just how important you are…" he said quietly, his eyes intense. I had to look away before I fooled myself into thinking he still wanted me. He must have been referring to my importance to my friends and family, not to him. How could he possibly love me after all the crap I put him through?

I shook my head a little before looking back at him. Luckily, the blazing look was gone so I was able to look him straight in the eye without blushing. "And then? What happened after you decided to be a tragic hero?"

"The police came in and pointed their guns at Phil. They told him to surrender, but he wouldn't. He said if they planned to take him down," he looked away from my eyes, "that you were going down with him." I shivered thinking back on just how close I was to the grim reaper.

Edward rubbed my arm in comfort and slowly went on, as if I were fragile, ready to break at any given moment. I probably was, but I didn't want him to be gentle or pitying. I was a big girl. If what I just went through wasn't proof of that, I didn't know what was.

"Phil was about to… kill you," his voice was oddly strangled, "but just before he could, a police officer fired his gun at him." My eyes widened.

"What happened to him?" I asked, my voice barely audible, but I knew he heard it.

"Dead," this time Edward's voice held no emotion over Phil's death, unlike his unease when speaking of my almost-one. "He was hit in the chest. He was alive when brought to the hospital, but was announced dead a few minutes later."

"Oh," I said, looking away. I couldn't describe the overwhelming relief that enveloped me, rendering me speechless. It felt so _light_ to finally not feel paranoid about when Phil would jump out next. To not constantly be looking over my shoulder in case he was there, lurking in the shadows. Sure, death was never a happy thing, but in this case, it definitely wasn't sad.

I suddenly remembered Edward's injuries. "Is that how you got your cuts and bruises?" I said, jutting my chin towards his face.

"Is what how I got them?"

"Fighting with Phil," I clarified.

He looked at me almost sheepishly before answering. "Yes. But don't worry about me, Bella, I'm fine. It's yourself you should be worried about." And cue the sadness.

I internally rolled my eyes. I didn't need to be babied. I was fine, at least I was pretty sure I was fine. No one seemed to be crying over me or anything, so I was positive I wasn't going to die… anymore. I took my hand out of his again and without looking at his face, I clasped both my hands together and fiddled with my fingers in my lap. My eyes concentrated on those fingers as I said, "So exactly how bad am I?"

"Cuts and slashes all over your body, some of them were deep enough to need stitches. A deep stab wound in your leg , which actually scared the doctors for a moment," he let out a breath, "three broken ribs and a minor concussion. You lost a huge amount of blood. They needed to give you some transfusions. You…" He paused and reached over and put his hand on my cheek, gently directing my head so I looked at him. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "You really scared me back there Bella. Don't you _ever_ do that again, okay?"

I nodded, a little confused on why he was being so firm on this. It wasn't like I was his girlfriend anymore. I would've been if I hadn't made such a screw up of it. God, I didn't think I'd ever forgive myself for what I did.

Edward's eyes filled up with guilt then and he whispered, "I'm sorry."

I looked at him, shocked. "Why are you sorry?"

He dropped his hand from my face, leaving my cheek burning. "For letting you get hurt. It's all my fault, and I'm so sorry."

Huh? Who the hell was it all his fault?! Was he pulling one of his 'I'm-so-selfish-I-hate-myself' gimmicks? I felt very irritated he could be so stupid. "Edward, I don't know what you're talking about. How could all of this been your fault? You had nothing to do with me getting hurt. If anything, this is my entire fault!"

"How is it your fault?" he asked, a frown on his perfect face.

"How is it yours?" I said back.

"Bella, I shouldn't have left you unprotected. Even when you pushed me away; I should've stayed by you, especially after reading that email. I should've known he would be coming for you soon. Thanks to my stupidity, you got hurt when I could have prevented it."

_That_ was his reason? That had to be the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. Edward was more stupid than I thought. He couldn't have prevented it, no matter how much he wanted to. He couldn't go on blaming himself for something he couldn't possibly have controlled.

"Edward, that was uncontrollable. You couldn't have done anything to have saved me from it. You need to stop blaming yourself. My getting hurt had nothing to do with you."

Edward looked at me sadly. I could tell he didn't believe me, but at least he didn't protest. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him then, but I knew he probably didn't want that. Not to mention these tubes were really restricting from doing much with my arms.

"How is it _your_ fault?" Edward asked me.

I shook my head. "I'm not saying it's my fault for just getting me hurt, but that it's my fault for pretty much the whole entire screwed up mess. I shouldn't have provoked Phil so much, even back in Phoenix. _I'm_ the whole reason he killed Renee and _I'm_ the whole reason he wanted to kill you too. It's…" my voice had raised a few octaves as tears stung my eyes again. "It's my entire fault and if I wasn't such a bump in the road in everyone's happiness; Renee's, yours, even Phil's, then maybe none of this crap would have happened."

It was silent for a few moments before Edward leaned forward and very softly, so that I barely felt it, he kissed the spots on my cheeks where my tears fell, wiping them away with his lips. "Oh, Bella…" he whispered, holding my face in his hands and staring intently into my eyes. "How could you possibly think something so absurd? How can you possibly believe that you, _you,_ are at fault for any of this? Phil's provocation was of his own doing; he was angry for no reason. You did nothing wrong to him or anyone else. Renee's not gone because of you and you didn't create any of this mess. You could never do that, Bella. You are too perfect for words. You are so selfless, and that's one of the countless reasons why I love you."

He smiled at me and smoothed my hair. I looked back at him in disbelief. H-how could he _love _me after everything I put him through?! I was horrible to him, I caused him pain and sadness. The thought was almost impossible to comprehend. But he wasn't done speaking.

"And don't you ever think you are a bump in the road in _anyone's_ happiness. Renee loved you and you always made her happy, no matter what you did. Phil wanted unattainable things for his contentment, things you couldn't have been expected to give him. He got exactly what he deserved, so don't you ever think you should have done things differently by him. And me… you _are_ my happiness Bella. I never want you to think, in any way, that it is your fault if I am sad or angry. You only make me happy. Everything else wasn't your fault."

Tears came to my eyes again, but not for the reason you'd think. It was because I knew why he was saying this; guilt. Edward felt guilty that I got hurt. He still had that idiotic notion in his head that this was somehow his fault and now he felt so guilty, he thought he needed to make it up to me.

I wouldn't be anyone's charity case, not even Edward's. I didn't want him doing things to make me feel better out of guilt, especially if he had nothing to feel guilty over.

"Edward, please don't…" I whispered, looking away.

"Please don't what?" he said, confusion clear in his voice.

"Don't… lie to me," I said, turning back to him. He looked surprised and opened his mouth to say something, but I held up a finger, silencing him. "I know you feel guilty, even though you have nothing to feel guilty over. I understand that. But please don't lie to me. Don't sugar coat things for me because you feel guilty over my wounds. I'm a big girl; I can handle anything and everything you throw my way. I don't need your pity or your charity. It's alright that you hate me, I know you do. I made a mess of everything; Renee's life, our relationship, our friendship. I screwed up everything and I caused you pain. I was awful to you and I don't deserve you to forgive me, nor do I expect you to," I took a deep, shaky breath, "just please don't lie to me. Anything but that."

Edward stared at me for a long time. Just… staring. His eyes were full of the same relief and worry from before, but also had new emotions I didn't think he could find in his heart to feel for me again. Tenderness, care… love? No, it couldn't be. I put him through too much for him to love me anymore.

But I couldn't help but let a small spark of hope ignite in me.

"Bella," he chuckled and held my face in his hands. "Bella you are so absurd."

I blinked, confused. Did I hear him right? "H-huh, wha?" I said, sounding stupid, but what else was new?

"I said you're absurd," he repeated, still smiling like a weirdo. Probably was one.

"And why is that?" I said, a little anger unintentionally leaking into my voice. I couldn't help but feel as if he was mocking me.

"Because you couldn't have said anything more wrong than that in your entire life."

"I don't understand," I said, scrunching up nose slightly.

"Bella, love, I'm not pitying you or giving you charity for anything."

"So… you don't feel guilty?" I was so sure he did… so much for meaning anything to him at all.

"What? Of course I felt guilty. More than you could possibly imagine."

"You lost me again."

He smiled crookedly and began to stroke my cheek with his thumb. "Bella, my feelings for you haven't changed. Yes, I felt guilty, but whether I did or not, I still love you. In fact, this guilt, I think, is only making my love for you even stronger. Because of it and all that this mess caused, I realized just how close I was to losing you. I never again want to feel such agony and fear as I had then. I still love you so much. True, when you left me, I felt so much pain, but I don't blame you for that, Bella, just the situation. You were doing it because you wanted to protect me. I could never be angry or hate you for that."

More tears streamed down my face. Jeez, I was such a drain pipe nowadays. "You still… want me?" I said in a smaller voice than I knew I even possessed.

"Yes!" Edward said, a hint of frustration in his voice. "Of course I do! I will _always_ want and love you, Bella. Don't ever doubt or forget it. Just say you love me back, and I'm yours forever. Even if you don't love me anymore, I'd still be yours."

I couldn't believe he still wanted me after everything I put him through, but I sure as hell wasn't going to pass this up! I wasn't as stupid as you think. "Of course I love you," I whispered.

I didn't have to say anything more as Edward crashed his lips onto mine. He held my face firmly between his hands as he kissed me deeply and lovingly. I could tell he was trying to convey all his love for me through that one kiss, and God could I ever feel it. It warmed me to the core. My hands found their way to his hair, tangling themselves in his bronze locks. I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip and I granted him entrance at once. The passion increased tenfold and I felt light headed.

The heart monitor started beating erratically and Edward pulled away, slightly alarmed. When he saw my flushed cheeks and ragged breathing, he connected the dots to my jagged heartbeat and smirked. I hit his chest playfully as he pulled me into him, holding me as close as my tubes would allow.

"You should know what you're getting yourself into," I warned. "I'm a pretty messed up case right now. After everything's that happened… I'm not sure if I can heal properly." I clung to the front of his shirt with his hands.

"It's alright Bella. I can't expect anything more from someone who's been through as much as you have," Edward titled my chin up and placed a small, sweet kiss on my lips. "In fact, I'm surprised you've been this strong for this long. I know not everything's going to be perfect, especially given both our mistakes."

"Are you sure I'm worth it?"

"Bella, you don't see yourself clearly. I don't think I'll ever be able to say just how much you're worth. I love you Bella, and I know you're broken after all that's happened, but I'm here for you. I'll fix you."

"Promise?"

He hugged me closer and kissed the top of my head. "I promise."

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**A/N: THE END!!! Okay, _okay,_ NOT**** really, but Hit or Miss?**

**Okay, so the epilogue will be up by around Dec. 26-27, whenever I have more time. In case you didn't read this before, I'm kind of stuck on what to do for the epilogue. I have a bunch of lovely, sappy scenarios I'd love to do, but I cannot do them all. All of them are romantic and contains fluff (something this dark story needs more of) so don't worry. I won't write a depressing epilogue. I think this story has had its fair share of depression and could use some fluff!**

**Anyway, I put up a poll on my profile as to what the epilogue should be! Vote and I shall write the scenario YOU have given the most votes for! Who knows, I may just pick the top 2 and put them together into one big epilogue… **

**The epilogue WILL take place years after the events of the story!**

**I narrowed down the choices to 4 options (I originally had more). Here are your options:**

**a) Graduation**

**b) The proposal**

**c) The wedding**

**d) Five years later (after marriage)**

**So go and vote! But before you vote, REVIEW!!!!!!!!**

**Oh, and since I won't be updating until after Christmas, I hope that everyone celebrating will have a very Merry Christmas and for those who aren't celebrating to still have a safe, happy holidays with your friends and family :)**

**Peace out.**


	24. Epilogue: Bubbly

**A/N: WOO!!! You guys were AWESOME in the review department last chapter!!! I was blown away by all the love! I now have over 350 reviews, which I know isn't a lot compared to the fantastical authors of fanfiction who have thousands, but hey, it's more than I thought I'd ever get ;)**

**OKAY, so, poll results. Before I reveal them, I'd like to say that it's great how some of you felt the need to tell me your choice in your review, but seriously. I created a poll for a reason. Sorry if this sounds cold-hearted, but unless you were giving me suggestions about incorporating more than one scenario in the epilogue or were an unsigned reviewer, in which case you couldn't vote, I did not take your choice into consideration. I only let my poll results and the suggestions about more than one scenario decide about the epilogue. **

**AND, if you are disappointed about this epilogue, what can I say? You should have voted. So please don't complain to me in a review. Polls are meant to vote in, so vote! If you HAVE voted and this epilogue doesn't please you, then I am truly sorry.**

**RESULTS: a) 6% b) 37% c) 13% d) 41%**

**So that means d) 5 years later (after marriage) wins! Since it was such a close call with b) the proposal, I will be writing BOTH scenarios for this epilogue! YEAH!**

**Enough with me… On with the EPILOGUE!!! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**Epilogue: Bubbly**

"Congratulations!" I shouted jubilantly, as I practically jumped into Edward's open arms. He caught me securely, holding me tight and laughing the entire time.

"Thanks, love," he said, pulling back and kissing me quickly, but passionately, on the lips. I wanted to make the kiss last longer, but of course there were other people around.

I grinned at him and hugged him again. What was the occasion you may ask? Why, Edward just got accepted into medical school of course. We had graduated from Seattle University a year ago, me with a bachelor's degree in English literature and Edward with one in biology. He would have gotten accepted last year, I was sure, but Edward wanted to be safe and study some more before applying. We were now twenty-three and I was aiming to become an editor in hopes of publishing my own novel one day, and we already know what Edward was doing.

It had been four years since **(the four years does not count in the "five years later" thing coming up)** the incident, as everyone was referring it to. In that time, Edward and I had moved into an apartment, not that far from campus, together and have been living there for the past two years.

I'd like to say that everything was perfect and sugar-filled with rainbows, but it wasn't. As much as we wish life was a sappy, romantic movie, it never is.

The first year was the hardest. Because of what happened, I was kind of unstable. No, I was not a nutcase. I was just… uneasy. 'Scarred' I guess would be more appropriate. Edward was too, but could deal with it better. Not to mention, he didn't have to stay for weeks in the hospital, healing from the wounds that 'scarred' me.

Everyone was patient with me. Alice wasn't too overbearing, a rarity, and Emmett worked hard to make me laugh and smile whenever he was around.

Edward was supportive. We had to build or relationship all over again since I was such an idiot and messed it up when I broke up with him. We decided to take things slow and that was a good decision. We weren't the golden couple; we still had fights and shouting matches that sometimes even involved throwing things (on my end). I really did miss that vase…

By the second year though, we were back on track and stronger than ever. Even in my darker moments, Edward never failed to tell and show me that he loved me. I was thankful for that.

Edward suggested grief counseling and trauma therapy a month or two after I got out of the hospital. I initially refused, but after a while, I finally agreed to give it a shot. The therapist annoyed me the first time, but after a few sessions, I got more used to her and over time, there was actually an improvement in me.

Phil still haunted me. I think he always will. Forever, in my thoughts and shadow, but Edward and everyone else helped me get through it.

Everyone, especially Charlie, was surprised and slightly hurt that I didn't tell them about Phil. No one was mad at me though, since I had a reason. Well, maybe except for Rosalie, who yelled at me at being so stupid. I guess I deserved that.

Now we were all older and graduated from university. It had been years and I had gotten past the worst. But I guess I should say that _we_ had gotten past the worst. I was nothing without my friends, family, and of course, my perfect boyfriend.

We were gathered in mine and Edward's apartment, Edward having just opened his acceptance to med school. Emmett lifted me out of Edward's arms, much to my protest, and crushed his brother in a hug of his own.

"Congrats, little bro! I knew you had it in ya!" he boomed, clapping Edward on the back. Alice was next, jumping on Edward and squealing in his ear.

"EEEEEEEEEE!!! I can't believe it! I mean, of course I can since you're brilliant, but still… EEEEEEEEE!!!"

"Alice, I still need the use of my eardrums," Edward said, leaning his head away from his twin sister.

Alice rolled her eyes before wriggling off of him and bouncing towards the phone. "You have to tell Mom and Dad the good news! Then, tonight, all six of us are going to dinner to celebrate! Okay?! Okay!"

"Do we have a choice?" Rose said sarcastically. I laughed.

A minute later I jumped when I heard Alice shout. "BELLA!" she said after handing the phone to Edward to talk to Carlisle and Esme.

"WHAT, ALICE?!" I said back, mocking her volume.

She didn't look amused. "I am helping you dress up tonight and no arguments!" she put up her tiny finger as I opened my mouth to protest. "We are going someplace fancy tonight for dinner and I won't have you going in there looking as you do!"

"What's wrong with the way I look?" I asked, offended. I may not have been a great beauty like her and Rose, but I wasn't _that_ ugly, was I?

"Oh, B, there isn't anything wrong with the way you _look_, just the way you dress. We've known each other our whole lives and you still haven't taken up any of my fashion habits, Bella. You disappoint me sometimes."

I rolled my eyes as Alice took my arm and dragged me to my bathroom and locking the door so no boys could interfere. Rose had probably gone off somewhere with Emmett. The two had gotten married last year and she was four months pregnant. Emmett had proposed on their two-year anniversary with an impressive princess-cut engagement ring.

Although Rose wasn't huge, since it was too early for that, you could still see a very visible bump on her swelling belly. Emmett was rooting for a boy although I knew he'd still be happy with a girl. He'd treat her like a princess.

Pinning my hair in a fancy up-do, letting a few loose tendrils frame my face, Alice curled those loose locks expertly. She then dressed me in a simple black evening dress; strapless, the skirt ending at the knees. Afterwards, Alice got ready herself, looking more perfect than I ever could, as usual.

"Where are we going anyway?" I asked Alice as I put on the diamond earrings she ordered me to wear.

"That Italian restaurant a few blocks away. I've always wanted to try it, but never got the chance or the occasion. Now I have both!"

When we were finally done, the guys plus Rose were waiting outside the apartment for us. As Edward opened the passenger side of his Volvo for me, (yes, he still had that thing) I noticed his eyes roaming up and down my body. It didn't matter how many years we had been together or the fact we lived together; I would always blush when he did that.

"You look exquisite," he said, kissing my cheek as he got into the driver's side. I blushed again and thanked him.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I said, looking at his own body, dressed in a spiffy black suit. But who was I kidding? Edward looked fantastic in anything.

He smiled, holding my hand the entire drive there, as short as that drive was.

The restaurant was gorgeous. I didn't even want to think of the money it cost to eat there. Edward gave me a look as we entered, knowing I'd make some kind of comment on the price. I clamped my mouth shut. This was a celebration and I was going to be good.

Once we were seated, Edward got up. I looked at him questioningly.

"Washroom, love," he said, but I could see humor behind his eyes, as if I was missing out on some inside joke.

"But we just got here," I said suspiciously.

He just shrugged and walked away. When I turned back to the table, everyone had that same glint in their eyes. I felt completely left in the dark.

"Easy, Bells. You look as if your trying to solve the world's greatest mystery," Jasper said, looking amused.

"Oh don't worry Bella," Alice giggled, "I have no idea how Emmett graduated college either."

"Hey!" Emmett said.

"That _is_ a great mystery," I laughed, letting their weird looks go for the moment. I was going to find out sooner or later, even if I had to beat it out of Edward.

Edward returned, a huge smile on his face. "What's with the grin, mister?" I asked, poking at the upturned corners of his mouth. He simply grabbed my fingers and kissed them, placing them back in my lap.

"I can't be happy I'm going to med school?" he said, raising one of his eyebrows.

I shrugged and looked at him more closely. Edward just stared back at me, still smiling like an idiot. Okay, Edward Cullen…

"Good evening. I'm Robert and I'll be your server for the night. What would you like to drink?" a tall, dark-haired waiter said, coming to stand next to our table.

"A bottle of your finest champagne!" Emmett said, like they do in those cheesy movies. "Oh, and some soda for the lovely lady," he added, putting his arm around Rose.

Robert nodded and walked away. As soon as he was gone, Rosalie groaned and patted her swelling bump. "It totally sucks celebrating and not being able to drink," she said sourly and looking at her belly sourly. We all laughed and she scowled at us. "Wait till it's your turn," she said pointing at me and Alice.

"Yes, Rose, but it's not our turns yet, so I think we'll drink," Alice said.

Robert returned a few minutes later with a tray of five full champagne glasses and a champagne bottle, in case anyone wanted seconds. I scanned the menu as he placed the glasses of bubbly in front of everyone minus Rose, giving her a glass of Sprite instead. She grumbled.

We all ordered and Robert took our menus away. I turned towards Alice, who was on my right side, as I picked up my champagne glass and started drinking. I wasn't really paying attention as I took drinks from my glass, too busy concentrating on my conversation with Alice and the weird smiles she kept giving me, her eyes twinkling. I was seriously not liking not being in the know.

I put my glass up to my mouth again and all of a sudden felt something hard and cold bump against my lips. Puzzled, I pulled back to look at the odd object in my champagne.

Reaching into my glass, I took out the object and examined it in my hand. I froze.

It was a ring.

It was stunningly gorgeous. A delicate platinum band with a huge, round diamond in the middle and a pear-shaped smaller diamond on either side of it **(picture of ring on my profile)**. It was so breathtaking it took my breath away. I stared at it, open mouthed for the longest time.

Edward's hand gently took the ring from my fingers, dried it with a napkin and turned me around so I faced him. I snapped out of my trance as he got out of his chair and bent down to one knee, keeping eye contact with me the entire time. His eyes were on fire with determination. I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I gasped and put a hand over my mouth.

Edward tenderly gathered my left hand in his, holding the beautiful ring in his right. He looked at me with such love, I nearly collapsed under the weight of it.

"Bella," he said lovingly. "You are the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, and so much more. When you're away from me, I fell like half of myself is gone. When you smile, I smile. When you laugh, I feel like dancing. When you cry, my heart breaks. I never want to be without you, ever." He looked at me from under his long lashes and I almost fainted. "Bella, will you marry me?"

I stared at him, completely shocked. How many times had I dreamed of this moment? I couldn't have imagined it more perfect than this. I loved Edward so much that it almost physically hurt to be away from him. He was my entire life and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of it with him.

He kept staring at me, a little nervously now. Why wasn't he saying anything?

Oh right. I still hadn't answered.

Nodding vigorously, I removed my hand from my mouth and said "Yes!" through my tears of joy. Edward smiled his crooked grin so brightly, I thought I'd be blinded. His eyes shown with utter happiness and I knew mine were exactly the same. He slipped the ring onto the ring finger on my left hand and stood up. As soon as he had risen, I got up and jumped into his arms, kissing his lips with as much passion as I could muster in a public place. My hands found their usual spot; tangled in his bronze mess. His arms wrapped around my waist, one on the small of my back as he kissed me back just as eagerly.

Suddenly I heard a whistle and Edward and I broke away at the same time to look at Emmett, who was grinning madly. I noticed Alice, Jasper, and Rose were wearing similar smiles and I narrowed my eyes at them. They were in on this, I was sure.

Everyone started clapping then, and when I say everyone, I mean _everyone_. It seemed that every person in the section we were seated in had been watching the proposal, much to my embarrassment. No wonder it had been dead silent between the time Edward proposed and I said yes.

I laughed and turned my face back to Edward, who was looking at me, his eyes filled to the brim with both joy and love. He held my face in his hands and moved some of the loose curls out of the way.

"Thank you for making me the happiest man alive," he said, the grin never leaving his face.

I kissed him again and said as I pulled away, "And thank _you_ for making _me_ the happiest woman alive," I paused. "Hmm, so the ring was in my champagne the whole time. Cliché but clever," I joked. He laughed and hugged me tightly.

"I'm planning the wedding! Called it!" Alice said loudly, making all of us burst out laughing.

I could've sworn I was floating on a cloud.

**5 years later**

I felt the warmth of the sun as it shone on my arms and cheek. I groaned and buried myself further into the arms of the living Adonis holding me.

Although, this proved nearly impossible for I was about as close to Edward as I was going to get – with our clothes on anyway. My arms were wrapped around his torso as his were around my back. My face was buried in the crook of his neck and his was in my hair. Our legs were entangled under the sheets.

"Morning, love," Edward murmured sleepily into my hair.

"No, it's not morning," I protested against the skin of his neck. "Morning, bad. Nighttime, good. Sleep."

He chuckled and lowered his face to mine and captured my lips in a searing kiss. He always knew the best ways to wake me up. My mind went blank as usual whenever he kissed me, and just concentrated on the movement of my lips on his. Hell, I was wide awake now.

Unintentionally, the kiss grew deeper and our tongues danced together as Edward rolled us over so he was on top of me. My hands went under his shirt, making him moan against my lips. I smiled smugly, continuing to kiss him. I let out a moan myself as he started kissing me down my jaw and neck. His hands fumbled with the edge of my shirt, about to lift it up.

That's when a high-pitched wail cried through the baby monitor.

Groaning, Edward rolled off me and lay on his back, throwing his arm over his eyes. I laughed and leaned over him, kissing his cheek. I was about to get up to attend to the little wailer, but Edward wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back down onto the bed. He then got up himself and looked down at my face.

"I'll get this one, Bella," he said smiling and walked out of the room.

I closed my eyes and dozed for a while. It had been five years since Edward proposed to me and four years since we got married.

Alice planned a gorgeous wedding. We decided to have it held at the Cullens' mansion back at Forks. Alice had the house decorated with flowers and all things white. The wedding was on the thirteenth of August and as much as I hated all the fuss and preparation Alice put into it, I really adored the end result. Alice was my maid of honor, and Rosalie was my other bridesmaid. Emmett and Jasper were Edward's groomsmen of course, with Emmett as his best man.

Every little detail of that day was perfect. The flowers, the decorations, the music, even the minister was perfect. The dress Alice helped me pick out was designer and was, of course, perfection **(picture of dress on profile)**. We rented out a fancy banquet hall for the reception, and Edward took me to a tropical island for our honeymoon. And let me say; what a honeymoon that was. Not giving any details of course.

I lifted my left hand to the light streaming through the window in our room. The glittering diamonds of my engagement ring and the matching platinum of my wedding band caught the light dazzlingly. I sighed and closed my eyes again. We had come a long way since the incident, and although life wasn't perfect as I said before, it was as close to perfection as it was going to get.

All of a sudden, I felt little hands on my face and heard a gurgling giggling sound as a small weight was placed on my chest. I opened my eyes to come face to face with my little angel; my daughter.

Yes, Edward and I were parents. We, after all, had been married for four years. My little girl, Renee **(I didn't name her Renesmee since I don't particularly like that name. I separated it into two names for this story, so her baby's name is Renee Esme Cullen)**, was ten months old. She was crawling and could stand up when holding onto a chair or table leg for support. She couldn't walk yet, but she was getting there.

We named Ren after my mother. Edward suggested it and I had no objections. Both of us kind of liked the name Renee and it was a good way to remember Mom. This way, I was able to keep my mother close, but at the same time, let her go.

Baby Renee looked mostly like Edward. She had a lot of the same facial features as him and the same bronze-coloured hair. Her hair, however, was in curls like Charlie's. She had the same pale skin as both Edward and I, and my big brown eyes. I thought they looked better on her than they did me, though Edward disagreed. She was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't have been more proud of her.

"Hey, baby," I said smiling. Renee gurgled and patted my cheek with her little hand. I sat up and put Ren in my lap, facing towards me. She found a lock of my hair brushing against my collar bone and started playing with it. Edward sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around my waist. I laid my head on his shoulder.

We sat like that for a few minutes before I decided it was time to get up. It was Saturday, so everyone was home today.

After getting washed and dressed, I did the same for Ren and then went to the kitchen, putting her in her highchair next to the table.

"Anything on the agenda today?" Edward asked, coming out of the bedroom and kissing my cheek. He opened the fridge to get the milk for Renee.

"Yup. It's Nathaniel's first soccer game today. Rose wants us to be there for it," I answered as I started scrambling eggs. Nathaniel was Rose and Emmett's son. At four and a half years old, Rosalie signed him up for a little soccer league. I had never been to one of his practices, but according to Em, he was a pro. I said I'd believe it when I saw it.

It was a rare sunny day in Port Angeles. Perfect for soccer. Being so close to Forks, Port Angeles shared it's generally rainy weather. The six of us moved here after mine and Edward's wedding. It wasn't a big move for the Cullens and I, and Rose already lived there, so it wasn't a big deal for her at all. Jasper though, who was from Houston, had a much bigger move than us. His parents were a little hesitant about his decision, but accepted it, even becoming supportive after meeting Alice.

After breakfast, I packed the baby bag we always carried with us whenever leaving the house. It consisted of Renee's necessities; diapers, extra clothes, baby wipes, a bottle, and anything else we needed for her. Edward grabbed the actual baby and we left for the soccer field, a five minute drive away from our condo.

Edward still liked to open the door of the car for me and hold my hand while he drove. Always the gentleman. Other married couples sometimes lost their love after a while or after having kids, but not Edward and I. I was still hopelessly in love with him, and he made sure to tell me and show me he that loved me too, every day.

Edward finished med school last year and just completed his first year of residency at the hospital here in Port Angeles. Since he wasn't a fully qualified and paid doctor yet, we decided to wait before buying a house and instead got a three-bedroom condominium. The third bedroom was really tiny and more of a study room than a bedroom. Edward played his piano and wrote new compositions in there. He wrote one for me; a sweet lullaby that he played for me shortly after the incident. He still hummed it to me almost every night to help me sleep. Yes, I was spoiled.

I was an editor for a publishing company in Port Angeles. It was a good job and I did it well. I was also working on writing my own novel, but it wasn't finished yet. With work and Ren and Edward, I didn't get a load of free time to write, not that I was complaining. At twenty-eight years old, my life was pretty fulfilling.

We parked next to the field and gathering our things and baby, headed over to where I could see everyone else sitting in the bleachers. Carlisle and Esme were even there, eager to see their grandson in action.

"Bella!" Alice called, waving from where she sat. She would have gotten up, but she was hugely 7 months pregnant with twins, much to her delight. She was even more overjoyed when she heard it was going to be one boy and one girl; she'd be able to design both girl _and_ boy baby clothes.

Alice and Jasper married the year after Edward and I. The twins would be their first kids.

Jasper was a therapist, having studied psychology and therapy in school. It was the perfect job for him, since he was always so attuned to people's emotions and could calm anyone down so easily.

Alice and Rosalie partnered up and started a clothes store here in Port Angeles. They designed the clothes themselves and it was a good success. Alice told me that if business continued as it was right now, they may open another shop in Seattle within the next few years.

I waved back and gave Alice a hug when we reached them. "Look to your right Bella – no! Do it discreetly!" she hissed in my ear. I looked at her, puzzled, before _discreetly_ turning my head to look at whatever she was telling me to.

I stiffened when I saw a strawberry blonde head among the crowd of parents. Tanya Denali. Well, Tanya _Something_ since I wasn't sure if she was married and changed her surname or not. I looked back at Alice with wide eyes and she nodded in confirmation. Tanya must have been there as either an aunt or mother.

"Is she one of the moms?" I asked Alice, sitting down and facing away from Tanya. I glanced at Edward and noticed he was talking to Jasper about something. I wasn't sure why, but I was glad he hadn't noticed her yet. I trusted him, but I had absolutely zero trust in Tanya.

Alice nodded and jutted her chin toward a little strawberry blonde boy in a soccer jersey. "All this time and we never knew her son plays on the same team as Nate!" she said.

I, of course, had no idea of what happened to Tanya after graduation. I heard rumors that she moved to Alaska, but that obviously wasn't true now. I heard other rumors that even before graduation, she became a little crazy in the anger department and had to go to therapy **(Tanya's therapy story will be expanded in the bonus chapter "Mr. Therapy Man" that will be posted eventually)**. Although she looked pretty sane right now…

I heard a booming laugh coming closer and turned my head to see Rose and Emmett coming closer. Rose was holding Nathaniel's little brother, Mark, who was two and had Rosalie's golden hair.

Emmett was twenty-nine and worked as a personal trainer and also taught a fitness class at the gym. He was popular with his students as he was a pretty laid back, fun loving guy. Rosalie often said she felt like she had three little boys instead of just two.

"Hey," Rose said, sitting next to me and placing Mark down on the blanket I spread out on the ground, to play with Ren. I smiled back and then Rose lowered her voice. "Have you seen Queen Bitch?" she asked, glancing towards Tanya. I laughed and nodded. Rose scrunched up her face in disgust. "I bet the kid doesn't have a father, that slut."

"Rose, quit being so judgmental," I scolded, but only half-heartedly. I wouldn't tell her that I thought the exact same thing.

"So judgmental about what?" Edward asked, squeezing in between Rose and I.

I never kept secrets from Edward, so I reluctantly nodded towards Tanya and he turned to see who I was looking at. He stiffened, much like I had, when he saw her, and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer.

"I don't need protection," I said, rolling my eyes, but wrapped my own arms around his torso regardless. Edward just narrowed his eyes.

"That's what you think."

I heard Esme call my name and I turned to talk with her and Alice, Edward not letting go of me. I was in mid-sentence when I felt Edward tense and I turned around to see what was wrong with him.

Tanya, having spotted us, was walking towards us, swaying her hips seductively. Even in her late twenties and as a mom, Tanya managed to look like a hooker. Just watching her made me want to throw up a bit in my mouth. Edward's grip on me tightened. I found his over protectiveness of both me and Renee sweet, but sometimes unnecessary.

"Hello, Isabella. Hello, Edward," Tanya said when she reached us. She sounded the same as she did nine years ago, right down to the supposedly seductive tone of her voice. I smiled politely at her.

"Hi, Tanya," I said, since Edward wasn't saying anything. "You have a son on the team?" I asked.

She nodded smugly, as if having a son on the team made her better than us. "Yes. His name is Connor and he's a _fantabulous _soccer player for a four year old." She flipped her hair and laughed in such a high-pitched tone, I flinched.

"Is his father here?" I asked, looking around for a possible Tanya Husband. She shook her head. "Oh. Who is his father anyway? Anyone from college?" I continued.

Tanya waved her hand in an offhand manner. "Oh, I don't really remember who he is." I resisted the urge to snort, but Alice behind me had no such luck and started giggling. You could only expect such a dense response like that from Tanya. 'I don't remember' was actually code for: 'I slept with so many men that I never knew in the first place'.

Tanya narrowed her eyes at Alice, then turned back to me and Edward. "So what about you? Are you still together, or did you finally realize you're better as just friends?" I stared at her in shock and anger. I was trying to be polite, but she made it extremely hard by saying things like that! She acted as if she believed our relationship was a failure, and had the nerve to say it. I couldn't understand how in her mind, she could look at our arms wrapped around each other and think we were 'just friends'.

I fought to keep my words controlled as I said, "Actually, we're married. Our wedding was four years ago. It was perfect, wasn't it?" I turned my head up to Edward and he smiled down at me, bending down to kiss the top of my head.

"Yes, it was," he said. I not-so-discreetly placed my left hand on Edward's chest. I saw Tanya's eyes zero in on the stunning 2-carat engagement ring and platinum Tiffany wedding band. The blue eyes narrowed as she scrunched up her face in jealousy. Jeez, you'd think after nearly ten years, she'd be over Edward, but I guess not.

"Ah, I see," she said, not containing the sourness in her voice. "Do you have a son on the team?"

This time Edward answered. "No, we're here to watch our nephew, Emmett and Rosalie's son. Do you remember them?" She nodded. Edward motioned his head over to Ren who was making squealing noises as Esme and Rosalie played with her and Mark. "Our child is over there. Her name's Renee." Tanya looked and Ren as if she were the devil's child.

"Hmm, that's nice." Then without even saying goodbye, Tanya turned around and rather abruptly walked away. As soon as she was gone, Alice burst out laughing and Edward and I joined her.

"That was… interesting," I snickered.

"I wonder what her career is," Esme said thoughtfully. She didn't laugh with us; Esme was too kind for that. But I could tell she was glad and relieved to see Tanya go.

"Probably a stripper," Alice whispered in my to me, so Esme wouldn't hear, and I coughed to cover my laugh.

"Was that Tanya?" Carlisle said, coming over to us and sitting next to Esme, putting an arm around her shoulders. "My, my, she looks… the same." That just set us off laughing again. She did look the same for the most part. You could tell she wasn't ready to leave her teens behind, despite the fact her teens left _her_ long ago.

"Ma," I heard Renee call and I bent down to pick her up off the blanket on the ground. She crawled over to Edward's lap and curled up. I stroked her hair absent mindedly and in turn, Edward started to softly stroke mine as he tenderly looked at Ren. He was not only a loving husband, but a wonderful father. Unlike Rose, I could leave Ren and Edward alone for the entire day and not have a single worry. Rosalie needed to almost always supervise Emmett whenever he was with her boys; havoc would result if she didn't. Emmett certainly wasn't a bad dad, he just tended to take 'fun' to the next level a little too often.

I leaned my head on Edward's shoulder as the game started and I felt him lightly brush his lips against my hair. After a few minutes I pulled my head away to glare at him.

"Stop doing that," I said.

"Doing what?" he smirked.

"Distracting me."

"Bella, I'm not doing anything to distract you," he said innocently. He readjusted Ren in his arms so she was resting more comfortably. I rolled my eyes and sweetly kissed his lips. When I pulled away, he grunted something unintelligible and connected our mouths again for more, letting some of the sweetness go.

I smirked and pulled away again after a moment. "Keep it G-rated, Mr. Cullen," I said in mock strictness. "There are kids around here."

Edward laughed and said, "Yes, Mrs. Cullen." A thrill went up my spine as usual whenever he said that. I got a thrill whenever _anyone_ called me that. It was still so unbelievable that I was Edward's _wife_.

Edward hugged me and Renee closer to him and kissed the top of Renee's head. He then turned to look at me lovingly. I smiled and pecked his lips.

He grinned crookedly. "I love you," he said quietly, but with conviction.

I grinned back. "I love you more."

He lightly brushed the tip of his nose against my cheek. "Impossible."

I sighed, content.

As I said before: Life wasn't perfect; no one's life was, but this was a close to perfection as life was going to get, for me. It had taken a lot to get here; healing, support, and even compromises on both sides.

But who was complaining?

Not me.

I had everything I could've possibly wished for; a loving husband, a gorgeous bright daughter, the best of friends, and the greatest of families.

It was all I ever wanted. And needed.

This was my life.

And I knew my mom would have been proud of me.

* * *

**A/N: FIN.**

**Hit or Miss? **

**Okay, so it breaks my heart that this is going to be the last update for SOTD for the time being. YES, you have read that right. **_**For the time being.**_** What does this mean? Well it means that this is NOT the last time I will be in SOTD land. No, there will not be a sequel. I am firm and unwavering in that decision, but I do have a few bonus chapter ideas I'd like to write and post. But keep in mind that this won't be for a while since I still want to keep writing **_**Life ain't been no Crystal Stair**_** and start my new stories. **

**The first bonus chapter to go up will be a chapter meant for comedic purposes. It will be about Tanya's therapy experience and will be called "Mr. Therapy Man", lol. The idea was given by a reviewer, ****Dragon1974UK****, who said something about Tanya needing therapy in her review. This chapter won't be posted for probably another month, or two, or maybe even three. It depends on when I have time. **

**Anyway, since this will be the last time I will be posting in SOTD land for a while, and since the storyline is officially over, I'd like to thanks every single one of you who have reviewed and supported me throughout the story. A special thank you to everyone who has reviewed more than once and I hope everyone will check out my other story and read my new story which will be posted soon. I'm sorry, but the holidays have been so busy with all the homework and family stuff. **

**So, for the last time for a while, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!**

**With that, I bid thee **_**adieu. **_

**Peace out. **


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